Desert Rain (25 page)

No, he said. Let me hold you.

Like a shadow, she slid beyond his reach even though he was still holding her.

You cant comfort me any more than I can erase the past for you, she said simply.

Holly looked at Linc for a long moment. Although tears burned somewhere deep inside her,
she knew she wouldnt cry.

Tears were born of hope. She had none left.

Slowly his hands opened, releasing her.

Turning her back on him, she walked to the window and watched the clouds seethe with
thunder and the rain that never came.

Just chalk it up to a case of mistaken identity, Holly said. You thought I was your
sweetnin‡ , and I thought you were the Linc I had always loved. We were both wrong.

She closed her eyes and waited. Only silence answered her. Goodbye, Linc.

She didnt turn around again until she heard the door close behind the man she loved.

Holly drove the Jeep with the leashed savagery that had become part of every movement she
made during the last hundred days. Behind her a caravan of four-wheel-drive vehicles
churned clouds of grit out of the dry, rutted road leading to Hidden Springs.

The time of summer thunder was over. It was as though the desert rains had been only a
dream. The fragrant bloom of chaparral and flowers had come and gone as quickly as a
blush. All that remained was the smell of heat and dust and drought.

The land was empty again, waiting in Septembers burning silence for the more enduring
renewal of winter rains.

Holly looked up to the mountains just once. Then she didnt look again.

Barren, desolate, compelling in their power, immovable, unchanging, the mountains spoke
far too eloquently of the man she had loved and lost.

She would not answer.

She would not even call his name in the silence of her own mind.

Behind Hollys fast-moving Jeep, the Royce caravan dropped back farther with each minute.
She didnt notice that she was outrunning the rest of the crew.

If she had noticed, she wouldnt have slowed down one bit.

She had argued violently with Roger about returning to Hidden Springs at all. As far as
she was concerned, there was no need to be within a thousand miles of the place.

The Royce Is Romance campaign was already wrapped up. The Desert Designs campaign didnt
require a Hidden Springs location.

Any dry place would do.

Why not Egypthistory and pyramids and enigmas baking under the sun?she had asked Roger
repeatedly.

He had insisted on the untouched, primitive splendor of Hidden Springs.

Holly had fought against it up to the point of breaking her contract. That she wouldnt do.
Her work was all she had left.

And Roger had known it.

He had won. The Royce Reflection was on her way to the last place on earth she wanted to
be.

But that was all that he had won from her. When he had realized that Linc was no longer
part of her life, Roger had offered to fill the emptiness he saw.

Holly had refused with a polite, cool finality that was totally unlike her earlier unease
at his proposals.

Im flattered, but no.

Why?Roger had asked.You know I wouldnt hurt you. I dont have any bad habits and Im
certified free of anything more contagious than passion.

No.

Shannon, we would be good together.

Listen to me, Roger. If the subject ever comes up again, Ill break my contract, leave
Royce Designs, and never look back.

Shannon

Ive walked away from more in order to survive. Believe me.

He had.

The subject of an affair between Roger and the Royce Reflection had never come up again.

Nor was he the kind who held grudges. After a week of uncomfortable silence, he had
resumed treating her with the easy, witty camaraderie they had enjoyed before.

The sands of Antelope Wash spun off the Jeeps tires in dry fountains that were as harsh as
Hollys mood. Grit showered over the windshield, coating everything.

She ignored the sand and dust. She didnt slow the Jeeps hard-driving wheels by even a bit.
She pushed the vehicle out to the edge of its performance and held it there with the same
ruthless concentration she had used on everything in the last hundred days.

When she was in the grip of work or driving hard or pushing herself in some other way, she
had at least momentary release from memories. It was as close to peace as she came.

But memories were always just beneath her Shannon mask, haunting Holly. Linc had called
her a week after Cabo San Lucas. Holly, it doesnt have to be like this. Do you have
anything new to say to me, Linc?

And as she had asked, hope was a terrible ache in her.

I want you, Holly. I cant sleep for the hunger.

Want. Hunger. Those arent new, Linc.

