Determination (22 page)

“We talk about once a month and we finally met in person this past summer. I stopped by her house several times. She enjoyed my visits for the most part, but I could tell she was preoccupied with worrying about you. She mentioned someone named Baku and how he hasn’t talked to her either.”

Roxie’s heart reached out to her grandmother. She sounded so lonely and scared, on top of worried. “I wish I could talk to her myself.”

“You can,” Sekiro’s disembodied voice said from somewhere behind Roxie. “I can teach you how to possess Luis, if that doesn’t make either of you uncomfortable. It’s something benevolent souls usually avoid but I think it’s a good idea right now.”

The idea appealed to her, strange and invasive as it sounded. To be able to hold a direct conversation with Grandma after all this time, ease her worries herself, instead of having someone do it for her. She was willing to do just about anything to make her grandmother happier. She looked at Luis. “I’ll gladly do that if you’ll let me.”

“Of course I consent,” he said with a nod and looked past Roxie, his gaze searching. “It won’t hurt, will it?”

“Just make you tired,” Sekiro said. “She’ll be using your energy to talk and move.”

“Alright then. Let’s do it.” He pulled his desk phone to him and brought up Grandma’s number in his cell phone’s contact list.

Sekiro guided them through the steps, describing to Roxie how to take over by “stepping into his body.” It was a simple concentration exercise that sounded easy enough. The Numina then went on to warn Luis of how his mind would go to sleep during it all, and that he wouldn’t recall anything while Roxie was in control. Sekiro would have Roxie stop the possession before she used up too much energy. And that was it.

Nodding, Luis dialed Grandma’s number and put the phone on speaker. Roxie stood behind him, clutching his chair as her heart pounded a million times per ring. She was going to be able to talk to family again. It felt like such a long time but not quite a year. Man, the day she’d left home felt so long ago.

“Hello?” Grandma’s voice said through the speaker and Roxie’s heart leapt. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed her grandmother’s voice.

Luis leaned closer to the phone. “Good morning, Eve. It’s Luis. I have your granddaughter here with me today.”

Grandma took a sharp intake of breath. “Is she alive? Have I been feeding her enough?” Her voice came out thin, like she was on the verge of tears and that made Roxie’s throat tighten.

“She’s still alive and well, and I’m going to let her talk to you herself. She’s going to take possession of my body. Just give us a moment.”

“Oh. Um. Alright.” She sniffed.

Luis sat back in his chair and closed his eyes. “Ready when you are, Roxie.”

Roxie took a deep breath as she studied the back of Luis’s head. His short sandy hair grew out in a swirl from a specific point near the top. “Ready.” She closed her eyes, leaned forward, and her head merged with his, the joining feeling like she’d dunked her head underwater. Her limbs and torso drifted forward, until they aligned with Luis’s, and she felt like she was floating in bath water. When she opened her eyes, she was looking out from within Luis’s body. She gasped and clenched the armrests, and she felt the leather under her grip. No superhuman strength at the moment, thankfully, or she probably would’ve gouged the fistfuls off without meaning to. She was back on the living side, but in the wrong body. If only she could transfer all her Aigis powers to Luis’s body and take on Nexus right now.

“Roxie?” Grandma asked, unsure.

“Hi, Grandma.” Her voice sounded like Luis’s, but higher-pitched, like he was trying to sound girly.

“Oh, Roxie.” Her voice became choked with tears and she spoke between sobs. “I’ve been so worried about you.”

“I’m still alive,” she said in a thin voice, trying not to cry, “but I’m still stuck in the spirit realm. I would’ve spoken with you sooner but I didn’t know how fast time was moving for you. It’s felt like only a day or two has gone by for me.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah. I don’t know how to explain it. But anyway, thank you for all the food and please keep feeding me.”

“I will.”

“I’m still working on getting out of here. I don’t know how much longer this’ll take, so be prepared to keep feeding me for years, but at least I’ve been making progress.”

“Where’s Aerigo?”

Roxie tripped over the question, then realized she should’ve expected it. Of course Grandma wanted to know where Aerigo was. He was supposed to train and protect Roxie. How could she bring herself to tell her grandmother that he was gone, that Roxie was all alone and had to fend for herself? “He’s still with me. He’s helping me.” At least that much was true.

“Good. That makes me feel better to hear.”

