Desperately Seeking Shapeshifter (37 page)

He nodded. “Turned you down, didn’t he?”

I gaped. “How did you know that?”

“I did a spin of guard duty for Bert last summer. He likes ’em”—he began to gesture, indicating a rather large butt, and then began to jiggle his hands.

“Yes, I know,” I hissed, slapping his hands down. “Badonkadonk.”

“I was going to say ‘big booty ho’s,’ but that works,” he said with a laugh. “Anyhow, that’s why he’s single. He’s selective and the dating pool is kind of lean when it comes to that sort of thing. No pun intended.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, well, number three turned me down, too. He didn’t even show up to our date.”

He nodded. “I’m not surprised.”

“Why are you not surprised? I am.”

“Vampires are sketchy. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I make a full-time living out of being a bodyguard to the fanged persuasion.”

I eyed the Russell Security T-shirt he wore. It was tightly stretched over his large shoulders, outlining his pectorals and firm stomach. “I noticed. So they’re paranoid?”

“To the extreme,” he agreed, sipping his coffee again with a grimace. “Vampires are a dog-eat-dog society. You look at someone’s blood partner the wrong way and you could find yourself with a contract on your head. You go into someone’s territory and set up shop—contract on your head. It’s like the mafia, but with fangs. The smart ones lay low or leave town fast.”

There was so much that I didn’t know about vampires, and I was quickly realizing that Josh could bring into focus some of the fuzzy edges. “So what’s a blood partner?”

“A vampire’s mate is called a blood partner. Blood partners only drink from each other. And since vampire women are rare, you’ll find a lot more single male vampires, since every female that isn’t already partnered pretty much has her choice of men.”

Interesting. That sounded like it could work in my favor. If vampire females were highly prized, my willingness to become a vampire female would probably be looked upon positively. “So why aren’t there many vampire females?”

“Same thing as female shifters, I imagine,” he
said in a low voice. “You’re marrying into a family that’s not exactly the most fun to get along with. And I hear it’s quite painful for the victim if the turning doesn’t take—or it kills them.”

That wasn’t a deterrent for me. I was dying anyhow. I had only months before I was going to totally deteriorate, so I’d take my chances on a vampire turning me. The alternative was worse. I rubbed my eyes, feeling suddenly tired. The more I found out about vampires, the less I wanted to become one, but I was low on choices. Very low. “So vampires are skittish and think everyone is out to get them. Is that why my date didn’t show up?”

“That’s my guess. Either that, or he didn’t like the way you looked and had second thoughts.”

I scowled. “I look perfectly acceptable.”

“You’re beautiful,” he agreed.

I was momentarily flabbergasted. “I . . . thank you.”

“To me,” he amended. “Vampires like different things.”

Oh, I remembered. Badonkadonk. Still, I felt warm under Josh’s flattery. “So what is it about me you’d change?”

He studied me for a long moment, an intense scrutiny that made my cheeks flush. His gaze swept over my face, then my chest, then back over my face again. That knowing, arrogant smile curved his sexy mouth. “I wouldn’t change anything.”

My cheeks felt like they were on fire.

“But we’re not talking about me. You’re talking
about hooking a vampire . . . unless you changed your mind and decided you want me instead of a vampire?”

Figured that he’d bring the conversation back around to how sexy he was. I kicked him under the table. “I didn’t change my mind. Tell me about what I need to do to get a vampire.”

“You girls and your weird vampire fetishes,” he said with a shake of his head. “You know dating a vampire’s not like it is on TV, right?”

“I’m not stupid.”

“No, you’re not, but I’m questioning your taste in men.” At my glare, he raised a placating hand. “Fine. Let’s start with the basics. You went through the agency?”

I said nothing, suddenly nervous. Josh was the brother-in-law of my boss. If she knew that I was using the database for my own personal needs, I’d be fired in a red hot minute. That was a big no no in her eyes, especially since I was human and only a marginal member of the Alliance.

