Authors: Melissa Macneal
‘T
he Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures…He leadeth me beside the still waters…He restoreth my soul.’
I drifted into awareness, vaguely wondering if I were a spirit attending my own funeral. My body felt cushioned in warmth, and I would’ve been content to float in that semi-conscious state forever if my head hadn’t been racked by a sharp pain. I moaned and my eyes flew open.
The soothing voice stopped. The candlelight dimmed as figures stepped in around me.
‘Mary Grace? Welcome back, sweetheart. How are you feeling?’
My eyes took their time about focusing upon a man who seemed familiar, and then upon two other faces. One was distinctly female, her pale ochre skin set off by an elaborate topknot of ebony hair. The other, ruddy and defined by a close-cropped black beard, made my heart skitter. I shrank away, wishing I could escape into that deep, numbing sleep again.
‘Easy now, love. Surely you remember Sebastian?’ came the voice I’d heard earlier. ‘You’re not fully awake, Mary Grace. It’ll all come back to you eventually.’
That’s what frightened me most: that it would all come back, and the nightmarish images in my head would mean I hadn’t escaped Heaven’s Gate after all. My mind had vibrated, even in sleep, with the raucous calls of a crowd while I paraded naked, allowing dozens of men to fondle and lick my body. I smelled incense and my skin felt sticky. Most ominous, however, were visions of a dark demon wielding his power while I succumbed, without resistance, to unthinkable acts of humiliation and shame.
‘Can you hear me, Mary Grace? Do you know who I am?’
The timbre of that low voice convinced me to concentrate on the face that was lowering towards mine. A wedge of sandy hair fell over his brow, accentuating eyes that shone with compassion. He radiated a love I longed for, and I wondered if it were the Saviour Himself bending over me. I whimpered, feeling inadequate, unworthy of his concern.
When he frowned, it all came back with horrible clarity: the same pain I’d seen on the face I loved most, as the abbot entered me.
‘Hyde,’ I murmured, turning my face from him.
‘Yes. Oh, thank God!’ he said, caressing my cheek. ‘She’s going to be fine. It was just a nasty whack on the head.’
This would explain the continuous throbbing that filled my skull. I hovered on the edge of sleep, to escape this pain as well as my betrayal of the man I recognised as Mr Fortune. If I could drift off again, I wouldn’t have to face my degradation or the sense of failure filling my heart.
‘I fetch missy some tea,’ the woman said. ‘You come, too, Sebastian. Mister Hyde need time alone with her. She been to hell and back, by the sound of things.’
As they walked away, the exotically accented words rang true. I had indeed been to hell. I’d survived the trip, and now had to own up to my actions.
The mattress dipped with Hyde’s weight. ‘You’re home now, Mary Grace. Here among those who love you,’ he murmured. ‘I’d give twenty years of my life to turn back the calendar, to before I took you to Heaven’s Gate. My God, if I’d had any idea —!’
He rose to pace beside the bed, his anguish resounding even more deeply than mine. I watched him, so magnificently handsome and consumed by a remorse I didn’t understand.
‘Can you ever forgive me, Mary Grace? Please say you will.’
I frowned, which intensified the aching in my head. ‘As I recall, it was I who willingly went into that ceremony, wearing only honey and cocoa and…and strings of grapes and cherries. It’s a wonder you brought me back, after the way I…let Father Luc…’
Hyde sat beside me again, scowling. ‘He befuddled us both, sweetheart! I could tell by your eyes that he’d cast a spell — and then he nailed me in place! I’ve never felt so utterly useless. When I should’ve been snatching you away from him, I watched that bastard mock your honour before shoving his cock into you!’
My slit twitched. And although my mind recoiled at what I’d allowed to take place — begging Father Luc to fuck me, like some shameless hussy — my body came vibrantly awake. ‘I’m sorry you drove all that way, only to watch my decadent display. It must’ve been awful.’
Hyde cleared his throat. ‘Actually,’ he began, ‘you were a glorious sight, Mary Grace. While I detested the abbot for making us pawns in some insidious game, I found myself wishing it were I who made you scream with ecstasy on that table. I hope you’ll give me the chance again some day.’
I wanted to smile and say yes, everything would be fine, as though I’d never gone to the monastery. But when I untangled the hair at my ear, and my fingers found a hoop — jewellery like Mary Grace Michaels had never owned — I snapped out of my wishful thinking.
