Determination (5 page)

“I was just going to lie down on the couch down—”

“Stay with me? Please?” I pleaded and held back a grimace at the fire in my belly when I rolled over to give him room on the bed.

Brian’s face was almost alarmed when he pulled off his T-shirt and climbed in bed behind me. His strong arm wrapped around my chest, careful not to go any lower and touch the bandages on my abdomen. I felt his hand settle over my heart, and finally, I could take a full breath.

“He’s not going to find you, Jamie. I won’t let him hurt you ever again,” Brian whispered in my ear. I turned my head slightly, and he lifted up onto an elbow so he could see my face.

“It’s not me I’m worried about him hurting,” I whispered, and Brian dipped his head, capturing my lips carefully, as if I might break.

Then he pulled me back against his broad chest and held me until I fell asleep. The last thing I remembered was that I’d never felt so safe.

THE sun crept in through the window as I woke. My body and my head both ached from the pain and stress of the previous day. An arm tightened its hold around my chest, and for just a moment, I allowed myself to smile. One of the greatest joys of my life those last few months in Alabama had been waking up in Brian’s arms. I had loved the way he smelled, the way he would nuzzle against my skin, still half caught in his dreams, and most of all the way he would whisper my name as if it were a promise.

“Mmm… Jamie.” Brian’s whisper against my skin made me shiver. He tightened his hold and scooted his body closer on the small bed. His morning wood pressed against my ass, and even through the pain, I felt a flare of heat. I savored the feeling of his hand on my chest and his breath against my neck for several minutes before I rolled carefully onto my back and looked up at him. Almost as if I were made of glass, he pressed his lips against mine with the gentlest of touches.

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Jamie Mayfield

His nose bumped lightly against my cheek as his mouth slanted over mine, moving in a natural, timeless rhythm. The love I held deep in my heart filled my chest, and I couldn’t breathe for the intensity of it.

It didn’t matter that neither of us had brushed, that the bed was too small, or even that my body ached from the beatings I’d endured. In that moment, all that mattered was the comfort I found in him. With Brian, I felt like just maybe everything could be okay again.

Brian moved a little closer, his leg wrapping around mine as he cradled me in his protective hold. I felt his cock pressed against my hip, so I reached down between us and stroked him lightly as we lay entwined in nothing but our briefs. His warm, naked skin against mine was like a salve on my broken soul, and I clung to him. He had risked so much, done so much for me, and I had no way to show him how thankful I was for it.

Or… maybe, I did.

Sliding my hand down farther between us, I rubbed his erection through the thin briefs. I liked the way the soft cotton felt on my fingers, and the damp spot made his desire clear. The kiss intensified with electrified meetings of our lips, tongues, and teeth.

“I-I can’t make love yet, but I can touch you,” I whispered against his mouth. When he started to protest, I kissed him again to stop it.

“You’ve done so much for me. It’s the least I can—”

He sat up and looked at me as if he’d never seen me before.

“You think I helped you so that you would jack me off? Is that really how little you think of me?” Brian pulled away from me and climbed out of bed with a speed I certainly wouldn’t have been capable of right then. Before I could call him back, he’d grabbed his jeans and walked out of the small room. I just stared after him as the aches in my back, my stomach, and now my chest brought tears to my eyes. That hadn’t been what I’d meant at all. I knew exactly why he’d helped me… because he loved me. All I’d wanted to do was show him that I loved him and that I appreciated him. But I screwed it up—just like I screwed up everything else in my life. I felt cold as I stared at the ceiling, not really seeing it.

Determination

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After a few minutes, I couldn’t stand the silence anymore. I couldn’t stand being alone or knowing that Brian was upset. I picked up my T-shirt from where it had landed on a small chair next to the bed.

Carefully, I slid over to the edge of the bed and gritted my teeth as I let my feet dangle over the side. It was a minute or two before my toes touched the plush rug, signaling that they were finally on the floor. Pain shot through my stomach and chest when I tried to sit up on the side of the bed. I couldn’t stop the low cry as I wrapped my arm around myself in a futile attempt to curb the agony. Taking a deep breath, I used my other arm to push until I was upright. With a whimper and a sharp pain in my back, I stood. My skin stretched and pinched when I pulled the T-shirt over my head. It took a surprisingly large number of tiny steps for me to reach the door to the bedroom, and each one sent pinpricks of fire to my torso.

