Diane Warner's Wedding Question & Answer (4 page)

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Authors: Diane Warner

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Page 32
minimal fee to the department store employee working on commission to the full-service professional who charges hourly rates or a 10 to 15 percent fee that is included in the total cost of the wedding.
There are several types of these full-service professionals, as well: the
bridal consultant
who helps plan and coordinate the wedding, sometimes in conjunction with a vendor, such as a florist or caterer; a
wedding coordinator
who not only helps plan and coordinate the wedding, but actually supervises the wedding activities, as well; and a
wedding day coordinator
who works with you to see that the plans you have already made on your own are carried out during the rehearsal and the day of the wedding itself. To confuse things even further, any of these professionals may also be called a
wedding director, wedding consultant,
or
wedding professional
.
If you or your mother are an organized person, however, you are perfectly capable of planning the wedding yourself. All you need is a fat three-ring notebook with about a ream of lined paper, divided into sectionsone section for every category: the budget, the calendar, the ceremony, the reception, the wedding attire, the flowers, the photography and videography, the food, the music, the decorations, and the incidental expenses. Use the notebook to keep track of every aspect of the wedding, from prices to people to procedures to preferences. Be sure to jot down every telephone call, every bid, every promise made, every selection, etc. Staying organized is the key to coordinating a wedding. Just don't lose the notebook!
If we were to hire a professional to help us, how do we find a reputable one?
First of all, you need to realize that there are dozens of people out there claiming to be wedding consultants, from DJs who play at wedding receptions to the sales clerks who work on commission at bridal salons of large department
 
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stores. What you want is a trained full-time professional. Look in your yellow pages for wedding consultants who are members of the Association of Bridal Consultants; if you can't find one in your yellow pages, call their national association office at 860-355-0464 for the names of members in your area.
What exactly will one of these professionals do for us?
Here are some of the services they provide:
Helping you select ceremony and reception sites, plus all the vendors (flowers, food, music, photography, etc.) suitable to your theme, personalities, and budget.
Ensuring communication between these vendors (so that the florist knows what your bridal gown looks like as he designs your bouquet, etc.).
Serving you as financial advisor, counselor, etiquette expert, referee, and friend.
Seeing that your dreams come true and your rehearsal and wedding day run smoothly.
You can hire a bridal consultant the day you become engaged to coordinate everything from day one, or you can hire her near the end of the planning processa few months before the wedding dayjust to pull everything together and oversee the rehearsal and wedding day activities. One of these professionals is a
must
if you're trying to plan a long-distance wedding or, as with so many career women these days, you're already on overload at work and don't have the time to plan a large wedding.
Are bridal consultants always women?
According to the Association of Bridal Consultants, only 2 percent are men.
 
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A big wedding is sounding more expensive all the time, not to say anything of the time and effort to plan it. Doesn't anyone elope anymore?
Funny you should ask. As a matter of fact, many couples are deciding to do just that, with an informal reception hosted by the bride's parents after they get back from their honeymoon. It has even become a fad to be married in a simple civil ceremony at the honeymoon destination, saving the cost of a big wedding. Another clever, economical way to be married is to plan it as a surprise. One couple pulled this off beautifully by having the bride's parents invite an unusually large crowd of friends and relatives for Thanksgiving dinner, including the groom's parents, brothers, and their wives. Then, two hours before dinner, their minister arrived to perform the surprise wedding ceremony. After the sumptuous meal, which also served as their wedding feast, the couple left on their four-day Thanksgiving holiday honeymoon. With this ingenious plan, they were married for the cost of their minister's fee, yet surrounded by the loving members of their immediate family.
The same type of surprise wedding worked for another couple, as wellthis time at what was supposed to be a simple Christmas party. They invited only their closest and dearest friends to this party and then right in the middle of it, the stereo switched from playing Christmas music to ''The Wedding March." No one paid much attention at first until, finally, as the music became louder and louder everyone finally stopped talking, a minister and the couple stepped forward, and the short ceremony began. Evidently, the guests were absolutely speechless and were caught completely off guard. Needless to say, the party ended with many tears of congratulations.
Do any of these weddings give you ideas?
 
