Deviant (35 page)

“I don’t know. Maybe forgive me? Was it really so much for me to ask when you knew for a fact I wasn’t myself? And don’t pretend you don’t know. I lost someone! I had just fucking buried someone close to me and you weren’t there!”

Shaking the bed a little, my stranger growled. “What the fuck do you want from me, Tyler? What do you want?!”

“I want you! I want you to want me. I want to know who you are. Tell me!” I could feel the tears forming, but I was determined not to let them fall. I wouldn’t let him reduce me to that.

“No!” he growled again.

“Who are you?!” I shouted, knowing that he was quickly losing his resolve. I could hear it in his voice and feel it through his grip.

“Don’t ask me that question!”

“Who are you?!” I screamed again, almost spitting in his direction. I didn’t care if I was. I was too angry and had too much pent up frustration over this faceless man. I had to know. I had to see it for myself.

“Stop asking!” he shouted back, and I knew I could break him. I knew I could finally crack his cool resolve.

“Who the fuck are you?!” I shouted again, feeling the tension rise throughout my body.

My stranger, my Lotus, still had my arms pinned to the bed so I couldn’t move. “I am the man of your dreams, and your worst fucking nightmare. I am the one from whom you will never escape. I will always be there, always be haunting your dreams and you’re every fucking waking moment.”

I struggled again, but he was too strong. I couldn’t understand why he was so tender one moment, so rotten the next. He warned me that he was a demon, but I could never believe that he was. It seemed like he wanted to hurt me, but I couldn’t understand why.

“Don’t struggle, Tyler. You will never win. I always fucking win.”

I knew he was right, but I wasn’t going to back down. I saw my moment to hurt him, and struck. I raised my knee and hit him right where it hurts. He soon rolled off, doubling over in pain. It would seem he was just a man after all.

“Get out!” I screamed, pointing to the door. I thought he would argue. I thought he would retaliate in some way, but he surprised me. He picked himself up off the floor and headed towards the door. He stood motionless in the doorframe. The only thing I could see was the outline of his silhouette in that hoodie I had come to know and love. The mysterious man I had come to know and love.

“This isn’t over,” he finally stated in a raspy voice.

I should have said something. I should have moved, but I was stuck to the bed as I watched him leave my apartment. I sat there and listened as the door clicked, notifying me he was gone. As usual, I did my thing and searched through the apartment to make sure he did, in fact, leave.

At that moment, I wanted to cry. I wanted to mourn the loss of my stranger who had been such a huge part of my life for so long. After all this time of becoming complacent with him, I never realized he was, in fact, out to hurt me. But why? What had I done that was so wrong, it was worth stalking me all these years, messing up my apartment, and giving me the best sex I would ever have? And I knew he was right about that. Now that I tasted him, nobody would ever compare. But now I knew he did this just so he could hurt me. But hurt me for what reason?

With those thoughts running around in my head, I went to bed and planned what I was going to do next. I needed to think and I needed to think quickly. Lotus left, but before he went, he left me with the knowledge I hadn’t seen the last of him. I had to act. For a change, I had to be in control. It was my turn now. And I was determined to give him the shock of his life.

Chapter 42

I knew it was getting closer to that time. That was why I had to act. I had to get that fucking bastard Dean out of the way. He had been rubbing it in ever since that first day of school, but I wasn’t going to let him get past me now. I knew things. I knew a
lot
of things. I had friends who knew people, and it was that which sparked my plan into action. I had to get rid of him, but in order to do that, I had to somehow get rid of his parents. So, clutching the letter in my hand, I walked towards the post box. I knew once that letter slipped through the hole, everything would change. Dean would change, Tyler would change, but it had to be done. To get him the fuck out of Tyler’s life, it had to be done. No doubt, he would eventually find out about this letter and then, in turn, he would find out what Tyler had done. Or, shall I say, what she’s
supposed
to have done?

I had thought about it long and hard. I wondered for a while whether this might somehow put Tyler in danger. I didn’t think so. Dean was many things, but he would never hurt Tyler—no matter how much he thought she had hurt him.