Roxie teared up and felt a strong need to confess the whole truth, but she just couldn’t. Grandma sounded like she hadn’t caught the extra strain in Roxie’s voice. Then again, how could she? Her voice through Luis had been tight the entire time. Roxie took deep breaths but couldn’t stop herself from sniffing as much as Grandma. “Luis said he visited you several times. H?” Now that the most important information had been passed on, she craved small talk, to catch up on all that she’d missed. She reached for the tissue box parked near the iMac.

Grandma regaled her with everything she’d been doing, including repainting the house’s exterior. Roxie badly to see home. Maybe even take a break from being an Aigis and be just plain Roxie for a bit, but that wasn’t possible anytime soon. Grandma brought her up to speed on all that’d happened over the past year, including the Youtube videos of Aerigo, and how people were still reporting sightings of him. It was amusing and heartbreaking. There would never be a true sighting again.

Grandma asked about all that’d happened after Roxie left. Roxie told her the same story she’d told Sekiro, avoiding mention of Aerigo’s death when that part came. Grandma took in the story with fascination and worry, yet marveled at how much Roxie had grown, and admired her fortitude. Shortly after she finished the story, Sekiro pressed her to wrap up the conversation before Luis lost too much energy.

“You have so much courage, Rox. I’m really proud of you.”

“Thank you, Grandma. I’m trying real hard to do what I have to do.”

“I hope we get to see each other again. I’ve known ever since I got that letter from Baku that I may never after that day, so talking with you today has been a real gift.”

“It has. I miss you a lot. Please stay strong for me.”

“I will. I miss you, too. This talk has really helped. And you stay strong as well.”

“I will. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Good bye.”

“Bye.” Roxie hung up the phone, closed her eyes, and imagined herself floating backwards, out of Luis’s body. She felt herself drift and a hand guide her back to her feet, and the sensation of floating in water vanished. The carpeted floor held her up and she opened her eyes, finding herself standing behind Luis with Sekiro nowhere in sight. She rounded the desk and stood by the two guest chairs, her heart heavy.

Luis rubbed his face, yawned deeply and picked up his coffee, eyes half open. “I’m assuming by how tired, cold, and stuffy I feel that you’ve already spoken with your grandmother, and it was a bit tearful.”

Roxie nodded. “Thank you so much. That meant a lot to us both. She feels much better now.”

“That’s good to hear. Glad to have helped.” He slurped some coffee and wiped his face with a tissue. He retrieved his fall jacket from the back of his chair and put it on. “Man, I’m freezing. I hope we get to meet again in person.”

“So do I,” she said, meaning it.

“And Aerigo, too. My whole crew from that ship wants to meet him.” He rubbed his arms, as if trying to warm himself up.

A lump forming in her throat, Roxie looked away. She watched in her peripheral as Luis’s confusion slowly shifted to realization.

He frowned and sank lower into his chair. “Oh, no.”

A sob escaped her. The sadness in his voice tore at her heart.

Luis got up, went around his desk, and wrapped her in a warm-bodied hug. “I’m so sorry, Roxie.” He let go and rubbed his arms. “I’d hug you longer but you’re ice cold.”

“I understand. It’s alright.”

“May I ask what happened, or is the memory too raw?”

“It’s too raw,” she admitted in a tight whisper and he pulled her into another hug.

“Is there anything else I can do to help?”

“Keep helping my grandma and please don’t tell her about Aerigo. I don’t want her to worry.”

“I’ll do my best.”

They bid each other farewell and Sekiro guided Roxie back to the realm of the dead. The Numina pulled her forehead away and looked at Roxie with tears in her silver eyes. Roxie turned to Aerigo, who was sitting against Firsos, watching her. He got up and stood before her, and she pulled him into a hug. The cold stung but she needed to feel him in her arms, press her body to his, and hold on tight. Be with him. He returned the hug, though tentatively, ready to let go at a moment’s notice. She buried her face in the meat of his shoulder and tried to freeze away the tears that wanted out.

“What happened?” Aerigo asked.

Roxie told him and he hugged her tighter.

Ron said, “Perhaps we should skip our talk and let you go to your next destination. Your stay in the spirit realm is taking quite the toll on you.”

“No,” Roxie said, turning her face so she could see over Aerigo’s arm. “I need to help you. I want to experience better things than anger, sadness, and regret here. I want to see all of you happy and at peace. I’m so tired of all this death and pain.”

“Well then,” he said, “take all the time you need to compose yourself, then we’ll go to my home world’s spirit realm, and hopefully grant you happiness’s boon.”

