Dirty Little Secrets (6 page)

“I’m leaving, Maria, but you haven’t heard the last of me. I don’t know when, but your family will pay for what you took away
from me.”

“Don’t you threaten my family, you sonofabitch! I should’ve let your father kill you.”

“Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve, but I’m very much alive. Remember that.” Evan walked past us toward his car. For a second
I thought about picking up a tall vase and slamming it over his head, but decided against it. “Oh, by the way, Tyler, you’ve
grown up to be such a beautiful young lady. But then you were certainly a beautiful little girl.”

Mother and I watched Evan walk away, hoping he would never come back.

When Chad picked me up for the prom, he looked gorgeous. Both of us wore white, and we looked like the African American version
of Ken and Barbie. It took us twenty minutes just to get
out the door because Mother wouldn’t stop taking pictures. When we arrived at the Peachtree Plaza for the prom, the ballroom
was decorated beautifully, with orchids and roses everywhere. Monica’s “Before You Walk Out of My Life” was playing, and Chad
took my hand and led me to the dance floor. As he put his hands around my waist and we swayed to the music, he pulled me closer,
as though he never wanted to let go. For a moment it seemed like old times.

The prom wound down, and Chad asked me to go upstairs to his suite for a drink. When we got upstairs, he pulled out a bottle
of champagne, poured me a glass, and tuned the radio to 107.9. We chatted about the college he’d decided to attend and how
happy he was to get a full scholarship. I got caught up in the moment and had a slight buzz from the champagne, so when Chad
kissed me, I kissed him back. But when he unzipped the back of my dress, I gently pushed him away. “This isn’t right.”

“What are you talking about? Nothing could be more right. Tyler, we belong together,” he said as he continued to kiss my neck.

Pushing him away, I huffed, “That may be true, but not now, not like this. I need time, Chad.”

“Time for what?” he said, anger creeping across his face.

“To think things over.”

“What fucking things, Tyler?” he asked as he grabbed my arm.

“Chad, you’re hurting me; let go of my arm.” I tried to break free, but he was too strong. The look in Chad’s eyes was scaring
me. It was a look I could never erase from my mind—depraved and full of rage. It was the same look I had seen in Evan’s eyes
ten years ago. I shook my head in disbelief; it wasn’t possible for Chad to be that sort of monster.

“Chad, please let me go; you’re hurting my arm,” I repeated. But Chad’s eyes were empty. It was as if he had zoned out. I
decided to make my getaway. Looking around, I didn’t see anything within reach that I could pick up and hit Chad with; so
I swung my left arm with all my strength and hit Chad in his neck, knocking him off balance. He fell back, releasing me, and
I made a dash toward the door.

As I reached for the doorknob, I heard, “Tyler, where the fuck do you think you’re going?” My neck snapped back as Chad grabbed
me by my hair, and I fell to the floor.

Within seconds Chad was on top of me, ripping off the beautiful dress Mother had bought me. “No! Chad, please stop! You don’t
want to do this, please!” I begged to no avail. It was like he was possessed and there was no bringing him back. I screamed
at the top of my lungs, but my cries were drowned out by the music playing on the radio. Even so, Chad put his hand over my
mouth.

“No one can hear you, Tyler. I have you all to myself. You used to let me make love to you, but I guess now you want me to
take it.” I lay in the middle of the hotel suite pinned to the floor. As I felt Chad spread my legs apart and rip off my panties,
I couldn’t believe this was happening to me again. But this time there was no Daddy coming to the rescue. My eyes filled with
tears as Chad jammed his dick inside of me and pounded me over and over again, releasing all the hatred he had inside. After
what seemed like a lifetime, Chad finally let out a loud moan. His heavy body felt like a car rolling over my foot. But my
energy was so drained that I didn’t have the strength to try to move him off. I could see the sweat trickling down the side
of Chad’s neck, and after five more minutes of intense breathing he finally rolled off me and stood up. As he zipped up his
pants, he gave me the
glance-over and shrieked, “Why did you make me do this, Tyler? It didn’t have to be this way.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Chad was blaming me for the rape he had just committed. “You sick bastard! You just raped me,
and you have the nerve to stand there and blame me!”

