Diamonds & Desire: The Priceless Collection (19 page)

Breathing hard, he gazed her, his handsome face stricken. “Jordana—”

“I don’t believe you won’t hurt me again. I can’t do this,” she told him shakily, eyes watery. Unable to be near him any longer without tears escaping she grabbed her bag, unlocked her door and shut it, leaving him standing there.

***

Logan regretted very little, and when he did, he was usually over that maudlin emotion within minutes. After he left Jordana’s place, dejected and flustered, he paced his living room, unable to accept she would no longer be in his life. For the first time since his teens, he’d been unable to talk his way out of trouble.

He’d assumed a few days of space and an apology were all he needed to give her. Although he knew he’d screwed up big time, it didn’t occur to him she wouldn’t forgive him. Or maybe that thought had been too depressing to occur. He’d had every confidence a face-to-face would result in Jordana’s forgiveness, a new start, and serious make up sex. Well, he’d underestimated her tenacity and overestimated his charm.

When he’d come out of the conference room that day and saw her, he’d been caught off guard in the one place where he anticipated and controlled everything: his company.

Because whenever he was around her, he often had a hell of a time controlling much at all. Like his ache to hold her, the silly things he would say so he could hear her laugh, and his constant urge to push work aside and be with her.

But, the fact he couldn’t control himself was his problem, not hers. Hindsight was 20/20. It would’ve been far better to make a fool of himself in front of his CFO than sound like a cold jackass behind Jordana’s back. He hadn’t been prepared to answer questions about their relationship or the future of it, to Katherine or anyone.

Who am I to you?

He’d failed to respond, tongue-tied, blank. During that charged moment of silence, he’d realized she hoped their relationship would be taken to the next level, wanted him to confirm it, and he couldn’t. Fact was, he didn’t know what she was to him yet and that was the damn truth. He’d been burying himself in work and keeping his distance so he could avoid thinking about what she meant to him. Suddenly, he’d been asked to tell her on the spot. He’d never forget the despair on her pretty face. A deep, unaccustomed pain settled in his chest.

A hard knock on his front door broke his thoughts and Neil strode in. “It’s as dark as a bat cave in here,” he announced, a bottle of scotch in hand. “What’s the theme for the party tonight? Goth and gloom?”

Weary, Logan turned from the window, clearing his throat. “Yeah, sorry.” Moving to his home automatic touchscreen, he switched on the living room and kitchen lights, then found the remote for the TV and set it to the pay-per-view channel. His friends would be there shortly for the MMA fight and he had yet to prep for the gathering. Good thing they were a low maintenance group. As long as he had cold beer, the fight playing, and finger food within reach, they were satisfied.

After a glance around, Neil took a seat at the island and set the scotch on the counter. “You here alone? Where’s Jordana? I’ve been craving that guacamole for over a month.”

He just had to bring her up already. Shuffling to the fridge, Logan told him, “She’s not coming.” Even though he thought he pulled off a casual tone, he knew he’d failed when Neil eyed him dubiously. Good thing Miranda wasn’t coming tonight. She would’ve asked a million questions and threaten to set Jordana up with a man who knew how to hold on to a woman. The thought boiled his gut. Without intending to sound too bitter about it, he said, “You might as well know I already managed to screw it up and we split. End of story.”

Neil’s brow lifted. “I take it you don’t want to talk about it.”

“Correct, counselor.” Logan sighed, opened the fridge, grabbed a few beers and set them on the countertop. “I forgot to call for food. What do you think? The usual? Pizza? Chicken wings?”

“Can’t go wrong with carbs.”

Logan avoided his friend’s irritating scrutiny. He picked up his cell phone, ordered delivery, then gave himself the occupation of emptying the dishwasher for clean mugs.

“It’s not that simple is it? You and Jordana being over.”

Logan feigned indifference as he carefully set out eight tall bar glasses. He didn’t want to talk about her. He wanted to drink, kick back, watch a good brawl, and forget her. He had an inkling it wouldn’t be that easy. “Regardless, it’s for the best. I didn’t want anything complicated and that’s exactly where it was headed. She did me a favor ending it.”

Neil shrugged, spreading his hands. “Okay. If you say so.”

