Diamonds Fall (20 page)

Her letter to Theodore had been burnt and rewritten seven times in total. As much as she wanted Daniel she just couldn't condemn an innocent baby by making this one selfish choice. Theodore must believe the child was his.

"You're just saying this because - because of your mama, you love me, I know you love me, YOU JUST TOLD ME YOU LOVE ME."

He reached up, grabbing handfuls of his thick blonde hair as his face grew red. When he could no longer bear it he turned his back on her, his shoulders shaking. Annabel, now blinded with tears herself, put her hands on him, pressing her lips into the back of his neck. He spun around, holding her face between his palms as he pushed his lips against hers. He pressed her against the naked stone wall and she let out an involuntary moan. He was like her drug and she didn't want it to end. Would ten years really be all that long to wait? Before she knew it she was kissing him back with the same ferocity, her hands in his hair, his hands still on her face. However, all too soon the reasons she could not be with him came flooding back. With all the will she possessed she broke away and spoke her final four words to the love of her life.

"Goodbye Daniel, I'm sorry."

Before turning her back on happiness forever.

The moment she left the cell her face crumpled. She kept her walk even and her shoulders high, knowing he would watch her go. Daniel called after her desperately but she continued forward without faltering. Once safely outside, she shattered.

Bent double behind a row of dingy looking shops sobs so violently took hold of her that even the horses on the street grew restless. The pain was so severe she thought her heart had been torn clean from her chest, with just the tightened strings of her corset keeping her together.

It was this day, as she lay in a crumpled heap amongst the mud and cobbles, that Annabel's heart broke for the first time, splitting straight down the middle to leave a deep scar forever more.

Annabel tried to appear as normal as possible when she arrived home, still shaken, exactly an hour after she had left, as per instruction. She climbed out of the cab on weak legs, stumbling as her vision clouded once more with the grief of her broken heart. She walked forwards as if in a daze, keeping her chin towards the sky as if she were simply returning from a shopping trip. Again, as per instruction. Inside however, she was in melt down.

She felt like she had betrayed everyone she had ever cared about; as if she had betrayed herself. The picture of Daniel's face as she told him that final lie, the deep searing pain etched across his features, was burnt into her vision. It invaded her mind every time she so much as blinked, threatening to knock her over completely.

The echo of her shoes on the marble foyer was too loud; the clacking ricocheted against her skull making her wince with every step. When she reached the stairs she clung to the banister with a white knuckled grip to drag along her failing body. Cell by cell she could feel herself slowly shutting down and she knew it was only a matter of minutes before she came apart completely. It was just long enough to get into her chambers and lock the door. She would tell the maids she was to be left alone, that she would not be going down to dinner so she could have one single night to grieve.

When she reached her bedroom she slipped inside as quickly as she could. As she closed the heavily polished door she rested her forehead against the cool surface, closing her eyes in the relief of finally being alone. Tears immediately started to spill over, racing down her cheeks and dripping off of her nose to make dark spots on the carpet beneath her.

"What happened?"

Annabel jumped, her heart racing a thousand miles an hour as the shrill voice of her mother struck up behind her.

"Come on child. Speak."

Annabel swallowed, a sob escaping her lips as she straightened as much as she could, holding her chest as she scrambled to find air amongst her sorrow.

"I told - I told him I couldn't - that - that I couldn't see him anymore."

A new sob racked her body as she heard the words in her own voice, the realisation they were true only adding to her pain. The sob sounded obscene in the now silent room. Looking up at her mother Annabel noticed a tight yet triumphant smile illuminating her face.

"How can you be happy about this? You have brought about the heartbreak of your only child. How can that possibly please you?"

"You are being ridiculous Annabel. I have saved you."

All of Annabel's pent up hatred and anger seemed to come to a head at those words.

She had been saved.

Saved from what?

From happiness?

From fulfilment?

In a fit of red hot rage Annabel swung her hand out towards her mother's cheek. The elder woman was ready. She grabbed her daughter's wrist just before she was struck, digging her nails into the porcelain flesh. Scarlet droplets crawled from the half-moon shaped cuts in Annabel's arms, contrasting ominously with her pale skin. Her mother simply glared.

"I may let you believe this is your show child but it is mine. It has always been mine. You are simply a bit player, a pawn. Don't you ever fool yourself that you can beat me. I always get what I want in the end. One way or another."

Annabel was taken aback by this display of cruelty from a woman she had always considered docile at best. She knew she was a pushy mother but she had always convinced herself Elizabeth had been working towards Annabel's best interests. She saw now how drastically wrong she had been.

Annabel dried her eyes on her free sleeve, straightening up to her full height.

"If this is happening, if I am to marry Theodore, it is to happen soon. We will have the engagement ball this weekend as planned and marry the next. Those are my terms and you will obey them." Annabel tried to keep her voice emotionless and cold but the lump in her throat made it wobble ever so slightly over the word `marry.' She couldn't imagine herself in a white dress and veil, the image felt wrong, perverted in some way.

"People will talk Annabel." Lady Elizabeth said, her voice as sharp as the edge of a sword and dripping with malice.

"Not as much as I will if you don't follow my terms. I am no pawn mother, I am your child and you've taught me more than you would dare to imagine. Don't give me cause to visit a journalist and accidentally let slip what happened whilst I was away. You see, I always get what I want in the end, one way or another."

Lady Elizabeth let go of her daughter's wrist with deliberate slowness and brushed past her, almost knocking her over with the force of the gesture.

"Write to Theodore. Tell him that you will become his wife next Saturday."