It was all true. There really was a Sybil, and she’d disguised us as cocoa-covered twins to keep me safe from the abbot, and to return me to Hyde. Her earrings would forever remind me of the orgy gone awry in a sanctuary which was more like a brothel than a house of God.
Yet I cherished her friendship. She’d taught me some surprising things about myself.
It was Hyde’s story I needed to concentrate on, however. Perhaps, now that I was fully awake, he could answer some nagging questions. With his assistance, I sat against the pillows he propped behind my back.
‘Tell me about this game,’ I murmured. ‘While Brother Christy confessed he wasn’t really a monk — and you wouldn’t believe what he showed me, in the catacombs — I couldn’t grasp what Father Luc was saying. Something about driving Papa over the cliff, and bringing you into the picture, all so he could get me to Heaven’s Gate.’
Hyde again caressed my cheek. ‘I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, either. But I understand it a little better now that I’ve talked with my…there’s someone you need to meet, Mary Grace. I hope you’ll understand why I’ve kept her hidden away.’
He looked towards the corner, where candlelight didn’t penetrate the darkness; this was the bedroom Hyde and I slept in, before I fled Mount Calvary for the freedom I perceived at Heaven’s Gate. The rustling of fabric made me peer around Hyde’s body, and when a wizened figure stepped into the light, I sucked in my breath.
She wore the same translucent gown, and floated towards me with the same wispy hair and slightly wild eyes. Only Hyde’s presence kept me from diving beneath the covers, as I’d done the first time I watched this wraith appear.
‘Mother, I’d like to introduce Mary Grace Michaels,’ he said gently.
My mind protested: I’d walked past Madeleine Fortune’s headstone every time I visited Mama’s grave. Yet Hyde talked as though his mother was part of his everyday life.
‘Didn’t I promise you she’d recover? Your idea about a Scripture vigil brought her around, just as we hoped,’ he continued, as though reassuring a frightened child.
‘Tell Mary Grace what you explained to me, about Father Luc and —’
‘Don’t go,’ the woman wheezed. ‘Those who enter Heaven’s Gate are lost forever!’
Her body crumpled in a fit of coughing, and my fear was replaced by pity. Hyde towered above her stooping shoulders, tenderly guiding her towards the bed. His expression begged my indulgence.
‘I didn’t know, until last night, that Mother spent some time at the monastery as a young woman. Her story answers a lot of questions, if she’s strong enough to repeat it for you.’
I reached for her withered hand, which felt like a little bundle of twigs in tissue paper. Madeleine Fortune looked fragile and dry, an autumn leaf that a breeze might carry away, yet the existence of a robust son meant she’d once been bursting with life. ‘I’m so pleased to meet you,’ I said. ‘I hope you’ll excuse my intrusion in your home — and my childish reaction when I saw you here several weeks ago.’
The hand inside mine squeezed back. ‘I’m so glad you’re here, Mary Grace. My son needs a responsible woman in his life, so that when I expire —’
‘Now, Mother, you’re fine,’ Hyde insisted.
‘— I know he’ll be cared for,’ she finished. Saying this seemed to bolster her courage. Her blue eyes sparkled in a face as pale as a daisy.
I sensed she’d wander unless we kept her on the subject, so I held her hand between both of mine. ‘Hyde tells me you’ve met Father Luc.’
Her nostrils pinched in as she inhaled, but she regained her composure. ‘His full name is Lucifer, you know. He didn’t tell me that outright, but I’m sure a bright girl like yourself has figured it out.’
I tried not to let my head spin with her implication. For now, I wanted to listen rather than think, so I pressed on. ‘And you went to Heaven’s Gate? And it was an ancient monastery, where monks raised grapes and sold brandied sweets?’
‘They were just beginning to make those cakes, as I recall,’ she said in a faraway voice. She squinted then, studying my face. ‘If I weren’t getting a bit feeble, I’d swear you look exactly like the young woman who baked them.’
‘Sybil,’ I whispered.
‘A lovely girl, but so brazen. Of course, everyone looked for an excuse to lose their clothes, so it’s little wonder she behaved the same way.’
Madeleine fretted with the folds of her nightgown as though picking at loose threads, but after a few moments she focused on me again.
