Devil's Waltz (40 page)

She was down on all fours in an instant, scooping and collecting. Dirt crusted her hands and streaked her shorts. I got up but before I could help her, she bounded to her feet, hurried to a utility closet and retrieved a broom. Her sweeping was hard and angry. I tore a paper square off the roller and handed it to her after she put the broom away.

She was flushed now, and her eyes were wet. She took the towel without looking at me. Wiping her hands, she said, “I’m sorry — I have to go change.”

She left the kitchen through a side door. I used the time to walk around the room, opening drawers and doors and feeling like an imbecile. Nothing more ominous in the cupboards than housekeeping aids and convenience foods. I looked out the door through which she’d left, found a small bathroom and service porch, and checked them out too. Washer and dryer, cabinets choked with detergents and cleansers, softeners and brighteners — a treasury of things promising to make life shiny and sweet-smelling. Most of them toxic, but what did that prove?

I heard footsteps and hurried back to the table. She came in wearing a loose yellow blouse, baggy jeans, sandals — her hospital uniform. Her hair was loosely braided and her face looked scrubbed.

“Sorry. What a klutz,” she said.

She walked to the refrigerator. No independent movement from her chest region, no nipples.

“More iced tea?”

“No, thanks.”

She took a can of Pepsi, popped it open, and sat down facing me.

“Did you have a nice ride over?”

“Very nice.”

“It’s good when there’s no traffic.”

“Yes, it is.”

“I forgot to tell you, they closed off the pass to widen the road….”

She continued to talk. About the weather and gardening, creasing her forehead.

Working hard at being casual.

But she seemed a stranger in her home. Talking stiffly, as if she’d rehearsed her lines but had no confidence in her memory.

Out the big window, the view was static as death.

Why were they living here? Why would Chuck Jones’s only son choose exurban quarantine in his own faltering housing development when he could have afforded to live anywhere?

Proximity to the junior college didn’t explain it. Gorgeous ranchland and plenty of country-club communities dotted the west end of the Valley. And funk-chic was still alive in Topanga Canyon.

Some kind of rebellion? A bit of ideology on Chip’s part — wanting to be part of the community he planned to build? Just the kind of thing a rebel might use to dampen any guilt over making big profits. Though, from the looks of it, profits were a long way off.

Another scenario fit, too: abusive parents often secreted their families from the prying eyes of potential rescuers.

I became aware of Cindy’s voice. Talking about her dishwasher, letting out words in a nervous stream. Saying she rarely used it, preferred gloving up and using steaming water so that the dishes dried almost instantly. Getting animated, as if she hadn’t talked to anyone in a long time.

She probably hadn’t. I couldn’t imagine Chip sitting around for chitchat about housework.

I wondered how many of the books in the living room were hers. Wondered what the two of them had in common.

When she paused for breath, I said, “It really is a nice house.”

Out of context, but it perked her up.

She gave a big smile, sloe-eyed, lips moist. I realized how good-looking she could be when she was happy.

“Would you like to see the rest of it?” she said.

“Sure.”

We retraced our steps to the dining room and she pulled pieces of wedding silver out of a hutch and showed them to me, one by one. Next came the book-lined living room, where she talked about how hard it had been to find skilled carpenters to build solid shelving, no plywood. “Plywood gasses out — we want the house to be as clean as possible.”

I pretended to listen while inspecting the books’ spines.

Academic texts: sociology, psychology, political science. A bit of fiction, but none of it dated after Hemingway.

Interspersed among the volumes were certificates and trophies. The brass plate on one was inscribed:
SINCERE THANKS TO MR
.
C
.
L
.
JONES III
,
FROM LOURDES HIGH SCHOOL ADVANCED PLACEMENT CLUB
.
YOU SHOWED US THAT TEACHING AND LEARNING WERE JUST PART OF FRIENDSHIP
. Dated ten years ago.

Right below it was a scroll presented by the Yale Tutorial Project to
CHARLES
“
CHIP
”
JONES FOR DEDICATED SERVICES TO THE CHILDREN OF THE NEW HAVEN FREE CLINIC
.

On a higher shelf was yet another tutoring award, issued by a fraternity at Yale. Two more plasticized plaques, granted by the College of Arts and Sciences at the University of Connecticut at Storrs, attested to Chip’s excellence in graduate teaching. Papa Chuck hadn’t lied.

