Devil's Despair Box Set: Books 1-3 (49 page)

I shouldn’t have started anything with her. I put my wants and desire for her ahead of her needs and ended up selfishly causing her unneeded turmoil.

I like her. I like her a lot, but not enough to give her anything she and the others know she deserves. I’m not the guy for her and I don’t want to be.

She and I have fun together. That’s the attraction. I can be myself around her, with no worry she’s going to get clingy, or crazy, or expect anything from me. In a sense, she and I are the same. We both live in the moment and tonight that moment disappeared in the face of my best friend’s ire.

The knock at the front door causes me to jolt in my chair. As I glance at the clock, I see it’s nearly three in the morning. Without checking to see who it is, I open the door and I’m met with what appears to be a
very
drunk
Travis and an equally
annoyed
Lacey.

“What are you two doing here?” I grab Lacey’s wrist and pull her into me without a thought, letting her nearness settle over me.

“Travis here,” she motions to him leaning against the jamb of my door, “has something he’d like to say.” Using a more direct tone to pull him out of his slumped state, she asks, “Don’t you, Travis?”

“Fuck me. These women are driving me bat-shit crazy,” he mumbles without offering up whatever she’s asked of him.

“After we left tonight,” she continues through his statement as though he hadn’t just spoken. “We went home and had a chat. I’m not a child and after a shot of tequila for every birthday I’ve had that Trav missed, I think he’s figuring it out.”

“She’s my sister,” Travis says through a gut-wrenching slur. I don’t say anything.

“Yes, Travis. I’m your sister,” she repeats with emphasis. “A sister who you recently met. A twenty-one-year-old adult who you need to let make her own decisions.”

As soon as Travis starts to stand from his drunken lean and make his way into my condo, Lacey does something completely unexpected. She reaches up to me, pulls my neck to her and kisses me hard. It’s emotionally detached but it’s a clear statement meant for Travis.

“Oh, Christ, no. Please, dear God, don’t make me watch that shit,” he whines in response to seeing what she just did.

I smile into her lips and wrap my arms around her tightly. No one has ever made me feel as important as she just did. Her tenacity and calm demeanor in the face of his wrath and challenge is fucking hot.

“Say it, Travis,” she says, pushing me away from her. She’s ready to throw down.

Walking into my living room, he tosses the two pillows that adorn my leather couch onto the floor. He flops his large body down and hides his eyes from the bright lights surrounding him. “Christ.”

“Say it, Travis,” she repeats, walking toward him. He flinches when he notices her getting closer.

“Fine. You wanna fuck the playboy, fuck the playboy.”

“That’s not exactly what we agreed to, is it?” Her hands are on her hips, her foot cocked to the side. She’s not backing down at all. Now that I sense things will be okay, I take a second to sum her up.

I want inside her again.

“Hayden and I are friends, Trav. We’re friends who made an adult decision to sleep together, to have sex, to fuck.”

“He’s not who you think he is,” Travis mumbles, but I hear him as clearly as if he’s said it in my ear. The hurt is painfully difficult to swallow.

“Well, big brother, he has a big cock and I like it, so that’s enough for me, I guess.”

I let out a short laugh and look to the ground in attempt to hide my smile. Travis, letting this register, sits up on his elbows and although it takes him a few seconds, he finds me in the room still standing by the door. His whine echoes off the walls, “My sister?”

“Yes!” She slams the pillow she yanks off the floor and it hits his face with a bounce. He’s too drunk to deflect her quick action.

Finally, though, he concedes. “Okay! What the fuck ever. Just don’t come to me when he breaks your heart.” Forgetting I’m still standing in the same room, he continues explaining what he thinks he knows about me. “He will, Lacey. He’ll fuck you and leave you. That’s what he does.”

“God, you’re
such
an asshole!” she yells while throwing the other pillow at him and leaving him to sulk in his drunken state alone.

“Lace, it’s okay.” I try to calm her but she’s coming right
at
me.

“It’s definitely not okay, Hayden. Hope it’s all right ‘cause I’m staying the night. I’m not taking his drunk ass home and I’m not leaving him here alone with you,” she announces to the room, walking past me down my hallway. She has no clue where my bedroom is so she keeps opening doors along the way.