Logan opened the scotch and poured two fingers’ worth in a short glass. “If you really want to know, I was an ass, and I deserved to get dumped.”

Neil eyed him with amusement as Logan proceeded to take down the drink he’d poured. “Just tell me what happened, Savant. I see you’re not taking it well.”

“You’re seeing nothing but a free man. I’m good.”

“If you won’t tell me, then I’ll guess.” He paused, eying him, then crossed his arms. “Did you cheat on her?”

Logan swallowed with a scowl. “No. Nothing like that.”

“I didn’t think so, but I had to ask. So did you stand her up? Spill wine on her carpet? Forget to change your relationship status on Facebook or what?”

“These are juvenile questions.”

“Then just tell me what the hell happened. Last time I saw you guys, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. I can tell when people are faking a happy front. You two were the real deal.”

He shook his head, not eager to revisit the afternoon he’d made a bad judgment call to stave off gossip. “It all went downhill when she showed up at my office as a surprise...”

Without mincing the details, he relayed the whole story up to the final words they’d exchanged outside her apartment. Then, pissed and guilt-ridden all over again, he refilled his glass. “So that’s it. I should be a little relieved, right?” Forcing a nonchalance he didn’t feel, he added, “Ah well, it was good while it lasted.”

Very good. Sudden visions inserted in his train of thought. Memories of Jordana writhing on him, her fingers clutching the back of his head while they made love. How she let him take her body any way he wanted. The little mews of pleasure she gave when he pumped deep and hard inside her. God, he’d miss her silken skin, her sweet nature, that smile belying that sharp wit. Her lack of cynicism toward a world that had taken her parents too soon, her fierce loyalty to her sister and friends. The list could go on.

Breaking his reverie, he threw the liquor back to burn off the strange sting that’d formed. “Is this the eighteen year scotch? I haven’t had a decent drink all week. How about you? Join me?”

Neil shook his head.

“Your loss,” Logan grumbled, poured another, and picked up his third round, gesturing helplessly as the effects of the alcohol began to buzz through his brain. “What did Jordana expect me to say to Katherine? Did she think my CFO had the right to know how I felt? I know the things I said were out of line. I apologized. I fairly begged Jordana to forgive me and I never beg a woman for anything. You know what she said? She told me she didn’t want to be with someone who was one person with her and another person when she was wasn’t around. What a…a crock. I was always myself with her, that’s what should count.” On second thought, maybe he didn’t need another shot. He was rambling. He set down the glass with a careful hand and planted both palms on the counter. Despondence set in again. Jordana didn’t deserve any blame. “I’m going to shut the hell up now and move the hell on.”

Although Logan expected Neil to supply his opinion on the matter, his friend sat there, watching him. After several uncomfortable moments, the attorney finally said, “Right. Moving on. What’s the plan to get her back?”

“What are you talking about? I just told you it’s over.”

“The hell it is. You want her back. Pretty badly from my point of view, so quit screwing around and admit it. Despite what you said to Katherine, what you deny to yourself and everyone else, you’ve got it bad. You don’t—and shouldn’t—want to let her go that easily.” He slid off the stool and capped the scotch. “So let’s hear it. What are you going to do?”

Leave it to Neil to cut the bullshit and see right through him. Logan huffed with a smile and shook his head. He had it right. “What can I do? I was practically on my knees today. Nothing I say will change her mind. She doesn’t trust me not to hurt her and I don’t blame her. I don’t know what to do. For once in my life, I’m in a hole I’m not sure how to dig out of.”

“Savant, you know what Jordana wants. Like I said all those weeks ago, in the end, women need something from you. The question is, are you ready to give it to her?”

Logan sighed deeply. Was he ready? His father always said getting involved with a woman was a lot like running off a blind cliff, not knowing if you were going to land on your feet or break your neck, but the thrill in the fall made it worth it. Logan never contemplated going that far until now. “I can’t stop thinking about her. The thought of never seeing her again… That some other guy could come along and…makes me crazy. Guess I do have it pretty bad,” he murmured with reluctance. “But, yeah, you’re right. I know what she wants, and if I’m going to give a committed relationship a shot, it’d be with her. A scary thought, but then again,” he shrugged, “not so scary at the same time. Not with Jordana.”

