Diamond Girl (38 page)

I tried to explain to Herbert. “Herbert … oh shit, listen, I didn’t … I mean, okay, I should have gone with Diana but, Herbert, I swear she’s with Lisa, her nanny. She loves her and they aren’t exactly out on the street, they’re at
...” It was horrible, I couldn’t remember where it was they were at. Frantically I looked at Karmen. She was trying not to laugh. She thought this was funny! She mouthed the name of the hotel. I sighed with relief. “They’re at the Beverly Hilton. It’s a good hotel, Herbert, and I ...”

“And you didn’t know the name of it, did you, Carolyn? Don’t bother answering me. The more important question here is why you yourself are not at the Beverly Hilton with your daughter and this Lisa, a mere employee who presumably might have finished with her shift hours
ago?” 

There was no good answer to that question. “I don’t know why I didn’t do that, Herbert. In all the panic, I … well, okay, you’re right, I suck. I’ll get dressed and go over there now.”

I looked at Karmen. Her eyebrows were raised and she kept trying to whisper something to me. I shook my head angrily at her. She made a huffing noise and got up, saying loudly enough for Herbert to hear., “Fine, fuck you. I don’t give a shit what you’re talking about in my bed in my bedroom. I’ll just take your fucking dog for a walk while you conduct your business.”

I tried to shoot her an apologetic look, even though I didn’t know why she was mad at me again. Wasn’t I the victim here?

She ignored me, grabbed Petal off the bed and left the room. After a few seconds I heard the front door slam and I exhaled in relief, returning to my apologies to Herbert, even though, again, I didn’t know why I had to apologize to him either.  “I’m sorry, Herbert, I ...”

“Was that charming voice I heard your companion from this morning … a Miss Karmen Tines, I believe the site TMZ said her name was … the daughter of a Mr. Gary Tines and a rather notorious lesbian? Good God, Carolyn … well I’m glad to hear at least you plan to rejoin your daughter. As to that, I have also received a call from your mother.” He chuckled. “Like I said, it’s been a rather active morning around here.”

I gritted my teeth. I could hear the barely-repressed delight in his voice. How Herbert was loving being in the middle of my shit storm. Herbert is nothing but a gossipy old woman and I hate him. I didn’t tell him that, though. Instead, I sighed heavily and said, “This gets better and better. What does she want?” 

“Oh she is flying out to your fair city as we speak. She has offered to pick up your child … uh
...”

“Diana, her name is Diana, and what do you mean, 'offered to pick her up'?” 

“Mmm? Oh yes, Diana, of course. Well your mother feels, and your father has agreed most heartily, that for the time-being it would be best if the child, Diana, were to return to New York with your mother and her unfortunate new husband until you have sorted out your immediate affairs, particularly your living situation.”

“Daddy thinks this too?”

“Yes, indeed. As a matter of fact, he has lent your mother the Kelleher corporate jet for her trip so that she and the child can travel comfortably.”

“Well she can’t take her. Diana is my daughter and
...”

“And you left her alone in a hotel with an employee and you have no home to take her to, and I think you will find that if you do not agree to this temporary solution to your childcare situation, your mother is more than prepared to notify California’s division of child welfare, that is if someone who has seen that distasteful video has not already done so.”

I began sobbing. “Please, Herbert, she’s all I have. I’ll get another house. You could help me, please, I …” My voice trailed off at his silence. I tried to be calmer, more mature, more of whatever would make him be nicer to me. Weakly I asked him. “Can I have her back as soon as I’m settled?”

“Yes, well, of course. I mean, I assume so. I don’t believe your mother is looking to raise another child.” He laughed again, as though inviting me to join him.

I didn’t. “Okay, okay.” I wiped my streaming nose on Karmen’s sheets. “Okay, okay, she can go for a couple weeks until I buy a new house. Maybe Lisa ...”

“Buy a new house? Carolyn, what are you talking about? How do you plan to buy a new house?”

