Desire and Deception (31 page)

Lauren felt inadequate and insecure in contrast. And yet, when Jason quirked a brow at her serious expression, his look one of teasing concern, an unexpected warmth filled her, and she suddenly felt almost capable of conquering mountains, past and future.

"What are you contemplating, Cat-eyes?"

His question caught her off guard. Unwilling to admit she had been pondering the strange effect Jason had on her, Lauren prevaricated. "I was wondering how you managed to follow me from New Orleans."

An amused grin curved Jason's mouth. "It wasn't easy. After finding you gone, I headed north toward Natchez and managed to catch up to Matthew and Running Deer on the River Road, only to discover they hadn't seen you. By the time I returned to New Orleans, though, Kyle Ramsey had picked up your trail. Your height is difficult to disguise, and the
stableboy
where you hired your horses remembered you."

"Thank the Lord," Howard interjected.

"Yes," Lauren added quietly. "Thank you for coming."

"My pleasure.
But I'd be grateful if in the future you would avoid situations that require me to rescue you. This last time scared ten years off my life, and I've only so many to waste."

The teasing smile on Jason's lips invited her to share his laughter, but the challenging light in his blue eyes made Lauren aware that he was quite serious. Recalling the debt she owed him, she felt rather small. She was glad when Howard entered the conversation again and changed the subject.

That night Howard's snoring woke Lauren from a restless sleep. A sliver of moon bathed the campsite with light, and as she sat up, she saw that Jason's bedroll was empty. Throwing off her blanket, she went in search of him.

She found him a hundred yards upstream. He was sitting with his back against a cottonwood tree, one arm resting across his upraised knee, a rifle beside him. He watched her approach in silence.

When she received no invitation to join him, Lauren seated herself beside Jason and nervously smoothed the skirt of her gown. She had planned what she wanted to say; she intended to end his claim to her once and for all. Yet she was reluctant to disturb the peaceful silence. Silvery darkness surrounded them, while stars shone with brilliant intensity, lacing the sky like interwoven strings of diamonds. The night was warm and still, with only the hum of crickets and the deep, resonant croak of a bullfrog to provide a backdrop to the beating of her heart.

Wondering why he remained so silent, Lauren glanced up at Jason. His strong profile was etched in moonlight, his expression schooled into impassivity. She placed a hand on his sleeve and was surprised by the tension she felt flowing beneath her fingers.

"I promised you a night," she said quietly. She could hear the momentary cessation of Jason's breathing, but he didn't respond. Slowly she reached up to unfasten the buttons on the front of her gown.

"That's far enough, Lauren." His voice was low and taut, as if he didn't trust himself to speak.

Her hand stilled as she searched his face. His jaw was clamped, while a muscle flexed beneath the surface.

"But I intend to repay you for saving my life."

"I was afraid you would reach that conclusion. I'll have to decline, I'm afraid."

Faintly bewildered, Lauren stared up at him. "You saved my life. I don't want that hanging on my conscience."

Jason muttered a soft oath as he rose to his feet and stalked off a few paces, flexing his fists. Lauren's gaze followed him. She could sense the tight control he exercised over himself, could hear the tension in his voice when he said, "You don't owe me, Lauren.
And certainly not for preventing you from being taken captive.
I would have done the same for a stranger."

Lauren rose slowly, keeping her attention fixed on Jason. "Those Indians would not have taken us captive. Ben Howard was going to shoot me first and then
himself
." She heard Jason's sharp intake of breath before he turned to face her. "So you did save my life, Jason.
Just as you once provided me with the means to escape my guardian.
And I'm indebted to you, whether you admit it or not. I should like to cancel that debt once and for all."

She reached up and loosened her hair from its pins, then shook her head, sending the gleaming tresses flowing down her back. Jason thought she looked like some pagan goddess offering herself to the moon. Her pale skin reflected the luminous rays, while her shimmering hair shone more silver than gold. It required a great effort for him to relax the rigid muscles of his fists.

"Well?" she challenged. "What are you waiting for? Are the terms not to your liking?"

He raked a hand through his hair, as if he were fighting for control. "No, the terms aren't to my liking. But I would refuse them under any conditions. I have no intention of bargaining for your body again."

Lauren raised her chin stiffly. "You were willing enough before."

"When I thought I was one among many who sought your favors, yes."

"Very well, so you won't accept payment for saving my life. But I still owe you one night."

"I don't intend to hold you to our bargain."

Lauren felt a flush of humiliation creep into her cheeks. It had never occurred to her that Jason would refuse her or that she would have to beg him to make love to her. "Don't you want me?" she said in a small voice. "You refused to take any money in payment—"

"Of course I want you," he returned thickly. "More than I've ever wanted any woman." He moved closer, as if he couldn't help himself. Placing a finger under her chin, he tilted her face up. "Understand me, Lauren," he said softly, hoarsely. "It isn't you I'm rejecting. You threaten my very sanity with your beauty. I ache with wanting you, with wanting to stir that singular fire in you. But I won't take you in order to settle some imagined debt."

