Did You Read That Review ? (66 page)

I purchased this product as part of a home-administered hearing test I wanted to perform on my wife and dog. Neither of them seemed to listen to a word I said; I could yammer on until I was blue in the
uvula with no response. Nothing but blank stares. So I decided to find out whether they’d actually gone clinically deaf or had just learned to tune me out, by making a series of loud and annoying noises and monitoring their responses. If three weeks of South African sports taught us anything, it’s that soccer is approximately as action-packed as a first date with an Amish chick—and that these vuvuzela things are really, REALLY annoying. Perfect for my experiment. Or so I thought. I started with the dog, waiting until she was asleep to sneak up behind her and give a good blast on the horn. What happened next is kind of a blur, but the encounter ended with a long trail of dog urine leading into the hall closet, from where the mutt wouldn’t come out for the next three days. Apparently, these vuvuzelas are capable of hitting the fabled “yellow note,” at least in mutts. I’m no scientist, but I think it’s safe to say that the pooch can definitely still hear sounds in the “amplified hippopotamus fart” audio range. Now all I have to do is train a flatulent hippo to command her to “sit,” “stay,” and “get out of the stupid closet; I need my umbrella,” and we’re back on track. After some thought, I decided not to test my wife’s hearing with this product, mostly because I don’t want to deal with another mess. She sleeps on our bed—and there’s no telling where her pee trail would lead. Probably to a divorce lawyer.

8 of 10 people found the following review helpful

Folk instrument drawing nearly as much ire as the Highland Bagpipe

By
James H. Mica
, September 7, 2010

The pope has banned these from his future appearances. They will be prohibited at the next World Cup. In a few brief weeks the vuvuzela has garnered the antipathy of the whole world—nearly. This instrument is capable of three tones—akin to the famous bugle. It’s an OUTDOOR instrument. I tried mine right out of the box in the house, and two of the cats are still in therapy. I had planned to replace those windows soon, so they are not a problem; it’s the wife’s china that is the bone (bone china, you see) of contention. I took it to the backyard and attracted elephants in upstate New York. I used it to celebrate the end of summer (in my business, not based on meteorology); two days later we had an unusual monsoon. Don’t try to hit your neighbor over the head with the instrument. It is not that durable. Play your vuvuzela responsibly.

4.1 out of 5 stars

Name:
     
Microwave for One
(Hardcover)

ASIN:
     1852250437

Price:
     
$48.93

Description: (not available)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful

More than A Dream

By
Alexander
, January 2, 2012

A few years back, some time in the late 80s, my late wife took it upon herself to destroy the house and steal most of my belongings, including my best pair of goose-down ear warmers, and left leaving only a small note explaining why. I can’t remember most of the details, but it mostly had to do with the dog, bless her heart, and her snoring. Unfortunately this drove me over the edge, seeing as how the dog died years ago. Searching the house, I came upon one small item she had neglected to take from me: my father’s old microwave. Maybe it was because my parents burnt her favorite tea cozy, but never once had she appreciated them. I spent the next few days fiddling with the damn thing, eventually resorting to the burnt bits of macaroni and butter left over in the thing from my father’s last microwave escapade in ’72. Using the last of my pocket change and a few bucks from the couch, I staggered to the store, starving, and bought a pack of smokes. I used to be fairly proficient in making fire with only a few scraps of paper, so I grabbed the nearest book and tore out a couple of pages. Luckily for me, sweet baby Jesus was smiling on me that day. But enough about me.
Microwave for
One
. The glossy cover gleamed in the sunlight and the reflection of my beaming face smiled right back up at me, accompanied by the beautiful Sonia Allison and her weapon of choice: the microwave oven! The sight of the food on the table in front of her made me delirious, and I was forced to eat my cigarette. The blue-and-white-plaid tablecloth, oh how it called to me. In love, I proceeded to read every page, lapping in the details like moist Jell-O, spinning with joy as the pages fluttered past my gaze and my head was filled with that of microwaves. Oh, microwaves.

59 of 63 people found the following review helpful

WARNING: Does not work if you are more than one!

By
Mike R
, December 1, 2011

I live alone, so I bought this helpful book a few months ago. It has truly been a blessing by saving me from having a bad case of “The Doubts” each time I microwave anything from popcorn to soup. Never once did I have to worry if I was “doing it right.” Then one day, a friend came over, and I decided to microwave for two. I looked through the book and discovered that nowhere in this book (not even in the lengthy footnotes) was there ANY mention of microwaving for two. NOT ONE WORD! So I got out my trusty calculator and I doubled the cooking times in the book. Bad idea! My popcorn came out burnt and crispy. I won’t even go into describing what my soup came out like except to say that not only would you not eat it, but neither would your cat! (My cat just ignored the overcooked mess.) So, buyer beware: The instructions in this book will work fine for one. BUT NOT FOR TWO!

28 of 28 people found the following review helpful

I no longer fear death

By
Arthur B. Babbage
, January 22, 2013