Diary of a Wildflower (13 page)

I’m
beginning to understand.  But I can’t help him.  I don’t say
anything.

“I
am asking you to go away with me,” he says.  “To a college town if you
wish, where I will pay for your education.  Or to any other place you
choose to go.  I have some money saved.”

Why
did I not see this coming? 

“I
can work as a teacher anywhere,” he goes on.  “We can be together.”

“But
you have a wife and children, Mr. Harmon,” I blurt out.

He
stares at his hands.  “Joyce and I were never in love,” he says.  “It
was a marriage between friends.  She’ll get over it quickly.  I’ve
thought it all out, Lorie.  I’ll send her what I can until the boys are
grown.  Then she can take care of herself.  She has an income.”

He
would leave his wife and children to take me away to a place of my choice.

“I
love you, Lorie, and with you by my side, I will be a better man.”

He
loves me.  He would be my familiar face in a strange land.  I would
not be alone.  He would be my rock.  He would take care of me. 
But what – what would he expect of me in return?  Of course.  I’m not
that
naïve.

“Lorie,
you don’t know how I have struggled.”

“Struggled
with what?”

“With
my feelings for you.  I thought you returned those feelings.  Did I
imagine that?”

“I
like you, Mr. Harmon.”

“You
like
me?”

“Yes,
I like you very much.”

“You
like me very much?”  He laughs softly.  “And can you honestly say you
had no idea whatsoever how I felt about you?”

“Honestly,
I had no idea, sir.”

“Then
you really are innocent.  That’s part of your appeal.  You are sweet
and innocent, but so desirable at the same time.”

“Please
stop,” I say.

“Sorry,”
he mumbles.

We
are silent for a few moments.  His breathing is irregular.  We do not
look at each other.  Apparently I’m not so innocent either, because the
idea of doing intimate things with Mr. Harmon actually excites me.  But
not..not every night – forever.

“I
will give you this much, Mr. Harmon,” I manage to say at last, “your offer is
tempting.  But I simply can’t do it.  I don’t love you, and I won’t
steal you from your family.”

“Oh,
Lorie, my sweet girl, when school is over next month, we may never see each
other again.  Maybe you will miss me a little, but I...I will be in great
pain.”

“I
am sorry to cause pain to anyone,” I say, “but it was certainly unconsciously
done and I hope it will be of short duration.”

At
this Mr. Harmon gives me a startled look, then buries his face in his
hands.  Oh, Lord, is he going to cry?  But no, thank heavens – he
comes up laughing!

“Elizabeth
Bennett,” he says.  “
Pride and Prejudice
.”

Yes
indeed, those were Elizabeth Bennett’s words when she refused Mr. Darcy. 
I am embarrassed.

“God,
Lorie!” he says, “I have taught you too well.”

“I
may appear to take you lightly, sir,” I say.  “But I really don’t.  I
am more than flattered.  I am honored.”

“Flattered
and honored?” he says.  “But not elated?”

I
shake my head.  “But you can count on me, Mr. Harmon, to keep this a
secret.  I would not have others ridicule you.”

“So
I’m a ridiculous man then?” he says sadly.

“Not
at all.  I think you’re a wonderful man,” I say in all seriousness. 
“But you know how people gossip.  I promise you, they will hear nothing
from me.”

He
gives me the ghost of a smile.  “Thank you for that.  Just let me say
this, and I’ll be done.  You’re a beautiful girl, and I envy the man who
wins your heart.  But your mind is beautiful too, and I couldn’t bear to
see you waste it on someone who does not appreciate you.  You are very
much like Elizabeth Bennett – scrappy and fiesty, and I know you won’t let
anybody run over you.”

“I
won’t, sir,” I say.  “And no matter what the future holds for me, I will
always remember this moment when I had an offer from a man as special as you
are.”