“Shit. I hope this isn’t contagious,” Neil remarked sardonically. “My advice? A grand gesture. Do something for her no one else can.”

“That sounds complicated.”

“Wouldn’t be worth it if it wasn’t a challenge.”

“Indeed. Such as? Fill her apartment with exotic flowers? Walk on broken glass?” he joked.

“You think buying some plants that’ll die in a few days will change her mind? Come on Savant, you’re cleverer than that. She’s got to trust you again.”

“I’ve never done this before.”

Neil grabbed a beer and twisted off the top. “You know her better than I do. I’m sure you’ll think of something. It doesn’t have to be over-the-top or expensive, you know. Appeal to the heart. It’ll cost you, but not in the way you’re used to.”

Logan shook his head with a half-smile. “Listen to you. Back in college your idea of wooing a girl was showing her dance moves from boy-band music videos.”

“Yeah and it worked every time!”

Logan laughed heartily. The sound almost foreign to him it’d been so long. “And now suddenly you’re a relationship expert. Since when did you become so wise?”

“Watching and learning from afar, my friend. Way, way afar,” Neil smirked.

“Don’t act so smug. This could happen to you someday.”

“What have I ever done to deserve that?” Neil exclaimed as voices sounded from the door. More of their friends had arrived and the Jordana discussion was over.

Logan gave Neil’s suggestion serious contemplation, knowing he had the right notion. All night while his friends drank his beer and watched the fight—the second one in a row he paid no attention to—he formulated, considered, and then trashed idea after idea, uninspired. What could he do for Jordana that would convince her he was worth another shot?

Chapter Seventeen

As Jordana walked up the stairs to her apartment, she heard music coming from her apartment. Did she leave the TV on? She wouldn’t be surprised. It’d been a week since Logan had stopped by and she’d been in a subtle daze ever since. Piper had dragged her out to a happy hour after work, but she didn’t get much happiness out of it.

Cautiously, she unlocked the door and the smell of Chinese food hit her nose. A suitcase and a hiker’s backpack were propped by the umbrella stand. What the...

“Jo?”

That voice. Stunned, Jordana closed the door and went to turn down the Irish band blasting from her stereo.

Her eyes confirmed her ears. Her ex-fiancé Zack emerged from the kitchen, chopsticks in one hand, and a container of noodles in the other. Other than the fact his light brown hair had grown a couple inches and he’d lost some weight, he hadn’t changed, boyishly attractive in his plaid long-sleeved shirt and dark jeans. Grinning, he set his takeout meal on a side table and strode over.

“Holy cow, you look great!” he said, grasping her elbows, eyes raking her. “Seriously, Jo, a few months away from me did you good.”

Shock held her immobile. “Zack.” She couldn’t believe her eyes. No phone call. No email. No text message. Not even a postcard. If Casey hadn’t given her the heads-up weeks ago, she would’ve been truly blindsided. She’d forgotten all about Zack’s impending return.

Zack took her speechlessness as amusement. Chuckling, he slid his arms around her in a tight, intimate hug, softly moaning as he buried his nose in her hair. His Tommy Boy cologne, and slim, strong frame holding her, was familiar, but revolting. Once upon a time, she would have melted in his arms, but a wealth of feelings, none of them resembling anything akin to warmth, overwhelmed Jordana. Ones she’d tried all last summer to bury and suffocate.

Stiffening, she pushed him away for space, the shock wearing off. Not since last spring had she last set eyes on him and she just couldn’t let him hug her as if it was no big deal. “How did you get in here?”

He didn’t falter at all by her tone. “My key.”

She’d forgotten to ask for her spare a long time ago. For those first few surreal weeks after he left, some deluded part of her had hoped he would change his mind and come back to her. Beg for her forgiveness and tell her he’d been insane to leave. So she hadn’t demanded the return of her extra key. Couldn’t accept they were truly over. What a pathetic, sad girl she’d been. “Did it even occur to you to call me? I haven’t heard from you in months, and you just walk into my home like we saw each other yesterday?”