Annabel nodded her head once in acknowledgement of this statement and then she broke. The door slammed shut with an echo of finality and she slid slowly down to the floor.

Annabel imagined Daniel's face every single way she could remember. She pictured every inch of his skin, every freckle, every scar. Her fingers shook with the urge to touch him, whilst the fear of forgetting was almost crippling.

She had figured being alone would be the best thing for her in that moment but it quickly became unbearable. She needed someone to be with her, someone who understood the position she was in and still accepted her completely. Someone who could somewhat distract her.

Contrary to her own wants Patsy wasn't seen for several hours. She had left straight after she had seen Daniel and taken herself for a walk to clear her mind. Of course, when she too learnt to write, she would continue to be in contact with Daniel throughout his imprisonment. However, her silence nearly drove Annabel mad. It wasn't until late that night, with Annabel's room swathed in velvety darkness, that she appeared at her door and silently climbed into bed beside her.

"I see what you mean now," Patsy whispered after a few minutes. "About abuse happening everywhere. People are just cleverer about it here. They make it seem like your own fault."

Annabel reached out her hand, encasing Patsy's.

"I thought you would hate me for what I did. It was driving me mad."

"Anna I'm the one that told you to do it. I couldn't hate you anyway, I was upset that he was upset but I know why you did it. You're protecting his child, creating a better future for it than the past Daniel and I endured. It's hard but you did the right thing."

Annabel's eyes swam with tears.

"I'm sorry I let him down."

"You did everything you could Anna. You've done so much for us already."

Annabel gave a weak smile.

"He deserves so much more."

"I know," Patsy replied in a matter of fact tone. "And he'll get it...one day."

The two girls lay back and absorbed that information. The thought of Daniel falling in love with someone else was painful for Annabel, so painful she could barely stand it, but she knew it would be the best thing - the only thing - that would set things right between them. She hoped, as she lay there, today was not the last time she would see Daniel. Perhaps their paths would cross again. She dreamed that maybe, one day, he would know about his child. Yet, as soon as the thought had formed, she knew it was impossible.

It would be all out war if they were brought back together again.

It was an ironic twist that, for Annabel, being trapped in that stable was the happiest she had ever been.

Annabel looked down at her gloved hands, clasped demurely in her lap. Just as they were supposed to be.

Tonight was the night of Annabel's engagement ball. In exactly one week's time she would be married to the wealthiest bachelor in England. Everything she had dreamed of a couple of months earlier was on the cusp of coming true and Annabel couldn't be more miserable about it.

Her stomach growled beneath the cinched and beaded plum gown because, despite the elaborate feast, she had managed only a few small mouthfuls of food. She was too nervous - not because she believed people wouldn't like her, everyone liked her - but because she realised she didn't really like herself anymore.

She'd let everyone down.

She'd let him down.

Just the thought of Daniel sent an ice cold stab through her heart. She tried to ignore it, focusing instead on the hundreds of guests twirling in graceful circles beneath her as she sat at the head of the ballroom.

Voices buzzed around her like hungry bees, feeding on the latest gossip the evening had produced. Luckily no-one had suspected Annabel's shot gun wedding at all. She had scoured the gossip columns on an almost hourly basis for any hint of brewing scandal but there was none. The papers had written about her upcoming wedding as if it were a fairy tale. Everyone put the timing down to her `ordeal' once they found out she had in fact been engaged for months. It was, to the public, the greatest love story of their generation.

Fake laughter bubbled up and died down almost as soon as it had erupted yet no eyes met Annabel's anymore and, despite the ball being held in Annabel's honour, no voices were directed towards her.

She found herself completely alone in a room full of people.

They glanced at her often of course but never long enough to make eye contact.

The feeling of being watched had never regained its glamour. Now, every pair of eyes was another witness to what could end up as the biggest con of her high society generation. Luckily, everyone deemed her too out of reach, too intimidating to actually meet. The spectators appeared to prefer her at a distance.

Annabel preferred that too.

She glanced away when her mother gestured for Annabel to join her. She looked back down at her gloved hands. She had not spoken to the elder woman since the argument in her room and she planned to keep it that way.

It was when she was on the brink of leaving, debating whether she could get away unseen by her family - the music was certainly loud enough to drown out the click of her heeled slippers against the marble - when she saw him.

He was the only man she hadn't seen tonight, the only one here she hadn't danced with.

His hazel eyes were taking in her polished appearance as he drew closer, a smile tugging at his lips as the chandelier made his hair glow golden, matching the gleam of his buttons.

"Miss Hoddington," he bowed with laughter in his eyes, taking her gloved hand and touching it against his lips. "You look radiant."

She joined in with his laughter, letting the musical sound of it carry her along further into bliss. As she relaxed back into her chair he placed a tender hand against the layers of silk, beneath which the final piece of Daniel she had left, took shelter inside of her.

"Annabel."

She opened her eyes, startled out of her fantasy and back to the man now standing in front of her. Theodore kissed the ring on her left hand with a gleam of pure joy in his chocolate gaze.

"Would you care for a final dance?"

Acknowledgements

To everyone who has helped me on my
Diamonds
journey, I offer my sincere gratitude.

To Beth Kelly, who was the first person to ever read
Diamonds.
For talking to me about Annabel as if she were a real person and being my first editor, I will be forever grateful.

To Lauren, who was with me when Annabel originally tumbled into my head.

To Molly Phipps, without whom this book would be nothing - my editor, cover designer and best friend, THANK YOU for helping my dream come true.

To my parents for giving me life and love.

And to you, for reading this story, that contains at least half of my soul, I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!