Dice (A Righteous Outlaws Novel #3) (15 page)

“Holy fuck, baby,” I ground out, as she took me completely. Satisfaction rolled through me with each stroke of her tongue. My heart raced, my breath grew short and fast as she sucked me toward a finish.

My hands tightened on her hair, as red-hot pleasure erupted inside me, centering itself and building the pressure to a release.

Her nails dug into my thigh, and it was my undoing. “I’m going to come, baby,” I said, and tried to pull her head away, but it only fueled her to move faster. Her lips slid up and down on my cock as she licked and sucked until the pressure boiled over, and I came hard and fast in her sweet mouth.

All the tension that had been holding steady in my shoulders and jaw slipped away. Allison milked me dry and then smiled up at me, beautiful and so fucking innocent.

Looking into her eyes, I realized, she wasn’t only taking care of me, she was making me fall hopelessly in love with her.

E
ugene insisted
on following me to work this morning. I tried to ask him why he was being so overly protective and weird, but he wouldn’t tell me. I hated that he was keeping something from me, but I couldn’t really argue since I was still keeping something from him. The tension from last night was back, and he couldn’t seem to relax for the life of him.

I was happy that I was able to take it away for a little while. Give him some peace before he had to deal with whatever it was he had to deal with. Still, I wish I knew what that was, even if I didn’t deserve to.

We pulled up to Sienna’s house, and I put my car in park. Eugene didn’t waste any time hopping off his bike and coming to my door. He looked around the street, and I rested my hand on his chest.

“Paranoia isn’t a good look for you,” I said.

“Sorry.” He took my face in his hands and pressed his lips to mine… soft, gentle and not nearly enough. I didn’t think I’d ever get enough of him. I always wanted him, and he didn’t even have to be in the room with me for that need to become so overwhelming. I just had to think about him, those melted chocolate eyes, the way his hands moved across my body with perfect precision, and how when he wrapped his arms around me I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

I wasn’t supposed to fall in love. I wasn’t supposed to stay here. None of this was in my plan and, as each day passed, that original plan became a distant memory. Growing my online store, the condo I wanted to buy to finally own my own home, and the simple life I dreamed of, all meant nothing to me now. If Eugene wasn’t there with me, I didn’t want any of it.

This wasn’t the life I wanted. I still wasn’t sure if it was something I could accept, but I would. For him, I would. And that thought alone scared the shit out of me. It was always me and Mom and I never let anyone else in. The fact that Eugene came into my life so easily and effortlessly made me think that maybe it was fate. Maybe I was always meant to come here, to be with my brother and nephew and to meet Eugene.

But, if that were true, then I needed to be honest. We needed to be honest with each other. I had waited long enough, and the truth had to come out soon. The longer I kept this from him and Kade, the more likely they would resent me. Hate me. Accuse me of deceit and God only knows what else.

I wanted to slap myself over and over again for not being honest that first day. For not coming clean and telling Sienna who I really was when I had the chance. If they didn’t accept me after they knew the truth, the only person I had to blame was myself.

Eugene held me in his arms, and I didn’t want to walk away. I didn’t want to leave the protective nook he created around me.

“If you have to go out today, make sure it’s to places with a lot of people.” His jaw ticked, and my stomach knotted at the obvious concern turning him into a tension filled mess.

“You sure it’s nothing I have to worry about?”

“Precautions. That’s all.”

“You’re scaring me.”

Shock widened his eyes as he took my face back in his hands. “That’s the last thing I ever want you to feel when you’re with me. I will never let anything happen to you. I promise.”

“I know you won’t. But I’m still scared, and I don’t even know what I’m scared of.”

“I’ll tell you what I’m scared of,” he said. I reached up and cupped his jaw, needing to touch him. To feel the day old stubble against my hand.

“Tell me.”

“I’m scared that I’ll wake up one day and you won’t be there.”

I shook my head. “That’ll never happen.”

“How do you know? You’re scared now and this is nothing. What happens if shit hits the fan?”

“I don’t even know what that means because you keep so much from me. I don’t know if you’re trying to protect me, or because what you do is confidential, but I want to know what you’re up against. I want to know that I can count on you coming home to me every night.”

He pressed his lips to the bridge of my nose. “I hate seeing fear mark your beautiful face, but you’re asking the impossible of me. I can’t guarantee that, just like Nick or Cash’s dad before him couldn’t guarantee that. I’m not going to stand here and make a promise I’m not sure I can keep.”