I was confused and told him so. “Well, I mean, there’s still a lot of money left in my trust, right, and if I find something nicer than my old house, maybe you could ask them if I can like pay half now and the rest when the insurance company sends a check for my burned house. God, Herbert, just my furnishings alone will be ...”

“Millions and millions in loss, yes, Carolyn.
I have seen the bills and my goodness you did spend a great deal, more's the pity.” For a moment it was like all the smoke from the night before had come back and entered my lungs. I couldn’t breathe; my body felt like it was filled with smoke too, like I might drift away. There was a growing feeling of a dread too large to allow me to speak. Distantly through the rushing in my ears, I heard Herbert. “Carolyn, Carolyn, are you there, Carolyn?” 

I whispered. “I’m
here, I’m … what do you mean, loss? The insurance, I ...”

“Yes, I was quite shocked myself, Carolyn. As soon as I got off the phone with your father, I began searching through the title deed copies I had your real estate agent send me at the time of purchase. Imagine
my horror when I realized you had never taken out any form of homeowner’s insurance.”

“What is that? Isn’t that, like, included?”

He sighed. “Of course it’s not included. The trust, at your request, purchased the home you wanted, and with a fully paid property there is no automatic insurance. Since I had taken the trouble to explain this to you several years ago regarding auto insurance, I assumed you would understand it applied to homes and … their contents.”

I tried to swallow, couldn’t and just panted into the phone, listening to words that were burning down my life like the fire had burned down my house.

“I am guessing that if you did not bother to insure a multi-million dollar property, you never bothered to insure what was inside of it. This is a great tragedy, Carolyn.”

“But I didn’t know, I didn’t … Why didn’t you tell me?” I wailed into his ear.

He snapped back. “I am not an insurance salesman, Carolyn. Good God, perish the thought. I went above and beyond, as the case may be, in handling your tax situation with the last house; now of course …” His voice trailed off.

Obediently I repeated, “Tax situation?”

“Yes, of course, capital gains tax. I detailed all of this in a letter to you at the time, though I’m certain you chose to ignore it. What it means is that there was a two million dollar capital gain tax on the sale of your first California home. I deferred that because you purchased a home of greater value. Now there is no more home and no prospective home. In addition, I fear the clean up of the property in question will cost at least as much as you may hope to retrieve on any sale of a vacant lot. In short, Carolyn, last night’s debacle was a thirteen million dollar loss and you, my dear, are in rather dire straits.”

I struggled to think. There had to be a way out of this. I whimpered in Herbert’s ear, “My God, I’m … I’m so, I’m so stupid, but, Herbert, there is still some money, right? I mean, I’m not going to live on the streets, am I?”

I finished on a sobbing half-laugh. “No, Carolyn, and you may thank both God and the wisdom of your trustees for that mercy. I can only imagine, given your total disregard of even the modicum of financial responsibility, what would have become of you if we had turned over the entire amount in your trust.  Your fortune is greatly diminished and can no longer be considered as the limitless security your father had hoped it would bring you, but if you live carefully, you should survive quite well. In that vein, we, the trustees, are removing all control from you and will henceforth give you a monthly allowance.”

“How much?”

“Fifteen thousand is the amount we have agreed upon. It should be more than adequate for a single mother and child. You should notify a local rental agency about finding a property to lease as I cannot imagine your mother will be willing to return her granddaughter
...”

“…
who she’s never met …” I snapped.

Herbert said unperturbed, “Be that as it may, I do not think she will return your child as long as you are residing with Miss Tines. Once you have found a suitable abode, notify me and I will write the deposit
checks. As to furnishings, well …” He hesitated momentarily, stumped, I imagine, by how one furnished a home on his secretary’s salary. “As to furnishings, try to remember when buying the necessities that you have to live on a set monthly amount now. From that you will need to pay your rent, your utilities, gas and auto insurance, and provide food for yourself and your child.”

