Disarming (3 page)

As I twisted my fingers, I wished I could say I was certain of that.

~~~~~

“
APRIL.” HELEN’S VOICE
shook me from my sleep. I groaned and sat up glaring at her with puffy eyes.

“What’s wrong?” I mumbled.

“I need you to come and help me.”

I turned to glance at the red numbers on my bedside clock. 2:50 a.m. “It’s late, Mom. Can’t it wait ‘til morning?” I muttered, rubbing the sleep away as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. The cool concrete penetrated the warmth of my skin, sobering me up some more as I waited for her to answer. I was exhausted. I had a hard time sleeping as it was, without her interrupting it.

“No.
Now
.” She waved for me to follow her, her face stern and impatient. Her dark brown eyes glistened in the soft glow of the security camera monitors. It sent an eerie color across her pale skin and dulled out the dark coloring of her hair. She was wide awake and had probably not slept a wink all night.

I sighed. When she was determined, there was no telling her “no.”

“Alright, one sec.” My hoodie was balled up on the chair next to my bed. I grabbed it and pulled it on, zipping it up with a forceful tug as I grumbled under my breath. The nights were still cool, sending a ripple of shivers down my arms. Hugging myself, I stood up and followed her to the back storage room.

It was here that we kept extra food that we foraged: cans, bottles of water, bags of cereal, sugar, dried milk, dried eggs, dried everything. One end had a locked cage. It hadn’t had much in it when we’d first come here, just some empty boxes, a sink and a latrine. I wondered often if it was a makeshift prison cell. Who would build that into a shelter? I hadn’t thought about it too much at the beginning, but I did now because it now held more than that: a cot, a bottle of water and some stores of food stacked next to the cot. My mom’s blankets and pillow were thrown on it, and a box full of her clothes sat under it, making me turn toward her in confusion.

“What’s this?” I hissed at her. I was cranky and her strange actions were driving me mad lately. This was going way too far. “Why’s your bed in there? What are you doing?” I waited for her to answer as she turned her cool, calm face toward me.

“I need you to lock the door for me during the night.” At that she stepped into the cell and shut the door behind her with a click. I stared, mouth agape. I was flabbergasted and stood in my place, confused and shocked. Her eyes gleamed at me, unnaturally shiny in the fluorescent light of the storeroom. I could tell from her expression that she was not kidding. Whatever she thought she was doing, she had to be off her rocker. I really hoped she wasn’t doing what I thought she was doing.

“What?
No
! Why are you doing this? You’re not sleeping in the cage, Mom.”

She was starting to lose her patience with me now as her face shifted to a darker shade of pink, flushing her cheeks as she stared me down. I didn’t move, frowning as she refused to come out of the cage. Her fingers curled around the bars, her face hovered closer to me.

“I have to, April. While you and Jeremy sleep, I can’t. I pace all night and the smell….” She bit her lip as she let the bars go and backed away, turning to start her pacing once more.

“What smell?” I asked. Curiosity had cooled my fury, but I was still seething.

Moments passed as she refused to answer. I waited, knowing she would talk sooner or later. Letting out a long drawn out breath, she stopped her pacing and turned back with fear pouring from her eyes.

“Your blood. I can smell it. Yours and Jeremy’s. And it smells divine.” She curled her fingers around the bars once more, narrowing her eyes at me as she stared. The darkness seemed to swirl in her orbs as my own widened in horror. “I might not be able to resist it anymore. You have to lock me up while you sleep, while your guard is down. I don’t trust myself any longer.”

Her dark blue eyes blinked. A storm of malice tumbled into them, making my breath stick in my throat and my mouth dry. The small sliver of golden halos peaked from outside the blue irises that reminded me of the expanses of ocean I so dearly missed.
No, oh no.

I reached forward and pushed the lock together, heard it click and took the key out of its slot, my hands shaking with every movement. I couldn’t breathe, could hardly look up at my mother as I took in the weight of what she had said, what she so plainly had showed me, mostly without even a word. The question now was this: if she’s turning, what will she end up as? Feral or hybrid?