May 1929

With
May slipping away, and not a word from Mrs. Myles, I am almost resigned to my
fate – living at home.  I have known for a long time there is no handsome
prince on a white horse coming to carry me off and save me.  More likely,
he wants to give me chills in my tum and make me have his babies, whether I
want them or not.  That’s nature’s trick to insure the survival of the
species.  But what does a mountain woman do with her life if she doesn’t
have a husband and children?  She becomes a dependent.  She works for
her dad planting the garden, canning, cooking, sewing, cleaning, taking care of
his children.  Or she becomes a beggar.

Opal
and I, along with the Coleman twins, pass the state exam with flying
colors.  Mr. Harmon is about to bust with pride.  The last Saturday
of school falls on the twenty-fifth.  We four seniors are the first
highschool graduating class ever in Deep Bottom.  I don’t complain out
loud, but I am disappointed that nobody bothers to give us a small reception or
even a graduation ceremony.  I guess I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself,
especially after working so hard for so long, and now we get nothing but a
piece of paper and a fare-thee-well?

As
Mr. Harmon and I part, he grips both my hands tightly between his, and holds
on.  “Please drop me a line once in a while and let me know what’s
happening,” he says.

“I
promise.”

I
give him a peck on the cheek, then move on to the next phase of my life. 
Outside, the sun is shining brightly, but once again I feel that big hollow
place in my chest.  Now what?

I
go into Call’s to check the mail, and there it is – the letter from Mrs.
Broderick Myles of Charlottesville.  She begins by apologizing for not
responding sooner, but she and Mr. Myles have been in Italy for nearly eight
weeks.  She found my
delightful
 letter upon her return. 
She tells me the pay is a dollar and twenty-five cents per day, plus room and
board and uniforms.  If I am still interested in the job, please come as
quickly as possible, as she would like me to be well-trained before the summer
parties begin.  I should let her know when my train is arriving, and she
will have a car pick me up.

What
part of her letter thrills me the most?  Italy?  Delightful
letter?  As quickly as possible?  Summer parties?  A car will
pick me up?  I can’t say.  I can’t think.  But I
have
to
think.  First things first – train schedule.  There’s one tacked to
the wall of the post office in the store.  I run to it.  The Sunday
timetable is the best one.  Tomorrow?  No, can’t make arrangements by
then.  Next Sunday, the second of June?  It will have to do.

“Three
post cards, please,” I say to Mr. Call, and pull an ink pen from my bookbag.

I
address the first card to Mrs. Myles and inform her of the date and time of my
arrival by train.  The second one goes to Dr. Wayne, thanking him for his
help, telling him that I have corresponded with Mrs. Myles and will be leaving
for Charlottesville next Sunday.  The third one goes to Trula.

I
slip the cards into the outgoing mail slot, run out into the bright sunshine,
and practically leap up the mountain toward home.  I soon have the whole
house in an uproar with my news, all except Dad.  He pretends to be
oblivious to what’s going on.

At
bedtime in our room Jewel cries, as I knew she would.  She’s sorry for it,
but she is going to miss me so much, she’s not sure she can stand it.

“Don’t
get me wrong,” she blubbers.  “I want you to go because I love you and I
want you to have all the good things in life you dream of, but...”

I
promise her that, as soon as she is old enough, she will be joining me wherever
I happen to be.

“Think
of it, Jewel, you and me living on our own in a city somewhere, maybe
Charlottesville, working, earning our own money, living together, reading books
together, going to the picture show.  No more cooking three meals a day
and washing overalls on a scrub board.  No more garden work and blisters
on our hands.  No more babies to mind.   So that’s what you can
dream of for the next four years while you are going to highschool.  We
have a lot to look forward to, and this is the first step.”

“Yeah,
I guess so, but...Lorie, who are you kidding?  Some sheik is gonna come
along and dazzle you, and you’ll be married so fast it’ll make your head spin.”

We
have a good laugh over that before I say, “No, Jewel.  I am not getting
married.”

