Discovering Stella (30 page)

“Okay,
Shaz, I’ll have the porterhouse steak,
medium.”
Todd
abruptly handed
her
his
menu.
I’m
not
even sure why he had
one.
“Meg,
Stel,
what are
you
both havin’?”

Shaz laughed at
Todd’s
not-so-subtle
intervention.

“What’s the roast of the day?” Stella asked. “Is
it
still
beef?”

“Sure is, cupcake.”

“Okay,
I’ll have that,
thank
you.”

Shaz jotted the roast
order
down and picked up the remaining menus. “What’ll
it
be, Meg?”

“I’ll have the risotto,
please.”

“And
you, Sir Drake, what would
you
like?
Oh,
hang
on,
let me guess
...
parma, chips and a shitload
of
cheesy cauliflower?” she murmured, jotting the
order
down
on
her
notepad without checking to see if she was right
or
not.

“If only
you
were
sixty
years
younger,
I’d tap
you,”
I teased, insinuating she was
older
than
she actually was.

She
clipped me
over
the head with
her
notepad. “Behave,
or
I’ll tell Stella about that time
you
were in the
men’s
room and I —”

“Right, best
you
head
into
that kitchen and give Buck our
orders,”
I interrupted, hellbent
on
Stella never hearing that particular
story.

Shaz laughed. “Anything
you
say,
Sir
Pantsalot.”

Todd
and Meg both burst
into
laughter.
Great!
They obviously knew the
story.

*
 
*
 
*

We
ate dinner, and when Shaz brought
out
the
cake
Todd
had arranged
for
Stella the entire room erupted
into
song, singing
‘Happy
Birthday’ until she blew
out
the candles.

“I
can’t
believe
you
organised this,” Stella said, gesturing to the
cake
and
all
the decorations. “Thank you.
It’s
over
the
top,
but
I
love
it.”

“You’re
very welcome, Stel
Bel.”
Todd
gave
her
hand a light squeeze.
“You’re
part of our little Pittstown family
now.
We
celebrate our
own.”

Meg reached across the table and grabbed
hold
of
Stella’s
wrist. “Is that the bracelet? Oh look,
how
cute, a knight! And is that a toad?”

“Sure
is,”
Stella said
proudly.
“And
I’m
his princess, which is where that
one
comes
in.”
She
gently fingered the princess charm.
His princess? She just told them
she’s
my princess.

Stella let go of the charm and dropped
her
hand down, finding
my
thigh under the table.
She
squeezed
it
gently,
awakening the beast inside
my
pants.

“It’s
lovely!” Meg praised, smiling when she noticed
Stella’s
hand had disappeared.
Todd,
on
the other hand,
didn’t
appear to share
her
happy thoughts, his eyes narrowing and looking toward me.

Stella piped
up,
her
playful scowl coming
out
of
nowhere.
“Don’t
even think about it!
You don’t
get to pull that big brother shit like
you
did in high school. Forget it,
Todd
Westmore,”
she scolded, pointing
her
finger at him. “Lawson and I are
together,
so suck
it
up.”
Stella then turned to face me and kissed
my
lips gently before pulling
away.
“Now,
I have something
I’ve
been wanting to do
for
a
long
time,
but
haven’t
had the strength to do until
now.
And
that’s
all
because of
Lawson.”

Sliding
her
chair back, Stella stood up and made
her
way toward Leigh who was standing at the bar.

“What the fuck is she doing?” I asked, gobsmacked at what she’d just declared,
but
also because she was
talking
to Leigh.

Meg twisted in
her
seat to get a better look.
“My
guess is
as
good
as
yours.”

I watched
as
Leigh’s eyes lit
up,
and that near made me want to tear something apart.
He
nodded and walked toward the small stage that was set up with a piano and sound
equipment
for
when the band played, Stella following behind him. They discussed a few things before Leigh switched
on
the
microphone.
Stella then sat down at the piano and lightly tapped a few keys in preparation.

“Holy
shit!
She’s
gonna
play,”
I said
quietly.

