Designing Woman (The Sloan Brothers Book 2) (27 page)

“How can you say that you trust me when you strapped this onto my ankle while I was asleep?  You didn’t think it warranted a discussion of some kind?  Maybe an explanation on your part?  What were you thinking?  It was better to ask for forgiveness than permission?”

I tugged at my own hair and growled up at him.

“Damn it Anton, why do we do this?  Why do we take five steps forward and then three steps back?  Why can’t we stop hurting one another and just settle in for the long haul?  I’m going crazy here!”

He put something on the coffee table and it gave a distinct clink.  When he moved his hand away, I saw it was a key.  I looked up at him, not believing what I was seeing.  His lips were in a straight line.

“Congratulations on catching up.  I hit crazy the night I got the call that my naked fiance was found half dead and frozen in Central Park with a traumatic head injury.  All it took for you, was an ankle bracelet that I put on for peace of mind.  A band aid on my sanity until the asshole is apprehended in case he decides to kidnap you for real next time.”

“Anton please...”

“Please what?  Please take off the bracelet and continue to worry?  No.  I can’t do that.  Let me clarify it for you Melody.  I’m going to leave and Chase is going to take the bracelet off.  After that, you’re no longer my concern.  We made a mistake but it’s correctable.”

I started to take off my engagement ring, but he stopped me.

“Keep it.  I put it there because I wanted you to have it.  Do what you want with it.  Like I said, it’s no longer my concern.”

I took off the ring and placed it next to the key.  The symbolism wasn’t lost on either of us.  My hand was trembling and I’m certain he saw it, but he had enough respect for me and the situation to ignore it.  Or maybe he truly didn’t care.  Maybe, I’d pushed too hard too soon and I’d pushed him right out of my life.

I said the only thing that came to mind.

“So this is it then?  Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything until I walk out that door.  Then we’re in-laws and nothing more.”

Ouch.  That was harsh.

“Was this the plan all along?  You were mine until I fucked up and then all bets were off?”

His jaw clenched and I saw it when the wall went up.  If there had been a chance before, that chance had been rescinded.  It amazed me that I knew him that well; that I’d had a chance to keep the most amazing man I’d ever known and I’d tossed it away without giving it a second thought.

My eyes met his a second before the tear fell.  I knew I was losing it and I didn’t care.  By the look on his face and his demeanor, he didn’t either.

“The plan, Melody, was a wedding.  Maybe in the Fall.  Deke and Dor’s was beautiful and I thought we could maybe revisit that.  The plan was you and me for the rest of our lives.  No more bullshit, no more excuses.  Just you and me.  I loved you Melody Lincoln.  Nobody but you.  There’s never been anybody but you.”

I started to reach for his hand, but at his expression I let it fall away.

“How can you stand there and tell me that you don’t love me anymore?”

He jangled his keys and looked at the floor before he swallowed and looked back at me.

“I never said that I don’t love you anymore.  I love you.  I love you to the breaths you take.  I can’t do this...”

He motioned his hand between us before continuing.

“...anymore.  Whatever this is?  It’s toxic and I’m done.”

Then he did the classiest thing I’d ever seen him do and gave me a glimpse of what I’d gambled with and lost.  He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek and I felt the break.  When he pulled back I didn’t even try to hide the tears.  It didn’t matter if he saw them or not.

He started to pull away and I grabbed him.  I had to.  I couldn’t stop myself, I had to try something.

“Anton, baby wait.  Isn’t there something I can do?  Something I can say?  Can’t we fix this?”

He took one step backwards, breaking my hold on him.

“No.”

He gave Chase’s shoulder a squeeze and that’s when I remembered he was still there and had witnessed everything.  Could my humiliation be any more complete?

“After I’m gone, take the bracelet off.  She’s an adult and she can make her own choices.  Take care of her Chase.  She can be impulsive.”

He walked with purpose to the door and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him.  He reached for the doorknob and turned to look at me once more.

"I’ll send for my stuff tomorrow.  Take care of yourself Mel’.”