The stairs were worse.

I leaned against the railing, forcing it to take as much of my weight as I could, and slid against the wall as I moved from one step to the next. The cuts on my back burned as they slid against the worn drywall through my shirt. I inched my way down as I kept my back to the wall. It was a slow, agonizing trip, and the concrete steps were ice-cold under my bare feet. My pants were still upstairs somewhere, but it didn’t matter.

The door on the landing below burst open, and two bodies came through before it banged shut again. The first body slammed against the opposite wall with the second body right on top of it. I wanted to yell for someone to help until I saw that they weren’t exactly fighting.

“God, you smell good,” Mike murmured against Alex’s neck as he lifted him. Alex wrapped his legs around Mike’s waist, both of them oblivious to the fact that I stood just feet from them. I thought about speaking up, but something in the way they were kissing held me back.

When I was with Steven, I missed kissing like that. Two souls intertwined, connected by lips, love, and need. In our tree house, even in New Orleans, Brian and I had spent hours kissing. Mike rolled his hips between Alex’s legs, pressing him harder against the wall. Alex’s head fell back, and he moaned as Mike’s mouth moved to his neck. He 28

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was pulling Mike’s shirt up his back in an effort to take it off when he spotted me.

“Jamie!” he said in surprise.

“Hey, at least get the name right,” Mike said as he pulled back.

When he noticed that Alex was looking over his shoulder, he turned slightly, not releasing his hold on Alex, and saw me standing there.

“Mike, put me down. He needs help,” Alex said, pushing away from the wall, impatient to get to me.

“Ah hell,” Mike said, bending his knees and easing Alex back to the ground. Alex immediately rushed to my side and put one of my arms around his shoulders. He helped me descend the last few stairs, and I sat down on the cold concrete to rest.

“Why are you in the stairwell? Why aren’t you in bed? What’s wrong?” A slow and steady hand stroking my back accompanied Alex’s rapid-fire questions. My head fell into my hands, and I closed my eyes briefly before looking back up at them.

“Brian and I had a misunderstanding. I wanted to come down and see him,” I explained and saw Mike tense. The cold seeping through my briefs started to make my back ache, and I wondered if maybe coming downstairs wasn’t such a great idea. Brian would have come back up eventually, or I could have asked someone to get him. My impulsiveness just continued to get me into trouble.

“What the hell did you do this time?” Venom dripped from each word, and I slid my hands up behind my neck, linked my fingers, and continued to stare at the ground. I didn’t want to get into it with Mike, not then.

The door opened, and I looked up to see Brian standing there with a grilled cheese sandwich, a bowl, and a can of soda balanced on a cookie sheet. He stopped short when he saw us, but he didn’t drop his makeshift tray.

“Jamie, what are you doing out of bed?” Brian set the tray on the stairs next to me and put his hand on the side of my face. I leaned into the touch, thankful he didn’t seem angry anymore.

“I came down to apologize,” I said with my eyes trained on the floor beneath my feet because I didn’t want to see the disappointment Determination

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and hurt in his face again. Mike made a scathing noise, and my already-frayed nerves just snapped. I was sick of his crap.

“What is your problem?” I asked and struggled to get to my feet.

Alex held me as I stood up, and Brian got between us. It was stupid to get into it with Mike because I was in no shape to defend myself, but the way he kept trying to come between Brian and me just pissed me off.

“I’m sick of seeing you hurt them,” Mike growled back at me, pushing Brian a little in his anger. His normally fair complexion flushed as he glared over Brian’s shoulder. Alex wrapped his thin arms around my chest, holding me back against him with as much strength as he could find.

“Mike, he’s not hurting me,” Alex said quietly.

“Really, Alex? Where’s Allie?” Mike asked, but his voice had softened, and I felt Alex stiffen behind me. I didn’t understand what he meant.

“Mike, that’s not fair.” The hitch in Alex’s voice made me think I’d missed something vital.

