Determinant -Guardians of Vesturon [3] (38 page)

“You comfort me immensely January. I have no doubt I could not have survived this tragedy without you here. We are truly one, are we not?”

“For now and forever. I love you and I wish so much there was something I could do to make all of this disappear.”

He roughly pulled me into him and lifted me until our eyes met and he vowed, “January, I was lost before I found you and yesterday confirmed that. You are my light and I know the days ahead will not be easy ones, but I also know that with you by my side, I will without a doubt, make it through this. Therron was one of the best males I have ever known and when he died, a part of me died as well. But you give me a much more meaningful reason to live. So, on one hand, you have done so much more for me than you can ever imagine. Although on the other, I am not sure I want the pain just to disappear because in some way, it would lessen the way I felt about Therron and that would not seem right in my heart. I suppose my grief is a necessary evil, but you, my love, are a soothing balm for my weeping soul.” He kissed me gently and then set me back on my feet. He laced his fingers with mine and we went to seek out his family.

Wow. The urge to pinch myself was overwhelming. Where did this man come from and how did I get this lucky?

When we reached the family quarters, there wasn’t anyone around. Rykerian led me toward the stairs and we went down to the back of the house. Was it just a few weeks ago when we stood here and vowed our love for each other? It seemed like eons had passed.

“I feel the same, love, though not with respect to you.”

“Oh of course not. Though it seems so much has changed.”

As we neared the terrace, seated were Maddie, Rayn, Rowan and Annalise. When they became aware of our presence, Annalise flew to her feet and into Rykerian’s arms. His hand dropped mine as his arms engulfed his mother in his embrace. I walked to Maddie and she and I hugged. Her eyes were red and swollen and it was evident she had been crying a lot.

It was particularly awkward for me because I didn’t know what to say. “I’m so sorry for your loss” just seemed so inadequate.

Maddie spoke first. “It’s okay January. There isn’t anything anyone can say. I, for one, am sorry you never got to meet him. Therron was awesome.”

“So I hear. I’m sorry for that too. Rykerian has filled me in on so many things about him and I’m so disappointed we never met. I’m so sad for you because I know the two of you had gotten pretty tight. I still can’t believe this has happened.”

“I know, right? I’m still numb I think.” Rayn was absently rubbing circles on the inside of Maddie’s wrist. For some reason, he made that simple gesture seem impossibly intimate. Maddie’s cheeks turned pink. She must’ve heard my thoughts so I immediately put up my blocks.

Rykerian and Annalise joined us and Annalise gave me the tightest squeeze for a hug. “Thank you for being there for my son.”

I looked her directly in the eye and said, “Annalise, you don’t ever have to thank me for that. There is nowhere else I would ever be, and I am at a complete and total loss for words at what to say to you over your loss. Please accept my sympathy.” I hugged her tightly. She gave me a watery smile and went to sit with Rowan who had greeted me earlier.

Rykerian pulled me to him and took a seat on an oversized chair, pulling me into his lap. My brows shot up but he just nestled his arms around me, holding me tightly. He bent his head into my neck and said, “I refuse to be anywhere away from you. When I say that, I am talking mere inches, love. I
have
to touch you. I need your strength.”

“Oh, okay,” I muttered in understanding. I would give him anything he needed...anything at all. If he had to touch me constantly, then so be it. As I looked around the terrace, I noticed the other couples were sitting in much the same fashion.

“Rykerian,” Rowan said, “we will have a memorial service for Therron the day after tomorrow for the immediate family. Then the day after that, the public ceremony will be held.”

“Yes, my lord. What time?”

“The private one will be at sunrise here. The public one will be at high noon at the town central.”

Rykerian nodded. “January hasn’t any formal garments for the service.”

“Your mother has taken care of that. They will be delivered tomorrow.

A sadder event I had never attended nor did I ever want to for as long as I lived. Never having met Therron, after the morning’s service, I felt I had known him since birth.

All the siblings spoke of their memories of him and as I watched Rowan and Annalise, I wondered how they withstood the grief. Parents were not supposed to outlive their children.