He made the quietest exit I’d ever personally witnessed.  He was there and then he wasn’t.  Kind of like my heart.  It was there and then it was gone.  He took it with him when he left and as certain as I was that the sun would come up in the morning, I was certain that it would never beat again.  Not without him there to jump start it with a smile or a touch.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned into Chase who had his arms ready.  I don’t think I’d ever made sounds like that before.  I sounded beaten and defeated.  I sounded like I was painfully releasing my soul because in some ways I was.  Anton was my soul.  He was my drive and my fight.  He was the reason I smiled and cared about anything at all.  Did we fight and drive each other crazy?  Hell yeah we did, but that was “us”.  It’s what we did.

Now I was left to wonder if all that time the only one who understood the fight was me.  Maybe he preferred the faceless women that fluttered in and out of his life.  They kept it simple.  No fights, no tears, no drama.  My god.  Why was I so much like hard work?

It was in the middle of these musings that I felt Chase sigh.

“I’m sorry you had to witness that Chase.”

He kissed the top of my head and hugged me tightly before releasing me.

“Don’t worry about me Mel’.  I’m sorry you had to go through it.  You ready to lose the accessory?”

He pulled a strange looking key from his pocket and raised his eyebrows.  I shook my head no and he put his finger under my chin, then lifted my head until my eyes met his.

“Are you telling me that you went through all of that with Anton for nothin’?  If you’d told him you were leaving it on, he’d have stayed Mel’.  He’d still be here!”

I touched Chase’s face and practiced the fake smile I’d be wearing from here on out.

“That’s where you’re wrong my friend.  Anton left the night he had to ride in the back of an ambulance with me.  He stayed to make sure I was alright, but he finished with me then.  No one’s fooling anyone.”

I leaned heavily on my cane, feeling like I’d lived three days in the last hour.  I was mentally and physically exhausted.  Chase looked puzzled.

“So why leave the ankle monitor on?”

Excellent question and it was one I could answer.

“It makes me feel like someone cares what happens to me.”

I turned and started back towards the bedroom.  I needed to get away from Chase and the key and my ring.  What I really needed was time away from the city and the chance of running into Anton with a woman on his arm.  That was coming next, and why wouldn’t it?  He was Anton Sloan.  Infamous womanizer and confirmed bachelor.  I should know, I just helped confirm it.

I closed my bedroom door, crawled into my bed, and gave up the will to live.

You know how you hear those stories about people leaving their bodies?  They speak of looking down from some higher vantage point and watching everything going on around them.  They hear and see everything, they just do it from outside their bodies.  I never believed it.  Now I do.

The events leading up to it started the next morning.  I assume it was Chase that made the mandatory phone calls letting everyone know that Anton was back where he belonged.  Maybe he made the calls himself.  Didn’t know, didn’t care.  I didn’t leave my bed for the rest of the day after he left.  Sean woke me to give me water and my antibiotic, but other than that, no one disturbed me.

I got up the next morning to shower and I turned the water on as hot as I could stand it.  I slid down the wall until I was a little leg hugging ball, huddled and crying on the floor of the shower.  From now on, nobody would see me cry.  I didn’t try to fool myself and say I wouldn’t cry, I knew that was a bald-faced lie.  I’d cry alright, long and loud.  I’d bawl my brains out but I’d be smart about it.  I wasn’t going to alarm anyone and end up back in Pierce’s guest room or living with Deke and Dor’.  I wasn’t ready to join the fold of happy faces and pretend that I would be alright and recover from Anton’s dismissal.  Because you know what?  I wasn’t alright.  I was nowhere close to alright.  I wasn’t even in the same fucking zip code as alright.

It was sometime in the middle of that shower that a thought occurred to me.  It was fleeting and I didn’t try to turn it over in my mind or dwell on it, but the fact that I’d had the thought at all was significant for me.  For a second there, I actually wished that Tony had succeeded.  Was I being melodramatic?  I didn’t think so.  My twenty-fifth birthday was three weeks away and I’d been in love exactly once.  For one brief shining moment in my life, I’d loved someone and he’d loved me back.