“Who’s Allie?” I asked over my shoulder, but Alex didn’t answer.

“Allie was a kitten Alex found in the alley behind his building just after we got back from New Orleans. He’d taken it to the vet, got a litter box and collar, and fallen in love with the little thing. Then he had to get rid of her when he gave up his apartment to move in here because of you!”

“Mike—” Alex started, but Mike held up a hand.

“You hurt Brian every single day. Do you notice how much weight he’s lost? I do. I see it whenever I look at him. You’re hurting two guys I love, and I’m not going to—” Mike stopped talking at the squeak that came from Alex behind me. We all turned to look at Alex, whose face had lit up like Christmas morning. He looked at Mike with so much affection and tenderness that I felt like an intruder.

“You love me?” Normally Alex was larger than life, but his voice had gotten very small and unsure as he asked the question. Mike relaxed a little as he gazed back into Alex’s face. The fight seemed to have left him as he realized what he’d just admitted. He nodded, and 30

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suddenly the arms around me disappeared. I staggered as Alex launched himself at Mike. Mike’s back hit the wall just as Brian wrapped his arm around my waist to steady me.

“Take me upstairs,” Alex murmured between heated kisses. His anger forgotten for the moment, Mike took Alex’s hand and led him past Brian and me. Avoiding the tray of food getting cold on the stairs, he pulled Alex up to the third floor. They disappeared from view with a giggle and a bang as the door closed.

Brian kissed my forehead as I leaned into him. I didn’t care about the food, or about Mike and Alex—all I wanted was Brian. Shivering against the cool air of the stairwell and the cold concrete under my bare feet, I burrowed closer into Brian’s warmth. He wrapped both his arms around me, and I sighed against his shoulder.

“Let’s get you back upstairs. I made you some lunch,” he whispered and pulled away.

“No way am I going upstairs with those two screwing in the next room,” I said. “Can’t we just stay down here somewhere?” I hadn’t been in any part of the building except Alex’s room upstairs. Since Brian had made food, though, I figured there must be a kitchen of some sort on the other side of that door. Even if we just sat at a dining room table, anything would be better than listening to Mike’s bedframe slamming against the wall as he pounded Alex into the mattress.

“Yeah, we can hang out down here in the common room,” Brian said as he reached down to grab the tray of food. “Sit here for just a second, and I’ll put this tray in there first. I don’t want anyone to step on it if they come downstairs.”

I leaned against the wall as he opened the door and carried the tray through. It really was just a matter of seconds before he was back and helping me up. The comfortable room on the other side of the door surprised me. I barely remembered arriving at the building and coming up the stairs, but I had gotten the sense it was more industrial than residential.

This room looked more like a frat house than an office, however.

A pool table, a couch, a few mismatched chairs, and a TV took up most of the room. The stuff looked secondhand, but it was more of a home than any place I’d seen in the last few years. I wondered what it would Determination

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be like to live there with Brian and Alex, somewhere I actually belonged. Then I reminded myself it was only temporary. Soon Steven would find me, and my vacation into normalcy would be all over.

“Here, sit by the table,” Brian said, helping me to sit on the couch near the tray of food. “I’m going to run upstairs and get you a blanket.”

I wanted to argue with him, to keep him there with me, but I was cold, and a blanket sounded great. He kissed me gently and then headed for the door.

I looked around again and saw there was a small kitchen off the main room and another door labeled “Manager” nearby. Too tired to worry about anything else, I grabbed the grilled cheese sandwich from the plate and took a bite. It was a work of golden-fried art wrapped around a thick layer of gooey cheese. If I’d died the day before, then I was surely in heaven.

By the time Brian returned with the blanket, I’d already finished the sandwich and was working on the tomato soup. Even though it had been made from concentrated goop in a can, there was something about it that soothed my soul. It warmed me from the inside, and I felt so much better after I’d finished. Brian carried the blanket to the far end of the couch and sat down. Satisfied I’d eaten everything, he scooted back against the side of the couch and opened his arms. I crawled into them greedily and rested against his chest as he covered us with the blanket.

“I’m sorry I overreacted earlier,” he murmured against my ear. I turned my head to kiss him softly.