Dirty Little Secrets (25 page)

Forty-five minutes later we heard a knock. Melanie opened the door, and standing before her was Brian. He shoved her out the
way, and with intense rage he lunged at me, grabbed my hair, and said, “We’re going the fuck home!” When I resisted, he reached
in his dark blue baggy jeans, pulled out a nine-millimeter handgun, put it to my head, and yelled, “I will blast you and then
kill myself because I don’t give a fuck!” I could barely see his eyes under his Yankees baseball cap. I was panic-stricken.

Melanie was freaking out. She’d forgotten how demented Brian could behave sometimes. As Melanie darted across the room to
call the police, she bumped into the coffee table and fell on the floor. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably. Brian peered
at her with hate in his eyes and yelled, “You started this, bitch. This is your fucking fault.”

After Brian found out it was Melanie who had opened Pandora’s box, he loathed her. Now it gave him pleasure to see her helpless
on the floor. When Melanie reached for the cordless phone, I begged her not to call the police. She stared at me with confusion.
My heart was pounding, but I didn’t want Brian to go to jail and I didn’t believe he would actually kill me. For a brief second
I closed my eyes to gather my thoughts. I spoke to Brian in a soft and easy, almost hypnotic tone. “Baby, I love you; I know
that we belong together. Every word I spoke was out of anger and frustration, and I apologize. Please forgive me.” The words
flowed with such ease that I believed what I said. Brian released my hair and put the gun away.

“Melanie, I know it’s asking a lot to excuse Brian’s behavior, but please let us handle this on our own.” With a look of fear
and disgust she reluctantly agreed.

My life was spiraling out of control, and I didn’t know how to stop it. Normalcy was desperately needed, but no matter how
much drama Brian and I went through or how much pain we caused one another, when we made love we became one. Our chemistry
was intoxicating, and whatever Brian’s faults, our connection was stronger and more passionate than ever. My heart hungered
to go back to the time when I admired him and thought he had the most beautiful soul in the world. Now our relationship was
full of misplaced obsession, with no trust or faith. I looked in the mirror, facing my inner monsters. With great stupidity
I had believed I could use Brian to get over him, but instead my emotions had fallen into a bottomless pit.

From the outside it seemed Brian was treating me like a princess. He would send truckloads of flowers to the office, and Chrissie
would complain, “Why can’t I find a man to show me that kind of love?” It got to the point that she told Brian she was banning
him from sending anything else. He had chocolates, balloons, and even all-day gift certificates to plush spas delivered. Or
sometimes he’d send an invitation telling me to meet him at a suite in a five-star hotel. When I arrived, rose petals were
everywhere, and he’d bathe me and wash my hair in the Jacuzzi while I drank champagne. He stepped his romantic game up to
the next level. So the night I surprised Brian by telling him I was pregnant, he promised he would take care of me as his
queen for the rest of his life.

“Ella, I wanted to tell you that you’re going to be an auntie,” I said excitedly while getting a pedicure.

“You’re pregnant? If this is what you want, I’m happy for you, Tyler.”

“Of course I’m happy. I’ll finally have the chance to make things right. I will give this baby all the unconditional love
that no man has ever deserved from me. The bond I’ll have with this child, no one will ever be able to break.”

“Does that mean you guys have worked everything out? Less than a year ago you found out he was living a double life. On top
of that, once again you fell into yet another abusive relationship. Have any of those issues been resolved?”

“Things are different between us. Brian promises that soon everything will be completely resolved with Beverly, and the abuse
has been nonexistent. He is thrilled about the baby, and he truly wants us to be a family.” Not only was I trying to convince
Ella that this was true, but I was also trying to convince myself.

“I hope you’re right, Tyler, because you deserve to be happy. You’ve been through so much, and now a baby is growing inside
you. I pray that it all works out the way you want it to.”

“Thanks, Ella.”

“Of course, let’s go out to dinner soon and celebrate. I’ll call you later this week to find out what day and time are good
for you.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to you soon.” I was so glad Ella was being supportive. This was the happiest time of my life, and I wanted
to share it with her.

A few weeks later Brian left for a week-long business trip. Because he was a top executive with a ton of responsibilities,
I thought nothing of his travel plans. A couple of days after Brian left, I ran into Courtney after work.

