Destined to Feel (12 page)

10. Non-Disclosure Agreement —
Access to all data research, findings and
conclusions will be provided to the Experimentee at the conclusion of day four.
The NDA looks pretty basic, yet doesn’t prevent me from showing the results to Jeremy, for example. That’s if I care to share them with him at all after his secrecy. I get a strange inkling that they almost want me to share them — weird!

1 1 .
Xsade undertakes to be wholly responsible for the safety and care of the
Experimentee and to return the subject unharmed to a destination of her choice at the
conclusion of the experiment
— Well that’s comforting.

Suddenly, for the first time since arriving here, my children don’t feel so far away from me. I relish the warmth in my heart and decide I just need to make it through the next 72 hours. That’s what I must focus on, for them.

12.
At any time during the process of clinical experimentation, the Experimentee may
halt proceedings due to emotional or physical discomfort.
I can’t help but think how I would have ‘halted’ proceedings mid-parachute jump! Imagine if that had been one of the conditions of my weekend with Jeremy? It would certainly have guaranteed a different outcome, I’m sure. However, in the scheme of things I certainly don’t have problems with this term.

1 3 .
A sum of GBP one million shall be deposited into the bank account of the
Experimentee on completion of the clinical experimentation process.
Holy shit! One million pounds — are they serious? How on earth could I be worth that much to them?

Jeremy offers me a position on the Global Research Forum and then refuses to keep me in the loop — on anything! And they offer me this? Now I’m
really
intrigued, what are they so desperate for? Why not choose any other ‘Anglo-Saxon, pre-menopausal’

woman? This is just too weird for words. What if they don’t find what they’re looking for? Do I still receive the money? Based on the terms of this contract it appears that I do.

What are they looking for?

The familiar tingling sensation ripples across my buttocks as I ask these questions but instead of leading to feelings of orgasmic sensation, it is quickly negated by my anger at the lies and deception that have now become so obvious to me. These tingles — are they sensory memories of my previous experience? They can’t possibly just be based on emotions can they?

Damn it, I’m going to find out what all this is about myself since Jeremy doesn’t think I warrant receiving the research findings. How dare he treat me like this? Well, Madame Jurilique, it seems we have a contract to negotiate. While one part of me feels slightly nauseated at this thought, another part is ready to embrace the experience with a ‘bring it on, don’t mess with me’

attitude of high resolve. I must admit, my own determination even scares me a little.

A tap on the door indicates my reading time is over. I quickly glance over the rest of my notes and the contract, confirming that it is fairly standard. I slip the papers back in the folder.

‘Dr Blake, Madame Jurilique is ready for you in her office.’ I look at Fred and can’t help but glance down at my attire. I raise my eyebrows in his direction.

‘The discussion is far more critical than your state of dress of this stage, Dr Blake.’ I have to agree; maybe he is more perceptive than I’ve given him credit for. I mentally withdraw my

‘brawn’ judgements. I scoop up the dossier from the desk and follow him out the door.

Madame Jurilique is seated behind a large desk in a pale blue Chanel suit, looking all class.

I look like a casual Aussie ready to go for a power walk along Bondi Beach. Oh well, I didn’t ask for this. She can take me as she finds me! I sit down opposite her.

‘
Bonjour
, doctor, I trust you slept well.’

‘Yes, as a matter of fact I did.’ It feels weird to hear my voice out loud. It seems like forever since I last spoke. Her smile is cold and professional.

‘Excellent, well let’s get down to business. I assume you have read the documents and have some questions,
oui
?’

Here goes nothing. I decide to launch straight into the details and cut to the chase. Best get this over and done with.

‘Enema?’ I have never had one before and always wondered what it would be like, but in this scenario?

‘Liken it to colonic irrigation, which many people experience on a regular basis as part of their overall health regime.’ She pauses to assess my response. I remember one of my friends has a monthly appointment for exactly this process and raves about how fantastic she feels every time. ‘It’s important to us that you begin the experimentation process “clean”, allowing us to control and monitor your body more effectively for the next seventy-two hours.’ She looks directly into my eyes before continuing. ‘Alternatively, we can monitor your motions back in your room until such time —’

I quickly interrupt. ‘That won’t be necessary. I’ll do it.’ I don’t want to spend any more time here than required.

