Disclosure of the Heart (The Heart Series) (21 page)

As I admired the aged cover, Adam walked in. “Hello,” he said, walking slowly toward me. He looked and smelled fresh, making me smile.

“Hi. Sylvia is in the shower.” I held up the book, running my hand along the leather binding. “This is beautiful. It looks very old.”

“It was my grandfather’s,” he said as he came to my side.

“Really? That’s wonderful.” I remembered how much he’d loved his grandfather. I opened up the book and saw there was something in it. “What do you keep in here?”

He didn’t answer, but he didn’t need to. I had already lifted out the photograph of me taken almost sixteen years before. I looked so young, sitting on the beach with the Gulf of Mexico behind me. I glanced down at the open page just to see if there was any significance to where he’d placed it. Recognizing the stanza immediately, I swallowed hard and whispered, “‘Splendour in the grass.’”

It could’ve been corny, but it wasn’t. That poem was depressing; our history was too sad for it to be sentimental.

Like he’d been caught red-handed, Adam exhaled hard. Without reading the book, he recited the Wordsworth that was so fitting for us.

“What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind.”

The moment was significant, but I wasn’t quite sure why. Was it because he’d kept that photo for all these years? Or because he still felt the same way today?

I simply said, “Yeah, I know it. I was an English major.”

He nodded, and I looked back down at the photo. Touching a corner, I added, “That was a long time ago.”

“Not so long ago.”

I lifted my eyes to see him staring me down. After a few seconds that felt like an eternity, I had no sooner placed the book back on the shelf when he grabbed me in his arms, and our mouths opened up to one another. It was a good thing he kissed me, because I couldn’t have stood to look at him any longer. My emotions were helter-skelter, and kissing him gave me something to do and a way to convey them. As he moved his lips over mine with abandon, however, I felt like something had snapped for him, but what?

After a moment, I gasped out the same question I’d asked him months ago on the dance floor: “Adam, what are you doing?”

Through a rush of kisses, he murmured, “I’m falling in love with you again.”

Savoring what he said, I kissed him harder. He may have only been falling right now, but I’d never had control with him. Since we’d met again, it had been a steady descent for me. Reason left me altogether because I felt the same way, but was I ready to acknowledge it aloud? That would change everything. Instead, I acted like a guy and said all I could with my body. Weaving my fingers into his hair, I pressed against him as we kissed. In only a moment, I found him hard against me.

As much as I wanted him, I held back as best I could. “We can’t,” I said.

“We can.” His voice was firm, kissing me along my neck.

“But no…”

“But yes.” He pulled away and put his hands on my cheeks. It was an endearing action, but his expression was sober. “I love you, Nicki, and it’s not simply that you’re an old flame. This is new.” When my mouth dropped open in shock, he then smiled reassuringly and said, “I love you, and as long as you know it, I don’t care who else does.”

Could I be as brave as him? I wasn’t sure, but the moment called out for me to be just as honest. I wrapped my hands around both of his fists and slowly pulled his hands off my face. With a beaming smile, I stood on my toes to get closer to eye-level with him and declared, “I love you. I think I always have.”

He nodded toward the Wordsworth on the shelf. “Well, you can see a part of me never stopped.”

Just then Sylvia called from behind, “Adam, you left me no hot water. The shower was freezing.”

Adam winced like I’d seen him do so many times over his sister. He sighed and said quietly to me, “Obviously, this isn’t the end of our conversation.”

“I hope not,” I said.

Sylvia had caught us, because soon after I heard her footsteps, she blurted, “I’m sorry. Pardon me. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Well, you did,” Adam said.

“Sylvia, let me help you cook,” I said and headed for the kitchen.

While we cooked, Adam sat on a stool, drinking beer and keeping us company. Occasionally he and I would look at each other and smile. It was that same giddy feeling all over again. I couldn’t believe it.

After several unreturned texts and calls and almost two hours later, David and Lisa arrived—their hair still very wet. As I took my change of clothes from Lisa, I said to her out of earshot, “You look like you just got out of the shower. What were you doing all this time?”

“We took a shower together,” she said, fiddling with a stack of napkins on the counter. “That’s it.”

“That’s it?” I snorted.

“Yes,” she replied, still not meeting my eye.

“Who takes a shower together and doesn’t have sex?”

Before Lisa could respond, David handed her a glass of wine. “Here you go, love.”

David kept us laughing throughout dinner, which went on for hours. Afterward, we sat outside on Adam’s patio, talking and drinking—except for me. I fell asleep on Adam’s shoulder. When I woke up, everyone said it was time to call it a night.

As the others walked inside, Adam pulled me back into his arms and kissed my hair. “Stay here. With me.”

“I think Lisa wants to leave now.” I ran my fingertips over his handsome brow. “I should go inside.”

“No. I mean spend the night with me.”

“I can’t, Adam.” Spending the night together was a nonstarter. That was tempting disaster just a bit too much.

“Tomorrow? Can I see you tomorrow, then?”