Of course, Bathsheba had dated through the agency herself, once upon a time. Anytime it came up, however, she was quick to explain that it hadn’t been her choice—she’d been more or less blackmailed into it to hide the fact that Sara was a werewolf. She didn’t want Ryder or me dating through the agency, because the fact that a human had used the service stirred up a real hornet’s nest amongst the shifter clans. Some wanted to date humans, but more of them didn’t want us contaminating the works. I
could understand it, even if it countered my own plans.

Josh sighed at my reluctance. “I’m not going to rat on you, Marie. If I was, would we be here?”

That was the thing. I had no idea. But I supposed I had to trust someone—I was getting nowhere fast on my own, and there wasn’t a ton of vampires in the database to experiment with. “I’m in the database. As Minnie Michigo. Were-otter.”

The nod of approval came slowly. “Michigo was a good choice. Lots of them in the area.”

Strange how flustered I felt when I had his approval. “That’s why I picked them. Plus, they’re not a bigger predator that could be intimidating.”

He nodded again, his expression thoughtful. “Vampires are a bit paranoid. He could have ran a background check and found out that Minnie doesn’t exist.”

As I watched, he pulled out his phone and began to flip through screens. “What are you doing?” I asked warily.

“Looking up Minnie’s profile,” he said with a grin. Then he frowned, looking back up at me. “No picture?”

“I send it if they ask for it,” I said defensively. “Why should looks matter?”

“Because you’re dealing with men,” he said bluntly. “Did you send a picture to this last guy? Send it to me.”

I had. I hadn’t wanted to send one that looked like me, and I’d wanted to make sure to hook him,
so I’d simply looked up “sexy girls with glasses and dark hair,” picked one that looked kind of like me, and sent him a hopefully enticing picture. I sent the photo to Josh’s profile.

His eyes widened. “What the hell is this?”

I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling defensive. “Just a picture I pulled off the internet. I thought it might convey fun and lighthearted silliness.” You know, all those things I wasn’t. “It’s kind of a silly pose but I thought it might look natural.”

Josh continued to stare at the picture, and then back at me. “That’s not you, right?”

I snorted. “Nope, that’s not me. She’s putting her fist in her mouth, and I can’t do that.”

“Marie,” he said slowly. “That’s not her fist. That’s not even
her
body part.”

I snatched the phone away from him and studied it for a minute. That definitely wasn’t a fist . . . good God. “I . . . oh.” A hot flush crept over my face and I quickly handed the phone back to him.

He threw back his head and laughed. “Well, I think I’m beginning to see why date number three was afraid to meet you.”

“Shut
up.
”

Josh only grinned at me. He glanced back down at the picture, shook his head, and then clicked his phone off and tossed it on the table. He slouched in the booth, his gaze moving up and down over me.

I internally squirmed at the perusal and grew wary. “What?”

“I see three main problems.”

“Well, what are they?”

“You sure you want to know?”

Now he was just torturing me. “Of course I want to know,” I said, feeling exasperated. “Would I be sitting here in the middle of the night with you if I didn’t?”

He winced and clutched a hand to his chest. Those long-lashed eyes closed dramatically. “Marie, that hurts me. Deeply.” His tone was playful, but I got the impression that I had actually hurt his feelings.

“You knew why I was coming here,” I said defensively. “Either help me or leave me alone.”

“I’ll help you, but I have conditions.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, glaring at him. “What kind of conditions?”

“If you want to find a vampire, you have to let me help you.”

“Isn’t that what I’m doing?”

“No,” he said. “I mean,
really
help you. You work at a dating agency, right? You help clients make a match.” He tapped his chest with a finger, and my gaze went to that tight shirt, straining over his muscled shoulders. “I’m an expert on women.”

I snorted. “I’ll just bet you are.”

Josh tilted his head, as if studying me. “Don’t believe that I’m good with women? I think my track record speaks for itself.”

“Oh, it says something all right,” I said cattily. “It says that you might know how to bait the hook,
but I haven’t seen anything that tells me that you know how to have a relationship. You never stick around long enough to find out. I know all about you and your legendary dating excursions, Joshua Russell. You like the chase. You get a girl, date her, and then you dump her.”