‘Good. I’m sure you’ll have no regrets, it’s a very safe procedure.’ It’s not so much the safety that concerns me, but I don’t really want to dwell on the messy details, so I move on.

‘I am not comfortable with any form of penis penetration as part of the experimentation process.’

‘No problem, I shall note it down. No human penetration?’ Oh jeez, this really is the weirdest discussion I’ve ever had in my life.

Phew, that was a little easier than I was expecting. Madame continues. Next. ‘Excretion samples?’

‘Yes, from your orgasms. This is non-negotiable.’ She seems incredibly confident that I’ll be having orgasms…we’ll see about that. I feel like I’m signing up to a Kinsey experiment.

‘This is what you need to test to confirm Jeremy’s results?’

‘We believe so, yes.’

‘Will it hurt?’ My voice falters a little.

‘It is not our intention to do you any harm, Dr Blake. If it did not hurt with Dr Quinn, it will certainly not hurt in our environment.’ Well, it could be described as sheer unadulterated pleasure with Jeremy, but that’s what got me into this trouble in the first place. Concentrate, you are negotiating your life, your freedom, Alexa. Focus! I glance quickly at my notes.

‘I don’t want a catheter.’

‘You will not be required to have one. You will see that the equipment in our laboratory is state of the art and designed to make our clinical patients as comfortable as possible.’ That’s a pleasant change from what I had conjured up in my mind.

‘Okay. Good.’ I continue. ‘No blood tests. This is non-negotiable for me.’ For some reason, the memory of Jeremy’s discussion with me about my blood makes me not want them to have access to mine.

She frowns. ‘That provides us with some difficulty, Dr Blake.’

‘I’m sure you are able to access blood samples from other people with AB blood.’ I say far more confidently than I feel.

‘True, however…’ She seems lost in thought, her finger rhythmically tapping the top of her clipboard, as if her brain is trying to find a way around this impediment. ‘How many vials did Dr Quinn take when you were under his care?’

Under his care…what an interesting way of describing it. She seems almost desperate for this information? I notice the skin above her lip is beading in perspiration. This is obviously extremely important to her.

‘I’m not sure.’

‘Not sure, or unwilling to disclose, Dr Blake?’ The undertone in her voice is cutting. She stands up from behind the desk and stares out the window before returning her steely gaze to meet my eyes.

‘I honestly don’t know,’ I state more firmly. ‘Jeremy is aware of my dislike of needles and hospital equipment.’ Although it still didn’t stop him from using it, the thought shudders through me.

‘Hmm. This could be problematic.’ She looks thoughtful. ‘Definitely non-negotiable,
oui
?’

‘Definitely.’

‘Why so, Dr Blake? It’s only a bit of blood.’ Her eyes penetrate my brain as if she is trying to decipher just how much I know and might be hiding from her. God, I wish I knew more, rather than simply running on gut instinct as I’m doing right now. The obstinate look on her face leaves me with no doubt they could take my blood by force right now and I couldn’t do a single thing about it. Why am I so adamant? I harden my resolve in an attempt to play her game and even out my odds in this bizarre negotiation.

‘I am willing to undergo your experiment, Madame Jurilique, for seventy-two hours as requested. I have agreed to allow you to penetrate my anus for an enema which, for your information, I have never had before. I am willing for you to stimulate me enough to capture the fluid secreted from my orgasms, which is what I believe you need for your research. I am not willing for you to extract vials of my blood.’ I hope I am sounding more convincing than I feel.

She looks lost in thought before continuing: ‘As this is a negotiation process,’ she states rather reluctantly, ‘would you be willing to consider a pinprick of your blood every twenty-four hours, so we can at least link it directly to our laboratory results?’

I return her stare as she stabilises her hands against the desk awaiting my answer.