In silence, both of them had heard the words she would never ask again.

Do you love me?

In silence, both of them had heard Lincs answer.

No.

Then came the urgent words that were meant to fill that terrible silence.

Holly, dont do this to us. You want me. I know that as surely as I know Im alive!

Softly she had hung up the phone. She couldnt bear to hear her own agony in Lincs voice.

Hunger wasnt enough.

If it were, she would never have left him.

Holly hadnt taken any more of his calls. The brief return of hope had hurt too much,
reminding her of what it had been like to feel a dream come true, to love Linc.

To be alive, fully alive.

To believe that all things were possible, even the love of a man who didnt believe
beautiful women were worth loving.

In time, Linc had stopped calling.

In time, Holly prayed that she would stop caring.

Driven by her foot pressing heavily on the accelerator, the Jeep bucked and fishtailed up
over the last ridge separating Holly from Hidden Springs.

The first thing she saw was three horses and riders at her former campsite. Abruptly she
sent the Jeep into a controlled skid, stopping in a shower of stones and dirt well beyond
the waiting riders.

Using every bit of her self-control, Holly fought her impulse to turn and hurtle the Jeep
back the same way she had come.

No. Thats something Holly would have done,she told herself bitterly.Holly doesnt live here
anymore.

Only Shannon.

Because only Shannon could survive.

She sat unmoving behind the wheel of the Jeep, watching Linc as he sat on Sand Dancer not
a hundred feet away from her.

Then he turned and looked at her, consuming her in a single glance.

For the first time Holly felt the relentless heat of the sun pushing her down, flattening
her. There was nothing beneath, nothing to hold her upright. The world was falling away.

There was nothing supporting her but Lincs intensity. And soon he would look away, leaving
her to fall endlessly.

I cant let him do this to me.

Closing her eyes, Holly hung on to the steering wheel like a lifeline. She hadnt known
until this instant how close to the edge of her world she had been living.

And how easy it would be to fall off.

The knowledge was terrifying.

Holly?

It was Beths voice calling to her, not Lincs.

Holly gathered what was left of herself and opened her eyes.

Beth was on foot, walking quickly toward the Jeep, leaving the other two riders behind. A
big yellow dog romped around the girl, all but tripping her with every other step.

Taking a deep breath, then another, Holly opened the Jeeps door and forced herself to get
out as though she hadnt anything more on her mind than the heat of the day.

She ruffled Freedoms ears when he bounded up to greet her. Then she forced herself to
smile, really smile, at the girl who was approaching so eagerly.

Its not Beths fault that I loved the wrong man,Holly reminded herself.She doesnt deserve
the sharp edges and empty shell of Shannons cynicism.

She opened her arms and hugged Beth, saying to Lincs sister what she couldnt say to Linc
himself. Ive missed you so much, Holly murmured. Her voice was thick with too many
emotions. Too much Holly. Too little Shannon. Beths voice caught in a sob. She hung onto
Holly for long moments before she could speak. Why Beth began. Then, quickly, she stopped.
No, I promised myself I wouldnt ask.

Holly tried to smile. It almost worked. How are you? Beth asked anxiously.

Fine. Just fine.

You look different. Like Linc. Older.

I am.

Unable to bear hearing Lincs name again, Holly took off the western hat that all but
concealed Beths face.

The girl was exquisite.

Talk about a change, Holly said. Look at you!

Beths hair fell around her shoulders in a radiant tide, framing her face in smoldering
honey curls. She wore just enough makeup to bring out the turquoise brilliance of her
eyes. Beneath a transparent gloss, her lips were vulnerable, inviting, innocent.

Youve grown into your beauty, Holly said. How does your brother feel abounever mind. Its
none of my business.

Linc doesnt mind that Im beautiful, she said. Not anymore.

Holly made a sound that could have meant anything. She didnt want to talk about Linc and
beauty.

She didnt want to talk about Linc at all.

Four weeks after he came back from Cabo San Lucas, Beth said, he took me to Palm Springs.
New clothes, new hairstyle, new makeup, everything I wanted except you for my sister.