Todd
leaned back and draped his
arm
around
Meg’s
chair.
“She’s
not just gonna
play,
Lawson.
She’s
gonna knock your socks
off.”

“Mate,
she already does. I think
I’m
permanently
barefoot.”

 
Stella cleared
her
throat and then spoke
into
the
microphone.
“Good evening, folks. Most of
you
have seen me around this place and know who I am,
but
for
those who
don’t,
I want to introduce myself.
I’m
Stella,
Todd’s
little
sister,
and yes,
it’s
my
birthday.

“Ever
since the age of eight,
I’ve
sung a song
on
this
day,
mainly because I just
love
to sing and share the
gift
of music with others.
Last
year, I
didn’t
sing
my
song, so I’d like to make up
for
that
now
and sing two of them. Do
you
mind?” she asked with a
lopsided
grin.

Everyone sounded a
“no”.

“Well,
all
right
then.”
 
She
laughed.
“I
should also fill
you
in
on
the fact that I
haven’t
played in quite
some
time, so fingers crossed I
haven’t
forgotten what
I’m
doing.”

Stella pulled
an
apologetic face and began to press the keys of the piano. “The songs I want to sing tonight have both been inspired by the new man in
my
life —Lawson. So
thank
you,
Toad,
these are
for
you.”

She adjusted her position on the seat and then concentrated on the tune she
was
playing, sending a beautiful sound through
out
the room. I turned my seat to face her and gave her my
full
attention, watching
as
she closed her eyes and absorbed the
moment.
The entire room fell silent, transfixed by the way her fingers glided across the keys effortlessly, and when her voice finally broke through and touched my
ears,
I
swear
they died in awe.

“Oh
my
god. I
love
this
song,”
Meg whispered, beaming at Stella.

“What is it?”
Todd
asked.

“‘Breathe In
Now’
by Katie Noonan.
Well
...
her
band, George, recorded it.
It’s
so beautiful.”

If I’d thought previously that
Stella’s
greatest assets were
her
beauty — and tits — then I’d have been wrong.
Her voice
was fucking amazing, and I
couldn’t
focus
on
anything else
but
her.
In that very
moment,
she owned me.
All
of me.

Closing
her
eyes, Stella let the song engulf
her,
as
if she were the only
one
in the
world
and the song was the only thing she had.
She
sang about moving
on
and
how it
could paint a new colour
for
each
day.
That’s
when I realised why she’d dedicated the song to me.
She
also sang of
not
being able to press rewind and turn back time, and because of that, she only had this
moment
to sing
out
loud
and breathe in the
now.
Thank fuck for that. Thank fuck for her strength and will to live the life she deserves.

Letting
out
a breath of relief, I sat forward and rested
my
elbows
on my
knees and
my
head in
my
hands, soaking in
how
her
body
moved
rhythmically.
She
just looked so at
home
sitting behind the piano.

Stella hit a high
note
— which came
out
of
nowhere
— and caused me to nearly
fall
off
my
seat, practically fucking flooring me.
Now,
I’m
not
afraid to admit that if the room
wasn’t
full
of people, and that if I
didn’t
own a pair of
hairy
gonads, I’d probably have a minor man-cry. What she was conveying and
how
fucking stunningly she was doing
it
hit me. Hard! Right through
my
friggin’ chest.

She’d completely hypnotised
not
only me,
but
also every single person under the same roof until the very
moment
her
fingers stopping pressing the keys and she said
thank
you.

The room erupted
into
applause, wolf whistles and hushed murmuring, and I think I even performed
all
three.

“Thank
you,”
she said, letting
out
a big sigh of relief.
“You
have no idea
how
good that felt and
how
much
I’ve
missed doing
that.” Her
eyes found mine and locked
firmly,
intensely,
her
stare
full
of
emotion.
Then, like a ray of sunlight breaking through the clouds, she smiled and
stole
my
fucking heart.
When did I become such a poetic fucker?