The severity of the situation hit me like a boulder rolling off a cliff and landing on me. Whatever he was involved in had the potential to…kill him. Even seeing Stumpy with a bullet wound didn’t keep me away. But it wasn’t Eugene with the wound. For some stupid reason, I convinced myself he was indestructible, so to hear from his own mouth that he wasn’t, rocked me to my core.

“What’s going on out here?” Sienna asked from the front porch, DC perched on her hip. I was so consumed in Eugene I didn’t even hear the door open. Didn’t hear her boots on the wood planks. Didn’t hear DC squealing with joy at me and Eugene’s arrival.

“Just talking,” Eugene said, flashing his usual smile, so easily turning off all the emotions that were just so evident on his face seconds earlier.

I wished I could do the same, but I didn’t think I had it in me. Tension pulled tight at the corner of my eyes, fear consumed my body, and made my movements delayed and jagged.

“Can you just give us a minute? We’ll be right in,” Eugene said. Trepidation showed bright on Sienna’s face, but after Eugene gave her a nudge of the head she turned on the heel of her boot and went inside.

“Hey.” His hands took mine and he brought them to his mouth, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. “I can’t guarantee you what you want me to, but I guarantee you this. I will do everything in my power to make sure I come home to you every night. You will be my reason to live. My reason to stop taking stupid risks and putting myself in unnecessary danger. I will do all of that for you and, if you know me at all, you will know how huge that is. I don’t do anything for anyone. I live my life the way I live it, but for you and only you, I’m willing to change.”

Tears pricked my eyes, but he was so damn strong and I refused to be some weak damsel in distress so I forced them back. “I don’t want you to change for me. I don’t want you to resent me for turning you into someone you’re not.”

He laughed and ran his thumb across the apple of my cheek. “Funny thing is, for the first time in my life, I feel like this is what I was meant for. Me and you. And if that means I have to make a few sacrifices, then fuck I’m sure as hell going to do that. Guns and jail don’t scare me, but losing you scares the shit out of me. But I’ll completely understand if you want to walk away now. I won’t take that choice from you.”

I reached up running my fingers along his jaw. “Wherever you are, that’s where I want to be.”

He crushed his lips to mine, thrusting his tongue into my mouth and filling me with more passion and love then I’d ever known.

This badass biker boy owned me completely, and now he needed to know everything. I swallowed down the rising fear. Forced away the debilitating panic of him not being able to look at me the same once he knew the truth and pushed the words out. “I need to tell you something.”

“Let’s go!” Kade yelled from the doorway.

“I told you to leave them alone,” Sienna said, coming to the door and smacking Kade’s chest.

“We’re going to be late,” he said, and Sienna tilted her head at him.

“Since when do you care about being late?”

“When my excuse isn’t being inside you, sweetheart.”

She rolled her eyes, and went to head back into the house, when Kade snaked his hand around her waist and yanked her to him. Her face softened, a smile spreading wide and a laugh slipped out just as he kissed her, hard.

“See you at the office,” he said with a wink. Sienna held her fingers to her lips, and it amazed me how Kade could push through her tough exterior so easily. “Dice, say goodbye to your woman and let’s go.”

“We’ll talk later,” he said, giving me a quick kiss then brushing his lips against my ears. “Don’t tell Sienna that Miles was at the apartment last night.”

I pulled back, giving him a curious look.

“Trust me. I just need till tonight.”

He pleaded with me with his eyes and, even though I had no idea what was going on, I knew he needed this. “Okay.”

He kissed me again then hopped on his bike and took off.

I walked toward the front door, but Sienna blocked my way with her hands on her hips. “You want to tell me what the hell that was all about?”

“How do you do it?” I asked.

She lifted her eyebrow. “Do what?”

“Not freak out every time Kade leaves the house.”

She laughed. “Some of us are just good at hiding that shit. But I trust him. I trust him enough to know that he will put me and DC first. He won’t make any rash decisions without thinking about us. He’ll do everything he has to do to come home to us.”

“Is it enough?” I asked, wanting her to assure me it would be all I needed to accept this dangerous life he lived. They all lived.

“No.” She said it so matter-of-factly that it was like a slap to the face. “I trusted my dad to come home every night and, one night, he didn’t. You just have to accept there are things out of your control and, if you love Dice the way I think you do, then you’ll have to learn to live with it.”

How could I learn to live with the possibility that one morning he might walk out the door and I would never see him again? How do you live with something like that? It seemed impossible. Completely outlandish and ridiculous, but I watched Sienna do it every morning. Even though they worked in the same place, every time Kade got on his bike and took off, it seemed he was in danger.