She straightened up and looked into Aerigo’s deep blue eyes, their faces only inches apart. “Please come eat with me again. I need your company.”

“Of course.” He kissed her forehead.

Roxie felt herself break into a small smile. Despite all she was going through, she wasn’t alone and she was loved. Aerigo guided her to sit up against Firsos as he sat before her, cross-legged. She meditated her way back to her food, invited Aerigo once she was certain no shadow people were around, and he fed her shepherd’s pie made with sweet and red potatoes, some creamy pear soup, and a soft, gooey cinnamon bun for dessert. Roxie told Aerigo about Grandma and Luis once all the food was gone, including the false sightings of him. “It’s hard for me to tell people you’re gone. I know it won’t make it any less true, but I hate it. I want you back so bad.”

“Shh.” He kissed her on the lips. “I can always reincarnate.”

“But I’ll have all these memories you won’t have. It’ll be so strange.”

“I had a feeling you wouldn’t like the idea either. I wasn’t eager to suggest it but I’d love to be with you again. Revival is the only way I’d go back unchanged, but I took a fatal blow to the chest, so it’s not possible. I’ll talk with Firsos and see what options I have. In the meantime, you rest. Stay strong.”

Options? Roxie tried to not get too optimistic as Aerigo gave her one last kiss and she curled up to at the base of her altar. Despite the thoughts racing through her head, fatigue guided her towards sleep.

Chapter 15

Messenger and Message

Roxie woke to find herself curled against Firsos, her head propped up on a large foreleg and she clutching a fistful of fur near her nose. She sat up, facing the bear, and spotted her sword and shield beside her. She didn’t remember removing them, much less lying down, but she wasn’t concerned. Aerigo had probably done all that.

Firsos studied her with his dark, intelligent eyes. Roxie felt so small beside the bear. It had paws as big as her head and jaws that could open wide enough to crack her skull. Instinct insisted she should be terrified. She had to admit she felt a trace of fear; however, she felt more awe and respect for the Numina. And a little embarrassed with herself.

“Sorry. I keep using you like a fluffy pillow and I haven’t even asked if you mind.”

“He doesn’t mind,” Aerigo said from behind her. “He’s happy to help and give you comfort.”

Picking up her sword and shield, Roxie got to her feet. “Well, then thank you, Firsos,” she said, even though she understood the bear wouldn’t respond directly to her. It lazily blinked and rose to all-fours, bringing its beach ball-sized head level with her sternum. Roxie secured her sword belt around her waist as Aerigo graced her with a kiss to the forehead, making her smile.
That reminds me
... “I still haven’t dreamed of you. In fact, I don’t remember a single dream from ever since I’ve been here.”

“Do you normally remember your dreams?”

“Yeah. I’m eager to spend time with you in a setting where you won’t be cold to the touch. She pressed a hand to his sculpted chest and rubbed his frozen pectorals. Her breath caught as she imagined wrapping his body in hers and expressing her love for him at the most intimate of levels. Aerigo shuffled closer and Roxie could feel the cold emanating from him, and he enveloped her in his arms, locking her with his blue-eyed gaze.

“Aw, how cute,” Daio said. “The two lovebirds are at it again. Ow!” He clutched the back of his head and popped Sassy a guilty grin.

She said, “Give them privacy. They have only so much time together.”

“I know. I just like seeing them happy.”

Ron folded his arms and narrowed his four eyes. “Your sense of propriety is lacking.”

“Oh lighten up. I wasn’t trying to be polite.”

“All the more reason to apologize.”

Daio gave him a flat look. “Your sense of humor is nonexistent.”

Roxie said, “He meant no harm.” She looped the wrist strap to her shield over the hilt of her sword and let the shield hang at her hip. She was tired of it getting in the way. She stuck her hand under her arm to warm it up, and Aerigo let her go.

Only Ron and his Numina from all the others had stayed, the Numina looking like his twin. Only energy sprites and milling Numina filled the expansive chamber. “Where did the others go?”

Ron unfolded his arms and stepped forward. “The tug of death’s journey pulled many away. Even I struggled to resist, but I’m determined to give you some happiness. The others wanted me to let you know they will seek peace for your sake, as well as theirs. You’ve helped us all, including myself, realize that we’ve been clinging to so much negativity for so long. We thank you for the enlightenment.” He waved her over. “Now come.” Ron and his Numina began leading them along the chamber, parallel to the gates.