‘I suppose that would be fine.’ For some reason, I just don’t want them to have enough of my blood to run a whole series of tests with it and I just hate needles. A pinprick I can live with.

‘Good. Any other questions?’

I quickly refer to my notes. ‘I will then have access to the results and be released?’

‘Yes, of course.’

‘I will be going to one of your clinical facilities, but I won’t be told where, is that correct?’

‘That is correct.’

‘How will I get there?’ I live in dread of being stuffed into a suitcase with happy gas again.

‘You will be escorted there in an ambulance. This is the safest way.’

‘By ambulance. Is that necessary?’ I query.

‘Be under no illusions, Dr Blake. We are not the only pharmaceutical company interested in securing your unique results. There are other, shall we say, less scrupulous companies who, should they lay hands on you, would not be so accommodating of your requirements.’ She raises a perfectly sculpted eyebrow in my direction. Jeez, I hadn’t even thought of that!

‘Your safety is our utmost priority, Dr Blake, so I would ask that you go along quietly with our requests. That way we can minimise any danger we may find ourselves in.’ This would be a great time for my James Bond version of Jeremy to come crashing through the door or window with his special agent troops and rescue me from this scene. Where are you, damn it? Where are these special teams you told me about? Do you really not care any more?

‘Are you waiting for something, Dr Blake?’ Yes, waiting for something that is just not going to happen. My bravado seeps away as I resign myself to my fate.

‘No. When will I be going?’ I can’t help dejection colouring my voice.

‘At the conclusion of this discussion, and once you have signed the required documents. I am sure you don’t want to prolong this process more than necessary. I, like you, want to be reunited with loved ones as soon as practicable.’ At this point, I’m glad to be sitting, as my body feels leaden at her words. Will I be returning to Jeremy’s love or his betrayal? My children feel every bit as far away as they physically are. For some reason, it is slightly reassuring for me to know she has loved ones as well. It gives her a more sympathetic side and I get the sense that she also wants this over and done with as soon as possible.

‘And the money?’ I have no idea what I will do with this ‘blood’ money but have no doubt it could be put to good use in a number of charities I’m involved in.

‘Will be deposited in a bank account in your name at the conclusion of your time with us.

The details will be included in your exit package.’

‘And if I said no to being involved at all, in any of this?’

‘Let’s not taint such a fruitful discussion with such suggestions, Dr Blake. I believe we have both come to a very satisfying conclusion under unusual circumstances.’

How can she sound simultaneously so polite and so threatening? Any sympathy I detected has vanished in her last statement. It’s as if her ‘loved ones’ could be a pit full of venomous snakes. In a businesslike manner she crosses out some parts of the contract and adds some handwritten notes presumably based on our discussion before placing the revised document and gold pen before me on the desk.

‘I can assure you, your involvement in this research will be of benefit to women around the world, most significantly the more than 40% who report lack of sexual interest or desire as a key factor impacting their lives. Now we have a very real opportunity to develop a solution that can benefit women and significantly enhance their sex lives which has to be a good thing, don’t you think?’ This is obviously a rhetorical question, she continues without a pause as if she’s delivering their marketing plan to an audience. ‘If all goes according to plan, we should be in a position to release this drug early next year. It is near perfect, Dr Blake, as you will experience in our laboratory.’

I can’t imagine a sex life better than the one I have with Jeremy but being at the edge of a scientific breakthrough suddenly excites me, particularly one that may affect the lives of women so dramatically — if it does, in fact. Her words still linger as I pick up the gold pen and quickly scan her amendments. If Xsade’s purple pill targets female arousal, not just the physical aspects such as increased blood flow, just imagine the potential impact for both women and men alike?

Good grief, this could change our lives as we know it. No wonder some companies are willing to take frightening risks.

I can’t deny that there is definitely a part of me that is really intrigued to find out if it works, first hand. I think about my friend Mandy in the States, who recently paid thousands of dollars to have her sexual arousal tested at a specifically designed clinic. Although I suppose if women can have reconstructive surgery on their labias, it shouldn’t really be such a shock that there seems to be no expense spared either by corporations or individuals in some cases.