Stumpy was just at the clubhouse, minding his own business, when he was shot. He could have lost his life for just being at the wrong place at the wrong time. For being affiliated with the Righteous Outlaws. Is that why Eugene told me to only go to heavily populated areas today? Was he scared someone would try to hurt me?

The thought strangled me, making it hard to get air into my lungs. By being in Eugene’s world, did that automatically make me a target?

It was the God’s honest truth when I told him I wanted to be anywhere he was, but now, knowing what I did, that didn’t mean I wanted to live my life in constant terror. Until this moment, I never thought twice about how Eugene always scanned a room before fully entering. Come to think of it, Kade and Sienna did the exact same thing. They were constantly aware of their surroundings. Always on edge and ready to jump into action. That’s not me. It had never been me.

I preferred carefree and uncomplicated. I preferred peace of mind and safety. It all left me with one unanswered question. If I were willing to stay here for him, would he be willing to leave for me?

We could move away from the guns and violence. We could live on the beach or in the mountains. Move to a big city or a small town like the one he loved so much. The possibilities were endless and there for our choosing. But, would I be enough of a reason for him to walk away from the only life that had ever accepted him?

I
’d been
on edge all day, wondering how Sienna was going to react to Miles’s confession. Though I knew Sienna, and there was no way that she didn’t already know the truth. The proof was in the paperwork and, no matter how well Miles played her, she wasn’t an idiot. She was one of the smartest fucking girls I knew. Still, having the truth laid out in front of her from the liar’s mouth… I just hoped no blood would be shed.

When I wasn’t thinking about that fucking mess, my mind kept wandering back to Allison and that one word: scared. I hated that she thought it. That she for even a second could feel it. It was the last thing I wanted. When she was with me, I wanted her to feel safe, protected, secure. There was no place for fear. It wasn’t the life she deserved to live. Looking over her shoulder every time she got out of her car. Scanning her surroundings for potential threats. Learning how to shoot a gun. Because, if she did stay, she needed to learn. Aubree did, and Allison would have to as well.

I couldn’t let Allison out of my sights without her being able to properly defend herself. Not that I thought something would happen, but, in my line of business, it was always better safe than sorry. Which is exactly why I sent the prospects to Sienna and Kade’s to hang out for the day. Knowing Al wasn’t alone gave me a little peace of mind, but not enough though to keep the tension out of my neck. I wouldn’t be happy until she was in my arms.

Miles stayed busy, knocking out cars faster than he had in months. I didn’t think he was on anything, but I kept my eye on him to make sure he didn’t skip out without me noticing. Though one question still remained that I forgot to ask. How the fuck did he wean himself off? Last time, we had to lock him up in his room for days while he suffered the effects of withdrawal.

It was fucking brutal, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Well, that wasn’t completely true. The bastard who killed Nick, who took his life away from us, he deserved a thousand times worse than the uncontrollable pain, vomiting and sweating that Miles went through.

Days of his body trying to rid itself of the fucking toxins and get shit straight again were for nothing.

The minute we let him out, he went and got high again. Finally, one day, him and Nick disappeared together and Nick came back alone. Apparently, he forced Miles into a rehab program. It was that or lose his patch, his brothers and his position as sergeant at arms. Basically be stripped of all that he was, all that he had. He had been a Righteous Outlaw longer than he had lived a different life. His old life wasn’t even a memory anymore and the threat of losing everything seemed to have worked for a long while.

I guess the pull of drugs was more powerful than any of us could understand. To let himself get sucked in again was beyond my comprehension. And to turn to the people we hated most defied all logic. He said he was clean now and maybe that threat from long ago still haunted him and he managed on his own. Still, I saw his addiction last time and, if Montamos was feeding him shit, then there was no fucking way he got clean without some help. After witnessing his paranoid episode that night, I knew how bad he was.

I stared in his direction, looking for all the telltale signs, but I came up empty handed again. He wiped sweat off his brow with the back of his arm and went back to working on a Nissan. The man worked like an animal, when he showed up and wasn’t high as a goddamned kite.

The clock ticked by like it was stuck in a fucking vat of motor oil. I wanted to get this shit over with and I wanted to get back to my girl.

Finally, after hours of fucking impatience, it was five o’clock and everyone started closing up shop. Miles hung around like I told him to, pretending to be finishing up on a car. Sienna had been spending extra hours in the office lately, so she was guaranteed to still be around once everyone else left, including Kade.

“Want to grab a beer with me and Kade?” Cash asked, wiping his hands on a rag. “Sunshine is at the shop for another couple hours.”

