Devil May Care: Boxed Set (143 page)

By the time the weekend rolled around, I wasn’t sure if this past week had been the best one of my life or the worst. And now that it was time for the youth trip, I had a feeling it was gonna get even worse.

April drove us all over to the church, and everyone was piled into a bus. The younger kids all sat in the front, and April claimed the last seat all the way in the back. I slid in beside her. She smiled at me but then looked around, and I nodded. We couldn’t be too obvious about anything. Too many eyes.

So we kept quiet, and the ride was long enough that April fell asleep, her head resting on my shoulder. It felt so natural to be here with her, even if our destination wasn’t my first choice. I couldn’t believe how much she’d changed in the weeks I’d known her. And what made it better was that I didn’t think she’d changed for me. No. She’d changed for herself. She’d always had some fire in her, some spark, and now she was letting it grow and shine more. She was coming into her own, in more ways than one, and I wasn’t only interested in the way she was behaving sexually.

If only she could take that one last step and stand up to her asshole of a father.

The scenery rolled on by, not nearly as pretty of a sight as April when I felt a hand rub up and down my leg. Hell, seemed like April had forgotten her warning.

I was careful not to make eye contact so as not to draw attention. Her soft hand rubbed my upper thigh, moving closer to my groin, and by the time she worked up the courage to rub my cock through my tight jeans, she had a big bulge to rub. Her touch always drove me wild, and my cock was so hard for her. Her gripping and rubbing it through my jeans with so many people around us made it even hotter, made my cock ever harder.

“Two can play that game,” I growled into her ear, and she shivered.

Time for me to return the favor.

I casually put my hand on her knee, which meant it had to be beneath her long skirt. On Sundays, she typically wore more conservative clothes, and she was wearing church clothes right now. It made this even sexier—the contrast between her outward good girl appearance and her inner sexy vixen.

I rubbed her soft skin and slid my hand up a few inches on her thigh. She squeezed her legs together and gave the tiniest of whimpers. I shook my head and started to move my hand away, but she yanked on my arm to keep me in place. Still, I didn’t touch higher than halfway up her thigh, not wanting to risk getting caught in a really compromising position. I didn’t give a fuck about my reputation, but April’s meant too much for me to tarnish it.

Which meant that we couldn’t do more than what we were already doing, and we were both breathing heavily and dying for more when the bus pulled to a stop.

A tall guy who looked to be in his early twenties stood at the front of the bus and clapped his hands. He was the one in charge. Crossed off our names as we climbed onto the bus. When I gave my name, he’d started to make a scene about how glad he was to have a newcomer onboard until April smoothly let it be known that I was grateful to be here and more than willing to go. A lie, but it shut him up and that was all that matter.

He cleared his throat, but it took a little bit for the kids on the bus to quiet enough for him to talk. “We’re here to help this poor town. As you can see,” he pointed to the windows, but I didn’t bother to look outside, too busy staring at April and the hazy look of lust in her eyes as I traced circles on her thigh, “there’s been a lot of damage from a recent mudslide. You’ll be helping to clean up and provide relief to those who need it. But first, as always, study.”

The guy gave more instructions, but I stopped paying him attention. I followed the crowd off the bus, and we all unpacked our things at the campgrounds. Then we were herded to the local church like cattle to start our study. We were broken up into groups by age, and April and I were in the eldest group.

I hung back. This wasn’t my crowd, and I felt more than a little uncomfortable. The same couldn’t be said about April. She mingled with her church friends, and I was amazed by how effortlessly she could put up with the religious bullshit. After my life, religion just wasn’t in the cards for me.

If I could ever convince April to leave all of this behind, would that be an issue, my not being religious? Well, it wasn’t going to ever happen—her leaving this or my turning religious—so there wasn’t a point in worrying about it.

A guy in charge, John, came into the room. He wore a plastic, non-stop smile as he led the study. “Hi, everyone. So glad you’re all here. Aren’t you glad to be here?”

