Deserving of His Diamonds (20 page)

had finally made her understand why Emilio was so driven and determined.

In the past she hadn‘t fully comprehended his ruthless ambition, but now she

saw it for what it was. All the long hours he worked, his single-minded focus

on projects that kept him awake at night were not to make him become yet

another mega-rich self-indulgent man, but rather a passionate quest to make

the world a better place for others less fortunate than him. He wanted to be

successful so he could help others escape the life he had once led. After her

shower Gisele went downstairs in search of Emilio but Marietta informed

her he was taking a call in the study. ‗I have served breakfast in the breakfast

room this morning,‘ the housekeeper added. ‗It looks like it is going to rain.‘

‗Grazie, Marietta,‘ Gisele said and went through to the delightfully

appointed east-facing room to wait for him. With an unnerving sense of déjà

vu, she moved to where the newspapers had been laid out on a sideboard

close to the table. The Italian paper had a large photograph of Emilio and her

coming out of the baby wear department. She remembered the moment so

clearly. She had been carrying some of her samples and Emilio had put his

arm around her protectively as they came out on the busy street. Someone

had been taking a photo with their phone but Gisele had thought they were

taking it of a

friend standing at the front of the store. Her heart started to gallop as she

picked up the English paper, where the caption was emblazoned there above

the very same photo: A New Baby for Award-winning

Architect and his Australian Bride-to-be?

Gisele went hot and then icily cold. Panic streaked through her. Her heart

tripped. Her breath caught. Her hands and fingers tingled as if she was losing

her blood pressure. The elephant wasn‘t just in the room. It had escaped. It

was everywhere, stalking her. Crowding her, pressuring her to do something

she could not do. ‗I‘m sorry about that,‘ Emilio said as he came in. ‗I was

just making sure Daniela had booked into rehab … Cara? What‘s

happened?‘ Gisele thrust the paper at him. ‗I can‘t do this,‘ she said. ‗I can‘t

live like this. I can‘t do this.‘ Emilio glanced at the paper briefly before

putting it to one side. ‗It‘s just a bit of speculation,‘ he said. ‗You know the

games the journalists play.‘

‗Speculation?‘ She glared at him. ‗Is that what you call it?

I call it pressure.‘ ‗Cara, no one‘s pressuring you to do anything.‘ ‗Aren‘t

they?‘ she asked, starting to pace the floor in agitation. ‗What about you and

all your talk about having a family? It‘s what you want. You told me.‘ ‗I do

want a family but we‘ll take things slowly until you get

used to the idea of—‘ ‗Stop it!‘ Gisele put her hands over her ears. ‗Don‘t

say it. Don‘t tell me I‘ll get used to the idea of having another baby. I don‘t

want to hear it.‘ ‗Gisele, you‘re overreacting,‘ he said. ‗Don‘t tell me I‘m

overreacting!‘ She felt close to hysteria. She had been in that scary place

before and didn‘t want to go back. She struggled to get her emotions under

control. ‗I saw you looking at that teddy bear.‘ He frowned at her. ‗What

teddy bear?‘ ‗The pink one with the tutu,‘ she said, her heart racing so

wildly she could feel it knocking against her rib cage. ‗In the shop we visited

the other day. You picked it up and looked at it. I could see it, Emilio. I

could see how much you want another baby.‘

‗Cara,‘ he said soothingly. ‗Can we talk about this some

other time? You‘re upset just now. I can understand that. It was a horrible

shock to you to see that article. You‘ll feel different in a few days‘ time.‘ ‗I

won‘t feel different,‘ she said. ‗I‘ll never feel different. You have to accept

that.‘ A muscle worked in his jaw. ‗Gisele, I‘d rather not discuss this with

you in this state of mind.‘ ‗I‘m not in a state of mind!‘ she all but screamed

at him. ‗I can‘t do it, Emilio. I‘m not doing it. I‘m not going to be speculated

on and pressured and cajoled into a relationship I‘m not sure I can handle

any more.‘ She stopped pacing, snatched in a scalding breath and added

impetuously, ‗I want to go home.‘

He stood very still, barely a muscle moving, except for that tiny one in his

jaw. His eyes gave nothing away; they were onyx-black, fathomless. ‗You

are free to leave any time you want, Gisele,‘ he said. ‗I am not holding you

here by force.‘ Gisele swept her tongue over her lips. Her heart gave an extra

beat—a sickening thud that reverberated throughout her body like a church

bell struck too hard. ‗What did you say?‘ ‗If you want to leave, then leave,‘

he said. ‗I‘ll get Marietta to pack your things while I book you a flight.‘ ‗But

… but what about the rest of the month?‘ she asked. ‗What about the

money?‘ ‗You‘ve earned every cent,‘ he said with a slight curl of his lip.

