Diary of a Mad First Lady (5 page)

I could hear the stress in Darvin’s voice, and it was making me angrier by the second. How dare this woman come and interrupt our lives?

“Pastor,” Dawn pleaded, “you have to believe me. I’m here because my family feels terrible about the trouble that Daphne caused you . . . and your wife. We want to somehow offer restitution to you.”

“Why do you care?” I heard Darvin ask. “Your sister has been dealt with. She knows that she cannot come anywhere remotely close to my wife or me, or anyplace that we are, and if she does, she’ll be immediately locked up. So, I still don’t understand your reasoning.”

“Daphne is dying, Pastor,” Dawn softly spoke. “One of her wishes includes letting you know how deeply sorry she is for everything she’s done.”

Dying? Whatever. I had heard enough. It was my time to ask the questions. I barged into the room. Both Darvin’s and Dawn’s eyes were on me. His was a look of worry, and Dawn’s was a look of fear. I, without a word spoken, assured Darvin that I was fine.

“It’s Dawn, right?” I asked.

“Yes,” she spoke timidly.

Coming face to face with her, I could see that there were more visible differences in their appearance other than Dawn’s long hair. Daphne’s eyes were hazel; Dawn’s were grey. Dawn also had a small mole underneath her nose. And, not to mention she had a lighter voice and timid personality. Daphne was the exact opposite: arrogant, prideful, deceitful.

“I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation that you were having with my husband. If I understand you correctly, your sister Daphne is dying and she’s sent you hear to clean up her dirty work,” I said, not caring to hide my frustration.

“Well, I wouldn’t put it like that, First Lady Johnson. She’s unable to travel herself because of the stipulations that have been placed on her by the authorities here and for the reason of her illness. So, she asked if I would come in her stead. So I did.”

I studied Dawn’s look of defeat and was unfazed. “Dawn, no disrespect to you or your family, but your apology is not needed. What Daphne did to me, my husband, and our church was unforgivable. I will not stand here and allow you to think that your coming here today will make me forget it or pretend that it never happened.”

“But don’t you preach forgiveness? What happened to Christians forgiving one another?” Dawn said with a hint of resentment in her voice.

For a brief second, she reminded me of Daphne with her quick temper.

If I didn’t know any better, I would think that Dawn and Daphne were identical in more than one sense of the word.

“Dawn, yes, we do teach and practice forgiveness; however, in this case, I think the choice is ours how we choose to handle what your sister did and now what you are doing. And trust me; it has nothing to do with forgiveness.”

Darvin interrupted. “Dawn, my wife and I would like to put all of this behind us as quickly as possible. So, in the effort to move on expeditiously, we accept the apology that your family is offering; however, our stance does not change when it comes to Daphne. I still do not want her near me, my wife, or anyone in my church.”

I surveyed him. His tone suggested that I not protest and that Dawn take his comment for what is was worth and go back to wherever she came from. I smiled at the slight gratification that I felt at his dismissing her.

“Pastor, First Lady, there’s just one more thing,” Dawn said.

Be with me, Jesus.

“I’m moving up here to try and start a new life, and I would very much like . . .”—she paused—“to be a part of your church.”

Lord, just take me now.

I knew that at any moment, I would fall into unconsciousness, just as I had less than an hour ago in the sanctuary. This woman was really testing my patience. Did she really think that we would accept her into our church after all that her sister had put us through? She was undoubtedly mistaken. I was not going to tolerate a Daphne-cloned psycho worshipping with me in the same church.

“Dawn, I think what my husband was trying to offer you was an acceptance of your family’s apology based on the premise that after that, you leave us alone. And you can’t do that if you are attending our church. We would have to be in constant contact with you, and quite frankly, just looking at you reminds me of your sister. And the thoughts that I think when I think of your sister are far from being pleasant. It’s just not a good idea,” I said matter-of-factly.

“How can you turn someone away from God?” Dawn asked.

“Oh, you must have misunderstood me. I’m not turning you away from God; I’m simply saying that you are going to have to find another church to attend. God is everywhere, Dawn. Did you know that?” She was working my last nerve.

“But I feel so safe here. I feel a connection that I can’t explain,” she said with her eyes beseeching to Darvin.

I cast a warning glance at Darvin, daring him to accept or buy into what she was saying. “Dawn, the connection that you’re feeling is probably one left over by your sister. She may not be here, but I can attest that sometimes her evil spirit can still be felt,” I said, hoping to get my point across.

I walked around to the back of my husband’s desk. “But I think I have the solution. I know just the place for you.” I pulled open a drawer that contained the Yellow Pages. I flipped through a few pages, until I found what I was looking for.

“That’s it!” I said, trying to sound excited. “This will be the perfect church for you. The Path to Holiness Christian Church.” I turned to my husband. “Honey, don’t we know the pastor and his wife over there?” Without giving him time to answer, I continued. “I believe we do. That is a church where the Word is being preached, and I have no doubt that you will be just fine there. Oh, and feel safe, too. They have great ministries to offer, and it’s more suitable for someone like you.”

“And what kind of someone am I, First Lady?” Dawn asked with indignation.

For a brief moment, I could feel a twinge of guilt; but just as soon as it came, it was gone. I felt nothing toward this woman, and the sooner I could rid myself of her, the better I would feel. She didn’t want to start a fight with me, for she wouldn’t get near as far as her sister did.

“You’re obviously someone who can’t recognize when someone is trying to help you. It is my strong suggestion, Dawn, that you take my help to avoid any further disturbance of your or my peace.” My glare was now more intense than it was when I first walked in.

Darvin hadn’t said anything for a span, but decided now to break his silence.