Lauren stared up at him, into eyes that glinted like molten silver, and a familiar shiver of awareness ran through her. His warmth was overwhelming her senses again, stirring an urgent hunger within her. She knew then that she had been deceiving herself. She wanted Jason to touch her, to caress her as he had before. She wanted his hard body pressing against hers, his heat enveloping her. She wanted him, with a fierceness that shocked her.

"But what if," she asked breathlessly, "I said that I wanted you as well?" That much was true. Her blood was racing at his nearness, her body throbbing with need.

His hesitation was perceptible. "I would be honored . . . and pleased by your honesty. But it wouldn't make any difference. I won't make love to you."

He stepped back a pace then, putting a safer distance between them, and the finality in his action moved Lauren to anger. "I swear I don't understand you!" she exclaimed. "I've been offered a fortune for what you just refused."

The corners of Jason's mouth twitched. "I don't doubt it. I offered you one myself, you will recall."

Lauren's temper soared when she heard the laughter in his voice. "Was I too immodest, is that it?" she said sarcastically. "Do you prefer your women more reluctant?"

"No, Cat-eyes, but I have a responsibility toward you now."

"That's precisely what I'm trying to end."

"Sweetheart, what kind of guardian seduces his own ward?"

That gave her pause. Staring at him, Lauren realized Jason intended to take his self-imposed role seriously. But then she mentally dismissed his claim of guardianship. Perhaps he was the trustee for the Carlin Line, but he had no right to control her. No man had that right. "You aren't my guardian," she replied tightly. "I don't acknowledge your authority."

"Even so, a gentleman doesn't make love to young females of good breeding—especially not one under his protection— without benefit of marriage."

"I didn't expect you of all people to give me a lecture on morality."

Jason slanted
her an
odd look before he returned to his station under the cottonwood. Lowering himself to the ground, he stretched his long frame upon the grass and propped his head up with his hand. "I said nothing of morals, Lauren," he finally replied. "But I rather fancy passing my name on to my children."

"What are you talking about?"

"Illegitimacy has always had a certain . . . stigma, wouldn't you say?"

Startled, Lauren glanced down at him. Did his question mean that he knew about her past after all? He was watching her intently, his gaze seeming to bare her soul.

"If I recall," Jason said slowly, "you weren't exactly overjoyed by the prospect of marriage to me. You drugged me the first time I proposed. I presume you haven't changed your mind?" When she didn't reply, he smiled faintly. "And I have no wish to sire any bye-blows, no matter how much I desire you. We therefore find ourselves at an impasse, wouldn't you say?"

Lauren let out her breath, realizing that he wasn't talking about her own illegitimacy. Trying to seem nonchalant, she shrugged her shoulders. "I know how to prevent pregnancy."

Jason raised an eyebrow. "And you came prepared?" His teeth flashed in a maddening grin. "I didn't think so. Therefore, it will have to be abstinence. But my frustration will be far easier to bear, now that I know you're suffering as well."

"I'm not suffering!
Except perhaps because I must endure the dubious pleasure of your company."

"No one is forcing you, sweetheart. You can always find your way back to camp."

Lauren fell silent. Was he sending her away, or was he merely reminding her she had a choice? She couldn't tell by his expression. Well, she would choose. With a stubborn twitch of her skirts, she sank down upon the grass.

She refused to acknowledge Jason's chuckle. But even though his amusement annoyed her, she was unaccountably relieved that he had refused her as payment for saving her life. Somehow it would have cheapened the value of her offer had she given herself to him under those terms. And more obscurely, she realized that such intimate physical contact would only have served to strengthen the bond that seemed to be developing between them, and it wouldn't do to become too dependent on him.

Yet she didn't want to be alone just now. Pillowing her head on her arm, Lauren settled herself beneath the star-filled sky. The quiet of the night swept over her, filling her with a strange peace. Her contentment, though, had less to do with the beauty of the night, she knew, than because Jason was near. She could feel his warmth, his strength, even across the space that divided them.

After a time, Lauren turned her head so that she could see Jason. He was pulling idly at a blade of grass, but he was still watching her. Lauren's pulse quickened when she saw his gaze fixed on the curve of her bosom. She knew instinctively that he was remembering what was hidden beneath her cotton bodice.

She stirred as a responsive tightening of her nipples caught her by surprise. The memory of Jason's hands cupping her breasts, his mouth working magic, returned to her with stunning clarity.

Her slight movement elicited a similar reaction in Jason, for he shifted slightly, his eyes dropping the length of her body. The hot sweep of his gaze sent a sharp thrill through Lauren. She could sense if not see the sudden flare of undisguised lust in his eyes, and realized that Jason wasn't as indifferent as he pretended. For a brief moment, she even wondered if he would change his mind about making love to her. But she knew he wouldn't touch her again unless . . . unless what? What was it he expected of her?

She would have to consider it.

Lauren buried more deeply under the blanket to ward off the early morning chill. Remembering vaguely that Jason had carried her back to camp sometime before dawn, she recalled that he had kissed her then—no more than a soft brush of his lips, but his warm mouth had stirred memories of that night in his cabin when he had made love to her. The resultant dream she had experienced had left her body flushed and aching.