Devastation: A Beauty and the Beast Novel (23 page)

“I think that is what you wish. As Otta, you
have watched for any excuse to return the curse. Speak true now.
Why do you hate him so?” Then a thought occurred to me. “Did he
hurt you like he did Egrit?” Compassion warred with distaste. “If
he did, I must remind you that you allowed, no, encouraged his
abuse of you. You forced it by purposely setting his freedom on a
task he would misinterpret. Yet, I would understand if you did
harbor hatred.”

“No, he never hurt me. Egrit needed to learn
a lesson as much as he did,” she said with a sigh and a shake of
her head. “Such a high price to pay.”

“Was that why you allowed Tennen to take me?
Was I to learn a lesson? If so, I believe I failed.”

Her expression softened.

“Rape is never a tool to teach.”

“But Egrit...”

“She was willing through it all, Benella. I
thought she told you as much. She could have solidified at any
time. She wanted him to use her, to find favor in her. She wanted
to please him over her own self-preservation. That was the lesson
she needed to learn. To put herself, her safety, before his
desires. To value herself, she needed to learn to say no.”

Aryana glanced over my shoulder, and her
form began to recede into Otta once more.

“I will be watching,” she said before
ducking into the bushes.

“Miss Hovtel, Lord Ruhall requests that you
come back into the light. He is concerned,” Tam said from the
doorway.

“I’ll come inside,” I said, moving toward
him. “Will you dance with me?”

“Me?” He looked surprised. “I shouldn’t
think it suitable.”

“I’m still the same. And, this is the
harvest feast. If you dance with me, it will let the others know
it’s all right to do so as well.”

“I would be honored,” he said with a
bow.

For the next hour, I twirled about the dance
floor with various partners, carefully avoiding Bryn and Blye, who
both seemed intent on speaking to me. When my feet grew tired, I
begged my partner for a small break. Ila found me on the side of
the room and offered me a glass of cider.

“I saw you dancing with Henick,” I said. The
Kinlyn boys were availing themselves to any willing partner and
were truly making the feast a merry event.

“He’s kind.”

“And handsome, too,” I said with a small,
knowing smile. “I believe he and his brother are looking for
wives.”

She looked off in his direction.

“Do you think he will care?”

I knew she meant about her past.

“As you said, he is kind. I don’t think he
will mind at all.”

She turned to study me then changed the
subject.

“Lady Ruhall,” she said. “That will be a
change.”

“Yes. Quite a change.”

“You don’t sound certain.”

“I’m certain there will be a change. I’m not
certain if it will be a positive one.”

She leaned closer with a concerned
frown.

“You’ve no wish to marry him?” she asked in
a hushed tone.

I chose my words with care.

“The suddenness of the announcement and the
reactions of a few have me doubting my wishes.”

She straightened with a sigh and patted my
arm.

“Follow your heart. It will lead you
true.”

I thought of Bryn and her infatuation with
Tennen.

“Sometimes, I think the heart isn’t a good
leader,” I said softly.

Before my cider had time to warm, Alec found
me from across the room. His serious gaze held mine as he wove
through people to reach my side. My heart gave an erratic beat.

“Will you dance with me?” he asked.

The reality of the announcement gripped me.
He was mine. Should he be? Was this what I wanted? I thought so
because the idea of him marrying someone else truly upset me. Yet,
I still doubted his affection for me. I believed he cared for me,
but did he care for me more than he did the estate?

He held out his hand, waiting for my
answer.

“Yes. I’ll dance with you.”

He took the cup from my hand and set it on
the table. My pulse leapt as he captured my fingers and led me to
the floor.

He placed a sure hand at my waist, and we
joined with the swirling dancers. He held me close, and I struggled
to remain indifferent to his touch, my heart and my mind
conflicted. What would a life with Alec, Lord Ruhall, mean for me?
Bryn and Blye thought it meant luxury, but I knew better. There was
little money; but even if it was plentiful, I wouldn’t be
interested in it. I wanted a marriage of love and consideration.
Would I find that?

His gaze never left me, and the longer we
danced, the more he frowned.