With my mind made up, I stepped forward a little more and placed the letter at the mouth of the post box. Breathing in deeply, I let my fingers loosen and the letter fall from my grip. As I exhaled with a contented sigh, I smiled.

Let the chips fall where they may.

Chapter 43

    Tyler

The next day, I went into work and set about my normal tasks. But beneath my normal front at work, I researched. I used my full resources to my advantage and took back control of my life. The other thing I did at work was observe. I observed everybody. I did it in a way they couldn’t see I was spying on them. It was amazing what you picked up on at work once you just stepped back and took notice. Brandy, to my left, bit her lip when she looked confused or lost. Thomas, to my right, picked his nose—quite a lot. Eww. Louisa, to my far right, played with her hair when she read, and Ian, to my far left, frowned when he typed.

It was at that moment, while I was staring at him, that he looked up and smiled. He held his finger up to me for me to wait a second, so I did. I watched as he typed something, then a ping on my phone notified me of a new message.

Are we still on for tonight? It’s Spaghetti Bolognaise night. :)

I chuckled and looked up at Ian with a smile. I raised my thumb to him to let him know that it was still on, then got back to work. I carried on with my research, looking up Lotus first. There must be some significance to this name. I knew that wasn’t what he was really called. I typed it in the search engine and the first thing that came up was the Lotus cars. I knew that couldn’t be any significance, so I carried on scrolling. It was only when I reached the bottom that I noticed another suggestion for a search. I clicked on “Lotus Flower Meaning” and read its significance. It seemed that the lotus flower bloomed from murky waters, just like my stranger had said. It was a symbol of rebirth, desire, and spiritual enlightenment. Still none the wiser, I typed in “Lotus Flower Revenge”, and what came up was very interesting. It would seem that, in Buddhism, the lotus flower was a symbol of cause-and-effect. A live symbol of karma in action. It seemed he lived so much for revenge that not only did he wear its symbol on his shoulder, he also called himself by the flower’s name.

Sitting back in my chair, I pondered this for a moment. So my stranger was, in fact, out to harm me. But why? It was then that a little voice inside my head told me to be careful. The bouncer at the club warned me that he was dangerous. I knew he was. I just didn’t realise just how much he meant to my heart.

Determined to find out more, I strived on for more information. I didn’t care if I ended up late at work because of it. I needed to know why the man of my dreams had suddenly become my worst nightmare. If there was one thing I had always been good at, it was research. You had to in this line of work, and now I was using it to my full advantage.

In my three hours of virtually non-stop Lotus homework, I found out quite a lot. My heart thumped and my head hurt with knowledge, but it was nowhere near how much my heart was hurting now. It wasn’t a dream I had the other night when I thought Dean was holding me in his arms and caressing my necklace. It was real. My stranger was real. In fact, he even owned the apartment block I stayed in. It was in another name, but I knew it was him. My stranger wasn’t a stranger at all.

He was my long-lost love, Dean. And I knew just where I could find him.

*****

It was just after six when I finally left work. I had somewhere to go, but I also had to wait a little while until I could go where I needed to. In an effort to pass the time, I looked around the shops, looking at all the sales, but not really taking any of it in. I was too consumed with the knowledge that my Dean was back, but he was out to hurt me. My heart drowned in a sea of despair. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what it was I had done. But I was determined to figure it out, one way or the other. I had to find him and look him in the eye so he could tell me face-to-face what I had done so wrong that it warranted him breaking me apart. And I did feel broken apart. Dean had always been the love of my life. For years, I kept that image of him as that cheeky, skinny, tall boy who wanted nothing more than to make me happy. What happened to that boy? What turned him against me so fiercely?

Shaking my head, I looked around and only then remembered Ian was coming around later. Fishing out my phone, I texted Ian to let him know I was running late, and that I should be back at around eight-thirty. I had a task to complete and the anticipation was running through my veins.

When it got closer to eight, I thought it was now or never. I didn’t know whether Dean would be there, but I had to see for myself. I had to at least find out more, if I could.