‗You owe me nothing.‘ Gisele wondered if she‘d heard him correctly. Was

he really sending her away without a single word of protest? Had all they

had shared in the past couple of weeks been reduced to a business deal that

had now ended? What about what they had shared last night? What about

what he had shared? He had let her into the private hell of his childhood.

Didn‘t that mean he cared about her? But how could he truly care about her

if he was happy to let her leave? ‗But I don‘t understand …‘ ‗I‘ll have my

legal people contact you with the details of the handover,‘ he said in his cold

and detached businesslike manner that was so at odds with her seesawing

emotions. ‗You‘ll own the building and the business outright. You will be

able to employ more

assistants as things expand. I have engaged a webdesigner to help you set up

a better online presence. People will be able to order and buy from you

online once it‘s set up.‘ Gisele couldn‘t think beyond the fact he wanted her

to go. If he wanted her to stay then why wasn‘t he saying it? Was it because

deep down he wasn‘t able to forgive her for not telling him about their baby?

Had last night brought that home to him afresh? The fact that he had never

got the chance to meet his child in the flesh, just like he hadn‘t met his

father? Or was it that he didn‘t want her in his life any more because he

didn‘t want to be reminded of the pain they had both suffered? Was that it?

No, there was more to it than that, she realised with a sickening jolt.

He didn‘t love her.

He had never loved her. He was never going to love her. ‗What about the

press?‘ she asked, clutching at whatever straws she could. ‗Won‘t they make

a fuss about … about everything ending like this?‘ He gave a careless shrug.

‗I‘ll release a statement saying things didn‘t work out between us,‘ he said.

‗Don‘t worry about it. I‘ll make sure they leave you alone. I‘ll get Luigi to

take you to the airport.‘ ‗So …‘ She moistened her lips again, trying her best

to appear as casual as he was being about it all. ‗So, I guess this is goodbye.‘

Oh, how it hurt to say the word! Please let this not be goodbye, she thought.

Don‘t send

me away. Not again. Not like this.

The shutter was still down over his face, every muscle

locked down now. ‗Yes,‘ he said. ‗This is goodbye.‘ She gave a little nod of

assent. What else could she do? She had told him she wanted to go. He had

virtually commanded her to leave. He had his driver waiting on call. Her

bags would be packed within minutes. What was she waiting for? She hadn‘t

wanted to come in the first place. She was only here under sufferance. Why,

then, when she left him standing there, did it feel as if her world had

shattered into a thousand pieces all over again?

Three weeks later …

Gisele was hanging some new stock in her shop when Hilary, her mother,

came in. Hilary had only been to her shop a couple of times, barely staying

long enough to look around. It was the first time Gisele had seen her mother

since she had come back from Italy. She had spoken once or twice on the

phone to her but the conversation had felt stilted and awkward. ‗The shop

looks lovely,‘ Hilary said. ‗Thank you.‘ There was a little silence. ‗You look

very thin, Gisele,‘ Hilary said. ‗Are you sure this new expansion‘s not too

much to handle? It‘s a lot to take on.‘ ‗I can handle it,‘ Gisele said, hanging

another baby jacket on the rack. Hilary let out a little sigh as she picked up a

jacket with a row of baby rabbits stitched around the bottom. ‗I know you‘re

still upset and angry,‘ she said. ‗I don‘t blame you.