“If we’re going to compare fishing to women,” he said softly, leaning across the table toward me, how about you let me give it a shot?” His eyes gleamed dangerously.

“Very well. Go ahead.”

“I might know how to bait the hook, but I also know how to reel in my catch. If I’m throwing back what I’m getting, it’s because I’m after a different sort of fish.”

“The one that got away?” I said dryly.

He laughed, and the tension of the moment was gone. “Something like that.”

I chewed on my lower lip, feeling suddenly confused. How had this turned from Josh flirting with me to Josh talking about other women? And worse, how had he made his endless string of dates sound so . . . practical? He was fishing and he just threw them back because they weren’t what he was looking for. Why did that sound so incredibly reasonable? Was I crazy? Or just falling under his spell? I sighed. “All right, you win this round.” Before he could say something smug I quickly added, “But I don’t need to know how to catch a woman. I need to know how to catch a
man
.”

“No, you need to
be caught
by a vampire. There’s
a difference. Both in the vampire and the fact that you’re going to be the one that’s caught. That’s where I come in. I’ll help you bag a vampire, but you have to take my advice seriously if this is going to work.”

I continued to stare at him across the table, uneasy. He was offering to be my dating guide. It was a generous offer, and yet—“I don’t understand you. What are you getting out of this?”

“How about the knowledge that you’ll be safe?” His mouth tightened and I found my gaze going there, to a warm, curving mouth framed by a day’s growth of stubble. “You’re human and you’re pretty much approaching every vampire asking them to date you. That’s not the safest situation, Marie. Get mixed up with the wrong vampire, and you could be in trouble.”

Danger hadn’t been on my mind, it was true. I
wanted
someone to turn me; I didn’t care about the consequences. I hated that he was making me slow down and think about them. “So this is your knight in shining armor schtick? Like you do with her?” I thumbed a gesture at Carol, currently on the far side of the restaurant, taking an order from a trucker. “You feel the need to chaperone women? Patron saint of lost causes?”

“No,” he said bluntly. “This is about me giving you what you think you want. I don’t know why on earth you want a vampire, but you’re determined to get one. And since you are fixed on this course of action, I’m going to help you.” He picked up his
coffee cup, realized it was empty, sighed, and put it back down on the table, reaching for mine instead. “I want you to see that you really
don’t
want a vampire. They’re not like in the movies.”

“I’m not that shallow,” I said quickly. As he placed his mouth directly over where I’d been drinking, a funny flush went through my body.

“All right. But I think that maybe, if I show you how vampires really are, you’ll change your mind.” Those gorgeous eyes focused on my face, making my mouth go dry. A slow, lazy grin began to spread over his face as he drained my coffee and put the cup down. “Maybe you’ll go cougar instead.”

Somehow, I didn’t think he was referring to dating younger men.

I frowned at him and adjusted my glasses. He had no clue why I wanted a vampire because I hadn’t offered any information. To him, it probably
was
a weird fetish.

I should have told him the truth. But the words caught in my throat as he continued to look at me expectantly. The way he was smiling at me, laughing with me, flirting with me . . .

He wouldn’t flirt with me if he knew I was dying. And call me crazy, but I liked being attractive to him.

“Why me?” I couldn’t help but ask. I wasn’t pretty, like Ryder, or flirty. I wasn’t soft and feminine like Bathsheba. I was all hard angles, dark hair, and glasses. I didn’t laugh and joke around like Sara. I was acerbic and cold. I wasn’t easy around
him. What did he see in me that made him stay here? Made him flirt relentlessly? Made him more or less offer a one-night stand if I changed my mind about dating a vampire?

“Because,” he said slowly, spinning the small coffee cup with his big fingers, “I’ve never met anyone as alone as you, Marie. You hold everyone away from you with that icy frown. You need a thawing.”

He leaned forward, all devastating grin again. “And I’m pretty sure I could make you melt.”

JESSICA SIMS
is also the author of
Beauty Dates the Beast.
She lives near Fort Worth, Texas, with her husband.

A
LSO BY
J
ESSICA
S
IMS

Beauty Dates the Beast