Before following her in, I walk to Trav lying on the couch with his eyes closed. “I like her, Trav,” I whisper, making this a confession to myself more than him. “We’re having fun.”

I start to walk away, but hear him call behind me, “Don’t hurt her, Hayden. I just got her. Please don’t take her away.”

His soft plea reaches out into the empty space between us. Locking the front door, I answer his return with one of my own. “It won’t be her who gets hurt in this, friend. It’ll be me.”

“It’ll be her,” he assures me, his voice hoarse from emotion or alcohol; either way I sense he’s on edge.

Walking from the front door, I reach Travis and take a seat on the floor beside him. If he hit me now and from this angle, I’m certain I wouldn’t wake up until morning, but I risk it because he needs me. I owe this to him for what I did.

“I didn’t keep this hidden on purpose. It just happened.”

“I hate you for this.”

“I know,” I concede. “I’m an ass.”

“No, man, you don’t get it. Lacey aside. I’ve always hated how you were with women.” His eyes are covered with his forearm, making this conversation easier to have without his constant glare of disgust aimed at me. “Always using them like you do.”

“You’re afraid of them.” It’s a bold statement and I cringe as I say it, waiting for him to get up and rightfully kick my ass.

“Not afraid of them, Hayden. I just don’t want to hurt them.”

His past.
Sometimes throughout the years, Trav’s let on about what little memories he has of his mother. None of them clear, but he has vague recollections at times.

“I’m not a monster.”

“Nope,” he replies, agreeing with my statement as he starts to doze off, “You’re not a monster; you’re worse. Women don’t see you coming; the wolf in sheep’s clothing. You make them want you; you let them
have
you. Then you take their hopes and heart with you on your way out. This doesn’t make you a monster, but it
does
make you a thief and a liar.”

I don’t respond to his version of the truth. I don’t know what I’d say if I tried. I’m not
only
the person he believes me to be, and what’s worse, there isn’t a person on the face of this Earth who would stand at my side and disagree with Travis, or any of my friends for that matter.

Getting up and looking down at him one last time as he sleeps in a drunken state, I head toward my bedroom without looking back.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Hayden

BY THE TIME I finish shutting off all the lights and make my way to my room, I see Lacey has wrapped herself up in my blankets and is lying comfortably in my bed.

A woman in my bed.

I take a few seconds to pause and take her in. Her back is to me, so I can’t see her face to know for certain if she’s sleeping. Her clothes are strewn around my bed and carelessly tossed from one end of it to the other. Her blonde hair in contrast to my dark sheets lies softly on my pillow.

This woman in my bed is making me forget who I used to be.

Giving in to my overpowering emotions after what I heard from Travis, I undress quickly, move the covers and turn her around, finding she’s awake and smiling. “I was wondering what was taking you so long.”

“Hi,” I whisper softly, enjoying the feel of having her under me.

“Hi,” she answers back in understanding.

“Thank you,” I tell her with honesty.

“You’re welcome.”

“Wanna make out?” Her smile in the moonlight through my window causes me to smile back with ease, the turmoil Travis had caused inside fading as I look at her.

“You’re sure we’re not moving too fast?” I joke before kissing her neck.

She shifts her body under mine, spreading her thighs and wrapping her legs around me tightly. The warmth of her core calls my cock to attention.

“Condom,” I say, grabbing one from my drawer next to the bed.

“No make-out session?”

“Seriously?” I ask, barely holding control.

“Yeah.”

Dropping my head in defeat, willing myself to give her anything she asks for, I drop the condom back on the nightstand, move my mouth to hers and suck her bottom lip. ”Okay.” Laughing under me, I feel her pussy against my cock and call foul. “Don’t fucking move like that again.”

She does. I feel her clit against the head of my cock and push onto her while grabbing the condom again, ready to end her little game.

“Kiss me . . .” she says breathlessly, “Hayden.”

Hearing my name on her lips spins the moment and I thrust into her without thinking. Pulling out, I sit up and away from her without letting the moment end up in unintended consequence.

“I’m on the pill, Hayden. I have been since I was thirteen.”