“What are you looking for when you study me
so intently?” I said to distract myself.

“A hint, a sign of what you’re thinking,
what you’re feeling. Before, I could read you so well. Not
now.”

“Before I knew what I thought and felt. Now,
I don’t,” I said honestly.

He looked away for a long moment, and his
hand on my waist gripped me tighter. When he viewed me once more,
he seemed tormented.

“Do you still intend to leave, then?”

“No, Alec,” I said softly. “I plan to stay
and marry you.”

“Why?”

“Because you said I would.”

My words hurt him. I saw it in his
expression and felt it in his arms but didn’t understand why.
Worried what he might do, I stepped close and briefly laid my head
on his chest. A sigh heaved from him as he eased away. We swirled
around the room in silence for the remainder of the dance, then he
brought me back to my drink.

For the rest of the feast, I set aside the
concerns over our future together and danced, ate, and drank until
the guests began to leave.

The candle maker sat patiently in the chair
he’d occupied all night, waiting for his wax. With the dwindling
crowd, the chair beside him opened. I sat with a sigh.

“A feast well done, Benella,” he said. “Much
like the ones I remember.”

“Thank you. Would you like me to help gather
the wax?”

He shook his head and nodded toward Edmund.
He already had a bucket and a thin, flat piece of metal for
scraping. He blew out the pillar near the fire and started to
scrape the candle and puddled wax away from the surface.

“The young baker already offered his
assistance and a ride home. He’s a good man. Too bad he married
your sister.”

“Sir,” I said with censure.

He only chuckled.

“I said what we both thought. And it’s the
truth. I saw the way your sisters sought you out tonight, and how
you avoided them. It’s odd they’re both missing now, hmm? I wonder
what troubles they will cause you next.”

“I dearly hope none,” I said with a
sigh.

He laughed again.

“I better help clear away the remaining
food,” I said, standing. “May I send any home with you?”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to a pastry or two if
there are any left.”

I nodded and went to the table where Kara
was combining everything onto trays and stacking the empty ones. I
sent Retta over with two pastries for the candle maker, then picked
up a stack of trays.

“You shouldn’t be doing that,” Kara said
when she saw.

“Nonsense. If not this, then what?”

“Lord Ruhall is saying good-bye to guests.
Perhaps you should join him?”

“I’d prefer to do this so I can seek my bed
sooner.” Alec’s announcement had changed my desire to say farewell.
Many, like my sisters and the smiths, would only speak to me
because of my upcoming social elevation, when in reality they
resented me for it. Those who would see me no differently were
few.

Kara didn’t argue further, and I made my way
to the kitchen without interruption. As the rest of the staff set
the ballroom to rights, I remained in the kitchen to wash the trays
once I put on an apron. Edmund came in carrying his trays.

When I saw him, I paused washing to thank
him.

“I had several people ask who made the
pastries. I hope this helps business.”

“I’m sure it will. Do you want Bryn to come
help?” he asked, eyeing the trays Tam had just carried in and set
on the table before leaving again.

“No. I’m sure once the ballroom is clean,
Kara and Egrit will ban me from the kitchen.”

“Oh, yes. Congratulations, Benella. You did
look the picture of a Lady tonight.”

“Thank you, Edmund.”

He left, and after a few minutes, I heard
the wagon rumble away from the door. No doubt to go to the front
for his wife and the candle maker.

As I’d predicted, Egrit and Kara came to
shoo me from the kitchen. Exhausted, I headed for my old room.
After all, there no longer seemed any point to sleeping on the
floor. And the bed in the Lady’s room was so very comfortable.

I carefully hung my dress and buttoned
myself into one of Alec’s shirts that I’d collected. Then, I blew
out my candle and settled into bed.

In the dark, I heard a faint rhythmic sound.
Footsteps. They continued for a long while. Pacing. Eventually, the
hushed noise stopped. I waited, thinking Alec would join me, but
the door didn’t open. I sat up and saw the faint light from under
his door.

Curious, I left the warmth of my bed and
approached his room. Pressing my ear to the door, I heard a slight
rustling that let me know he wasn’t yet sleeping. I nibbled my
bottom lip and debated what to do. Then I heard him sigh. The hitch
in it had me gently easing the door open.