Aerigo said, “I’d offer you my arm if I weren’t freezing cold to you.”

Roxie threaded her fingers in his. “I’m not wasting a single moment with you.” Aerigo brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, making her smile again.

“Then I’ll do the same.”

Hand in hand, they followed Ron with Sekiro and the rest in tow, their footsteps making a light patterning on the stone tiles.

There was something calm and peaceful about the chamber. Sure, energy sprites were darting about but they felt like the only things with abundant energy in this place. The dozens of Numina moved quietly and purposefully, their footsteps as noisy as a whisper. The vine-covered gates stood tall and proud, radiating how ancient they were. There was a magic to this place that invoked quietness, like a library.

“So did you talk with Firsos about your options?” Roxie said softly. She felt both eager and afraid of hearing what he might say. She wanted to be with him, both of them happy, but there was only so much they could do.

“We did,” he said. “I’ve reached a decision I hope you like, but if you don’t, I can share what we discussed. However, I believe I’ve chosen the best path.”

“What did you decide?” Her heart began to race.

“I’d like to become your spirit guardian.”

It sounded so sweet and thoughtful, yet sad. “It sounds great but what exactly does that mean?”

“I’ll always be with you, watching over you. I have to finish my personal journey here first, but after that I’ll always be there for you in spirit, protecting you from certain kinds of dangers and guiding decisions you make. It’d make me very happy to watch you grow older and wiser, to fall in love with a deserving soul, and to help others. It’d bring me peace and happiness.” He squeezed her hand and she squeezed back.

“I think it’s fitting,” Roxie said. She didn’t care so much about falling in love all over again with someone new. The idea was too close to the loss of Aerigo, but at least hearing him want that for her made her feel good. He was preparing to let her go like her father had. As hard as it would be, she’d do her best to let Aerigo go so he could become her spirit guardian. “I’d be honored to have you as my spirit guardian.”

“You sound sad.”

Roxie’s throat constricted. “I just want you alive but I understand I can’t have that. It’s hard to accept, even though I know I must. This doesn’t mean I don’t want you as my spirit guardian. It’d make me very happy to know you’re still with me over the years, and you happy as well.”

Aerigo leaned closer and planted a frozen kiss on her temple. “Thank you. So much.”

“Thank you, too.” She tugged on his hand, coaxing him to lean even closer, and kissed him on the lips. It was like kissing a gel ice pack but she didn’t care. Aerigo was too wonderful a soul to avoid kissing. The way he smiled made her heart melt and the discomfort worth it.

Shuffling behind them drew Roxie’s attention. Daio and Sassy were walking hand in hand with their Numina on either side, Daio moving with his head bowed, mouth ajar, his form transparent, and one hand clutching his chains. Sassy’s eyes glowed blue as she held his arm, trying to hold him up.

Roxie pulled to a halt and Aerigo stopped with her. “What’s wrong?” she asked Daio.

He looked up and popped a wan smile. “Feeling a little tired. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

Wanting to make Sassy happier and Daio’s trek easier, Roxie walked up to him and held out a hand, palm up. “Take some more energy. You look like you lost everything you took earlier.”

“The other Aigis beat it out of me. I’ll get it back over time.”

“Take some again.”

“Thanks, kid, but I don’t deserve it.”

“I don’t care. Take some. I don’t hate you, Daio.”

He reached for her hand but stopped himself. “I don’t deserve such kindness, Rox.”

“It’s my energy, and I’ll be the judge of that.” She held her hand closer to his stomach.

Daio eyed her hand longingly. “You really don’t mind?”

“I’m not happy with what you’ve done while alive, but I forgive you for your mistakes. Plus Sassy looks really worried about you. I think it’d make her feel better if you took some more energy.”

Daio turned his tired gaze to Sassy and stroked her cheek with his fingers. “You want me to?”

“Please,” Sassy said.

“Alright, babe,” he said and reached for Roxie’s hand, plunging it in ice. He siphoned off enough energy to solidify his form and let out a relieved sigh. “Thanks, Rox. That feels so much better.” The fatigue melted from his face and he stood up straight.

Roxie nodded and returned to Aerigo’s side, clasping his frozen hand. He treated her with a contented smile and a whisper of thanks.

Ron gave her a disapproving frown. “You should’ve let him suffer. He deserves no less.”

