Disasterology 101 (5 page)

If he could erase last night’s events and start all over again he would, because he’d been wrong to have his first real experience in such a cesspool. He didn’t regret his partner, though. Mortified as he was, he still got hard just thinking about the pretty thug. That guy with his fingerless leather gloves, his piercings and his refined attitude was fucking hot.

Christ.

Kevin would’ve done anything to have been able to fuck him. He knew though there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell for something like that to happen, because he’d blown it. The sooner he moved on and focused on the things he needed to do, the better off he’d be.

“Kev?” His brother shook his shoulder until Kevin blinked slowly and focused on him. “You’ve been acting so out of character man. We only see you at work… you don’t even call us. Is there something going on?”

For a moment Kevin considered telling John. He needed to talk about it. He needed to tell someone that he’d never meet a nice woman and marry again, which was exactly what his family thought would happen eventually. He needed them to know, and he needed them to tell him nothing would change.

But Kevin was afraid John might not be able to understand the shit he was going through right now. His brother thought the world revolved around pussy and tits. He’d probably stage an intervention for Kevin, and the entire family would find out before he was ready to deal with them.

Kevin’s priority was his kids. He couldn’t be flippant and just tell his children their dad was gay, and he especially couldn’t let them find out through somebody else. They were only fourteen, twelve, and almost four years old. They’d be confused.

Shit. He needed to figure out the best way to do this without losing his kids.

“Kev?”

“I’m fine, John,” he said. “Trying to figure out a few things, you know?”

“Like what things?”

“Like my schedule with the kids now that I’m going back to school.”

John took a deep breath and got up from the couch. “Are you still thinking about that nonsense? You have a good job and a guaranteed paycheck with us. If you’d let Jenny look after herself you wouldn’t need that second job you’ve got, and there certainly wouldn’t be any need for you to go back to school.”

Kevin wholeheartedly disagreed with everything his brother said.

He didn’t want to fix houses with his father and brothers for the rest of his life. He had bigger ambitions than that, and if he was serious about getting
somewhere
in his professional life, he needed to break away from his family’s business as well as their often manipulative ways. They had guilt trips down to an art.

“Yes, there is.” Kevin’s head was killing him, but he needed to be very clear about this. “I want to get a full-time permanent job with Greenbriar International Builders, and I won’t be able to do that if I don’t have a few certificates under my belt.”

“You can’t be serious about leaving us. We’re family, Kev.”

“This is a professional decision, man.”

“You already have a part-time job with them. Isn’t that enough? Why the hell do you want to work for that company so badly anyway?”

“Because I think their designs are genius, the pay is out of this world, and I’ll have more time to spend with my kids if I don’t have to work two jobs.”

He’d also have more time to meet someone and go out on dates, but Kevin kept that reason to himself.

“They’re in fucking Manhattan. How are you going to do this? How are you going to work with us, manage the travel time to get to the part-time job, and go to school on top of that?”

“New York is only a short train ride across the river, John. You know I’ve been doing it for a while.”

“You won’t be able to pull it off for too long, Kev.” John shook his head. “And you’ll never get a full-time position with that company. They’re way out of your league.”

“If I get the certifications they require I will. This is something I’ve wanted to do my entire life. I’ve been with them for almost ten months now. The superintendent of the project I’m assigned to likes me. He’s ready to offer me a permanent position, and once I’ve gotten it I’m going to work my way up. One day I’ll be a foreman for the company. You mark my words.”

“It’s a pipe dream.” John shook his head again and headed for the door. “We’re a local house repairs company. You’d better get a reality check, boy.”

His brother’s parting words stung, but Kevin refused to believe him. He could do this. Sheer determination drove him. Out of all the certificates Greenbriar required from its full-time employees Kevin was missing only one, and the moment he finished that last class he
would
get his dream job. He’d figure things out.

Somehow, he’d also find a way to be gay without hurting his family and completely humiliating himself.

Again.

CHAPTER THREE

When Cedric first started seeing his psychologist in January, Dr. Black told him he could call him at any time. First he gave him his pager number and, later on, a cell phone number he could call in case of an emergency. As a new resident of Manhattan not only dealing with an oftentimes crippling condition, but also trying to get acclimated to a different environment, Cedric appreciated the offer. He’d made significant progress in the past weeks, but it was very likely he’d freak out over one thing or the other at any given time. Knowing he could reach out to his psychologist whenever he felt anxious or distressed gave Cedric a tremendous sense of security.

And he’d been doing well.

He’d never had a reason to phone his doctor at night.

Not until tonight, anyway.

He felt consumed by guilt and regret over his behavior with the unbelievably attractive man he’d followed earlier in the week. He was angry at himself for the unfortunate manner in which he’d handled the situation, and he wanted the opportunity to apologize and start all over again so badly that he wasn’t able to sleep.