Most everyone nodded or responded in the positive. I didn’t move a muscle, and I didn’t say a word.

“Please. Let’s all sit down.” He spread out his hands to the chairs arranged in a huge circle.

Everyone moved to comply, and I made sure to sit next to April. Man, did I hate being here.

“Let’s talk about natural disasters, shall we?”

John sounded way too cheerful to be talking about something so devastating but whatever.

“Natural disasters can be the result of our Lord’s wrath on sinners,” John continued, still smiling that plastic smile. “It’s each one of our jobs to be an example to others around us so that they may join us in salvation.”

I squirmed in my seat. Did people really believe this crap? I glanced around at the other kids, and some of them were nodding. Wow. I definitely wouldn’t want to believe in such a vengeful god.

John clapped his hands. “Now let’s discuss some ways that we can be that example. Let’s going around the circle, and everyone can mention something that your parents do that you wish to emulate. Cara, why don’t you start us off?”

Cara went to our school. She had super long hair, and her glasses made her look bug eyed. You would’ve thought she’d be the quiet type, but she never stopped talking, ever.

She beamed at us all. “Oh, there are so many things I want to emulate from my parents. I love how much my mom loves my dad. She’ll do anything and everything for him. She’ll even iron his underwear! She isn’t happy if he isn’t. Is there anything more touching than that? That they even feel the same emotions? I think that shows that it’s possible to care about others, that it’s possible to help others, to love them, to do whatever you can to help them. And then she—”

“Thank you, Cara. Garrett, you’re next.”

Garrett gave some kind of BS answer, and so did the next few kids, and I began to zone out. This was stupid and pointless.

“Wesley. Wesley. It’s your turn. Why don’t you share with the group what you would like to emulate from your parents.” John flashed me his stupid smile.

I smiled a plastic smile of my own back at him. “I’ve never had parents.”

Icy silence answered me. Some of the kids looked like they were sorry for me, which I hated. Didn’t want their pity. Didn’t want their compassion. I was doing just fine on my own. Didn’t need parents, and I didn’t need anyone else either.

April cleared her throat and broke the icy silence. “My mom is wonderful. She’s a peacemaker and…”

As the others droned on and the whole thing dragged on, it only served to further cement my desire to get April the fuck out of this place. While she might have the others fooled, I could tell. I could read her. She wasn’t just faking her smiles. She was hiding her pain. I did some mental math and combined that with the research I’d been doing lately. I knew how much money I had and the highway route to Oregon. I’d already saved up enough to get us at least a small place, and then we could get jobs. April could start college.

Throughout the rest of the talk and while we did our duty to help the less fortunate, I kept thinking and daydreaming and hoping and planning. By the time dinner rolled around, it was decided. Fuck everything else. I was taking her with me.

April

I hadn’t been sure what to think of as far as the youth mission trip was concerned. It wasn’t like this was the first one I had ever gone on, but it felt different this time. Not because Wes was with me. More because I had changed. I was different. I was not the same girl I had been a few months ago. Did I like the new me better than the old me? Did I like the new me at all?

Being surrounded by the church made it next to impossible to escape from the fact that when I returned home, Dad was probably going to marry me off to one of those horrible men. My only salvation was the distraction that Wes provided, and it made me start to think one thing that absolutely terrified me. I was beginning to wonder if I was in love with him. With Wes. With my step-brother.

***

The next day, we get to work in town. A lot of the damage had already been taken care of, but it was still horrible to see some of the displaced families and the ruined homes.

Wes and I set to work cleaning up a property around a half-repaired home, clearing it of debris and throwing away trash that washed up with the mud. The other kids had also broken up into groups, and although a fair amount of them were friends, they didn’t seem to notice that I was picking my step-brother over them.