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How young is too young when it comes to including a child as part of the wedding party?
Many bridal consultants feel that any child younger than 4 years old is probably too young; however, I have seen younger children than that participate, but after the child has (hopefully) made it down the aisle, he or she sits with an adult in one of the front rows, thus avoiding anything too cute that may distract from the bride and groom during the ceremony.
What is a "destination wedding"?
This is a wedding that takes place at your honeymoon destination; it is also known as a
travel wedding
or a
honeymoon wedding
. The reason some couples prefer a destination wedding is that it is often less expensive and complex than a full-blown ceremony and reception back home. The guests, usually only your close friends, members of the wedding party, and members of your "inner family," customarily pay their own way to the site, although the families of the bride and groom may certainly pick up the tab, if they wish. If a destination wedding sounds like a good idea, here are some suggestions to make the planning run smoothly:
Hire a full-service bridal consultant in your destination city or at your honeymoon hotel who will make
all
the arrangements.
Find a full-service travel agent who will not only make all the travel arrangements for you and your guests, but will also keep your guests informed (provide updated itineraries, etc.)
If you plan to bring the wedding gown with you on the plane, bring it in a hanging bag (don't check through baggage). Make arrangements ahead of time to have any wrinkles steamed out once you're at your destination.
 
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Create a newsletter for all your guests informing them of all the travel and wedding plans, including schedules, costs, etc. You may want to include a brochure of the hotel and tourist information for the destinationprovided by your travel agent.
What are some of the most common destinations for one of these "honeymoon weddings"?
You can select any destination you would like, as long as it has the room to accommodate your wedding and reception. However, these are some popular choices:
Disneyland in California or Disney World in Florida, both of which provide a Cinderella Coach, complete with a footman and six white horses!
A cruise ship provides a romantic "destination wedding" site, although couples are usually married at dockside by an authorized officiant since, contrary to popular belief, most ships' captains are
not
legally authorized to perform wedding services.
Las Vegas is actually a relatively inexpensive choice, and they are
totally
prepared to marry you, believe me.
The most popular choice of all is Hawaii with its dependable climate year-round and abundance of romantic settings.
What if we were to be married in a foreign country? Would our marriage be legal in the United States?
Yes, as long as the marriage conforms to the rules of that country. Here are some questions you should ask in order to assure its legality:
 
Page 37
What documentation is required?
What medical tests are required?
What is the processing time to obtain a marriage license?
Is there a waiting period after the license has been issued?
Are there religious rules or restrictions?
We like the idea of a destination wedding because we will be saving all the hoopla and expense of a full-blown wedding at home, but we don't think many of our family members or friends can afford to fly to Hawaii for a wedding, and we can't afford to pay their way or we'll be back where we started financially. Any solutions?
Yes. Do what so many couples do: get married at their destination with the witnesses provided for them at their ceremony site. Then, they let their parents host a reception for them when they get back from their honeymoon.
If we do this, can I wear my gown to the reception?
Absolutely!
What is a "progressive wedding"?
It is a wedding with a series of receptions that take place in different places and/or cities. For example, you may be married in your home town, then travel to your reception site nearby, then the next day to your parents' home town for another reception, then to your groom's parents' home town for a third reception, then, finally, to the homes of various friends and relatives for what might be called
afterglows
(see Chapter 20). A progressive wedding takes a
 
Page 38
great deal of planning, as you can imagine, and it can become quite tiring for everyone involved. Many couples choose this type of celebration, however, in an effort to appease their scattered friends and relatives. It is
exactly
the opposite of a simple little wedding!
What is an "all-night wedding"?
It is an all-night extravaganza that begins with the ceremony around 10 p.m. and carries through with dancing and partying until the first rays of sunlight. The cake isn't cut until about 4 a.m., followed by an early wedding breakfast. Often an all-night wedding is planned for New Year's Eve. It works best to hold one of these marathons at a hotel with a couple of dozen rooms reserved for those guests who need to "nap" off and on in order to keep up their strength.
What is a "costume wedding"?
A
costume wedding
is one whose theme lends itself to wearing costumes, such as a Henry VIII English Tudor wedding, a Renaissance, Medieval, or Folk wedding; a Halloween or Masked Ball wedding; a Western, Polynesian, Guys 'n' Dolls, Romeo and Juliet, Elizabethan, Victorian, Edwardian, Greco-Roman, or Southern Antebellum wedding; or any ethnic wedding. These weddings are complicated and time-consuming to plan; in fact, they practically become theatrical productions. Costumes for these weddings may be sewn from patterns, rented from a costume shop, borrowed from a theatrical production company, or, in the case of Elizabethan, Victorian, and Edwardian themes, the costumes may be purchased through catalogs available at many bridal salons.
 
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Are there advantages to having the ceremony and reception at the same site?
I've spoken with many wedding coordinators who swear there are countless advantages to having them at the same location: easier on everyone concerned; less expensive; eliminates providing a limo or other transportation for the wedding party from one site to another; and requires less time overall so you won't tend to "lose" guests between the ceremony and reception.
Can I somehow include my dog as part of the ceremony?
Dogs have served as
ring bearers, flower girls,
and, in one case I know of, as the groom's
best man
. In that particular case the dog sat still beside the groom, perfectly behaved throughout the entire service. What I wonder, however, is what happens if the dog
isn't
well-behaved?

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