I walked into the building, passing by the odd person or two leaving their offices for the day. I got in the lift, alone, and pressed the top floor. It was the worst elevator ride I had ever experienced. It seemed to go on and on with no end in sight. I wondered whether my Dean would be the same. The thought frightened me. What if he was determined never to set me free?

With that thought coursing through my pumping veins, the lift doors opened, revealing a dim room. All the lights were off, apart from the dim overhead ones—some of which were flickering a little. It just seemed to somehow add to the suspense.

My heart drumming, I walked past the vast array of desks towards the one room I had been dreading and longing to visit all day.

I stood outside, realizing there was a shadow in the darkened room, looking across the horizon. Closing my eyes, I inhaled a deep breath, realizing it was now or never. I opened my eyes to meet the name on the door. My stalker, my stranger, my Dean, was none other than Andrew Walker. And now he stood in the shadows, hoodie over his head, and I knew just where he was planning on going tonight.

But I beat him to it. I had become the stalker and my stranger, the unsuspecting victim. It made me laugh a little, knowing I had regained some power. I wondered what he would think once he saw me here now. I knew he would be shocked, but for me, it was all about answers. I needed answers as to why he wanted to hurt me so badly.

Turning the knob as quietly as I could, I entered the room and stood staring at the back of my Dean. Tears threatened to run at the thought I had finally found him, only for him to be ripped from me once again.

I was still determined, though. I was still resolute in seeing this through without a tear, without my despair. I couldn’t let him see that he had won. I had to hold onto my dignity with all my might.

For a long time, I stood there, speechless. At first, I didn’t know if I should say anything, or just let him take his time before he turned around. I didn’t have to wait too long. He turned, and the hint of those steely blue eyes I remembered as a kid locked onto me with a force unknown to nature. It was him at the mansion. The man who stole my breath away. Why did I not see that it was him at the time? How could I have ever forgotten those beautiful eyes of his?

Trying not to think too much on it, I just took the moment of silence to gauge his reaction. He was good at hiding things, I’d give him that. I still saw it, though…the surprised look on his face when he saw me. It was ever so slight, but it was there nonetheless. It almost made me smile. I wasn’t sure where this little bit of triumph in me came from, but it was there, bubbling away on the surface.

“Surprised to see me, Dean?” I thought I would end up breaking the ice, considering he was always the one that ended up getting the first and last word in.

Dean sighed and shook his head with a resolute smile. “So, now you know,” he whispered with that sexy, raspy voice of his.

I nodded my head. “Now I know.”

He pushed the hoodie off his head, exposing the full beauty of his features. He was exactly as I remembered as a youngster, just older. He was very different in a sense, too. His normally soft nature was gone now, replaced with this hard, unforgiving man in front of me. But what was there to forgive? I just couldn’t understand it all.

“I must admit, this wasn’t how I had planned things, but you were destined to find out soon enough.”

He pulled out his chair and sat down. I knew then that he was ready for a conversation. I wasn’t going to say no, but I was determined not to settle in the chair opposite him, either. This wasn’t about my work anymore. This was idle chitchat about the day’s events. This was my stranger, my Dean, and he was determined to break me. I certainly wasn’t going to cosy up to that.

Instead, I stood still, gazing down at his beautiful blue eyes like it was the last time I would ever see them. And this
would
be the last time. I knew this was the day that determined my fate as a journalist here. I knew this was the last day I would ever see the light of day in this office again.

“Why?” was all I could ask. It was all that needed to be asked. That same question had been bouncing around in my head for the last thirteen years. Until last night, it was for different reasons, but I still asked it. I still wanted to know why me.

He dipped his head, sighing with a smile. “You know, the funniest part about this whole thing is that you don’t even know what you’ve done.”

My anger flared. “I
don’t
know what I’ve done, Dean, and unless you fucking tell me, how am I supposed to defend myself?”

He banged his fist on the desk, making me jump. “You don’t come in this office and swear at me like that.”

