Discern (30 page)

I quickly turned in his direction.

“What do you see?” he asked with urgency.

“I see you,” I answered, breathing a little heavier than normal.

He grabbed my shoulders. “Try again,” he ordered, slightly irritated.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I slowly opened my left eye first, then my right. “The same,” I mumbled.

“Damn it!” he exclaimed, slowly releasing his hands from my shoulders.

“What is it?”

“What do you see?” he asked, still frustrated.

“I see you,” I said, a little annoyed.

“What do I look like to you?”

“I told you already. You have butterscotch blond, wavy hair, tan skin and beautiful emerald green eyes—the same appearance I described the night of the event,” I said, still admiring his unnatural perfection.

“It doesn’t make sense.”

“Does any of this make sense?” I sighed heavily.

“Sorry.” His voice was calm now. ‘I’m just baffled by you.”

“Does this change how you feel about me?” I asked.

He immediately unhooked my seatbelt and lifted me from the seat. “Close your eyes,” he whispered.

I did as he instructed. A slight dizzy feeling came over me. When I opened my eyes we were sitting on his couch in
Spain
, as we had the night before. My body was still pressed against his. “I thought you understood how I felt?” he asked hurt.

I pulled away. “Sort of, but I never know what might change your feelings,” I said, keeping my focus on the sofa cushion.

“Nothing,” he said, softly pushing my chin upward, forcing us to look at one another.

“What’s wrong with me?” I asked feeling teary eyed.

“Nothing’s wrong with you.”

“Yes, there is,” I insisted.

“No, there isn’t.”

“If I was normal, then we wouldn’t be having this problem,” I sighed.

“Your ability to see things can be frustrating at times—only because I’m rarely in the dark about mortals. They’re simple creatures that live and die, nothing special,” he explained.

“Great,” I murmured.

It was unsettling to be the cause of his frustration. This evening would be difficult to enjoy with so much focus on my abilities, which seemed more like a disability at the moment.

“Although frustrating, it’s actually a relief.”

“It is?”

“Yes, I’m hoping they might improve your chances of survival.”

“In your world or mine?”

“Mine.”

“It isn’t as if I can stop your family from ripping my throat out.”

“I don’t know what you’re capable of, but there’s only one way to find out.” He looked away.

“How’s that?” I asked, fearing the answer.

“To meet my family. Or at least start off with one of them—preferably the least evil of the group.”

“I see.”

“Not tonight,” he assured, as he stood from the sofa. He held his hand out.

“Why not?” I asked, placing my hand in to his.

“Aren’t there some questions you wanted me to answer first?” he grinned.

These questions had slipped my mind. They almost seemed foolish now. “If I must meet your family first, then I don’t mind.”

“No, we can do that another day.”

“Okay,” I smiled, relieved.

He gestured to the large staircase. “Shall we?”

“Why?” I gulped.

“Not for that,” he frowned. “It’s just more comfortable up there.”

“Sorry,” I apologized, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“I told you I’d follow your lead,” he reminded.

“May I have a drink before we go?” I asked, almost stalling the inevitable.

“Yes,” he smiled.

I began to walk toward the kitchen, but he was back in a flash with a can of soda.

“You move fast.”

“Does it bother you?” he asked worried.

“No.” I smiled. I was more amazed than bothered—my life felt as if I were in some fictional world.

We made our way up the stairs at a normal human speed. The large, four-pillared bed seemed unusually small in his enormous bedroom. “Make yourself comfortable,” he nodded toward the bed.

My thoughts were ridiculous. We had laid upon a bed once before, but tonight it seemed different. Maybe it was the distance from home, knowing that I could not exactly run. But deep down inside I knew that was not what truly bothered me. It was my own feelings and desires I was afraid of. “Thanks,” I said, taking a seat at the top of the bed, near the pillows.

He casually stretched out leaning on his left side watching me carefully. What’s bothering you?”

“Nothing,” I said, remembering the questions I wanted to ask.

“Something’s bothering you.”

“It’s trivial,” I half-smiled, trying to sound convincing. To him, my concern was probably minor, but for me, it was not. I had been bothered all day with these thoughts.

“Nothing on your mind is trivial.”

I nervously played with my fingers, fearing his response. It was silly to believe his answer would not upset me, but I needed to know. “The reincarnation issue we spoke about last night….”I paused, trying to calm the slight shake in my voice.

“Did it frighten you?”

“No, but it brought up some thoughts that I shouldn’t be having or even care about…” I paused once more.

“Take your time,” he smiled, softly tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“Was she truly your only love?” I asked, nervously wondering if there might be other reincarnated souls that I would have to eventually deal with.

A smile spread across his face. “Is that what’s really bothering you?”

“Yes,” I responded, slightly taken aback by his demeanor.

He lightly traced his finger along my hand. “I told you last night; before her, I’d never really loved….” he paused.

I was relieved to be at least his first love. “After?” I whispered.

“I was incapable of love after her death… until I saw you,” he breathed.

“Your heart never healed before my return?”

“No.”

“What if something happens to me? Can you never love again?” I asked, worried for his heart.

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he said softly. “I shall never feel that pain again.” His voice trailed off, as he seemed to get lost in his memories.

My hand reached for his, hoping my touch would release him from those agonizing thoughts. He had carried this sorrow around for many centuries. Twisted feelings of joy and grief filled my heart.