Several more recent testimonials from West Valley Junior College: the Department of Sociology’s Undergraduate Teaching Citation, a gavel on a plaque from the WVJC Student Council thanking
PROF
.
C
.
L
.
JONES FOR SERVING AS FACULTY ADVISOR
, a group photo of Chip and fifty or so smiling, shiny-cheeked sorority girls on an athletic field, both he and the girls in red T-shirts emblazoned with Greek letters. The picture was autographed: “Best, Wendy.” “Thanks, Prof. Jones — Debra.” “Love, Kristie.” Chip was squatting on a baseline, arms around two of the girls, beaming, looking like a team mascot.

Cindy’s got the tough job. I can escape.

I wondered what Cindy did for attention, realized she’d stopped talking, and turned to see her looking at me.

“He’s a great teacher,” she said. “Would you like to see the den?”

More soft furniture, crammed shelves, Chip’s triumphs preserved in brass and wood and plastic, plus a wide-screen TV, stereo components, an alphabetized rack of classical and jazz compact discs.

That same clubby feel. The sole strip of wall not covered with shelves was papered in another plaid — blue and red — and hung with Chip’s two diplomas. Below the foolscaps, placed so low I had to kneel to get a good look, were a couple of watercolors.

Snow and bare trees and rough-wood barns. The frame of the first was labeled
NEW ENGLAND WINTER
. The one just above the floor molding was
SYRUP TAPPING TIME
. No signature. Tourist-trap quality, done by someone who admired the Wyeth family but lacked the talent.

Cindy said, “Mrs. Jones — Chip’s mom — painted those.”

“Did she live back east?”

She nodded. “Years ago, back when he was a boy. Uh-oh, I think I hear Cassie.”

She held up an index finger, as if testing the wind.

A whimper, distant and mechanical, came from one of the bookcases. I turned toward it, located the sound at a small brown box resting on a high shelf. Portable intercom.

“I put it on when she sleeps,” she said.

The box cried again.

We left the room and walked down a blue-carpeted hall, passing a front bedroom that had been converted into an office for Chip. The door was open. A wooden sign nailed to it said
SKOLLAR AT WIRK
. Yet another book-filled leathery space.

Next came a deep-blue master bedroom and a closed door that I assumed led to the connecting bathroom Cindy had told me about. Cassie’s room was at the end of the hall, a generous corner space done up in rainbow paper and white cotton curtains with pink trim. Cassie was sitting up in a canopied crib, wearing a pink nightshirt, hands fisted, crying halfheartedly. The room smelled baby-sweet.

Cindy picked her up and held her close. Cassie’s head was propped on her shoulder. Cassie looked at me, closed her eyes, flopped her face down.

Cindy cooed something. Cassie’s face relaxed and her mouth opened. Her breathing became rhythmic. Cindy rocked her.

I looked around the room. Two doors on the southern wall. Two windows. Bunny and duck decals appliquéd to furniture. A wicker-back rocker next to the crib. Boxed games, toys, and enough books for a year’s worth of bedtime reading.

In the center three tiny chairs surrounded a circular play table. On the table were a stack of paper, a new box of crayons, three sharpened pencils, a gum eraser, and a piece of shirt cardboard hand-lettered
WELCOME DR
.
DELAWARE
. LuvBunnies — more than a dozen of them — sat on the floor, propped against the wall, spaced as precisely as cadets at inspection.

Cindy settled in the rocker with Cassie in her arms. Cassie molded to her like butter on bread. Not a trace of tension in the little body.

Cindy closed her eyes and rocked, stroking Cassie’s back, smoothing sleep-moistened strands of hair. Cassie took a deep breath, let it out, nestled her head under Cindy’s chin, and made high-pitched contented sounds.

I lowered myself to the floor and sat cross-legged — shrink’s analytical lotus — watching, thinking, suspecting, imagining worst-cases and beyond.

After a few minutes my joints began to ache and I got up and stretched. Cindy’s eyes followed me. We traded smiles. She pressed her cheek to Cassie’s head and shrugged.

I whispered, “Take your time,” and began walking around the room. Running my hands along the dustless surfaces of furniture, inspecting the contents of the toy case while trying not to look too inquisitive.