What your father did was wrong.‘ Gisele turned and looked at her. ‗What

you both did was wrong. You told just as many lies as he did. You lived a

lie.‘ Hilary‘s eyes suddenly filled with tears as she held the baby jacket

against her chest. ‗I know, and every day of it I was terrified the truth would

come out,‘ she said. ‗I wanted you to know the truth right from when you

were little but your father wouldn‘t hear of it. I didn‘t trust Nell Baker. I

lived in dread that she would turn up and insist on having you back. I guess

that‘s why I was always so distant and stiff with you. I was never sure if I

was going to have you snatched out of my arms.‘ Gisele had never seen her

mother shed tears before. Not a single one. Hilary had always been so stiff

upper lip about everything, so stoic, so in control, so emotionally detached.

‗I never felt like you really loved me,‘ Gisele said. ‗I never felt like I was

good enough for you.‘ ‗Oh, my darling,‘ Hilary said. ‗I loved you so much. I

loved all of my babies.‘ Gisele frowned. ‗Babies? What babies?‘ Hilary

fondled the tiny jacket in her hands. ‗I had four miscarriages in the first

couple of years of our marriage. I felt such a failure. Each time my hopes

would soar and then it would all be over. I tried so hard not to get attached

but I loved each one so very much.‘ ‗Why didn‘t you tell me?‘ Gisele

gasped. ‗Why didn‘t you tell me when I lost Lily?‘ Hilary‘s lower lip

trembled. ‗I lost my babies when they were just a few weeks along. You lost

a full-term baby. How could I tell you I understood a fraction of what you

were going through? I felt ashamed of not being able to be a proper mother.

At least you were a mother, even if it was only for a few hours.‘ ‗You are a

proper mother,‘ Gisele said, with tears rolling down her face. ‗You‘re the

only mother I‘ve got and I love you.‘ Hilary‘s arms gathered her close. ‗I

love you too, my precious daughter. I love you too.‘ Emilio pushed the

computer mouse away in frustration and got stiffly to his feet. He stared

sightlessly out of his office window. Almost a month had passed since

Gisele had left and he still couldn‘t focus on work or indeed anything. He

couldn‘t remember the last time he had slept more than a couple of hours.

He had forgotten the last time he had eaten a full meal. He moved through

each day like an automaton. His life felt empty.

He felt empty.

Even the weather had joined him in his misery. The promising start to spring

had been replaced with a capricious sun that had stayed behind brooding

clouds for days and days. The drizzle of intermittent rain was a poignant

reminder of the aching sadness he felt deep in his soul. He hadn‘t cried since

he was six years old, when a particularly unfeeling foster carer had told him

his mother was never going to come back. He had thought his tear ducts

would have dried up from lack of use. But no, they were working all right.

He only had to look at the photos of his little daughter for the tears to fall.

He had wanted to do the right thing by Gisele. Seeing

how distressed she was about the thought of having another child with him

had made freeing her his only option. It had been the right and most

honourable thing to do. But it hurt so damn much! Was this wrenching pain

never going to go away? He had received an email from her with a polite

thank you for the help with the expansion of her business. He had stared at

the typed words, looking for a clue between the lines, but there had been

nothing. But then what else had he expected? If she had loved him, she

wouldn‘t have wanted to leave him. But she had gone as soon as she had

been given the chance. His secretary, Carla, came in with his afternoon

coffee. He didn‘t even bother turning from the window. She brought it in

every afternoon, even though he never touched it. It would sit on the desk,

forming a skin over the top as it went cold. ‗Leave it on the desk,‘ he said

tonelessly. ‗There‘s a parcel for you,‘ Carla said. ‗It came by registered mail.

It‘s marked private.‘ Emilio turned and looked at the package she had placed

on his desk next to the cup of coffee. ‗Who‘s it from?‘ he asked. ‗It‘s from

Signorina Carter,‘ she said. ‗Do you want me to open it?‘ Emilio felt a fist

tighten over his heart. ‗No,‘ he said, raking an unsteady hand through the

thickness of his hair. ‗That will be all, Carla. You can have the rest of the

day off.‘ ‗But what about the Venturi Project?‘ she asked, frowning at him.

‗Don‘t you have a deadline on that?‘ Emilio gave a negligent shrug. ‗It‘ll get

done when it gets done. If

they‘re not happy with that, tell them to get someone else.‘ Carla‘s finely