He sat on the edge of his bed with his
elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He still wore his
shirt and pants, but the jacket lay draped over his chair. His
defeated pose struck a tender chord, and I approached him in
silence.

He didn’t move when I stood before him. I
reached out to gently smooth his hair. His head jerked up,
startling me. His tormented gaze held me. Then he reached out,
gently gripped my waist, and pulled me to stand between his parted
knees. He sighed shakily and set his forehead to my chest.

I stood there with my hands at my sides,
looking down at his dark head. Finally, I gave into my impulse and
reached up. My fingers brushed through his hair slowly as I tried
to soothe whatever plagued him.

His hands tightened around my waist a moment
before he lay back, pulling me with him. Sprawled on top of him, I
stared down at him with wide eyes and a rising sense of panic. Did
the announcement of our intent to wed mean...

He gently eased me to his side, his hand
tenderly smoothing back the stray strands of hair from my face.

“Sleep, Benella.”

Realizing I wasn’t in danger, I sighed and
curled beside him, content to stay as I was.

* * * *

The next morning, I woke in my own bed and
quickly dressed. The sun already lit the sky. Though I had no care
to see Blye off, I wanted to thank Ila once more. However, when I
knocked on Ila’s door, her room was already empty. I hurried
downstairs and met Mr. Crow coming from the kitchen.

“Did Ila leave?”

“Yes, Miss. Swiftly is driving her and the
other Miss Hovtel back to the Water with the carriage.”

A swell of relief and regret washed over me.
That Blye had left without a word did not bother me.

“Your sister, Bryn, is waiting to speak with
you in the kitchen,” he said.

I had no desire to speak to her, yet
curiosity won. She should be with Edmund; she’d seemed so delighted
with his company last night.

“Very well,” I said and went off to the
kitchen. The warm room welcomed me as did Kara’s smile.

“I have a plate waiting for you,” she said,
glancing at the table where Bryn sat.

“Thank you, Kara. Are you managing
comfortably this morning?”

“Yes. The men are working in the second
apple orchard instead of hunting this week.”

“Good,” I said with a nod. With only cooking
duties, Kara could handle the kitchen duties well without Bryn. I
turned to address my sister.

“Bryn. I thought you and Edmund meant to
spend some time together,” I said, moving toward the table to claim
my breakfast.

“I thought we could take a walk,” she said,
standing.

I paused and eyed my plate for a moment.
That she wanted to speak with me made me more curious than hungry.
That she wanted to do so where no one could hear worried me.

“Of course,” I said, moving toward the
kitchen door.

Kara stared after us as we left.

Bryn set a moderate pace down the drive and
remained quiet until we’d progressed a good distance from the
manor.

“Congratulations on your engagement,” she
said. “When do you plan to wed?”

“By winter solstice.”

“So quickly. Is there a reason to hurry?”
She glanced at my stomach. “Perhaps the baker was successful?”

I shuddered at the unwanted memory.

“No. He was not.” In the distance, I saw the
gate.

“Lord Ruhall, then?”

“No. Why are you asking these questions?” I
said, studying her.

“I’d only thought it would be nice to have a
sister likewise with child. Someone to share the aches and fears of
pregnancy.” She sounded sincere.

“I’m sure I won’t be long behind you once
I’m wed.” I tried not to think what that meant. My mind wasn’t
ready to grasp what would occur in less than two months.

She set her hand on her stomach.

“The babe moves now. Flutters that make me
smile. Thank you for allowing me a week with Edmund. Waking early
to walk to the estate and departing after dinner leaves us little
time together. I’ve missed him.”

“I’m sure Edmund misses you just as much. I
hope business improves so you won’t need to work at the
estate.”

She nodded as we neared the gates.

“And if it doesn’t?” she asked.

I remained quiet, certain she would reveal
the point of this walk soon.

“The people here are more tightfisted than
before,” she said. “Soon, we won’t have the coin we need to buy
flour because customers insist on bartering for bread. Yet Edmund
continues to trade.”