Diary of a Teenage Taxidermist (29 page)

Chapter 22

It had been two days since Ethan had left, taken to Seattle by his parents. Even though they talked on Skype for hours each day, Robert couldn’t find a place for himself at home. It felt so empty without Ethan around. No one to watch TV with, no one to cuddle with at night. And with Chris away on vacation, Rob had never felt lonelier. Being alone with his thoughts wasn’t helping. He kept imagining scenarios in which Ethan had one of his lapses while he was cooking and burned himself or the whole apartment down. Or that he fell down the stairs and broke his leg, and no one would be there to help him. Or that he got one of those horrible headaches, forgot to buy pills and there would be no one to get them for him. But they had all agreed Rob would give Ethan time to settle in the new space first, so he was grounded where he was.

At least Rob’s mom was coming home early from work tonight, so he hoped dinner together would help him clear his mind. He breathed a sigh of relief as soon as he heard the door shut.

“Hi, Mom!” he shouted in the general direction of the entrance. “I’ve made some sushi. Hope you’re hungry.” With a smile, he cut through the
nori
-wrapped roll and carefully placed the newly finished
maki
on the wooden serving board. He hadn’t intended to go all out today, but the opportunity to dine with someone was too tempting to miss out on with some basic foods. He also made a bowl of chocolate
mochi
for dessert, other kinds of sushi, and some yakitori. Japanese foods were his mom’s favorites, and every time he made them, it ensured him a whole evening’s company. Ethan was busy that night, so they would only be able to catch up later. It made Rob feel empty and stranded in a house that now seemed far too big.

“Hey, sweetie. Can I smell something nice?” she chirped and came into the kitchen with a broad smile.

Robert nodded, uplifted by her presence. Before Ethan moved in, he’d never noticed just how much he needed someone around when his mother wasn’t home. “Good to see you, Mom.”

“Japanese! My favorite! I have the best son in the whole world.” Mom gave him a wide smile. “You want me to help with anything?”

“No, I’m all done here. Just change and wait in the living room.” He winked at her and lifted the two first boards before making his way to the coffee table by the sofa. He even had relevant music waiting in the CD player, and he switched it on before heading back to the kitchen. He mixed the pulverized seaweed with warm water and put the small plate on top of a teapot warmer. He liked to add additional aromas to his meals, so that they would be complete experiences.

Mom grabbed a few candles and put them on the table with glee. “A date with my Robbie. I have you all to myself again.” She sat down on the sofa and pushed her shoes off.

Rob froze, staring at the shaky water on top of the teapot warmer. All of a sudden, the need for Ethan’s hand around his wrist was almost unbearable, but he smiled at his mom and straightened, eager to have a moment for himself in the kitchen. “Green tea?”

“Yes, please! Do I get sake for dessert?” She laughed and lit the candles on the table.

Robert gave her a half smile and moved to the kitchen. “You know I’m not old enough to buy it.” He paid no attention to her answer and picked up his pace, almost tempted to slam the door shut when he entered the safe haven of his kitchen. He pulled out his phone and looked at the screen. Did he miss a message from Ethan?

There was a short text. ‘My neighbors are holding a private party at the local Starbucks. How hipster is that? ha ha :*’

Rob’s heart almost jumped out of his chest and he quickly typed an answer before putting on the kettle. However he looked at it, Ethan was having way more fun than he. Going places, meeting new people, being recognized for his talent. Rob’s fans didn’t even know his face. He would be the
Secret Foodie
forever.

“Rob? You all right there?” Mom asked from the living room.

“Yeah, just make yourself comfortable. I’ll be right back,” he said right away. It was hard to focus when he thought of all the guys Ethan was meeting every single day. He trusted Ethan not to cheat on him, but he was there alone, and was likely to form a friendship that could later erase Rob off his radar. They would split up, and Rob would take it with a fake smile and good-bye wishes.

He grabbed the tea and made his way back to the living room.

“Did you take photos first?” Mom asked from the comfort of the sofa. “Should I put the light on after all?”