I would kill for a nice cold beer, but I had a situation to handle. “I have plans with Allison once I get out of here,” I lied. “Raincheck?”

Cash tossed the rag into the bin with the other dirty rags. “Sure.” He lingered, and I knew he had something else to say. “So, you sent the prospects to hang out at Sienna and Kade’s.”

For a second, I wondered how he knew, but he was the fucking president. Of course, he knew.

“Is there something I should know about?” he asked.

As my president, I should have told him. He needed to know what was going on in his club. What his member was doing and what he got himself involved in, especially when a rival gang was involved. But I couldn’t. Not yet at least. Not until Sienna knew and the business side of things were handled.

She was the one who discovered the mistakes. She was the one who spent countless hours of her day trying to find the discrepancies. She deserved the truth first so I lied to my friend, my president for the second time in one conversation.

“Nah.” I lit up a cigarette, taking a drag and hoping that Cash would take my word and walk away.

“I know what this is about,” he said, and my heart nearly jumped out of my chest. He knew. All this time I’d been trying to protect Miles’ dumbass and Cash knew. I caught Miles’s eye across the shop and he had that “oh shit” look on his face. “I get a little crazy where Sunshine is concerned, so I get you wanting to keep your girl safe.”

Relief flooded me like a tidal wave, moving through every tense part of my body. This was not the conversation I was expecting, but, since it was happening, I needed to know. “How do you know when you’re being too over the top?”

“I don’t. If I could, I wouldn’t let her out of my fucking sight. Or I’d have a guy on her twenty-four seven.”

“Why don’t you?”

He took a moment to think it over, lighting a cigarette and taking a long drag. The smoke blew out in a rush and he shrugged. “I guess it’s because she deserves normal and not to be constantly reminded about how being with me puts her in danger. So, I suck it up and rely on good old faith.”

“I don’t know if I’m there yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever be. I’ve seen so much shit.”

He patted my shoulder. “We all have.”

“Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you didn’t have the club?” It was something I’d been thinking about a lot lately ever since Nick was killed. But saying it out loud made me feel like a traitor for even thinking it.

“It’s all I’ve ever known. I was born into this life, and, for me, there is no life without the club.”

I took another drag off my cigarette, thinking over Cash’s words. I wasn’t born into the club. The club found me when I needed it most. It was there for me and provided the family I never had and always wanted. But now, with Allison in my life, the idea of a family, of kids of my own… it made me wonder if the club was still what I needed.

“Cash, you ready to head out?” Kade asked, coming up behind us. “You coming, Dice?”

“He has plans,” Cash answered for me. “And lay off the pussy whipped jokes because you’re more fucking whipped than the two of us.”

“Whipped my ass,” Kade spat.

“Hey, Kade,” Sienna called from across the parking lot, her hands on her hips and her blonde hair hanging in waves on her shoulders.

Kade spun around. “Coming, sweetheart,” he said, and Cash and I busted out laughing. He pointed his finger at us, his eyes serious. “Shut the fuck up.” He jogged across the parking lot and scooped Sienna up, receiving a swat to the chest from her, but she quickly dropped her hand and kissed him.

“He might be whipped but the bastard is happy as shit,” I said, watching the huge smile form on his face when Sienna rested her head against his shoulder.

“Thank God for that. He was a miserable fuck for a while there.” Kade had pined over Sienna for years and, her being the bitch she was, blew him off time and time again. Her pregnancy was completely unplanned and unexpected, but if you asked me I’d say it was the best thing that ever happened to her and Kade. “I’m going to head out, but just know if you ever need to talk I’m around.”

“Thanks,” I said, not exactly sure what he thought I needed to talk about.

He headed out with Kade and I turned to Miles, who had finally stepped away from the car he was supposedly working on. “I need to know how you got off the shit. I’m having a hard time figuring it out. So, you’re either getting really good at hiding it or you made a fucking miracle happen.”

“I made a visit to the new doc. He gave me methadone. It’s helping with the withdrawal symptoms.”

“It’s a step in the right direction. Just don’t get addicted to that shit. You ready?” I asked him.

In his usual fashion, he took out his comb and brushed his hair back before slipping it into his pocket. “Honestly? No,” he said, shocking the shit out of me. Miles didn’t hesitate. He never regretted anything, and he sure as hell didn’t fight the inevitable.

“Just tell Sienna, and we can move forward.”

“I don’t know if that’ll ever happen,” he said, but before I could respond he was already halfway across the lot.