Chad walked toward me and knelt down on the floor I was still lying on. “Don’t you ever say that again. I didn’t rape you.
This was a lovers’ quarrel that got out of hand.”

“Is that the lie you’re running with? Because a ripped dress, torn panties, and bruises on my arms and thighs all symbolize
rape to me, you sonofabitch.” My attitude had now shifted from fear and pain to relentless anger. I stood up, looking at my
destroyed dress and bruised body. “Chad, you will not get away with this. I’m going to tell my parents, and they will no doubt
report you to the police.”

“Yeah, you do that, Tyler, and I’ll let everyone know what a whore you are.”

“Whore?”
I shouted.
“You raped me!”

“So you say, but I could tell the police you like it rough. What do you think people will say when they find out you have
a boyfriend but went to the prom with your ex? You need to think long and hard before you start throwing around accusations.”

“These aren’t accusations; they are facts, and the fact is that you raped me, do you hear me?” My voice cracked as I got louder
and louder.

“Well, you go right ahead, but by the time you make it to court, everyone will know that sweet little Tyler is nothing but
a freak. Fucking a grown-ass man and fucking me too; no one will feel sorry for you. They will think you are nothing but a
hot-ass bitch who has no self-control. Your boyfriend will be brought up
on statutory rape charges, and your family will be embarrassed and disgraced.”

A wave of despair flooded through my body. The emotional roller coaster I was on now took another turn. I went from fear to
anger and now shame. I put my head down, replaying the words Chad had just spoken to me. Everyone would think I was a whore.
My parents would find out how old Trey really was, and he would know I lied about hanging out with Lisa that night. He’d find
out I was actually with Chad. I felt helpless.

At his insistence, Chad drove me home. Luckily my parents were asleep. I went in the bathroom and turned on the light switch.
The reflection in the mirror of the once beautiful face with the perfectly applied makeup had two raccoon eyes from the tears
smearing my eyeliner and mascara. I took off all my clothes, put them in a plastic bag, and planned to toss them in the trash.
I pulled back the floral shower curtain and turned the knob to Hot. I stepped inside and let the burning water drench my hair
and entire body. I was hoping all the evil that had just violated my body would be washed away. That was the best I could
hope for. After going over my options, I decided to keep this horrific night to myself. I convinced myself that I got what
I deserved for even going to the prom with Chad. The shame I felt was too much to share with anyone, let alone my parents
or the police. This was a chapter of my life I would put behind me. Or so I thought.

In the months after the rape, I fell into a deep depression. I did a good job hiding it from my family and friends, but every
night I would cry myself to sleep. With Ella away at college, Mother focusing on her social life, and Daddy traveling more
and more on his socalled business trips, the only person I had was Trey. Besides going to school, I spent all my time with
him. We had been
together for over a year, but our relationship had begun taking on a different dimension.

One day Trey arrived to take me to a barbecue at his friend Patrick’s house. I colored my normally black hair a lighter brown
and wore a snug-fitting halter dress. As soon as I stepped in the car, the insults started. “Why did you dye your hair that
color? It looks nasty because it washes out your complexion. And that dress makes you look fat,” he said, even though I was
no more than a hundred and fifteen pounds. The other side of Trey was showing its ugly face, and it was far from the fun-loving
guy I fell in love with. Trey was screwed up emotionally and I was already unstable, so he started to screw me up even more.

“I like my hair color, and I think this dress fits me good,” I replied confidently, trying to mask how bad Trey had hurt my
feelings.

“I didn’t ask you what you think. You don’t know anything anyway. I’m a man. I know what looks good and what doesn’t. Trust
me, you look like shit.”

For the entire barbecue I sat in a corner feeling too insecure to walk around or mingle with anybody. After that day Trey’s
cruelty became an all-out daily assault that slowly chipped away my self-esteem and left me lacking confidence.

Trey was excited about his new apartment and finally having no roommate. Between going to school during the day and promoting
parties at night, he was making decent money and was able to afford a one-bedroom unit in a brand-new luxury apartment complex.
In Trey’s bedroom I was unpacking a box full of tapes, CDs, and videocassettes when I came across a tape that had “Joy Time”
written in bold black ink. It was dated a month
earlier. Curious, I slid it in the VCR. An image flashed across the screen—it was Trey, sitting on the couch in his old apartment,
speaking into the camera. Then he walked over to the camera, took it from someone’s hand, and turned the camera on her. It
was a pretty ebony-complexioned woman in her early twenties. I heard Trey’s voice in the background, saying, “Come on, Nikki,
do a striptease show for me.” Music was playing in the background, and then another young woman stepped into the camera’s
view.