“What’s up, girl? I haven’t seen you since LA,” I said, giving Courtney a hug. “What you been up to?”

“Nothing—just working and fucking around with Leon
Crazy-ass. I was going to the diner to get a bite to eat. Come with me so we can play catch-up.”

“Sure,” I agreed, knowing something was up.

As Courtney ate a turkey burger, she casually said, “You know Brian took Beverly and the baby to Aruba for a family vacation?”
She glanced up at me, waiting for my reaction. I was livid, but I wasn’t about to let that hating-ass bitch know it.

“Really? He forgot to mention that when he slipped this ice on my hand before he left,” I said, coolly placing my engagement
ring under her nose and thinking, Eat this, bitch. Courtney sat there with her mouth wide open, annoyed by both my reaction
and my ring. I finally said, “Dear, close your mouth before something flies in.”

When I left the diner, I was burning up inside, so much so that when I opened my mouth I knew fire was going to come out.
Walking to the parking garage to get my car, I was talking to myself out loud. People were staring at me as if I were crazy.
I screamed to one passing pedestrian, “This is New York City! Don’t act like you’ve never seen someone talking to themselves!”
I got in my car and slammed the door. As I headed toward the George Washington Bridge, my cell phone chimed and Brian’s name
popped up. Without even a hello I said, “Where are you?”

“You know where I am—LA,” Brian said.

“Is that right?” I retorted.

“Tyler, don’t start. What the fuck is up now?”

“I heard you took Beverly and the baby on a vacation to Aruba.” There was a pause, and I knew it was true.

“That’s a damn lie. Who told you that bullshit?”

“Nigga, fuck you! You do you, and I’m gonna do me.” After hanging up I immediately dialed Courtney’s cell. “How about Mr.
Chow’s tonight, my treat? I’ll pick you up around nine.”

When I picked Courtney up, I had on my perfect-fitting Blue Cult jeans and silk lime-green Plein Sud shirt. Although I was
four months pregnant, I wasn’t showing, and my clothes still fit just right. My plan was to have a ball tonight, and I wanted
to dress sexy for the occasion. Brian had been calling me nonstop ever since I hung up on him, and he called three more times
while Courtney was in the car. He blocked his number, as if I didn’t know it was him. After the fourth unanswered call, Court-ney’s
phone went off. “It’s Leon; I need to get that,” she said enthusiastically, not putting two and two together. I could hear
him giving her the third degree.

“Where you at, Courtney?” Leon demanded to know.

“On my way to dinner,” she said, fidgeting with her cell phone.

“With who?”

“Nobody you know—just a girlfriend from work.”

“It better not be Tyler, ’cause that’s gonna cause a serious problem between us.” There was a long break, and then Leon said,
“Did you tell Tyler that Brian took Beverly and the baby to Aruba?”

Courtney swallowed hard and replied, “No.”

“All right, I’ll call you back.”

Before Courtney and I could even discuss Leon’s call, Brian was blowing up my phone again. Of course I didn’t answer, so once
again Leon called Courtney. But this time he was on three-way with Brian. I heard Brian bark, “Put Tyler on the phone.” Being
the Leon pleaser that she is, Courtney handed me the phone. I heard Brian say, “Go home now. I don’t know why you think I’m
with Beverly and the baby, but I’m not.”

I took a deep sigh and squealed, “Go fuck yourself. If you
want to take your baby mother on a trip, then you need to be with her and leave me the hell alone.”

“Yo, when I get home, it’s so over for you.” “That won’t be for a few days, so it gives me plenty of time to enjoy myself,”
I said. Then I hung up the phone.

Courtney and I dined at Mr. Chow’s, and I was enjoying myself. I wasn’t thinking about what Brian was doing with his baby
mother. I didn’t give a damn; it was all about a party for me. Brian continued to blow up my phone, so I turned it off. Then
he and Leon started calling Courtney, and of course she got on the phone, entertaining the bullshit. Meanwhile Leon had two
kids with his baby mother and about twenty other jump-offs just like Courtney. But in her pathetic little mind, she figured
if she acted like a good girl, maybe she would be “the one.” Lies, bitch. I asked Courtney to hang up so we could enjoy our
dinner, and finally she gave in to my request.