Good stuff. The right stuff. Each game and plaything safe, and age-appropriate, and educational.

Something white caught the corner of my eye. The buckteeth of one of the LuvBunnies. In the dim light of the nursery the critter’s grin and those of its mates seemed malevolent — mocking.

I remembered those grins from Cassie’s hospital room and a crazy thought hit me.

Toxic toys.
Accidental
poisoning.

I’d read about a case in a child health journal — stuffed animals from Korea that turned out to be filled with waste fibers from a chemical plant.

Delaware solves the mystery and everyone goes home happy.

Picking up the nearest bunny — a yellow one — I squeezed its belly, felt the give-and-rebound of firm foam. Raising the toy to my nose, I smelled nothing. The label said
MADE IN TAIWAN OF LUV
-
PURE AND FIREPROOF MATERIALS
. Below that was an approval seal from one of the family magazines.

Something along the seam — two snaps. A trapdoor flap that could be undone. I pulled it open. The sound made Cindy turn. Her eyebrows were up.

I poked around, found nothing, fastened the snap, and put the toy back.

“Allergies, right?” she said, talking just above a whisper. “To the stuffing — I thought of that too. But Dr. Eves had her tested and she’s not allergic to anything. For a while, though, I washed the bunnies every day. Washed all her cloth toys and her bedding with Ivory Liquid. It’s the gentlest.”

I nodded.

“We pulled up the carpeting, too, to see if there was mold in the padding or something in the glue. Chip had heard of people getting sick in office buildings — ‘sick buildings,’ they call them. We had a company come out and clean the air-conditioning ducts, and Chip had the paint checked, to see if there was lead or chemicals.”

Her voice had risen and taken on an edge again. Cassie squirmed. Cindy rocked her quiet.

“I’m always looking,” she whispered. “All the time — ever since… the beginning.”

She covered her mouth with her hand. Removed the hand and slapped it down to her knee, pinkening the white skin.

Cassie’s eyes shot open.

Cindy rocked harder, faster. Fighting for composure.

“First one, now the other,” she whispered — loud, almost hissing. “Maybe I’m just not supposed to be a mother!”

I went over and placed my hand on her shoulder. She slid out from under it, shot up out of the rocker, and thrust Cassie at me. Tears streamed from her eyes, and her hands shook.

“Here! Here! I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not meant to be a mother!”

Cassie began whimpering, then gulping air.

Cindy thrust her at me again and, when I took her, ran across the room. My hands were around Cassie’s waist. She was arching her back. Wailing, fighting me.

I tried to comfort her. She wouldn’t let me.

Cindy threw open a door, exposing blue tile. Running into the bathroom, she slammed the door. I heard the sound of retching, followed by a toilet flush.

Cassie squirmed and kicked and screamed louder. I got a firm grasp around her middle and patted her back. “It’s okay, honey. Mommy’s coming right back. It’s okay.”

She coiled more violently, punching at my face, continuing to caterwaul. I tried to contain her while providing comfort. She jerked and turned scarlet, threw her little head back and howled, nearly slipping out of my grasp.

“Mommy’s coming right back, Cass—”

The bathroom door opened and Cindy rushed out, wiping her eyes. I expected her to grab Cassie away but she just held out her hands and said, “Please,” mouthing the word over Cassie’s shrieks and looking as if she expected me to withhold her child.

I handed Cassie back to her.

She hugged the little girl and started to circle the room very fast. Taking large, hard steps that made her thin thighs quiver, and muttering things to Cassie that I couldn’t hear.

Two dozen circuits and Cassie’s cries got softer. Another dozen and she was quiet.

Cindy kept moving, but as she passed me she said, “I’m sorry — I really am. I’m sorry.”

Her eyes and cheeks were wet. I told her it was okay. The sound of my voice made Cassie crank up again.

Cindy began walking faster, saying, “Baby, baby, baby.”

I went over to the play table and sat as best I could on one of the tiny chairs. The welcome cardboard stared up at me like some kind of sick joke.

A few moments later, gasps and sucking sobs took the place of Cassie’s cries. Then she silenced and I saw that her eyes were closed.

Cindy returned to the rocking chair and began to whisper harshly: “I’m really, really, really sorry. I’m so — That was — God, I’m a
horrible
mother!”