The more I cried, the angrier I became.  I was jealous of Dor’ for having Deacon and I was jealous of Ayla for snagging Pierce.  I was also tired.  I was tired of all of it.  My body felt battered and sore.  My spirit staggered in the face of loneliness.  It got easy after that.

After that, I got up every morning and showered.  I’d decided to give up caffeine because it only kept me conscious and aware of my situation.  The only energy I expended was spent on keeping myself clean and clothed.  I didn’t care about the business, the condo, or the family.  I went to my follow up appointment and my stitches were removed.  I’d finished my antibiotics and he gave me a script for pain meds which I promptly threw away as I left his office.  It was all part of the decision.  No pills, no booze, no stimulants.  For all intents and purposes, the only things I needed were clean sheets, clean clothes, and bath products.

Let’s get back to the out-of-body experience I eluded to earlier.  It was the day after my doctor’s appointment.  I went alone, taking a cab to and from his office.  I figured I was wearing the damned ankle bracelet.  If they wanted to find me, it wasn’t like they couldn’t get a bead on me fairly quickly.

I’d come home and was tossing my keys into the glass bowl inside the door when my cell phone rang.  I damn near dropped it.  It was Anton.

I looked at his face and listened to his ringtone for a few minutes before I sent him to voicemail.  If he needed something, he could send one of his brothers over to fetch it, they had keys.  If he was checking up on me, I’d rather he didn’t.  I was barely functioning as it was.  I’d stab myself if he sounded sympathetic.

Taking all of that into consideration, I turned my phone off completely, kicked off my shoes, grabbed a bottle of water and went back to bed.  It was barely eleven a.m. and I was done for the day.

“She’s not answering her damned phone.”

Anton ran his hand through his hair and slammed his phone down on his desk.  He’d begun to worry when Chase said she’d left and he wasn’t able to reach her.  His tracking software told him she was at her doctor’s appointment.  But then Dorothy had called and said she hadn’t been able to reach her in days.  He’d gotten snippy at first and told her that her sister’s whereabouts were no longer his concern.  He’d moved on.  He had his first date to drive the point home that very night.  He planned to screw random women until he’d screwed her right out of his memory banks.  He’d crawled out of Melody’s web and he had no intention of crawling back in.

Something needled him.  Mel’ might avoid Chase, but not Dorothy.  She was close to her sister and Dorothy was pregnant.  Mel’ would stay available for that reason alone.  She’d be there for Dorothy in case something went wrong.

So against his better judgement, he’d phoned her.  He went directly to voicemail and now he was worried.  Damn her to hell!  How dare she continue to make him crazy!  He’d left nothing open for interpretation and he knew she was clear on that.  She’d taken her ring off and that alone told him that she’d understood.  Was her not taking his call, her way of affirming their severed connection?  Or was something wrong and she couldn’t answer the phone if she’d wanted to?

He began to pace, clenching and unclenching his hands into fists while his eyes never left his phone.

What if Marconi was watching her?  What if he saw her leave alone and then followed her?  Worse than that, what if he was waiting for her when she got home?  What if she hadn’t answered the phone because she was physically incapable of answering it?

He was thinking about her again after he swore to himself that he wouldn’t.  Chase had shocked the shit out of him when he’d informed him that she’d elected to keep the ankle monitor in place.  For a brief moment he wondered what she was playing at, but then he’d let it go.  It didn’t matter.  She didn’t belong to him anymore.

Every time he remembered that, his hand moved to his heart where he began a rubbing motion.  He wasn’t aware he was doing it and nobody else pointed it out.  Melody cried over her broken heart, Anton massaged his.  He still missed her so much it almost crippled him for the first week after he walked out.  He’d put up a good front, but he still wasn’t one hundred percent himself.  That’s why he’d agreed to the date tonight.  He desperately needed the distraction.