Stepping back, Zack put his hands on his hips, head hanging. “You’re upset. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come at you like that. When you walked in the door, you looked so pretty, and I just couldn’t help myself! I wanted to surprise you, baby. To be honest, I thought you’d rather me do this in person, than send some lame ass text.”

Baby? He had no right to use endearments anymore. She wondered what truly brought him home. Broke? Bored? “This is...I...don’t know what to think. What do you want from me?”

He pressed his lips together, twisting them, as though embarrassed to admit the reason. “I made a mistake. I went over there, but I got over it sooner than I thought would. I missed you. These past couple months, all I could think about was coming back and making things right between us.”

That was his explanation? He couldn’t handle life abroad, missed her, and wanted to “make things right”? She crossed her arms. “You weren’t gone for a couple of weeks; you’ve been off the radar since March. My life didn’t come to a stop just because our relationship did. I’ve moved on.”

“Come on, Jo. I gave it a few months out there, so what? Point is, whatever I was going through, I got it out of my system. A new man who knows what he wants now. Who knows what he lost. How can you still be so angry? If I’d waited until after we got married to take off, would that have been better?”

Nice try. “Don’t twist this around to assuage your guilt. You think we can just pick up where we left off?” she exclaimed. Her ex-fiancé stared at her, hopeful, and she threw up her hands. “You’re out of your mind. You broke my heart. You dumped me, packed your bags, and flew out of the country and left me to handle the mess. I was the one who had to tell everyone what happened and face the endless humiliation alone. It was me who had to pay off thousands in credit card debt.” A hot lump formed in her throat, recalling the crushing sadness she had to deal with on top of all the financial and technical details of a canceled wedding. Merchants and vendors didn’t care if your life was shattered and your fiancé bailed. They were still owed money. She’d sold her ring to pay for a portion of it.

“I can only imagine how rough that must’ve been.” He appeared genuinely regretful. However, Zack had a way of manipulating her, even at her most livid. He could persuade her to accept responsibility for them both, with the vulnerable claim he was so out of his depth when it came to adult situations. His boyish nature was one of the reasons she’d fallen for him. Why she thought that was sexy once upon a time, she had no idea. Now it was grating.

His licked his lips, cracking his knuckles. Sweat broke out on his upper lip. “I put you through a lot, I know. You were good to me and I blew it big time because I was in a selfish phase. I should’ve been here to help you with the bills and stuff. As soon as I get a job, I’ll pay you back. I swear.”

She let out a trembling breath and shifted her gaze to the floor. “I don’t need your money, Zack. I just want to put this all behind me.”

“Me too. The bad parts, I mean. Don’t think about how much I screwed up. Think about us. Everyone said we were good for each other.” When she didn’t remark, didn’t agree, he must’ve decided to take a different tactic. “Remember the time went camping and got lost? How we tried to come up with ways for survival, only to figure out we were only a twenty yards from the campground? We couldn’t stop laughing. How about the time you threw me a surprise birthday party and the restaurant lost your reservation? We took over some dive bar and had the greatest night ever with our friends.”

Of course she remembered. Funny he should mention mutual friends she no longer spoke to. They found it too awkward. Reminiscing about the good old days couldn’t overpower the bad old days, however. Turning, she walked out to her balcony for some fresh air and gripped the rail. “People change, Zack. I’ve changed.”

“No way. It hasn’t even been a year,” he declared, following her outside. “Jo...I’m still in love with you. That doesn’t change overnight.” He came closer.

Maybe it hadn’t for him, but she’d been through a lot since their break-up. Not to mention for the past month she’d been falling for someone else. As his hands slid around her waist, she closed her eyes. He held her against him and kissed her shoulder. She searched for a response.

A reaction. A shudder. Anything.

Nothing. She felt nothing. Too much time had passed. Too much pain had been dealt. And Logan still had her heart. Putting her hands over his, she shook her head. “I can’t.”

He made her face him. “Look at me.” He cupped her jaw and an inner alarm went off. Stiffening, she didn’t have time to react before he pushed her up against the rail and pressed his lips on hers. He obviously thought this would help make his case—did all men assume a kiss washed away pain?—but when she didn’t give in to it, his kiss deepened.

She pushed him away, disgusted. “You have no right to touch me anymore let alone kiss me.”