Was that what was happening? That I was choosing him over friends, over family? It wasn’t something I wanted to think about right now. Just like every day since I learned about my mom’s accident, I had to live one day at a time, one moment at a time. I was so angry all the time, frustrated, bitter, and the only time those feelings faded away to the background was when I was with Wes. Something about him made me feel more alive, made me feel more in control. It didn’t matter who was in control in the bedroom. I still felt like I had power. I could see how a touch or a kiss could elicit a response from him, and it was empowering. Uplifting. It gave me tingles just thinking about it.

But it was more than that. Wes listened to me. Considering that my father didn’t, that P and P tended to ignore me more than anything, that it took until Adam was drunk for him to even think of me romantically or sexually, it was refreshing. We could talk about anything and everything and be serious or teasing. I could be myself with him.

“This is gross,” Wes said as he dug around in the mud to unearth a crushed soda can.

“Not as gross as you,” I teased.

“You didn’t think I was gross last night.”

I blushed. Last night, I had swallowed his cum. No. That hadn’t been gross at all.

He glanced around and then chuckled. “Don’t worry. I won’t talk too much about it. I wouldn’t want anyone to think badly about you.”

“I don’t care what people think about me.”

“Good. I’m glad. It shouldn’t matter that people think you look ridiculous in that skirt.” He grinned recklessly.

“I don’t!”

“Okay, fine. I’ll grant you that, but…who wears a skirt to wade through mud to clean up?”

“At least I’m wearing boots,” I pointed out. His sneakers were sinking into the mud.

He sighed and threw up his hands. “I guess I just lack common sense.”

“Yep.” With a giggle, I smiled. “Oh, no!”

“What’s wrong?”

“Look at this!” I handed him a disgusting half-destroyed condom box.

He laughed. “I hoped they used them all up before the mudslide hit.”

Time was flying by as we cleaned and joked. We were getting along great, as we seemed to do so well.

Some of the stuff we found was hilarious, but some of it was sad. It was horrible to think what these people had gone through. Once we cleared the mud of everything we could find, we moved on to the rubble. This was easier, and we worked faster. My fingers brushed against something sharp and jagged as I pushed aside the rubble, and I pulled out a broken Virgin Mary figure.

Come to think of it, there was one topic we hadn’t talked about yet.

Like I did with the condom box, I handed the figure to Wes. “Do you believe in God?” I asked.

He shrugged.

Puzzled, I asked, “What does that mean?”

Wes grimaced and he tilted his head to the side. He visibly seemed to be thinking, which I appreciated. I wanted to know what he honestly thought. I didn’t want a flippant answer.

“I used to think there was one,” he said slowly. “Then I thought there wasn’t, and now I just don’t know.” He took a deep breath. “There are a lot of good reasons on both sides, and I change my mind a lot.”

“Well, what do you think right this second?” I patted my hands to try to get the dirt from my hands. I wouldn’t be surprised if I had dirt on my face too, especially since I just wiped sweat from my forehead. My hair had to be messy, and my face was probably blotchy from exertion.

But Wes was staring at me, looking at me for a long, deep moment. I didn’t understand what was happening, and then he said, “Yeah. Right now, yeah.”

I wanted to continue the conversation, but it was obvious Wes didn’t want to, so the subject dropped. Eventually, I would like to revisit it, but for now, I’d let it go. I couldn’t imagine all he had gone through, how alone he must have felt at times. To not have anyone—no family, no friends—and then to not even have God…it was tragic, and it made me feel for him all the more.

***

During our lunch break, Wes and I sat together alone. We joked and teased and flirted a little, but when there was a lull in the conversation, I cleared my throat. “Wes…”

“Yeah?”

“I…can I talk to you about something?”

“Anything, April.” The look he gave me made me feel like I was his whole world. It was amazing. And terrifying.

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“I don’t want to be married off. I…I never thought Dad ever would. I mean, I kinda figured he would have a hand in who I married, but he never discouraged me from having crushes. I don’t know. I guess he thought it was harmless maybe. I mean, it doesn’t seem like he thought that…well, I just…he never forbade me from dating, but now that I think about it, he did think it was a little silly. Maybe he always assumed he would find a guy for me. I mean, he found my job for me, a college for me…why not a husband too?”