Believe again

Seeing
Lawson’s
face after I sang ‘Breathe In
Now’
had me feeling mixed emotions. His expression held awe, amazement, relief and something I dared
not
to believe true.
Surely,
what I saw in his eyes was confusion and
not
that
.
Surely,
it
was far too early
for
...
love
. Then again, maybe I had chosen the wrong song and
sent
him the wrong message.
God, I hope not.
I
didn’t
love
Lawson. At least, I
didn’t
think I did;
it
was too soon
for
that. Although, I had no
doubt
that
one
day — in the not-too-distant future — I could very easily
love
him. And anyway, nobody could
fall
in
love
in less
than
a
month.
That was just absurd.

Regardless of his possible misperception
of
the message I wanted to
deliver,
every
word
I’d sang to him was true.
He
was the reason I felt
brave
enough to live again.
He
gave me hope and because of that, I wanted to
move
on,
move
forward, and perhaps explore the idea of
love,
when I was
ready.
Before Lawson came
into
my
life, that
notion
had been inconceivable.

Sitting at the piano, once
again
becoming
one
with song, I was
euphoric
...
it
was
my
happy. It
had
always
been
my
happy.

I continued to smile
boldly and
adjusted
my
position
once
more
in
order
to get comfortable. “This next song is also about finding the courage to
move
forward,” I explained to
my
audience.

Placing
my
fingers
on
the keys, I internally counted down the intro and then played the first notes. Piano had always been
my
favourite instrument,
my
escape —
my
way of letting go and forgetting
all
the worries in the
world.
Except, after the accident occurred, I
couldn’t
draw
on
that emotional outlet.
It
just
wasn’t
the same.
No
matter
how
hard I tried, I
couldn’t
allow myself to go to
‘my
happy’.
When
my
husband lost
control
and wrapped our
car
around that tree, there was no happy to be found.

Swaying to the rhythm
as
I continued playing the introduction to the first verse, I allowed the song possession of
my
body.
It
was the driving force that coordinated
my
fingers, arms and legs. Essentially, music controlled you,
not
the other way around. I looked up and found Lawson staring at me intently before I sang the opening line to the song ‘Believe Again’ by Delta Goodrem. And if I were to
hazard
a guess
as
to the expression
on
his face, I would say he was
trying
to figure
out
what song
it
was that I was playing.

His
attentiveness
and
apparent
struggle
for
recollection
 
made
it
difficult
not
to
giggle.
He
just
looked
incredibly
adorable,
so
I
smiled
and
sang
the
opening
line
to
the
song,
about
staring
into
rain
and
wondering
if
the
clouds would ever disappear.
I’d
chosen
this
song
because, to
me,
it
was
about
despair
and
thinking
everything
was
lost,
but how
someone
comes
along, gives
you hope
and
shows
you how
to
believe
again.
Lawson
had
been
that
someone
for
me.

There’s
a part in the song that
talks
about screaming
out
in the dark when no
one
else could hear and leaving tainted footsteps from your past, which was exactly what I had been doing.
My
heart had been silently screaming anguish, hurt and anger and therefore I’d walked
out
of that
tormented
life, leaving a trail of memories that would continue to haunt me, regardless. The song really was the perfect way to tell Lawson that he has been
my
saving grace.

Making
eye contact with him yet
again
— because he was the only
one
I was singing the song to — I conveyed the lyric about
my
heart being a
broken
place,
but
that
now it
was
whole
again. I sang
it
directly to him, emphasising
it
was exactly what he’d
done. He
smiled almost bashfully and looked down at his steepled hands before looking up
again
and giving me a slight nod of understanding. Lawson just
‘got’
me.

I addressed the rest of the
room,
smiling in
parts
and closing
my
eyes in others.
For
me, performing
for
a group of people was a gift,
but it
was also a cleansing of the mind and soul, and in that particular
moment
of time,
it
was also a form of rehabilitation, of working toward a new beginning.
My
life began
now.
I was no longer going to run from
my
past and pretend
it
had never existed, and I was no longer going to ignore the fact that eighteen months ago, I was Estelle Munroe, nurse at the Royal
Women’s
Hospital, wife to Tristan Munroe —

“Show
us your tits, birthday girl!” a
loud
drunken
voice
sounded, snapping me
out of my
internal
moment.