“Maybe he does,” she said, “but that’s not the kind of person I am.” Sure, Daio had done many horrible things, including trying to kill her, but she believed him when he said he’d been commanded against his will, and that he was sorry about everything. He’d also been genuinely reluctant to take more energy. His mental demons were making him suffer enough.

“How noble,” Ron said earnestly. “You have such a gentle heart. I pray you are up to the task of defeating a god.”

“I am,” Roxie said automatically, then thought about what both she and Ron said. Was she hardened enough to take on Nexus? She might have to bring herself to kill him, like she’d unintentionally done to the Elf assassin Kabiroas. That was a steep order when she wasn’t a trained soldier. She wasn’t one hundred percent confident she was up to the task but, no matter what, she had to try.

“Oh, she is,” Daio said. “She’s as tough and she is kind.”

“I’m going to face Nexus and do everything I can to stop him and his war. I have to try.”

“No one could ask more of you,” Ron said. “Hopefully your time with Nero will bear more fruit than your time with me and the others.”

“Who’s Nero?”

“One of the first Aigis ever created. He’s the one keeping the knowledge of Frava alive, so to speak. I’ll let him explain the rest.” Ron and his Numina walked up to a stone gate covered in wild, oversized vines that looked like they’d been fed way too much fertilizer. The vines had to be as thick as Roxie’s arms, with leaves as long as her legs branching off them. Ron craned his neck. “Welcome to Thracken’s spirit world gate. I hope you find my home world beautiful, Roxie.”

“The vines are huge,” she said, walking up beside him with Aerigo standing behind her.

“Thracken’s air is oxygen-rich, allowing for lush wildlife.” His Numina spread his arms and the gate swung open with an earthy rumble and the rustle of oversized leaves. The two led everyone into a dirt clearing lining a vast, grassy plain that made Roxie feel like she’d shrunk to the size of an ant. Each corn-yellow blade was taller than her and broad as her torso.

Ron gazed at the peach-colored sky, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath, visibly relaxing. He marched up to the golden grass and tested several blades with a foot before walking up one and standing atop it. He stared out into the distance with the joy of returning home as his Numina picked a choice blade and stood atop it as well.

“This place brings back not-so-fond memories,” Daio said with a frown as he fiddled with a length of chain.

Sassy said, “Let’s put those memories to rest.” She brought Daio’s hand to her cheek.

“That’s what I hope to accomplish,” Ron said, his gaze still on the field. “I have so much hate and anger that need letting go of.”

Daio tested a few blades of grass and climbed one, Sassy joining him on one next to his.

Aerigo picked a blade near Sassy and, taking Roxie’s hand, guided her up one blade while walking up another. Roxie cautiously walked up hers, expecting it to snap under her weight, but it held firm like a plastic children’s slide, feeling a little sticky under her greaves. The grass bounced and swayed a little, and the whole field shimmered in the light breeze, their tapping against each other sounding like rainfall. Firsos and Kiowa curled up on the soft dirt, and Sekiro and Huldra kept them company.

Ron and his Numina led the group in sitting cross-legged. “Roxie,” Ron said in his whispery voice, “I hope this conversation puts your heart and thoughts at ease so you may focus on your task. I wanted to leave with the others, so you would have no choice but to focus on your own journey, but your desire to experience something positive in the Realm of the Dead stayed my soul. I don’t promise you my full release from inner turmoil, but at the very least to witness progress towards peace and rest.”

“That’s more than enough for me,” Roxie said. Thracken’s spirit world had its own energy to it that felt like she’d walked into a spa, and that was her cue to start relaxing. The pitter patter of the swaying grass sounded like a whisper of a lullaby, a tune sweet, slow, and gentle.

Ron frowned. “More punishment was dealt while you rested. Even I participated. At first, the punishment felt good. We were all making Daio pay for deceiving and murdering every last one of us. However, we soon conceded that our actions weren’t bringing us the peace or happiness you wished for us. We only felt hollow despair. No amount of punishment could undo our deaths or change the unfolding events. What’s done is done.” He looked at Daio. “I believe you’re truly sorry for your transgressions, and that you were commanded against your will, but I still struggle to find it in myself to stop despising you.”

“I can live with that,” Daio said, fiddling with his chains. “Well, not literally but you know what I mean.”

“You spent years earning my trust, along with that of the people I was protecting and watching over, just so you could betray and kill me one day. Years and years of effort for the sake of murder.”

“I know.”

“I thought you were a good friend, an honest friend, but all those smiles and words of kindness were all lies, a deception.”