Wes bristled instantly, his face turning dark and dangerous. “I won’t let it happen to you.”

He sounded so forceful, so strong, and while I appreciated his words, I knew there was nothing he could actually do.

Just like there was nothing I could do for Mom and for Penelope.

Tears burned my eyes, and I couldn’t take the burden of the secret anymore. “Can I tell you something?”

He grinned and laughed a little. “Of course, idiot.”

I tried to grin back, but I couldn’t. “You know Penelope?”

“Don’t tell me your asshole father has a guy lined up for her already.”

I shook my head and blinked rapidly to prevent myself from crying. “No. At least I don’t think so. He better not. It’s…Yvonne isn’t her mother.”

“What?” He scratched his head and leaned toward me.

“My mom is. Penelope’s my sister, not my half-sister. Yvonne and my mom got pregnant around the same time, but Yvonne had a miscarriage and was so devastated about it that Dad forced Mom to agree to let Yvonne raise Penelope as her own.”

“Wow.” He shook his head incredulously. “I didn’t think the family could be any more fucked up, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

I hung my head. It hurt to hear him call the family, my family, fucked up, even though he was only telling the truth. “I couldn’t keep the secret anymore. I shouldn’t have told you.”

“No.” He reached across the table and patted my hand. “I’m glad you told me. I…it’s nice to have someone confide in me, to trust me with a secret, especially with one so big.”

“You make it sound like no one’s trusted you before.” That was heartbreaking. How can anyone thrive in conditions like that? Had anyone ever given him a chance? Of course he would falter and fail and stumble his way through life if no one gave him guidance, if no one pushed him to be a better version of himself. I mean, could I be certain I would be where I was right now in life if it weren’t for my family?

And where exactly was I? Being pressured to go to community college even though it might not be the best option for me. Potentially being pressured to marry before I was ready to a man I wouldn’t know, let alone love.

What kind of a future was that?

Not the kind of future I wanted for myself. Not at all.

“Trust?” Wes spat out the word like it left a bad taste in his mouth. “Not a word I ever heard in a positive light. I wasn’t trusted to do anything except to screw up. When you’ve been yelled out and beaten down by words and fists long enough, you either start to believe it or you fight back and rebel. At first, when it started, I tried to do right. I tried to do what they wanted. But I was never good enough, and the insults, the fists…they kept on flying. So I changed. I hardened. I fought back with words and with fists. Yeah, maybe there were times I could’ve kept the peace if I’d kept my mouth shut, if I kept my head down, but sometimes, you just gotta stand up for yourself, especially when no one else would.”

“Oh.” I was nearly speechless. I couldn’t imagine the life he’d lived. While things hadn’t always been the rosiest, even my worst times had to be better than all of his. Plus I had a mom who loved me dearly. Wes hadn’t had either parent in his life growing up.

“I never had anyone in my life. Not since my mom left me.” Wes shrugged nonchalantly, like it didn’t matter to him, but I could see the blankness in his eyes. He was trying to hide his feelings, but I could see them anyhow. He’d been scarred.

I shook my head and held out my hand, palm up. He placed his in mine, and I squeezed his hand tightly. “Why did your mom leave you to begin with?”

I knew it wasn’t right to judge someone, but if I was honest with myself, I was judging Jacqueline pretty hard right now.

“Because she didn’t have the money to take care of me. Couldn’t afford anything for me. And my dad? He’d just been MIA forever.”

My heart broke for him.

“The worst part?” he added. “I never felt like I belonged. But that’s also made me stronger. And unafraid.”

Staring at him, into his eyes, I believed him. He might be scarred, but he was strong too. Unafraid. Unabashed. Despite the hardships, Wes was a man. Did he stumble? Yes, but even if he fell, he got back up again.

And in that moment, I wanted to trust him, to be there for him, to push him to be better.

And I couldn’t help but wonder if he could push me to be better too.