“Hello?”

Dr. Black sounded distracted. Poor chap. He’d been probably boinking his wife before he got interrupted.

“I found him,” Cedric whispered, almost afraid to admit out loud what he’d been thinking for days.

“Cedric? Is that you?”

“I found a bloke I really like.” He gripped the phone so hard he could have broken it. His hands were shaking, but he kept his voice firm.

“Is this an emergency?”

“Not quite.”

“Let’s meet in the morning, then.”

“Can you please make an exception?” Cedric rubbed his eyes and tugged his lip ring. “I’m anxious enough to lose my shit. I need to talk now.”

“Because you met a guy you like?” There was a rustling noise before Dr. Black asked his question. He was probably taking notes. Thank God. “I’d think that would be great news.”

Under normal circumstances, but nothing about
or
related to Cedric was ever normal.

“I’m afraid I didn’t make a very good first impression.”

“And you wanted to.”

“He’s different.”

“Okay….”

Was Dr. Black smiling? Cedric couldn’t be sure, but he thought he was.

“I didn’t talk to him.”

“Then how do you know he’s different?”

Cedric thought about it for a minute, and once again came up with nothing. He couldn’t explain how the man responsible for his lack of sleep was different, but he
knew
he was.

“I don’t know.” Cedric took a deep breath. All of a sudden he felt like an idiot for calling his doctor to talk about things he couldn’t even put into words. “But I can tell he is.”

“Where did you meet him?”

“A sex shop.”

“Oh my….”

“
Oh my
?” Cedric chuckled humorlessly. “Is that your professional assessment?”

“Must I remind you it’s almost midnight?”

“Right.” Cedric rested his head back on the bed’s headboard and pulled the duvet until he couldn’t see any wrinkles. “We weren’t properly introduced. He ran away before I could ask his name and get his number, but I’m going to find him.”

“Sounds like you’re determined to see him again.” If Dr. Black felt like wishing him a slow and painful death for calling him so late to talk about a man, he didn’t give any signs of it.

“I’d have to be bloody daft not to.”

“What makes you say that?”

He rubbed his stomach, glanced down at his crotch and smiled. “Let’s just say I’ve never reacted to anyone’s presence the way I did to his.”

“Did you have sexual intercourse with this man?”

Cedric bit his lower lip and crossed his legs.

“Hello?”

“No.”
I wanted to.
“I fucked up.”

“How did you mess up?”

I was an arse.

Cedric shook his head.

“Cedric?”

“What if I never see him again?”

“Was it a casual encounter?”

Cedric snorted. “I
need
to find him.”

“That’s good that you’re willing to look for him.” Dr. Black was nothing if not encouraging. “We’ve been working through your feelings of inadequacy and—”

“Tell me it’s going to be okay,” Cedric interrupted him. “Tell me I won’t make a fool of myself when I see him….That I’ve made enough progress to at least be able to fake my way through a normal conversation with him.”

“I can’t tell you that,” the doctor said softly, “but we can discuss why you think you may not be able to have a normal conversation with that guy.”

“Now?”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“I hadn’t realized it was so late.”

“That’s not a problem.” This time Cedric had no trouble recognizing the smile in Dr. Black’s voice. “But don’t make a habit of it.”

“Fine.”

CHAPTER FOUR

“Hey, Daddy…Wanna dance?”

The guy was short, blond, wearing makeup and had on a pair of skin-tight snake print pants that left absolutely nothing to the imagination.

He was also freaking the shit out of Kevin.

Not because this was the third time he’d tried to “seduce” Kevin in the past twenty minutes. It wasn’t even because the guy was grinding his barely-developed dick against Kevin’s thigh, in a rather frantic and uncoordinated manner, while at the same time trying to climb him.

It was because he kept calling Kevin “Daddy”.

As far as he was concerned only his three kids were entitled to call him “Daddy”, and they were at their house with their mother. To hear the word come from the mouth of this little guy with such blatant sexual undertone was downright disturbing.

“No, thank you.”

Kevin turned sideways, put his empty beer down on the bar, and signaled the shirtless bartender, but Little Snake on Speed refused to get the message. By the time Kevin took some cash out of his pocket the guy had managed to squeeze past him, and sat on the bar with his legs wide open. He probably intended to look inviting, but Kevin thought he was pathetic.

The guy hooked a skinny arm around Kevin’s neck and circled his waist with surprisingly strong legs. “You wanna get out of here then?”

“I don’t think so.”

He pulled away from the guy without making eye contact and paid for his beer, but once again Little Snake on Speed was faster. Kevin watched him down
his
beer in four giant gulps without saying anything, but almost strangled the kid when he set the empty bottle on bar and belched right in Kevin’s ear.