“Yes, but it has to be late. I’ve got to work. You know…big trip this week.” The president had his first visit to the UK and then a NATO meeting in Istanbul. I’d be slammed.

“Of course,” he said. “I’m flying out a day early to see my dad.” He tousled my hair. “So I’ll come over at nine in the evening, then.”

“Great.” Though I worried he might think tomorrow he was spending the night, I pushed that thought aside. I wanted to hear him say something one more time, and he did.

Tipping my chin up, he kissed me, and somewhere during our long embrace, he reminded me, “I love you.”

I grinned. “I love you, too.”

Lisa and I didn’t talk much as we drove back to the apartment that night. Most likely, she feared a further investigation of her time with David, and I was completely preoccupied. My brain tingled with happiness over Adam. I didn’t want to be distracted from that giddy feeling, nor was I ready to share it with her yet. The whole I-love-you thing was a major milestone that had a lot of impacts. I wanted some time just to relish it before I had to make any life decisions. If I told Lisa about it, she’d go straight to the decision-making, and that was going to suck.

But my little la la land was interrupted by Juan Carlos shortly after we arrived home. When I saw my phone flash his name, I checked the clock. It was past one in the morning, but he was in Honolulu, six hours behind. He’d been there for over a week, supposedly working for a Senate candidate, but I was pretty sure he was spending an equal amount of time at the beach.

I picked up the phone. “
Hola
.”

“
Hola, preciosa
.”

That was the first sign something was up. As our relationship break had grown into a strained separation, I’d stopped hearing little terms of endearment from him. I sort of missed hearing him call me those sweet things, but I also knew I didn’t deserve them. So now having him call me gorgeous put me on red alert. He
shouldn’t
be saying those things to me. What was going on?

“How are you?” I asked.

“Great. It’s awesome here.”

“Because it’s Hawaii.”

“It reminds me of home—of Cuba. It’s made me think. We should come here together,” he said eagerly. That statement alone caused me to panic, but when he added, “In fact, can you get away this week while I’m still here?” I knew something had changed with him.

I kept my response measured, though. I didn’t want to have a big blow-up on the phone, and I hadn’t even really processed what had happened between Adam and me that night. I needed to buy some time. Thankfully, I had an easy excuse. “I wish, but I’m heading to Europe this week.”

“Ah, that’s right. Okay. Next vacation, then.”

So now we were back to planning vacations together? While I didn’t want to hash things out with him yet, I needed to know what was up. “Well, you sound chipper. What’s been going on?”

“I’ve been thinking,
mi reina
. We need to start fresh. Take some time together, just the two of us. I bet things will be back to normal, even better maybe, if we do it.”

I clutched my stomach, feeling a little ill. Yes, the conversation was uncomfortable for me, but the thought of being on a romantic vacation with Juan Carlos hit me in the gut as…
wrong
.
Just plain wrong.

I forced a smile on my face so that it might come through in my tone as I said, “How about we start with dinner after I get back from Europe?”

“That’s a start, but I was thinking more of a vacation.”

“You know a vacation isn’t possible for me right now.”

“I know.” He chuckled. “I respect your work, but you’ll eventually need a different job if we’re going to make those babies together.”

I scowled. Telling me to quit my dream job was not the way to my heart. “The same could be said about your work. Remember that.”

“Now, don’t be upset. I was just saying. That’s off in the future.” The bass in his voice became stronger as he said, “We’re at a different stage right now, and I miss you.”

“I miss you.” I cringed after I said it. I did miss him, but not in the same way. I realized I had to get off the phone before saying outright lies. “Gosh, I just saw the time. I have an early morning meeting tomorrow. I need to get some sleep.”

“An early morning meeting on a Sunday?”

“Yeah.” So maybe the meeting was actually at eleven, but that was early to some people.

“I’m not finished yet,
preciosa
.” Sex oozed from his voice. “Why don’t you just lie back on your bed?
Quiero desnudarte con mi voz.
”

Holy shit
. I jolted upright hearing the dirty talk. I couldn’t have phone sex with him. It wasn’t revolting, but it felt completely wrong and dishonest. Worse, though, was the feeling I’d be betraying Adam. Before he could say anything else, I flat out lied to him. “Oh hell. Matt is calling me. Something must’ve happened. I need to go.”

“Goddamn it,” he muttered and then sighed. “That’s important, though. Go take the call.”

“Thanks.” I needed to add something else, but I couldn’t honestly say,
“I love you.”
And I didn’t want to say I’d talk again that week. Instead, I pushed everything off and in rapid-fire said, “Ack. The line is beeping. I’ll plan that dinner for next week and get back to you. Good night.”

“Good night,
preciosa
. I—”

I killed the line. I didn’t want him to say,
“I love you”
either.

Chapter Twelve

T
HE
F
OLLOWING
N
IGHT
, Adam came over right on time, and it was only seconds after I shut the door that he wrapped his arms around me for a long kiss. I was happy to oblige, but afterward I laughed. “This is quite a hello.”

“I thought I’d try some nonverbal communication.”

“Very funny.”