She
scoffs.  “I’ll give you one year!”

The
next day Caroline comes up for Sunday dinner.

“You’ll
need a new dress,” she says when she hears the news.

“No. 
I get to wear a uniform.”

“But
what are you going to wear on the train?”

“I
don’t know.  I have a few dresses.”

“Dresses
somebody else threw out?” she says.

“There’s
nothing wrong with them.”

“Lorie,
I have watched you come and go all these years wearing clothes from the charity
bag, and thought how sad it is that a pretty girl like you has to wear
cast-offs.  It’s a shame you have never in your life had the pleasure of
going into a store and choosing a dress for yourself.”

“I
don’t need a new dress, Caroline.  The ones I have are fine.”

Caroline
turns to Samuel.  “This will not do.  Lorie cannot go to
Charolttesville wearing one of those wretched dresses from a charity bag. 
I will take her to Skylark myself and buy her a new one.”

“I
never think of things like that,” Samuel says, “but if Lorelei needs a new
dress, then I’ll buy one for her.  You don’t have to spend your money.”

“I
have saved twenty dollars,” I say.  “I can buy my own dress, but I don’t
really think…”

“No
but’s,” Caroline says.  “Wednesday is the last day of school.  On
Thursday you and I will hire a ride to Skylark.”

“I’d
like to go,” Bea says, “and my cousin Buddy will take us for free.”

“It’s
settled then,” Caroline says with a smile.  “The three of us will go.”

I
glance at Jewel who is quietly looking from one of us to the other with
pleading eyes.

I
smile at her.  “Four of us,” I say.  “I can’t buy a new dress without
Jewel.”

“Of
course you can’t!” Caroline is apologetic.  “I didn’t think.”

“Oh,
thank you!” Jewel says, her eyes shining.

********************

As
it turns out there are five of us going to Skylark on Thursday.  Lawrence,
being a bit spoiled, throws a temper fit if he’s left with anybody other than
Bea, Jewel or me.  It’s easier to take him with us than to create a
crisis.

We
meet Buddy Ward at Uncle Ben’s trail at eight in the morning.  The trip to
Skylark seems shorter than it did the first time we went those years ago. 
Maybe it’s because the road is better.  Maybe it’s because I’m older, and
minutes no longer seem like hours.

Once
in town we go straight to the clothing store.  As I look at the pretty
summer fashions, I picture myself in this or that dress stepping off the train,
or perhaps strolling down the street in Charlottesville on my day off.

“This
one is sweet,” Caroline says and holds up a soft, green crepe.  “And look,
it has a little hat to match.”

It’s
the kind of outfit I have seen in magazines and only dreamed of having for my
own.

“Yes,
it is sweet,” I say.  “It has a sweet price tag too.  The ones on
that other rack over there are cheaper.”

“Of
course they’re cheaper,” Caroline says.  “They’re ugly!”

I
go behind a curtain and try on the dress and hat.  When I look at myself
in a full-length mirror, I am astonished.  There I am.  All of
me.  It’s the first time I’ve ever in my life seen myself from head to
toe.  Is that girl really Lorelei Starr?  It’s not the way I
pictured  her.  I can agree with Caroline now – every girl needs to
pick out her own new dress from a store once in a while.

This
dress is long-waisted like most modern dresses, similar to the one Dad ordered
me never to wear again, and which is hidden away in the loft to be taken to
Charlottesville with me.  But this one is solid green with a white collar,
and hits slightly below the knees.  The hat is no more than a narrow green
headband with a white feather drooping over my left ear.

Caroline,
Jewel, Bea, and even Lawrence look at me with admiration, oo..ing and ah…ing.

“You
must
have it,” Caroline says.

“Yeah,
Lorie, you look like a princess,” Jewel says.