Sharra, Rykerian’s only sister arrived last night and she could barely remain standing. Maddie supported her on one side and Rykerian on the other. Everyone stood linked together, drawing inner strength and fortitude from each other.

There was one female in attendance that was not a family member. Her name was Athyna Monteveldo and she barely said a word. She looked like she had turned to stone. She clung to Tesslar for dear life. There was something odd about her though...something I couldn’t put my finger on.

I asked Maddie about her later and she told me that Athyna had always loved Therron. Athyna’s father had been Rowan’s best friend but had tried to ruin Rayn because he wanted Rayn and Athyna to be mated. When Rayn showed no interest, Voldruk Monteveldo committed treason and ultimately took his own life. Athyna was so angry with him because she never had eyes for Rayn, only for Therron. Everyone always assumed they would be united one day.

My heart went out to this Athyna. How sad to lose her only true love.

Later that night, Rykerian and I were talking in bed and I told him how sad I was for her.

“Yes, Therron was always a blind fool where Athyna was concerned and we told him so. I think they had worked things out when this idiotic war broke out and pulled Therron away. The Xanthians have caused us way too many problems.”

“Rykerian, what are you thinking?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t be hedgy with me. I can see your wheels spinning. I don’t want you to go back there. You could have died and I would be the one mourning
you
now. I can’t even go there.”

“The Xanthians must be stopped January. We must figure out a way to do that.”

“Fine! Get someone else to go. Let Jurek and his men go. They can go in their energy forms. They can’t die then!”

“January, you don’t understand.”

“No, Rykerian!
You
don’t understand! This is exactly what I meant when I told you I was scared. Do you remember that conversation we had when I came back from Jurek’s space station? I told you I was afraid of losing you! This is what I meant! I couldn’t survive losing you! I mean it Rykerian. If anything like that would ever happen to you I wouldn’t be able to...I couldn’t...” I had worked myself into tears, and I was shaking and my voice had become overwrought with grief.

“Okay...sshh. It is okay. I will not go to Xanthus love. I will not leave you. Okay?” His hands were gripping my shoulders, his eyes boring into mine.

“Do you promise?
Swear to me
!” I sniffed. I took his face into my hands and my eyes implored him to promise me. “Swear to me Rykerian because
I couldn’t live without you in my life!”
Suddenly the events of the day crashed into me and I was an uncontrollable sobbing mess.

“I swear to you my love. I will not go to Xanthus.”

I buried myself in him, trying to stem my flow of tears and regain control of my emotions. The thought of going to a memorial service for Rykerian simply threw me into a fit of hysterics and I just sobbed like an idiot.

I finally seemed to get it out of my system. “I’m sorry I went all emo and geeked out on you,” I said, taking in a big gulp of air.

He tangled his fingers in my hair and looked me in the eye, “Do not ever be sorry for telling me how you feel. Do you understand me? I do not ever want you to hold that back from me.”

“Okay,” I nodded.

The next day the family made the procession to the town central where the final service was to be held. Thousands of people lined the streets. Flowers had been placed everywhere with notes and tributes.

We were all attired in black. The men wore black robes with black ropes at their wastes and the women wore black gowns with similar ropes on our wastes. They were very simple with no adornments. We wore no jewelry and our hair hung straight down our backs.

The ceremony was formal with the Council of Elders presiding. The Guardians of Vesturon were present, dressed in their formal uniforms, and they did a formal greeting to the family and then a formal send off to Therron. Finally, three council members eulogized Therron. The first one talked about his years at the Academy. The second one talked about his years in servitude as a Guardian. And the third one talked about Therron as the outstanding male he had grown to be. It was a very moving, uplifting and emotional ceremony.