My soul was his only desire, yet he was unable to love anyone else, which didn’t seem fair.

The thought of losing him crossed my mind. Attempting to continue on with my life, as he had, was something I doubted I would have the strength to do. His ability to do so was admirable.

“You’re here now, and that’s all that matters,” he half-smiled, gently kissing my hand.

“I am.”

Every moment we touched, my desires grew stronger and my resistance weakened. This grip he had on my heart was a powerful one, but my guard was surprisingly strong—for now.

“I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Your curiosity of my past doesn’t sadden me,” he paused. “Only the loss of you once more could do that.”

“Your courage to go on as you did once before would return.”

He quickly released his grip, spinning around in to a sitting position. He dropped his head into his hands. “I told you. I never loved before or after you. So there wouldn’t be any moving on.” His voice darkened and his head quickly rose.

His livid response frightened me slightly and my body froze. “I-I just meant you went on living, not loving,” I said softly, trying to clarify.

“Do you think I had a choice?” he asked darkly.

“I-I don’t know,” I stuttered.

He rose from the bed and began pacing back and forth. His actions made me a little nervous. His eyes were a dark, opaque color, lacking their usual green sparkle. I suddenly remembered this color from the night when I tried to run from him, but I was not scared, for red was the only color I feared.

His voice snapped me from my thoughts. “I didn’t have the luxury of a choice. I cannot commit suicide or ask any of the others to destroy me. It’s not that easy for my kind.” His jaw tightened. “Destroying one of us is forbidden. Only our creator can decide our fate. He would’ve laughed at such a request. I would’ve been severely punished for suggesting it.”

I felt foolish for I had underestimated his love for my soul. Tears began rolling down my cheeks, smearing and smudging any makeup in their path. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, avoiding any eye contact.

The heat from him radiated as he tenderly lifted my entire body up, holding me tightly. He lightly pressed my cheek against his chest, wiping away my tears with his other hand. “I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he apologized softly.

Fear was not the reason for my uncontrollable sobbing—it was shame. “I’m not frightened.”

“Then why the tears?”

“Up until now, I wouldn’t allow myself to truly believe you felt this strongly for me,” I said.

“Obviously, all of this is a great deal to handle, especially in the world today. Mystical creatures and love all seem to be nothing more than a fairytale,” he exhaled.

I felt butterflies with the mention of love. It did seem only real in fairytales. “Unbelievably, all the mystical aspects of this situation don’t seem to bother me as much as they should,” I admitted.

“Then why wouldn’t you allow yourself to believe?”

“I didn’t believe that someone as broken and feeble as I deserved someone as divine as you,” I confessed, closing my eyes, fearing his response.

He gently pushed me away from his warm chest. “Open your eyes,” he said softly.

His eyes had softened to a sparking amber color. “If you believe you’re broken or feeble or somehow not worthy of me, than you’re foolish. If anything, it’s just the opposite,” he explained. “You’re the most pure and beautiful being that I’ve ever known. I realize you’re unable to see the vision of yourself that I’ve been graced with once more. If you could, then you’d understand why I feel so insignificant compared to you,” he said breathlessly.

I shook my head. “That’s simply impossible,” I muttered, for that was how I felt about him.

“No, you loving me once was unbelievable, but you loving me again, now that’s impossible—impossible that such an unworthy creature as I could ever be so lucky.”

“I’m not that special,” I challenged, “Other than to see through your façade. But I believe you somehow gave me that ability, which means you’re the one that should be hailed as special or divine,” I rambled incoherently.

“Haley, I’m not divine. That word or any other one similar to it shouldn’t be used to describe me. I told you before, I’ve done evil things,” he said darkly, setting me back on the bed.

“But you’ve used your powers for good, too.”

“Not in comparison to the other,” he said. “Only someone as pure as you should be described as divine,” he said, relaxing his shoulders.

“My abstinence is about the only wholesome quality I possess. It was only a few months ago that I foolishly believed I’d lost the love of my life, and now I sit here before you wanting to give in to things I had resisted for so long. My thoughts are not pure,” I confessed, mortified that I had just expressed my desires aloud.

He laughed lightly. I immediately became defensive, shifting my body away. His grip tightened as I tried to wiggle my way out, but gave up within seconds, surrendering to his inhuman strength.

“I’m not laughing at your feelings,” he explained, still grinning.

“Whatever,” I pouted angrily.

“Haley, I was laughing at your definition of pure. It was rude of me to laugh. It was actually endearing, but inaccurate,” he said, now trying to hide his smile.

I rolled my eyes, slightly irritated.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have behaved so inappropriately.”

I crossed my arms, still pouting. “What’s your definition?”

“Let me see if I can explain,” he inhaled deeply. “Every mortal’s soul reveals their inner self. So some might appear to be good, but they really do evil things.”

“Like what?”

“I’ll give you an example. Thoughts don’t taint a soul; it’s more about actions. Let’s say a mortal was the head of a charity or non-profit organization, and they asked for donations to help in their cause, but pocketed some of the money. This would corrupt a soul because they know their actions are wrong and therefore they destroy themselves with guilt,” he explained.

“So thoughts aren’t bad?”

“No, most thoughts don’t alter a soul, only when acted upon.”

“So if I were to think of murdering someone, but never actually did, would it change my soul?” I asked intrigued.

“If you plotted it out and kept dwelling on these thoughts, it would consume your life and probably alter your soul.”