“When
I remember the first time I saw you, Lorie,” Bea says, with a faraway look in
her eyes.  “That hillbilly, Jim Earl Rollins, had kicked me out and said I
was only half a woman cause I didn’t give him any children.  He made me
feel so bad, I wanted to kill myself.  Then there you were, you and Roxie
and Jewel.  I thought you were the prettiest little girls I ever saw, and
you made me feel better.”

“Oh,
Bea,” I say, and put a hand on her arm.  “I remember that night.”

“And
now look at you,” she says, and smiles.  Her eyes are misty.  “All
growed up and still shining like a new dime.  I’m gonna miss you, Lorie.”

“I’ll
miss you too,” I say.  “You’ve been good to us.”

The
sales clerk interrupts our moment by stepping to my side and scrutinizing my
reflection up and down.

“This
dress was made for you, dear,” she says.  “Only one thing is
missing.”  She looks at my feet.  “What size shoes do you wear?”

“I...I
don’t know,” I say.

She
leaves us for a moment and comes back with a pair of classy white high heels
with open toes.  “Try these.”

“I
can’t wear high heels!” I sputter, though I am dying to see them on my feet.

“They’re
only two inches,” the saleslady says.  “Try them.”

As
it turns out we wind up with the dress and hat, the high heels and a pair of
silk stockings as well, split three ways between Samuel’s money, Caroline’s
money, and mine.  I can’t bear to see Jewel leaving the store
empty-handed, so I buy her a pretty school dress.  We are both absolutely
giddy.

Afterwards
we are browsing the shelves of a small variety store when a bright red and gold
paisley carpet bag catches my eye.  It’s just the thing I need to carry my
belongings on the train.  It costs a dollar and a quarter.  A day’s
pay, I am thinking as I hand over the cash to the store clerk.

Then
we go to eat at a genuine luncheonette counter, where we splurge again. 
Lawrence eats two bowls of ice cream, and we start calling him Little
Piggy.  By this time everything is hilarious, and as we go out to meet
Buddy at a designated spot, we have the silly giggles, even Caroline the school
marm.

Suddenly
Bea stops still on the street and hollers, “Why, look who’s here!”

A
big, burly man in overalls with a bib, is coming toward us.

“Jim
Earl Rollins!” Bea calls.  “How in the world are you?”

The
man stops and looks down at Bea.  She comes almost up to his chest.

“Hidy,
Bea,” he says.

“Jim
Earl, you’re a sight for sore eyes,” Bea goes on.  “These are my
step-daughters, Lorie and Jewel Starr, and this is our friend, Caroline
Mays.  Ain’t they pretty girls?”

Jim
Earl glances at us and mumbles a howdy-do.  Then he looks at Lawrence.

“And
this one,” Bea says proudly, placing her hand on Lawrence’s head.  “This
is my own little boy, Lawrence Starr, almost two years old.  He was quite
the surprise.”

“You
didn’t have this boy yoursef?” Jim Earl says skeptically.

“I
shore did,” Bea says.  “Just ask Lorie, here.  She helped deliver
him.”

“Yes,
sir..eee, I’m an eye witness,” I say.  “And look at that red hair.”

“You
left me for that painted-up Polly,” Bea says to Jim Earl.  “Kicked me out
cause I didn’t give you any children.”

Jim
Earl stares at Lawrence with disbelief on his face.

“How
many young’uns you and Polly got now?” Bea asks.

She
is grinning like the Cheshire cat.  He does not answer.

Bea
cups a hand over her ear.  “What’s that you say, Jim Earl?”

He
glares at her.

“Oh,
did you say ‘none’?” she goes on.  “None?  Does that mean zero? 
Not even one tiny lil’ole young’un?  And you ain’t kicked Polly out yet?”

Jim
Earl stalks away.

Bea
calls after him, “Maybe it wadn’t me after all, Jim Earl.  Never thought
of that, didja?  Maybe it was you all the time.  Maybe it’s
still
you!”

We
laugh so hard, we can hardly walk.  What a wonderful day!

********************