Just then my friend Rob walked in with a couple of guys. He came over to our table and bought us a bottle of Cristal and we
started kicking it. Due to my pregnancy I opted not to have a glass of champagne, but instead sipped my juice and watched
as Rob and Courtney got tipsy. Rob, who was also in the music business, invited us to go to LA to do a little partying, a
little shopping. In my mind I didn’t have a boyfriend anymore, and I needed to frolic. Plus Courtney was excited because Rob
was the cat she’d told me she had a crush on. Here was her opportunity; Rob was a genuine guy and would treat her right—so
she eagerly gave him the digits. Rob and his friends were headed to Missy Elliott’s party, so we tagged along. We had a blast.
I couldn’t help but ask myself why I was going through a whole bunch of bullshit with Brian when whooping it up at the club
was so much
more fun. I partied until four o’clock in the morning, and by the time my head hit the pillow the sun was rising. That afternoon,
I called Courtney. She was acting like everything was cool, not telling me she had talked to Brian again. My phone beeped
and it was him.

“Tyler, what do I have to do to prove to you that I’m not with my baby mother? You know if I was going to take anybody out
of town, it would be you,” Brian pleaded.

“Give me the number of your hotel so I can call to see if you are where you say you are.”

“I’m in the car, but I’ll be back at the hotel in ten minutes. I’ll call you with the number the minute I set foot in my room.”

Lounging on the plush white sofa, I held on to the phone, anticipating Brian’s call. It was a beautiful afternoon and the
sun beamed through the huge bay windows. I rubbed my stomach, fantasizing about the baby growing inside me when a knock at
the door brought me back to reality. Thinking maybe it was the concierge delivering a package, I opened the door. To my despair,
standing before me was Brian with the look of death in his eyes.

Before I could utter a word, one left hook landed me on the thick off-white carpet, pleading for Brian’s mercy. But there
would be no mercy. He turned around, slammed the door, and proceeded to stomp with his Timberland boots over my entire body,
staying clear of my stomach. “You were out all night fucking around with Rob, you fucking whore…. I set you up! You want to
act like a whore, I’m gonna treat you like a whore!” he said, grabbing my hair and dragging me into the bedroom. I could feel
the carpet burns on my legs. “Suck my dick like the whore you are,” Brian growled when we reached the bedroom. Then he pushed
down my head, forcing me to perform oral sex.

As the tears streamed down my face, Brian continued with
his tirade: “You deserve to die, you trifling bitch. I’ma show you how whores get fucked.” He grabbed my arms, threw me down
on the bed, and had rage-fueled rough sex with me. Tears were rolling down my face, and I turned my head to the side, praying
for the moment this depraved act would be over. Brian was breathing hard, and his adrenaline was pumping as if the repugnant
episode was turning him on. After pounding my body, he stood up, took all of my clothes and shoes out of the closet and drawers,
and threw them on the floor. He ranted and raved for the next fifteen minutes, finally bellowing, “Have this shit cleaned
up by the time I get back.” Then he left.

Feeling ashamed, I sat on the bed and cried for hours until falling into a deep sleep. Later that night Brian’s warm body
against mine woke me up. He whispered in my ear, “Tyler, please wake up.”

“I’m up,” I said quietly.

“Baby, I should’ve never gone off on you like that, but when Courtney said you were with Rob all night, I lost it. You’re
sacred to me. I put you on a pedestal, and the thought of anyone touching you drives me crazy.”

“But Brian, I wasn’t with Rob like that. We’re old friends, nothing else.”

“Well, Courtney said you were going to LA to hang out with him.”

“Courtney was saying an awful lot. Did she mention that she gave Rob her number because she wants to date him?”

“Nah, she didn’t mention that.”

“I figured as much. She was so busy trying to score brownie points with Leon that she sold me out…. But Brian, that doesn’t
change what you did to me today or your going to Aruba with Beverly.”

“Tyler, I swear I wasn’t in Aruba with Beverly. How the fuck am I going to be in Aruba with her yesterday and be back here
today with you?” I asked myself the same thing, but still I believed he had been in Aruba. Thinking about what I might do
knowing he was with Beverly drove him so crazy that he cut his trip short and came home. It was just as easy for him to catch
a flight from LA as from Aruba.