“Thank you, April. Don’t open it until you’re awake and don’t ever leave me alone with Jeremy. You hear me? Promise me that.” I nodded at her, though I could not bear to look at her. “One more thing,” she added. “Promise to end it if it goes bad.” She paused, awaiting my answer, desperation written across her worried face. But no answer came. I shook my head, not wanting to hear her words. “Swear it.”

I reluctantly nodded, closing my eyes which now burned with salty tears. I didn’t want to do what she asked of me. I wanted to turn around and scream at her that she could forget it. Why was this happening? The room spun and felt oddly suffocating. Yet I knew she was right and that I would want the same if the time every came. If the worst ever happened to me, I’d want the same. “I swear.”

Helen settled down on the cot, taking a deep breath as she visibly relaxed. I did not, could not. “That’s my girl. Now off to bed; you look like you haven’t slept in weeks.” With that she laid down as though nothing had happened between us and pulled the covers over her slender body before turning away toward the concrete wall that lined the other side of the cell.

I stood there for what may have been only minutes but felt like an eternity to me. I waited until her breath grew slow and even, until the silence became unbearable. My stomach was knotted up into a tight ball, and I doubted sleep would return after all that had happened. Time seemed different now. How it had come to change so much was lost on me. I had been tightly gripping the key to my mother’s prison, and it had started to hurt as it dug into the skin of my palm, probably nearly breaking the skin.

How could this happen? Why? I couldn’t even think anymore. My brains were mush, and my head ached as I finally slipped away to my bed.

Relaxing was impossible for the continued spill of tears on my face reminded me of the reasons that I tried not to look forward to anything now. She was right to protect us from her changes. The hunger would only grow from this point on. She had fought it long enough already, an internal struggle she had hidden well. I would have to get her some blood to feed on sooner or later, even if she were to turn into a hybrid.

After everything that had happened, in the end I wasn’t sure if she would take the blood. Maybe she would choose starvation instead; she was capable of it. She would’ve never wanted to be this way. Even now, the withered part of her fought to stay. I didn’t think she’d try suicide, but things had become so uncertain, I wasn’t so sure anymore. I’d lost control over my surroundings so insanely fast, and it was all so unfair. Nothing I did fixed anything. It was a wonder I ever thought it could.

Chapter Three

Full of Wish

April

“
YOU’RE NOT USING
it right!” Miranda’s irritation slipped into her voice as it hammered in my head. Another headache had ensued and I wanted to stop our training session straight away before I puked. I shook my head and waved her away.

“I’m not doing this today.” I dropped the katana to my side and glared at the beautiful hybrid who was now the closest thing to a BFF I had as of late. Her dark brown hair was pulled tightly away from her face, making her glaring brown eyes stand out brighter against her pale skin. She ventured outside of the hive quite often, but avoided a suntan as much as possible. I didn’t blame her, the sun made their skin flush an uncomfortable beet red as it began to cook under the UV rays.

Unlike the other hybrids, the daylight did not scare her away too often. Her slight tan was evidence of that.

“What is wrong with you today?” She snarled. My brooding was grinding on her nerves, leaving me to think she was close to stomping off.

I shrugged, heading to put the katana away. We stood in the driveway of my bunker where the sun didn’t shine too much during the day. I didn’t want to be too far from home with my mother the way she was. Jeremy watched us closely from the sidelines, sharpening and polishing the set of knives I had acquired for him. “First things first,” I’d told him, “learn to take care of your weapons.”

“It’s my mom,” I said to Miranda. “I don’t know what’s running through her head. She’s distant, different. Wanting me to lock her up in a cell at night. She thinks she’s turning into a monster.”

“She’ll be alright.” Miranda’s voice was soft and comforting. “Turning takes a few weeks, but it will be fine. I brought her some blood,” Miranda offered, her stern tone fading as she remembered the reason why I’d be so out of sorts today. I’d hoped she’d understand but my mind was elsewhere. “She’s all set when the blood lust hits.”