I jogged after him, falling in step beside him and we made our way to Sienna’s office together. I knocked on her door and she looked up from her desk. Her eyebrow cocked in curiosity. “What’s up?” she asked, resting her hands on the desk.

“We need to talk,” I said and sat in my chair. I nodded to the other and Miles shut the door, then sat down. He gripped his knees and rocked a little like some scared little kid in the principal’s office. He fucked up, and he knew he did, but he was still acting fucking weird.

“So talk,” Sienna said, motioning with her hand to get out with it already.

I nudged Miles’ arm when he didn’t look up. “Want me to tell her?”

“No.” He took a deep breath and glanced up, locking eyes with Sienna. “You were right. I stole money from the company and, instead of admitting it when you called me out on it, I denied it and made you feel like shit for thinking it was me.”

Sienna leaned back in her chair, her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth as disbelief widened her eyes. “I fucking knew it.”

“The only thing I can do is say I’m sorry, but I don’t expect your forgiveness.”

“Good,” she spat. “Because you’re not going to get it.” She stood up from her chair and slammed her hand down on the desk. “What the fuck, Miles? My father built this company to ensure all of the Outlaws had a legitimate place to work. He took care of you for years, and you repay him by stealing from him? Then you have the nerve to throw him in my fucking face? To make me feel like the biggest fucking asshole?”

Miles didn’t say anything; he just sat there, letting her say everything she had to say. There really wasn’t anything he could say anyway to fix this.

“Why? I just want to know why?”

“Why else?” He shrugged. “Drugs.”

She ran her hands through her hair, and sat down on the edge of her desk, shaking her head. “I thought you were through with that shit. The promise you made to my father didn’t die with him.”

“I know.”

“Then, you need to explain this to me. Make me understand. Tell me why I shouldn’t fire your ass, and take this to Cash, since I assume you two have kept it from him. He’ll remember the promise and, if he doesn’t, Phil will. You’ll be out on your ass. So, please, explain to me why you went back on a promise to a dead man. Why you stole from the people who fucking cared about you? I really want to know.”

“I fucked up.”

“Is that all you have to say? You fucked up?”

Miles stood up so fast his chair flew back and fell over. “What the fuck do you want me to say?!” he yelled.

“I want you to fucking tell me why. To man up and be honest for a change.”

“So, you want to hear that I fucked up because that’s all I know how to fucking do? That I’ve been a fuck up since the day I was born. That my parents didn’t fucking want me. That nobody wanted me. That I don’t know how to do anything else because fucking up is all I know? Is that what you want to hear?”

There was a slight crack in Sienna’s cold stone exterior, as Miles’ confession lingered in the small quiet space. She crossed her arms over her chest. “That’s not true,” she finally said.

“Oh please,” Miles growled.

“Some of it is. Maybe. But we wanted you. My dad wanted you. He took you into this club, and made you his sergeant at arms, because he saw something in you that nobody else did. Despite everything Miles, despite all the bullshit and your fuck ups, we want you.”

“Then you’re all fucking stupid,” he mumbled.

“Thanks,” I said, feeling the need to break up the tension.

Sienna smirked. “If that’s what you think, fine.”

“But I know you Miles. I’ve known you almost my entire life and because of that, only because of that, I’m going to make a deal with you.”

“Don’t go making any deals just yet. You don’t even know the whole fucking story. The money is only part of it. I was in debt with Montamos. They were my dealers. The money I took was to pay them off.”

“Shit!” Sienna spun on her boot, and looked out the window, her hands on her hips. “Fucking Montamos? You have got to be kidding me?”

“What can I say? When I fuck up, I fuck up good.”

“Are they paid off?”

“No, but I found other ways to work off my debt.”

She arched an eyebrow, waiting for him to respond; he didn’t, so I did for him. “He’s being their fucking guinea pig, letting them test their shipments on him.”

Sienna’s eyes tripled in size. “Please tell me that’s some sick twisted joke?”

I wish it all were a joke. I’d love for Miles to yell
just kidding
right fucking now, but this wasn’t some TV show. This was life. Our reality. “It’s not a joke.”

“How much do you owe them?” she asked.

“Enough.”

“Don’t play that bullshit with me. Give me a goddamned number.”

“Seventy-five hundred. They tacked on interest.”

“Jesus Christ,” I muttered.

Sienna took a deep breath and walked back to her chair. She sat down and tapped her hand on the desk. “I’ll give you the money. You pay them off. Promise me you will stay the fuck away from them and never ever do business with them ever again. Then, put your ass in rehab and get clean.”