Falling down on top of her again, she reaches up to kiss me but I stop her. “Are you sure it’s okay.”

“I’ve been with two men. One was a virgin, the other was Alec and he gets a full physical for work so he always included that. His last test was clean.”

“I get tested every three months.”

“And?” she asks, eyebrows drawn up with anticipation.

I push into her and listen as she gasps and straightens her neck with my invasion. “I’m clean.”

“Yes,” she hisses with satisfaction as I pull out and push into her again, enjoying the feel of every fucking inch inside her. I’ve slept with hundreds of women; I’m sure. I’ve only gone without a condom one time. I was sixteen and didn’t know any better. I’ve never made that mistake with a casual acquaintance again.

Lacey’s hips move in sync under me with each new thrust. Her nails against my back scratch me deep; the pain adding to my pleasure. “Lacey, I won’t last if you keep doing that.”

Her nails dig deeper and I have no choice but to stop to catch a breath.

She licks me neck to chin, then whispers, “Let me on top.”

Taking her with me, I roll us to the other side of the bed and watch her move from underneath. Her head tilts to the ceiling as she leans her hands against my chest, taking me in and out of her in short motions. I’m not able to watch much longer without cutting this short.

Sitting up, I grab her nipple in my mouth and feel it pebble as I sink my teeth gently into it. She grabs my face as she slows her movements to stare down at me. “I’m sorry they said those things.”

“Lacey, don’t.” I hold her still, locking my arms around her, and look up at her beautiful face.

“You’re not what they say you are.”

“Stop.”

“Hayden . . .” she says softly in my ear while wrapping her arms around my shoulders as she starts to move again. “You’re not.”

Emotional sex isn’t what I know. It’s confusing and I don’t want to think while I’m fucking her. It takes the act to another level; I’ve never been there and have no desire to be. So I do what I know: I lift her, positioning her body under mine again, and begin to thrust into her violently. She clenches me from inside and then release a loud moan before she comes around my cock.

I finish moments later, holding myself inside her until the shuddering, emptying release passes.

After a few seconds go by, she pulls my head from her neck with her hands. “Where’d you go?”

“What?” I know what she’s asking. The emotional connection I tried to bury is being put in front of me for examination.

“Hayden,” she says softly, tilting her head to the side. “You’re not what they say,” she repeats her words from minutes before.

I don’t answer her statement; I just pull out and adjust myself beside her. Pulling her into me, she rests her head on my chest. We sit in silence until her breaths are slow and even.

Once I think she’s finally asleep, I quietly explain to clear my conscience. The confession is meant for me. “Please don’t make this more than what it is. You weren’t supposed to like me, Lacey.”

A few breaths later, I hear her murmur heavy with sleep, “It’s only what we make it, Hayden.”

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Hayden

IT’S ONLY WHAT we make it.

Throughout the rest of the morning, I’ve been able to get a few minutes of sleep here and there. The fact that a woman is in my bed and it hasn’t made me want to run screaming for the hills makes sleeping almost impossible. Mostly, I think it’s due to the fact it’s Lacey. The familiar smell of her, the sounds she makes in her sleep, and her easy breathing when she’s not talking up a storm in that sleep are acting as a distraction.

Most of the night I’ve laid still next to her, running my fingers up and down her arm, embracing the warmth her body, if not her heart, provides.

The evening’s events play on an open reel in slow motion in my mind. Travis’s words of advice to her in warning of me hurt, but they weren’t exactly untrue. He doesn’t care to know how I feel about her.

He didn’t ask.

He assumed, which he had a right to, I was going to fuck her and leave her wanting more from me. He thinks I’ll break her heart. As long as she and I are clear with our intentions of whatever this relationship is we’re going into, no one will get hurt.

As I finally start to drift off to sleep, the undeniable sound of Travis getting sick in the bathroom just down the hall is obvious. I hear the muffle, then the moan, then the flush. Again: muffle, moan, flush.

Silence . . .

I start to get up, repositioning Lacey gently under me. I cover her quietly and kiss her forehead and she starts mumbling in her sleep, although her words aren’t clear. After turning at the door to ensure she’s asleep, I make my way down the hall where I find the bathroom light on, door open, and Travis hugging the stool.