‘I’ve never told anyone about these things, until Hyde brought you home last night, unconscious. I suspected trouble when I saw that pudgy blond monk through my window,’ she continued in a hesitant voice. ‘You see, I went to Heaven’s Gate when I was about your age, after my parents died in a horrible fire. I thought it was the answer to my prayers, but as time went by, I realised something unthinkable was amiss. When I announced my intention to return to town, to become a school marm, I was made the celebrant for the celebration of the winter solstice. It was an orgy the likes of which I’ve never seen — and — and —’
‘And Father Luc had his way with her,’ Hyde went on, his lips in a bitter line. ‘He got what he wanted, and he grew bored. Left her to wander down the mountainside, in the dead of winter.’
The waif beside us nodded sadly. ‘I was with child. I imagined the abbot laughing at my predicament, knowing I’d think of him every time I looked into my son’s eyes. I tried to give Hyde a normal childhood, and schooling —’
‘I’ve told you how she sacrificed herself for me,’ he said softly, calling to mind his mother’s lot as a prostitute.
‘— but I feared Luc would come after me and take his revenge for the way I defied him, and raised a good boy in spite of him.’
She shook with her horrible memories, so Hyde pulled her close, signalling the end of the conversation. I bade her a soft good night, and he carried her like a child, to some unknown region in the massive house.
I sat alone on the bed, sorting out this startling new information. My tired mind wasn’t ready to dwell upon who Father Luc really might be, yet it explained the timeless, ongoing nature of Heaven’s Gate, and its perfect climate, and so many other details about the life and the people there.
Hyde returned shortly, hesitating at my bedside. ‘Do you understand why she lives as a recluse, eternally cloistered in this house?’ he asked. ‘As the years went by, her experience with Father Luc ate away at her sanity, until she became obsessed with the notion that he might come after her. The only way I could relieve her fears was to perform a closed-casket funeral, and erect a headstone, and promise her I’d see to all her needs.’
What a lonely, confining life — all because of Father Luc’s intimidation. I had indeed been a game piece, as had Hyde. We’d provided diversions for the black-souled master of that monastic retreat, which resembled Paradise to the unwitting visitor.
‘How horrible for you, to learn that Luc is your father, after what he made you watch.’
His smile flickered sadly. ‘It was just another way of exerting his power and control. For all we know, he’s left dozens of offspring in far worse circumstances than mine. I’m just grateful to Sybil — she helped me carry your things to the carriage, once the abbot was occupied with the ceremonies — and glad I arrived in time to reclaim you.’
I let out a resentful snort. ‘Father Luc would’ve begun the ceremony whenever you showed up. It was his mission to humiliate you while he did the same to me.’
‘It gave me quite a start, to see myself seated in that chair in the chancel, and to observe the frenzy the others had reached. If I’d had any idea about —’
‘They only show you what they want you to see,’ I offered.
‘But we’re sometimes blinded by our own arrogance. I should’ve realised things weren’t as they seemed,’ he said with a rueful smile. ‘But I liked to think Sybil’s propositions were a way to bend the rules, because she couldn’t resist me.’
I smiled in spite of a tightness in my stomach.
‘And I delighted in the changes I saw in you, Mary Grace, as you discovered new levels of excitement. New ways to attain pleasure. I hope we’ll pursue some of those same…extremely erotic adventures, my love. My wish to marry you has never wavered, you know.’
Had I accepted his proposal last January, I could’ve opened my arms and enjoyed the affections of a handsome, compassionate man. Such comfort and love were the perfect antidotes to my poisonous thoughts, now that I realised the truth about Heaven’s Gate. But I couldn’t change the decision I’d made back then.
‘You don’t know half of what went on there,’ I murmured. ‘When I think back, I wonder if I weren’t caught in some sort of unholy enchantment from the moment I met the abbot.’
‘That’s exactly how Mother put it. So you shouldn’t hold yourself responsible for things beyond your control, dear Mary.’
‘But I feel — unclean. Defiled.’
His dimple winked mischievously. ‘Yu Ling was running a bath when I returned from tucking Mother in. Perhaps a hot soak is exactly what you need, considering the honey and chocolate you were wearing. And after a night’s rest, I hope you’ll feel up to a walk. I have a surprise for you, dear lady.’
What woman wouldn’t flush with pleasure, knowing her man thought of her while she was away? Yet a sense of dread filled me. I didn’t want to disappoint Hyde Fortune, after all his kindness. I didn’t deserve him, and wanted him to be free of yet another parasite; another pariah he surely wouldn’t want to be responsible for.