“I know. And thanks. I was going to ask you about that. It’s just, I don’t know what to think about all this.” I slipped down on the bench next to Jeremy, ruffling his hair. He didn’t protest this time but gave me a tentative look. “She never wanted this. You saw how she took to the blood transfusions. She damn near lost her mind when she found out it was laced with vampire blood. She’ll never drink it, if it comes down to it.” I let a breath out, hoping to loosen some of the knotted tension building inside of me.

I was exhausted. Knowing what was happening to my mother locked inside her self-imposed prison was little comfort. I was only hoping that turning into a hybrid would help her mind mend from the torture she had endured at the hands of Christian’s hive. It was cold comfort to know he was dead at my hands. My only regret was that it hadn’t been long and torturous like he’d deserved for what he had done to her.

Miranda came to sit on the other side of Jeremy. “Look, it’s going to be a bit rough in the beginning, but I’m sure she will be just fine in the end. It’s not hard to be a hybrid. Just takes getting used to.” She winked at Jeremy, who flushed as he averted his lingering stare to study the knives more intently. He had laid his small set out on the table in front of him and had been feverishly polishing the metal.

I nodded, pulling the hairband out of my dark hair, shaking it loose. It was growing longer and kept getting in my face when I trained. The last of the cool spring breezes were curling over my skin. Winter had been brief and mild, signaling that the summer was going to be intense with fiery, burning heat. I dreaded it with every cell of my body. The scorch would bring dry, sweltering air with the feel of sticking one’s head into an oven on full blast. The stench of the rotting ferals and their infinite disgustingness would increase with it too. It was unimaginable. Definitely my least favorite season of all.

“I just can’t shake the feeling that something really bad is going to happen, something I can’t control in any way.” I shuddered, but it was more than the breeze chilling me. I liked having a certain amount of control. One thing about the end of the world is that control is never going to happen.

“Nothing’s for certain, April. Not even tomorrow. We just have to hope for the best. It’s not much, but I guess it’s just the lot that’s been given to us now. I know it’s not comforting, and I wish I had more to add. I just try to see the light in every new day. If I make it through, hey, it’s great. If not, I don’t think I’ll be too upset. I’ll be dead.” Miranda attempted a half worn smile, half joking and ignoring how I stared at her like she was nuts. I shot her a twisted glare and shook my head.

“Um, Miranda?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t try to make me feel better, please.” I gave her a stern frown, making her laugh out loud.

“Sure thing, April.”

“What’s it like?”

Miranda gave me a strange look and wrinkled her nose. “What’s what like?”

“You know, turning.” I picked the grime from my fingernails.

“Well,” she stretched like a cat and then slumped back on the chair. “It takes a while. You just feel strange at first, like your skin is tingling. Oh, and the smell.”

“What smell?”

“The smell of blood. It’s hangs in the air like strong perfume, but it smells delicious.” Miranda glanced at Jeremy, who was pretending to clean his daggers. I knew better; he was clinging to every word we said.

“Is it irresistible?” My stomach turned at the thought, though I quite enjoyed the taste of blood myself. That was the scary thing about it.

“Yes. It’s like starving for weeks and feeling so incredibly thirsty, because nothing satiates it. Nothing. Nothing but blood.”

“How long before you bit someone for blood?”

A silence built as I waited, causing me to look up at my friend.

“Not long.” Miranda shifted uncomfortably in her seat, probably searching for words to make it sound better. I knew there were none. “A group of humans wandered into our hive before we had it completely secured. They saw us, thought we were human, too. Luckily it was just me and Blaze near the entrance, but I couldn’t control it.” Her gaze shot up toward the sky, searching for something to help the stab of regret fade. “They smelled amazing, and I knew what I was right then. Blaze tried to stop me, but his own hunger won out. We snatched them both and drained them until they fell unconscious. After that, the scent of blood drifted to the others, and there was no surviving that.” She cleared her throat, aware that Jeremy and I were staring at her.