Diary of a Witness (18 page)

Authors: Catherine Ryan Hyde

BOOK: Diary of a Witness

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Today I told him honestly that I haven’t written in my journal in months. Not since right around the time Will had to go away.

He said he understood, and that after a very intense period of journaling my own life, it was okay to take a break.

Then, as soon as he said that, I wanted to write again.

I realized that important things have happened, and if I don’t write them down soon, they could be forgotten, gone forever. And my life doesn’t seem like such an
insignificant thing anymore, that I should let some part of it get lost.

So, just the basics, I guess.

Will got sent to a psychiatric hospital instead of a jail, which I guess is good. I’m not sure if it really works this way in the real world, but I keep thinking maybe he’ll get some actual help.

He still won’t see me. Every week I call his dad and ask if I can go visit now, if Will has said he’s willing to see me. Every week his dad says no, give him more time. So, we have time, right? We have our whole lives.

Sooner or later I think he’ll be glad I stopped him before he could make that huge mistake. But even if not, well … it’s like Uncle Max says. It was either the right thing or it wasn’t. It’s not about Will telling me it was the right thing. It’s about me, and just knowing.

I guess that’s it.

Oh. Wait. No it’s not.

I’ve lost fifteen pounds.

I feel kind of stupid even saying that. Because it’s hardly anything, compared to what I still have left. I’m probably the only one who would even notice it. And besides, who knows if I can even keep it off when I get home? Home is just such a whole different matter.

Here, it’s easier. Because we eat fish almost every night. And because I’m always the one climbing over rocks and hauling up and down the stream to catch it.

I never go up to that pool by the waterfall anymore, though. Well, once I went up just to sit by the waterfall and look. And listen.

But I don’t fish up there.

I guess because, so far as I know, Moby and some of the other really big ones still live there. I’m not even sure I can explain why I don’t want to try to catch him anymore. It’s like I admire him for being so strong and so wily. Breaking so many lines and throwing so many hooks. And even for the times he got squarely caught but somehow managed to get the fishermen to respect him enough to put him back.

It always seems to boil down to the issue of respect.

THIS IS A BORZOI BOOK PUBLISHED BY ALFRED A. KNOPF

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Knopf, Borzoi Books, and the colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Hyde, Catherine Ryan.
Diary of a witness/Catherine Ryan Hyde.—1st ed.
p. cm.
Summary: Ernie, an overweight high school student and long-time target of bullies, relies on
his best friend Will to watch his back until Will, overwhelmed by problems at home and
guilt over his brother’s death, seeks a final solution.
eISBN: 978-0-375-85358-6
[1. Bullies—Fiction. 2. Obesity—Fiction. 3. High schools—Fiction. 4. Schools—Fiction.
5. Single-parent families—Fiction. 6. Emotional problems—Fiction. 7. Diaries—Fiction.]
I. Title.
PZ7.H96759Did 2009
[Fic]—dc22
2008040883