Robert blinked. No, he just wanted to sit down and eat. When Ethan was there, he’d go all out to show him what he could do, but today he just wanted to stuff his face full of something delicious. “It’s fine, Mom. It’s not my first or last sushi.”

She was silent for a moment and the sound of breaking up new chopsticks was like breaking the ice. “You did anything interesting today?” she finally asked.

Rob cleared his throat. “Hung out with a few of the guys at the gym, then I went to the farmer’s market, watched some TV. You?” He looked at her with interest. “Any new freaky accidents around town?”

“There was actually. This guy got brought in with a spitroast in his thigh, with meat and vegetables still on. He was insanely lucky, but his wife kept saying that he shouldn’t take it out himself because it could have punctured an artery. It made me think of how you dealt with Ethan’s injury. Better safe than sorry.”

Robert stared at her, his mouth going dry, and all of a sudden there were tears prickling at the corners of Rob’s eyes.

Mom frowned and leaned to him over the table. “Hey, Robbie, what is it?”

He took a deep breath, squeezing his hand over the fabric of his sweats as the sushi blurred in front of him like an abstract painting. “It was my fault. Ethan’s accident,” he muttered, fighting the cold and hot waves tumbling through his body.

“No, you’ve done everything you could, sweetie.” Mom reached out to stroke his shoulder. “He’s lucky to be alive.”

“No, you don’t understand.” Robert blinked away the tears and dragged his hands down his face. “I shoved him. I did that.”

Mom was silent for a while. “Oh, Rob… you never said. Why would you do that?” her voice was quiet, but still resonated in the room.

Robert hid his face in his hands, afraid to look up at her. When he opened his eyes, all he could see were his own feet on the rug. He needed to hug Ethan so bad. “It was an accident. I didn’t think he’d fall down.”

He felt his mom’s fingers on his knee. “I’m not proud to hear you would do something like that, but things happen. What matters is that you helped him up.”

Rob stared at her slim hand and bit his lip to keep a sob at bay. “But he’s my boyfriend, and I scarred him for life. And now he’s gone.”

“He’s not gone. Remember how happy he was to announce the two of you got engaged? Whatever you did to him, you seemed to have amended for it in his mind.” Her voice was calm and soothing, and it did help to hear some reassurance. To confine his guilt in somebody.

Robert swallowed and touched the ring on his finger. He didn’t even remember putting it on after he finished cooking. It hadn’t been there for a long time, but already felt like an integral part of Rob’s hand. “Yeah.”

“And you’ll go to visit him next weekend, right?”

Robert gave a shaky breath. “Yeah, but he’s there all alone. What if something happens? What if he meets someone who does something interesting with their life?” He slowly raised his eyes at his mom. His appetite was completely gone by now.

She put a piece of sushi in her mouth but never stopped watching him. “You’re interesting, honey. You make these delicious things, play football, and you’ll be studying medicine. How is that not interesting?”

The lump in Rob’s throat grew large enough to start choking him. “Mom, I won’t have time for the blog if I become a doctor. I’ll need to give it all up. I’ll be out all the time, like you.” He winced as soon as those words left his mouth, but it was the truth. He had been struggling with her absence for such a long time that he started considering it normal.

She frowned slightly and swallowed. “Yes, it is a choice I made, but it’s extremely satisfying to know you help people. It’s a calling. And I have to be honest with you. Yes, it would be hard for you to keep your blog going.” That concerned look never left her face, as if she wanted to dissect Rob’s thoughts.

Ron bit his lip and pulled on his index finger, even more lost. He didn’t want to be tied down like that, to never be able to go anywhere with Ethan, to always be on call. “I know. Maybe I should do something else?” he uttered, looking straight at her.

Mom stared at him but looked more curious than displeased. “Oh. Okay. You never said that before. Maybe something in medical research, or pharmacy work…”

Robert swallowed hard, and pulled on his index finger, trying to calm down his erratic body. “I just... if I could, I would like to work around food. But I know it’s not an easy business. I know.” He slouched with a deep sigh. “My blog’s doing good now, but I have no idea how it’s gonna develop.”