“Dawn, I think my wife is right. It might be best for you to go to another worship location. I don’t think you would grow spiritually here, and beyond that, the people at this church will never be able to fully embrace you because of your sister’s actions. It will be hard enough convincing everybody that you are her sister. I’m sure you saw the skepticism on people’s faces when you announced that.”

Tears began to form in Dawn’s eyes. “I’m shocked, to say the least. I came here hoping to make right what my sister made wrong, and I’m being blamed for her sins. I’m being made to bear a cross that shouldn’t be mine to bear.” She stood from the leather executive chair that she had been sitting in, and cleared her throat. “Well, I appreciate your time and your willingness to accept my apology. I’ll be going now.” She grabbed the Coach purse that matched her soft yellow sundress, and headed toward the door. Before walking out, she turned and said, “Oh, and First Lady? I’ll look into that church. Thanks for your . . . help.” With that, Dawn disappeared to the other side of the door.

Moments passed before Darvin broke the deafening silence in the room.

“Do you think we handled this situation in the right way?”

“What do you mean? Of course we did. What else were we supposed or expected to do?” I felt sweat appearing on the tip of my nose. “This woman waltzed into our church declaring that she was our worst nightmare’s twin sister, and we’re supposed to shower her with hugs and kisses as if she’s the prodigal daughter?” I was getting hotter by the second. I picked up a stack of papers from my husband’s inbox tray and begin to fan myself. “I hardly think that God is going to be displeased with the way we chose to deal with this. I think He understands.”

I sat down in my husband’s oversized burgundy-leather chair behind an oversized, antique wooden desk. I felt myself becoming faint again.

This time, I think it was the guilt of my conscience weighing in on me. I knew that I should have been a little more “Christian-like” with Dawn, but women like her tried the best Christian’s religion.

“What if we’re wrong about her, baby? What if her heart really is right and she ends up being nothing like Daphne?” he asked as he sat down in the same seat Dawn had just occupied.

All sorts of thoughts were swimming in my head. What if Darvin was right? What if God expected us to show an immeasurable amount of forgiveness, and we shunned His voice due to our own selfish reasons? More like my own selfish reasons.

Once again, resentment rang louder than God’s voice, and it didn’t sound too bad to me.

Chapter Four

Dawn

I was infuriated as I drove away from Mount Zion Baptist Church. It was bad enough that I had to endure being humiliated in front of the entire congregation, but even worse than that, Michelle Johnson had butchered my pride. With her always put-together persona, she had tried to intimidate me, and as much as I hated to admit it, she had succeeded. I wasn’t expecting her to fight back, and her actions caught me off guard.

Earlier that morning, when I’d driven onto the grounds of Mount Zion, I was sure of my plan. I had managed to alter my look enough to be believed that I was “Daphne’s” identical twin sister; but after the way it played out, I realized that was the least of my problems. It was not going to go as smoothly as I thought. In my mind,

I had seen my apology being accepted by the church, but, most importantly, Pastor Johnson. Once I achieved that, I would be on my way back into his life. Before long, I would be his wife, and not Michelle. It made me sick to my stomach to refer to her as his wife, because she didn’t deserve the role. She was as much qualified to be the wife of Pastor Darvin Johnson as Snoop Dogg was for the presidential office.

My ringing cell phone brought me back into the present moment. I glanced at the caller ID and smiled to myself. My mother had been trying to contact me for several days now. I knew that eventually my avoiding her would probably lead to a massive search for me, and I didn’t have space for that in my plan. I answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey, baby,” Mom said.

“Hi, Mom,” I replied dryly.

“That’s certainly not happiness to hear from me, dear.”

Mother was already jumping up and down on my last nerve, and the conversation had only been going for ten seconds. “Mother, what is it that you want?”

“Why can’t I call to check on my daughter? After the way you left here, it would only be right to be concerned.” She paused. “Baby, why don’t you consider coming back home? You have no business in Atlanta. Florida is your home. You hadn’t been out of that institution long enough to be out on your own again. You need to be close to family. Besides, what if they find out what you’re up to? What if those people hurt you?” Her voice started to crack.

“What if I never see you again?”

For a quick moment, I wanted to run the rest of the way to my house, purchase an airline ticket back to Ft. Lauderdale, and go home and run into my mother’s arms. It bothered me that she was so upset; but I was on a mission, and I couldn’t let anyone deter me from that, not even her.

I made up in my mind a long time ago that I would not end up like my mother. She was a good woman, but she had nothing to show for it. My father walked out on us when I was twelve years old, and she never picked up the pieces. Up until that point, I thought my father was a superhero. He was always supportive of us, and made it his business to make sure we never went without anything, but one job layoff changed our entire lives.

Soon after losing his job, he became an alcoholic and would roam the streets all night. I watched my mother leave my brother and I many nights to search the corners for my dad. Each time she would drag him back into the house a few hours later, clean him up, and nurse him back to health. She would always tell us that it was better to have him home drunk than to not have him home at all.

Finally, one day, he left for a trip to the store, and that trip turned into an eternal vacation. I never saw him again. Truth is, my father left a long time before he left and never came back. Nonetheless, my mother felt she had let us down, and slowly her heart turned to iron, and the only thing she concerned herself with was making sure our needs were provided.

She did the best she could trying to be the mother and the father, but no matter what people might say, you can’t be both. There’s no substitution for a man. She could never give me the life I felt I deserved. So, it was paramount that I didn’t fall into the same pattern. God forbid any man leave me, which was why I had to make sure I chose a good man. A man that would love me all the days of my life. A man who would not walk out on me and my kids. A man like Darvin Johnson.

Listening to my mother’s plea made me curse the day I told her of my plans and reason for moving back to Atlanta.