“That’s right, ladies. Move that ass to the music. Take it all off.” The women were now completely naked and grinding to reggae
music. “Play with each other’s tits while Daddy watches.” The women were rubbing each other down and sucked each other’s nipples
like they were babies nursing. The whole scene was bizarre. I had never seen two women making out before. Right when I was
about to push Eject, Trey propped the camcorder in a prime position. He was now butt naked, frolicking with the ladies.

“Come here, Stephanie,” Trey said, grabbing her gigantic ass. She was giggling as she made her way toward him. “I want you
to deep throat it for me like you did last night,” Trey demanded. This was all too much. The girl got on her hands and knees
and swallowed Trey’s manhood.

The other girl, Nikki, chimed, “Ya not gonna leave me out the mix.” Then she grabbed Trey’s hand, and he lay on the floor
while Stephanie continued to suck him dry. Nikki sat on Trey’s face, and he ate her pussy as if it were a prime piece of steak.
I couldn’t bring myself to turn off the tape; I was entranced. I sat on Trey’s bed in disgust, not believing the threesome
taking place in front of my eyes with my boyfriend playing the starring role. I put my hands on my forehead, shaking my head
in disbelief, when Trey walked in.

His eyes popped out as he saw the sex tape he had made only a month earlier. He ran to the VCR and struggled clumsily to rip
the tape out. But the damage had already been done. “Tyler, it’s not what you think; this tape is from a couple of years ago.”

“Trey, I saw the date. You made it last month.” Honestly, I didn’t even care. I knew Trey was cheating on me, but I was at
such a low point in my life that it didn’t matter. Plus since Chad raped me, I didn’t even enjoy sex anymore. I preferred
to be left alone. I gave into Trey sexually only because I felt obligated.

“Nah, baby, that’s the right date but the wrong year,” he countered.

“Save it, Trey. No need to explain; the tape speaks for itself. It’s actually a good thing. I’ve been having reservations
about our relationship, and this tape makes it clear that it’s time for us to go our separate ways.”

“What the fuck did you say?” Trey’s demeanor changed in less than eight seconds. He went from denying and apologetic to hostile
and aggressive. “I know you not trying to end this over some bullshit tape with some chicken-heads.”

“Yeah, some chicken-heads—one who had your dick in her mouth and the other who had her pussy spread across your face. That’s
funny,” I chuckled. “Trey, it’s all good. Shit happens, but this is the last time it will happen with me.” I stepped off the
bed preparing to leave, but as soon as my feet touched the carpet, Trey punched me in the left eye. I fell back on the bed.

“Bitch, you think you gonna leave me? Hell, no! I told you, don’t nobody leave me.” Trey stood over me, yelling like a three-year-old
having a temper tantrum. Spit was flaring from his mouth as he continued to rant and rave. He lifted his leg and put his Nike
shoe to my throat. “You ain’t never gonna leave me. You hear me?” He pressed his shoe deeper into my throat, and I began
to lose my breath. Trey knelt down and grabbed my hair and dragged me to the mirror in his bathroom. My eye was now swollen
and red from the punch he had planted on my face.

“Take a long look at yourself. If you ever leave me, I’ll have this pretty little face so disfigured, your own mama won’t
recognize you.”

Trey’s words stung. Was this my life? What had I done to deserve my miserable existence? That night Trey fucked me while forcing
me to watch his porno tape over and over. He said it was to teach me not to go through his shit.

For the next few months I grew more and more afraid of Trey. After enduring busted lips, black eyes, and constant beat downs,
I was afraid of what he might do next. I had become so alienated from my family and friends that it seemed like nobody cared.
Part of me felt that something about me must be so terrible that I deserved Trey’s constant abuse. I spent most nights at
Trey’s apartment, and because my parents were busy living their own separate lives, they never made time to see how I was
doing. I could’ve left for a month, and no one would’ve noticed.