Both
Todd
and Lawson sprang from their chairs and tried to
pinpoint
who had yelled
out
the
stupid
request.
Not
wanting a fight, I stopped singing
but
continued to play the piano, opting to address the
idiot’s
request instead.
“Not
in a million years,
buddy.”

The majority of the room laughed, which was when I — together with
Todd
and Lawson — saw
Freddy remove
a young kid from the premises. I nodded at the boys to
sit
back down, and then continued the song where I’d left
off,
conveying that the impossible could be
overcome
if
you
just believed. And while a good part of me sang those particular lyrics with heartfelt truth, I
couldn’t
dismiss the
long
road I had ahead of me
...
but
regardless of the length of that road, I was
taking
steady steps along it. I knew there’d be times where I’d
walk
and times I would stum
ble.
And sometimes I might even run only to find myself paused.
Yet,
no matter the pace at which I travelled, I would never stop
or
go back. With Lawson
as
my
knight, I would always
move
along that road.

*
 
*
 
*

After
finishing the song, I thanked everyone
for
being
wonder
ful
and
for
sharing
my
birthday before stepping down from the stage and heading back to our table
for
a
much-needed
drink.

“Whoa! That felt
...
I have no
words,”
I exclaimed,
excitedly.
“I’ve
sung many times before,
many
times, and
it
has never been so nerve-wracking yet liberating
all
at once.
Even
that time I auditioned
for
The
Voice
.”

“You
auditioned
for
The Voice
?” Meg squealed, basically slamming
her
hand down
on
the table.

I smiled,
but
hid the sadness behind it.
“Yeah,
I did. And I made
it
to the live
show,
too.”

“What happened? Why
didn’t
you
go
on
TV?”

“Because
my
husband
slammed his car
into
a tree and killed
himself,”
I answered,
blatantly
and
deliberately
putting
it
out
there.
Meg clasped
her
hand
over
her
mouth,
looked from me to Lawson, then to
Todd
and back to me again.
“I
am
so
sorry,
Stella. I
didn’t
mean
...
I’m
so
sorry.”
She
shot
up from
her
seat and hurried off toward the ladies room.

“Meg, wait! I
didn’t
mean
...”
I stood
up.
“I
didn’t
mean to say
it
like
that,”
I said regretfully, finishing off
my
sentence.
Shit!

Todd
took
my
hand in his.
“Stel,
I’m
so
sorry.”

Looking down at our fingers clasped
together,
I
lowered
myself back
into
the chair.
“No,
don’t
be
sorry
.
I
shouldn’t
have blurted
it out
like that. Anyway, I
don’t
want people to be sorry
for
me
or
for
him. What happened
can’t
be changed. I wish
it
could,
but
it
can’t,
so
there’s
no use being sad about it. Sadness is impractical. Why allow that feeling of misery?
We
don’t
have
to.
We
control how
we
feel.”

“Until you
lose that
control.
Then everything
you
have dismissed comes back to hit
you
tenfold. Feelings are meant to be felt.
All
of them,
Stel,”
Todd
said, his
tone
awash with wisdom.
Ugh,
wise arse!

Deep down I knew what he was saying was true,
but
I
didn’t
want to hear it.
Not
tonight. So I let go of his hand and stood back
up.
“I
need to go see if Meg is
okay.
I feel
terrible.”

As
I
went
to
walk
away,
Lawson
shot out
of his chair and stopped me by placing his hands
on my
shoulders.
“Hey,
you
okay?”

“Yes!
I’m
fine.
For
the first time in a
long
time,
I’m
actually fine.
Tonight
has been
wonderful
and
just
what I
needed.
I
don’t
want
to
ruin that
by
talking
about
feelings
of
sadness I
should
be
hav
ing.”
I
took
a
deep
breath
and smiled as I exhaled.
“I
don’t
want
to
feel sad
tonight.
I want
to
keep this
‘wonderful’.
I like
it.”
I draped
my
arms
around
his neck.
“I
also want
to apologise to
Meg.”