Diamond Spur (37 page)

to drink? Milk for you," he told Cherry with a rakish grin and a glance at her midriff. "But Kate can have something stronger if she likes."

"I'll have coffee, if there is any," Kate said coldly.

"I'll get my own milk," Cherry sighed. "The sacrifices I don't make for baby."

Kate's face closed up at that innocent remark, and Jason saw it and felt even worse than he had.

She poured herself coffee, and got down another cup and saucer when he announced that he thought he'd join her. She filled it and pushed it toward him without looking. Then she led the way into his study, where she sat down on a leather chair, looking unapproachable.

Cherry, sensing undercurrents, excused herself on the pretext of making more coffee for Gene and Mrs. Donavan. Jason sat down in the armchair facing Kate's. Balancing his coffee cup and saucer on his lap, he proceeded to light a cigarette.

"Are we still speaking?" he asked after a minute.

"You had more than enough to say before you left," she reminded him. She sipped her coffee, grimacing when she scalded her lip.

"I guess I did." He leaned back, smoking his cigarette quietly. "When we go upstairs, I'd like to talk to you, Kate."

"No you wouldn't," she said with a mirthless laugh. "You'd like to take me to bed. That's all you've ever wanted from me. It's all I've come to expect. And when you've finally had your fill, and you're satisfied, you'll turn your back and walk away." She wasn't sure she believed that, but her emotions were all over the place lately and she was still angry at him for going off and not letting her know where he was. He didn't believe what he was hearing. Didn't she know how he felt? Didn't she have any idea? "Kate, it's not that way," he began. But before he could say any more, Gene was standing in the doorway, smiling. "Isn't she a doll?" he asked Jason. "My God, I hardly believe it."

"I know," Jason said gently. "I've got a lot of guilt to live with over the way I've treated her

these last years."

"She doesn't blame you," Gene reminded him. "Nobody does. Except you, Jason. You're

the one with the hang-up about perfection. The rest of us just live with being human." He said it

lightly, and in a way that didn't offend, but it cut Jason to the heart.

"I always thought I had to be more than that." He looked at Kate. "I thought everyone did.

Now I'm sorry I didn't realize it before," he added.

Kate looked up, studying him quietly. That felt as if he were trying to tell her something.

"We don't have a present for Mama," Gene said suddenly. "And tomorrow is Christmas."

"You two are the best present of all,'' Kate replied. "But I have a bolt of satin and I'm quick. I'll

bet I could make her a robe by midnight, if I start now. She's an eight petite," she murmured,

rising.

"Not on Christmas Eve," Jason protested.

He was thinking of her comfort, but that wasn't how she interpreted it. She gave him a look

that could have curdled milk.

"Sewing isn't work to me. It's pleasure. Right now, it's about the only one I have."

She turned and left the room and Jason cursed roughly under his breath.

"Now what have I said?" Jason muttered. "My God, I can't open my mouth...."

"Pregnant women get fussy," Gene sighed. "I can't say good morning to Cherry without getting my head snapped off."

Jason glanced at his brother. "Kate isn't pregnant," he said slowly.

"Well, well," Gene mused, pursing his lips as he studied his brother's hard face. "Talk about the husband being the last to know. Sheila says Kate thinks she is."

Jason started toward the staircase, his eyes horrified. Again. It was all happening again. The disbelief, the distrust, the doubt. But on her side this time. Something inside him snapped. Not again!

He left Gene standing there and started up the staircase, his eyes blazing. No, by God, not again! Not this time. She was going to listen to him if he had to tie her to her sewing machine.

Kate was in the guest bedroom where she kept the sewing machine Jason had given her that long ago Christmas before they were married. The bed had long since been taken down to make room. She had a drafting board in there, along with a table for cutting cloth and a dressmaker's fitting form to use when she draped designs. She had threads and needles, scissors, tailor's chalk, vellum paper, tracing paper, and all the other accessories of her trade. There was an iron and ironing board, too, and a rack to hang garments on.

Jason paused at the doorway, watching her pin a pattern into place on a length of blue satin. She glanced at him, but that was all. "Did you want something?" she asked defiantly, remembering the day he'd left and his parting shot about their marriage being his biggest mistake.

He sighed. He hadn't expected her to make it easy. He hadn't left her like a loving husband, and he had some regrets about the things he'd said to her. He could imagine that she remembered every single one, verbatim, judging by the look on her face.

He studied her quietly, a kind of aching pride at her softly glowing beauty. She looked pregnant, if that was anything to go by. And he felt warm and delightfully hungry all over, just looking at her.

He put his hands in his pockets and leaned against the door facing, looking elegantly sexy. He'd taken off his tie and suit coat and loosened the top buttons of his white silk shirt.

"Go ahead, Kate," he invited wryly. "Give me hell. God knows, I deserve it."