Afterward, the family processed back to the palace, where we greeted various Heads of State and Council members. I was ready to collapse by the time I saw Jurek and his men enter the palace. As they neared us, I felt Rykerian tense a bit, but much less than he normally did. The Praestani were dressed much more formally than usual. Gone were the leather pants, vests and criss- crossing straps across their chests. Their hair was neatly trimmed and they had no signs of facial hair what so ever. I saw the corners of Jurek’s mouth turn up so he knew where my thoughts were. I bit my lip to keep from grinning and Rykerian looked at us with a raised brow. I just shook my head, not trusting myself to open my mouth.

Jurek bowed to Rowan and Annalise first, and then to all of us. His men followed suit. In his deep voice he offered condolences from himself and his men and spoke about Therron’s courage and bravery.

I was impressed by the seriousness of his tone. Gone was his sarcasm and hardened nature. In its place was a proper gentleman. Even Tak stood at attention, bowing to my in-laws in deference.

“They are most impressive when they want to be,” Rykerian observed.

“I know, right?” I agreed.

Finally, Athyna Monteveldo walked in. Her grief was palpable and my heart nearly leapt out of my chest when I saw her. I felt this inexplicable attachment to this bereaving young lady...why, I had no idea. Then the strangest thing happened. She headed straight for me and threw herself into my arms, sobbing.

I held her tightly against me as I didn’t know what else to do. Rykerian looked as though he would lift her away from me, but I shook my head indicating otherwise. Athyna needed this for her own reason and I would do whatever I could to help her.

Eventually, she lifted her head and said, “I find that I need to be near you and I must beg you for your forgiveness for overstepping my bounds.”

“Please don’t say that! You are a part of this family Athyna and I know how much you loved Therron. There is no need to apologize. And besides, I find this strange attachment to you as well.”

I caught Rykerian staring at us both, looking back and forth.

“What?”

“It is nothing. Athyna, please, will you join us upstairs?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Athyna and I walked arm in arm up the huge staircase to the family quarters, where refreshments awaited us. I couldn’t wait to get off of my feet for I was exhausted. We plopped down onto one of the sofas and Rykerian brought us some drinks. He kept staring at us strangely. Athyna and I made some small talk, mainly trying to fill the awkwardness that had fallen between us. Jurek and his men came in and he pulled me to my feet and gave me a huge hug. Then he did his awesome energy thingy by placing his hand on my forehead and I immediately felt his warmth flowing through me, followed by a surge of energy.

“Where were you an hour ago? I thought I was gonna collapse down there!”

“Sorry your highness,” he smirked.

I just stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed. I don’t know why I insisted on repeating that childish gesture with him, but I guess it was because he always thought it was funny, and admittedly, I liked making him laugh.

“Oh, Jurek, this is Athyna Monteveldo. Athyna, this is Jurek Herdekian.”

They exchanged greetings but Jurek kept looking at us strangely, like Rykerian had.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“No. What are you looking at?”

“You and Athyna. You look alike is all. Your eyes are exactly the same color.”

My eyes swung to hers and hers to mine. We both stared at each other and our mouths formed huge O’s. She was about my height but a bit larger framed. Her hair was blond, but more golden than silvery, but her eyes were definitely a very pale ice blue,
exactly
like mine.

By now, everyone in the room had joined in the “Let’s all stare at January and Athyna contest.” The silence was deafening.

“Rykerian,” I said in a monotone, not taking my eyes off of Athyna. He was holding my hand in the next second.

“You told me Athyna had no siblings, correct?”

“That is correct.”

“What does it feel like when one of your siblings enters the room?”

“It feels like your heart is attached to theirs by a string of sorts. It is different than how it feels for you and me. For us it is a current that blankets us. For siblings it is more of an attachment.”

“Yes. Do you feel their pain?”

“Yes. Not as much as I would yours, but yes.”

I turned to Athyna and said, “You are my sister.”

The room erupted in bursts of chatter, coming from every corner.

“How?” “When?” “Where?” And so it went.

I turned to Athyna, saying, “Did your father ever spend much time on Earth?”

Before she could respond, Rykerian shouted, “Father!”

Rowan immediately joined us, along with Annalise, Maddie and Rayn. We were all standing in a circle. Behind us stood Xarrid, Tesslar and Jurek.