I breathed out my frustration before I responded. “I’m not talking to Andrew Walker anymore. I’m talking to Dean Scozzari. Someone I had considered my best friend once. Someone I had considered the love of my life once. My first love. What happened to him?”

He stood up, eyes blazing with fire. “
You
happened, Tyler! You and your whole fucking family happened!”

I gasped, rearing back in shock at his outburst. “My family? I don’t understand.”

Dean’s expression was fierce. “Don’t act like you don’t know, Tyler.” He looked at me, his expression searching my face for answers. But he must have seen something in my face as his eyes widened. “You really
don’t
know, do you?” He started laughing, and it just made my blood boil.

“Know what, Dean?”

He stopped laughing and looked at me with a smile. It wasn’t a nice smile. It was cunning. And I wanted to wipe it off his face. “Your parents got my parents killed, Tyler. They were supposed to help but, instead, they sent a letter to that fucking scumbag Pinzano, telling him where we were.”

I shook my head, unable to comprehend what he was saying. “Letter? What letter? I don’t understand.” I really didn’t understand. Panic was radiating through my body.

“My parents are dead because of your mum and dad, Tyler. And I was left alone. At the age of eighteen, I was left with nobody. At first, I lost you when I found you kissing Ian that fucking day. I came back for you because I thought in my stupid, little immature head, we still had something. I didn’t care if it put me in danger. I had to see you and I had to make sure we were okay. I didn’t believe when I heard you could have anything to do with what happened to my parents, so I had to see it for myself. But the minute I saw you, Ian had his arms around you and you were kissing him. I had only been gone a couple of months, and the moment my back was turned, you went to be with him. I knew then that my parents must have been right all along.” He looked at me with disgust, but all I could stand there and do was try and wrap my brain around what on earth he was talking about. I knew Ian and I have fooled around, but it was never anything more than that.

I thought back to all those years and remembered a time shortly after Dean disappeared. Ian was telling me outside this shop that this guy he despised said he would never get a girl like me. This guy, who was a complete arsehole, was there, so Ian asked me to kiss him in full view of everyone so he could witness the kiss and end up looking like the dumb ass that he was. I did it as a favour to Ian. I did it because that’s what friends do for one another. I had never felt anything for Ian, other than friendship, and Dean should have known this.

I closed my eyes in frustration. If this was the incident he was thinking of, it was totally innocent. Yes, I kissed him, but it was only to help out a friend. We were all friends back then. We were all close. We would have helped each other out through thick and thin. We even used to play
Truth or Dare
on occasion. Could he not realise that was what it was at the time? Could he not have just stopped for one fucking minute to ask?

“You don’t understand,” I blurted. I wasn’t sure why I needed to explain myself. Dean was obviously shooting first and asking questions later, and that was fine. He would only see for himself eventually.

“I understand perfectly,” he retorted, cutting me off. “What I don’t understand is why you’re not with him yet? You’re with him, but you’re not. Do you two just fuck each other? Actually, hold on. No, I would know if you had. I’ve known your life for too long now.” He sat there and pondered his next question for a minute. “Let me put it another way. Did you let him fuck you the minute I was gone?” He started laughing at his own joke before shaking his head. “In fact, scrap that. I know you didn’t.”

He was being crass and he knew it. Every breath in my body wanted to scream out in protest of this man. I had an explanation for my actions, but he didn’t want to hear it. He was blaming me for something I never did, but he was also blaming my parents for his mum and dad’s death. Nobody knew that they were even gone. My whole family, Ian, and I were completely left in the dark. I couldn’t understand how he could begin to think my parents could ever be directly, or even indirectly, involved in their murder. And I did mean murder. I wasn’t stupid. I had a feeling his parents were up to no good. They were always sneaking around, always making sure I never came around at certain times, and they were always talking to people that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I never said anything because I loved Dean and I didn’t want him to hurt, but I wasn’t completely clueless to their way of life. They never seemed to go to work, yet they had the latest fashion, cars, accessories, you name it. It didn’t take a genius to work out what was going on.