She really glared at him. Did he have to go and steal her thunder? She had to force down a smile. He was doing to her what she'd always done to him when he was in a temper. "You said our marriage was a mistake. You said..." "I know." He looked at her quietly, with eyes that saw her differently now. "I've had some hard lessons since I left here. I've learned a lot of things about myself that I don't like."

She looked up, stunned. That was new. "Did you?" she asked, her hands hesitating on the pattern. "Guess what, Kate. I'm human." She had to fight down a smile. "Are you, really?" He pursed his lips amusedly. "I suppose you knew it all along, but I had to learn it the hard way."

He took a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it, careful to leave the door open so that he wouldn't irritate her lungs. If she was pregnant, the smoke might harm her.

"Were you in Arizona all that time?"

He nodded. "Getting to know my mother, all over again."

"I'm glad about that. But I guess you couldn't spare the time to let the rest of your family know
you hadn't died in a wreck or something," she added coolly.

His eyebrows levered up. "I wasn't sure you wanted to hear from me." His dark eyes wandered over her. "You were pretty hot when I left. You hurt my pride, but I guess I didn't do yours much good, either."

"And that's a fact, you cold-blooded snake," she tossed right back. "You accused me of letting my career come before anything, even our baby."

He didn't even lose his temper at the name-calling. That alone was unlike Kate, and if she was pregnant, her emotions would probably reflect it just that way. He smiled at her. "And you knew all along I didn't mean it," he replied. "You always had an uncanny knack for reading my mind." He took a long draw from the cigarette. "Anyway, I didn't mean that about the baby. We'll have another one someday, Kate. And a new baby would heal almost all of the old wounds."

He was fishing, but she wouldn't take the bait. "Well, if I ever get that way, you'll never know until I look like Moby Dick and you can see it. I won't tell you," she said curtly. "You'd tie me up and lock me in my room for nine months. Then if anything went wrong, you'd say it was my fault. That I'd put the baby at risk for the sake of my career."

She sounded calm, but her hands were trembling. "No, I wouldn't," he said.

She picked up her scissors and started cutting out fabric, her movements quick and deft. "I like

your mother," she said to ease the tension.

"So do I." He studied the cigarette. "I told her that we wanted her to stay, for a little while,"

he said gently. "And despite what I said about our marriage being a mistake, I don't want it to

end."

She looked up with eyes that were dark green, softening. "I don't, either," she said gently. "I've

never wanted that."

That was encouraging. He searched her eyes quietly.

"We can always start over again. One more time," he added dryly. She was still hesitating, and he wondered if she was afraid he might want her to sleep with him. She might be afraid of risking the baby, and so was he, suddenly. He frowned. "You don't have to sleep with me," he added.

She bit her lower lip. "Oh, Jason," she murmured huskily.

"I'm not the world's most lovable man. I never pretended to be." He let his eyes run down her body with pure possession. He looked at the polished wooden floor instead of at her. "Kate, I've had to be strong all my life. I've never bent, because I was afraid of breaking. So I kept it all inside. I hid my feelings, and my fears, and I never let them show." He looked at her warmly. "But when I saw my mother, and heard her talk about those reasons you said she'd have had for leaving, I got my mind together again. I'm still going to find it hard going for a while, to let the last barrier down. But I think I can, now."

She was still wary of him, but he was telling her things he never had before. She touched the cloth gently, tracing the brocade with a slender, pink-nailed finger.

She dropped her eyes to the cloth. "This will only take about an hour," she said. "But I think your mother will like it. She has an elevated sense of touch, because of her blindness. She'll like the feel of the satin."

How like Kate to think of that. God, how he loved her! He moved toward her, his heart full and aching.

"She'll like it," he said quietly. "But don't wear yourself out, honey."

His concern touched her. She stared at his shirt front. "I won't."

He touched her cheek gently. "Got a kiss for a bad-tempered, tired husband?" he asked only half jokingly.

She hesitated, but after a minute, she moved, surprising him by reaching up to touch her lips softly, shyly to his.

He stopped breathing. She hung there, so close yet so far away, and something in him snapped.

"Kate," he whispered huskily.

She saw the hunger burn in his eyes, and for one long moment she managed to deny herself the pleasure of his body. But she wanted him so. She reached up, feeling the shock of his arms
coming around her, waiting for his mouth, her lips parted and pleading.

"It's been so long," he said, and his mouth covered hers.

She felt him lift her. He held her so close that his hard chest bruised her swollen breasts, but she was touching heaven and she couldn't complain. Her mouth answered his, echoing its long, sweet pressure, drinking in the magic and mystery that they shared. He let her slide down his body after a minute, and he actually laughed at his own body's

helpless, immediate reaction to the smooth brush of her belly.

"Damn," he chuckled.

She flushed. "Stop that," she mumbled.

He grinned. "I'm sorry, honey, but I can't do much about it," he said softly. "It's as natural as

breathing, under the circumstances."

"Oh, for heaven's sake, I don't mean
that...!"
She colored even more and hid her face against

him. "Jason Everett Donavan," she murmured wearily.