“And child care, Herbert, what kind of childcare should I get, an illegal immigrant maybe? Would mother approve of that for her grandchild?”

He sighed. “I really must be going, Carolyn, but, before I do, some last advice: you are a mother now,” he said it in a kind of 'God help the kid' way before continuing, “and since you are unemployed and give every appearance of remaining that way, you might consider caring for your child yourself. If not, maybe you could sell your car, or any jewelry that can be recovered from the fire scene, and prepay a year or so of care. This, despite your rather sustained belief otherwise, is not my concern. Good day, Carolyn.”

'Good day,' he said. When Karmen came back into the bedroom, obviously expecting me to apologize to her for ignoring her earlier, she was arrested at the sight of my dead white face and shaking limbs. She sat down beside me and asked what was going on. When I was finished, she was quiet for awhile. She didn’t hug me or tell me everything was going to be okay. She just nodded and said, “Huh, well you’re pretty fucked now. Welcome to allowance world. It’s going to be rough with a kid, but at least there’s some good news.”

I stared at her dully. “What’s that?” 

She grinned triumphantly, “Well, since you’re staying here with me until you find a place to
live, you have to take me as your date to Milan’s housewarming now.”

Chapter 42

Milan stood by me, at her party, with her arm clamped firmly around my shoulders, standing at the base of her brand new curving staircase in the forty million dollar house that she had bought after signing on for Season three of
The Natural Life
.

She stood by me later downstairs in her disco room when Karmen drunkenly grabbed my arm to pull me away and make me bump and grind with her. Milan threw everyone her dazzler of a smile, acted like it was her own idea and joined us on the dance floor, raising her long arms and swaying back and forth seductively until we had a circle of people watching us with admiration and not disgust.

She stood by me when I needed her to help me to find a new place to live and, what could have been grim, she tried her hardest to make a blast. Milan and Christy, and Mrs. Marin and I, didn’t use a real estate agent this time. It turns out that when you are looking for rentals in the three to five thousand dollar a month area, the quality of service goes down, way down, and after meeting with the fattest man I had ever seen, and spending a day being driven around in his ten year old Ford Escort looking at what he called 'cozy properties' and what I called the nadir of despair, I asked Karmen if we could maybe start looking for a bigger place together long term.

She wasn’t enthused. It seemed to me, and maybe I’m wrong, but it seemed as though my desirability rating had dropped way down following the loss of my house and money, and once she had gotten her way about me taking her to Milan’s party, she turned downright
mean. She didn’t like Petal, she didn’t like sharing her bathroom and she especially hated sharing her clothes with me, almost as much as I hated asking, since all her clothes made me look like a hooker. And, well, they were kind of tight on me too. I think I’ve always looked fat. I’m five feet nothing basically, and the minute I hit a pound over ninety-five I look like a big lumpy potato  with feet, and all the starving and purging and liposuction in the world never made me look taller, which is what I needed to be to look truly thin.

Karmen pointed that out a couple of times. I don’t like arguing so I didn’t point out to her in return that, despite a pretty great size two
body and beautiful hair, she was also missing a chin, or that her nose was as big as my head, practically.

It’s funny because her almost deliberate ugliness was one of the things I both liked and hated about her. I mean, you can pare down your nose and buy a chin pretty easily. That she didn’t
made her seem edgy and different to me. I had grown up surrounded by some seriously good inherited looks and then, in L.A., everyone looks like either a Malibu or a Princess Barbie by design, so Karmen’s monkey features made her stand out, not in a way I would have wanted to, but she seemed more than happy with her appearance and used up a ton more mirror time than I ever did. Maybe she saw something different than the rest of us when she stared at herself so intently.

I read once that you can never really see yourself. That’s kind of deep. I wonder how people saw me. I guess they must have seen an ugly fat girl. People are never kind to ugly fat girls, so that would explain a lot.