His eyes widened, as if she’d slapped him. God knew he deserved to be.

“You want me to beg, is that it?” he asked with a hint of contempt and incredulity.

She shook her head with a tired sigh. “Of course not. I don’t want anything from you. Not even an apology. We’re done, Zack. I wish you the best, I honestly do, but I want you to leave.”

With wounded eyes, he raked a hand through his hair. “You sure?”

“What did you expect?” she cried. “To show up, admit you messed up, and I’d brush off everything you put me through? You’re insane if you think you can atone for all the damage now. It’s too little and extremely late to make amends.” Softening the sharpness of her tone, she crossed her arms. “You made your choice, Zack. It wasn’t me. It took me a while to realize what you did took courage. You weren’t ready to get married, you wanted a different life, and you went for it. For that, I can’t be angry with you anymore.”

She marched inside, sick to her stomach. Grabbing the doorknob, she saw Zack had stopped in the balcony door, hands resting on the jamb. Head hung, he quietly asked, “Is there someone else?”

Was he listening? It didn’t matter if there was or not. “I’m not in love with you anymore.” A small inner voice congratulated her for having the strength to say it. For so long, she never thought she would ever utter those words to Zack Pierson. To her surprise, it wasn’t that hard. Must’ve been a sign she truly meant it.

He lifted his gaze and stared her for long, uncomfortable moments, as though waiting to see if she’d take it back. When she opened the door, he heaved a sigh and trudged over, collecting his bags. She offered him a wide berth so he wouldn’t try to pull her in his arms again.

“I, uh, lost my appetite,” he grumbled, glancing at his takeout food. He appeared lost, as if he hadn’t expected the night to turn out like this. “I brought your favorite. Shrimp fried rice.” Then he walked out of her apartment.

Before he reached the steps, she said, “My key.” When he looked at her with those abandoned-puppy eyes, she didn’t waver.

He dipped in his pocket and placed it in her hand.

She said nothing as she closed her door and sighed.

***

“And so are the days of our lives,” Casey sang on her cell speakerphone an hour later as Jordana sat in her bay window, knees up, watching cars go by. She’d poured a glass of wine and called her friend.

“What a drama,” Casey added. “First Logan, now your ex. Although it would’ve been quite the plot twist if you’d thought about giving Zack a second chance. I knew he’d want to reconcile with you. How predictable.”

“What about his job? Did he get that back at least?”

“No way. I told Russ if he re-hired that loser, he’d have to find someone to replace me. Russ knows what’s up. He’ll give him a good reference with a good riddance. Despite his piss-poor relationship skills, Zack has talent in graphic design. Although I don’t see how he could’ve kept his skills fresh living abroad like Tom Sawyer. Whatever. He’ll get a job somewhere.”

It was a comfort to know Zack wouldn’t have any ties to her life again.

“But seriously, how are you?” Casey asked.

“I’m sane. A little shook up,” she admitted, “but sane. Closure has a tendency to do that.”

“I’m just going to call you Lady Fierce from now on.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Don’t be humble! You broke it off with the to-kill-for handsome millionaire and you stood up to your ex-fiancé. You’re kicking ass and taking numbers. I love this tough new you.”

Not so tough. She missed Logan more than ever. So much so, she’d watch her phone every night at two minutes after nine p.m. to see if he’d call, her heart hammering in anticipation. Then she’d panic, hoping he wouldn’t call because she might answer. But in the end, time would pass with no call and she’d scold herself. Did she honestly think Logan would still fight for her?

Fact was, she missed him, but that didn’t mean her decision had been the wrong one. Logan couldn’t give her what she wanted; she had to keep reminding herself of that. More than likely, he was counting his lucky stars and moving on with someone more suited, less complicated than her. She squeezed her eyes shut at the burn.

“Jordana. Helloooo. Did I lose you?”

She gave a start, then reached for her wine glass. “No, still here. Sorry, I was...just thinking about something.”

“You mean someone.”

She sighed, took a sip, setting down her glass with a miserable moan. “How did you know?”

“Easy guess, Jordana.” A pause. “You have to get over him.”

Knowing she had to and doing it were different things.