He smoothed her long hair, loving its silkiness. "Don't stay up here too long," he said, his

breath stirring it. "We've got a big day tomorrow."

"I got you something," she said shyly. She had, too. A new watch that did everything, like the

one she'd noticed that he'd worn for the past several years without getting a new one.

"I got you something, too," he replied. "Something that sparkles."

She lifted her head. "Not a diamond," she said. "Not that, not when you're already tied in

knots financially, I couldn't bear it."

He traced her lower lip with a finger that wasn't quite steady. "Thanks to you, Mrs. Donavan,

I'm not tied in knots financially. With the time you've bought me, I'll fight my way out."

"That isn't what you said when you left."

"Of course not," he sighed. His voice was husky. He drew in a slow, unsteady breath. "My God, I've learned whole volumes about forgiveness in the past few days. I've learned things about my mother and my father that make me sick with shame."

"You've learned that people are human, that's all," she said gently. "And that there are always reasons for the way they behave. Sometimes you have to dig very deep to find them. But they're always there."

"How did you learn so much, so young?" he asked after a minute.

She nuzzled her face against his hard chest. "I had you to practice on," she whispered. "You were a hard case, but eventually I wormed my way into your arms." His arms contracted. "Did you really want that so badly?" "With all my heart." She sighed contentedly. "I'm sorry I complicated things for you, Jason. Maybe it would have been better if I'd never let you touch me in the first place."

"And give up all those sweet memories?" he whispered softly. "God forbid."

"They aren't all sweet."

"Is life?" He tilted her face up to his. "Don't leave me," he said tautly. "Don't give up on me, Kate."

"Oh, how could I?" she whispered tearfully. "I love you so much!"

He felt humble. She still loved him. He hadn't killed it after all, even with his bad temper and abrupt departure, thank God. He drew her tenderly against him and rocked her. His body trembled with need, but he banked down the fires. Kate needed tenderness now, and she was going to get it. He was going to prove to her that she was his life.

"You'd better go back downstairs, hadn't you?" she asked after a minute, although she hated to let him go. "I want to get this robe sewn. It won't take long, and I won't get tired." He let her go, reluctantly. His dark eyes searched hers. "Okay." He turned toward the door and stopped at the facing. "Sleep tight, honey," he said, glancing back. She started to speak, but she bit her lower lip. She wanted to sleep with him, but she couldn't quite get the words out. "You, too," she said instead. He nodded, and after a minute, he went back downstairs and settled into a chair to listen to his mother talk about the long years they'd all been parted. When it was bedtime, Kate rejoined them, looking a little worn, but smiling.

"Can I help you upstairs, Mama Donavan?" she asked. "We've got a lovely guest room. All

pink and carpeted, with a canopied bed."

"Such finery," Mrs. Donavan laughed. "You'll spoil me.

"That isn't likely," Kate said gently, taking the thin hand to help the older woman up. "You

aren't the kind of person who ever demands anything."

"Neither are you," Mrs. Donavan shot back, smiling. "All right, then, point me toward the

staircase and watch me shoot up it."

Gene and Cherry said their good nights, and Jason kissed his mother's cheek before Kate followed her up the staircase. She settled Mrs. Donavan in the guest room, which was where Kate herself usually slept. "Thank you, sweetheart," Nell Donavan said gently when she was in her long flannel gown and

tucked up under the covers. Kate had shown her where the bathroom was and made a row of chairs to it, so that the older woman could feel her way there in the night if she needed to. "I'll be fine."

"It's good to have you here," Kate said, and meant it. "It's even better to see you and Jason speaking. He's different since he went to find you."

"I can sense that," Nell said quietly. "I've heard only a little of what his life was like, Kate, but I think I'd go mad if I knew it all. The sad thing is that J.B. was the kindest man I ever knew—when he wasn't drinking. But alcohol got a hold on him when grief came, and he couldn't shake it. I tried, but I wasn't strong enough to help him."

"That's nobody's fault, you know," Kate replied. "None of us are perfect. We do as we're able. That's the best we can hope for." "You're very old for your age," Nell said. She smiled secretly. "Have you told Jason about the baby?" Kate blinked. "I'm not sure that I'm pregnant," she faltered, fascinated by the older woman's uncanny perception.

"Oh, I have a feeling that you are. I've developed a rather startling kind of sensitivity since I've been sightless. I don't understand it, but it helps to make up for not being able to see," she added. "You love him very much, don't you?"

"With all my heart. I can't remember when I didn't love him."

"Do you know how he feels?" Nell asked with a faint smile.

"He wants me," Kate said bluntly.

"I think you'll find it's a good deal more than that," she said, sighing as she closed her eyes. "Sleep well, my dear. I'm glad we have a chance to get to know each other. I seem to have been alone for a very long time. Perhaps I deserved to be. But it's nice to have a family again."

"I hope you'll stay," Kate said softly.