“You know I wouldn’t push you into something you didn’t want.” She let out a long sigh and slouched. “I was just suggesting. You never said you wanted to do it professionally. So your blog. It’s popular?”

Robert swallowed, surprised by how calm she was. When he’d expressed interest in anatomy a few years ago, she had been ecstatic but now she didn’t seem disappointed at all. “Yeah. I got even more popular after I included some of Ethan’s works into my photos. That’s why we got those tiny porcelain plates and cups for dolls.”

“But can you monetize that somehow? I know you pay for your own gas, and some little things, but could you actually reach a level that allows you to live off it?”

Rob shrugged. “I earn from adverts, and I have some savings from that, but there’s no guarantee I will continue to grow.” He sighed. “So many people don’t make it.”

“But is this what you would really want to do? Because I see you spend so much time on it. Maybe you should give it a shot. It’s just so sudden. It’s not
just
because you’re missing Ethan, is it?”

Robert blinked, hung up on the first sentence as his heart leaped in his chest. “You’re... okay with it?” he muttered.

Mom pouted. “As long as you realize you’re taking responsibility for what you’re doing. If it doesn’t work out, you’ll have to start from scratch, but come on, Robert, you’re eighteen. Sure, live a little. Since you have savings, you can take a gap year and see what happens. After I graduated from college, I took a few months to travel around Europe, and nothing horrible happened. I got my first proper job after I came back. Sure, I also brought you back from that trip.” She snorted, and her face got a bit of a red tint. “But I don’t regret it.”

Robert swallowed, a bit shocked. “You said you met him at college...”

She took a deep breath. “No, we met in Italy. Traveled together a bit and… he went on to India, and I went to Spain. He didn’t even know I was pregnant when he left.”

Robert looked to the barely-touched sushi and combed his hair with his fingers. That was a development he hadn’t predicted. “Oh...” When he looked at his mom again, it was through different eyes. She wasn’t the most organized or conscientious person on the planet, but he hadn’t expected her early years to have been this wild. His grandparents had never said anything either. “So it wasn’t... a friend from college?”

Her smile became soft and she shook her head. “No, it wasn’t.”

Robert sighed and slowly leaned in, resting his head on her shoulder. She smelled so nice and homely it made him instantly calm down. “Was he hot?”

Mom snorted and swatted his knee. “Robert! He was indeed very hot.” She couldn’t stop laughing.

Rob smiled, relieved. He always wondered why his dad never kept in touch, now he knew. “Tell me more?”

“He was Scottish, handsome, my age, we met in Venice.” She sighed, but there was no sadness in her expression. “Resisting him wasn’t an option.”

“Was he a chef?” Robert chuckled and squeezed her hand, oddly at ease with the new information. He could definitely live with that.

It was as if Mom remembered the food again and leaned down for more sushi. “Silly. He worked at his family’s farm back in Scotland. This was his last trip before settling down.”

Robert cleared his throat and had some tea. “And you know his name? And where he was from?”

“No, sweetie, you’re not going to go looking for him. It’s not why I told you this.” She raised her eyebrows and stuffed her mouth with more sushi.

Robert opened his mouth, startled, but said something he hadn’t initially thought of. “Are you saying I should do something crazy and not regret it?”

Mom looked up at him with her eyes twinkling. “As your mom, I would
never
advise something like that. After all, what if you get hurt? What if it doesn’t work out? What if you and Ethan break up? What if you don’t try to find out?” Only the last question sounded serious.

Robert bit his lip and hugged her tight. He took several deep breaths before he could speak again. “You’re the best, you know that?”

She hugged him back and kissed his temple. “I’m trying, sweetie.”

Robert sighed and looked at the delicious meal that he would surely wolf down now that he knew he needed lots of energy. Before he could get to it though, his phone beeped, and he picked it up just because he hoped it was a message from Ethan. It wasn’t a text but an e-mail, and Rob wanted to dismiss it at first in favor of dining. Everything changed when he noticed who the sender was. His life was about to do a one-eighty flip.