Holly hoped her pain didnt show.

You look happy, she said quietly. Im glad.

Beth blinked back tears.

Linc wants me to be whatever I want to be, she said. Beautiful or plain or anywhere in
between. He loves me.

Holly felt the world falling away again. Im happy for you, she whispered. She was
surprised that she could speak at all past the numbness gripping her soul. At least he
learned that much,she thought in helpless anguish.The pain wasnt all for nothing. Come
back to the ranch with us, Beth said. Automatically Holly shook her head.

Please, Beth said. Linc loves you. Holly flinched as though she had been slapped. No, she
said.

But he does, Beth said quickly. He hasnt seen Cyn or any other woman. All hes done is work
like theres no tomorrow. Hes awful to everyone except me. Hes been so gentle with me that
sometimes I just want to cry. Please come back. He loves

Stop it,Holly interrupted savagely.

The girls eyes widened with surprise and hurt.

Holly fought for self-control. After a few long breaths, it came. But it was fragile.

As fragile as Holly herself.

Thank you, but no, she said carefully.

Ive missed you. I love you, Holly. I always have.

Hollys eyelids flinched.

I feel the same way about you, she whispered.

Then why

Now that you and your brother understand each other, she interrupted quickly, maybe hell
let you come with me. Im going to Rio soon. Or maybe its Tokyo and then Rio.

Tokyo? Rio? Beth asked breathlessly.

Holly shrugged. I forget which comes first. Would you like to go with me?

Cool! Ive never been anywhere but Palm Springs!

Excitement made Beth look younger. Then her excitement faded. She sighed and looked over
her shoulder.

I dont know if Linc would let me miss school, Beth admitted, turning back to Holly. Im
only here today because I threatened awful things if I didnt get the chance to see you.

Wistfully Holly smiled. She hadnt realized quite how lonely she had been until she thought
of taking Beth with her, having someone to share her world with.

Maybe during Thanksgiving or Christmas vacation, Holly began. Then she shook her head. No,
those are family times. Your brother will need you then.

Beth caught Hollys hand, shaken by what she had glimpsed for just a moment in the other
womans eyes.

You could come here for Christmas and Thanksgiving, Beth said fiercely.

Holly forced a convincing professional smile onto her face. She had become very good at
that in the last few months.

Dont look so down in the mouth, she said, touching Beths cheek lightly. Theres always next
summer for us to travel together.

Its not that. Its justwho will you spend those family times with? Beth blurted.

Wishing that Beth were old enough not to ask such questions, Holly replaced the girls hat
with a firm tug.

Whos the handsome man with you? Holly asked.

You mean Linc? Beth asked, confused.

No.

Oh. Jack. I dont think of him as a man. Not like Linc, anyway.

Holly felt her smile slipping. She knew better than Beth ever would how few men like Linc
there were in the world.

Come on, Beth said. I want to introduce you. You never really got to meet Jack last time.

Fervently Holly wished she hadnt driven so fast to Hidden Springs. If the others were
here, she would have had an excuse to avoid Linc.

As it was, she could run like a scared child or she could walk over there and pretend
there was no reason not to talk to him.

Holly? Coming, she said tightly. Beth took Hollys hand and led her over to Jack. He saw
them coming and dismounted. Linc did not.

Holly felt a bittersweet relief that she wouldnt have to stand close to him. She smiled
and shook Jacks hand, said polite, meaningless words, and wished that she had turned and
run like the scared child she was.

I cant look at Linc,she realized too late.So close. So far away. The pressure of his
presence was like the sun, burning Hollys skin, melting her bones, making her dizzy

for lack of cool air to breathe. Arent you even going to say hello to Linc? Beth asked.

Holly turned and glanced at him with unfocused eyes, looking without really seeing. Hello,
Linc, she said casually. There was a small silence. Ive missed you,nin‡ .

The world dipped beneath her feet. Time fell away until she was nine again, standing on
hot sand looking up at Linc, knowing somewhere deep inside herself that she would love
this man and no other.

But he wasnt seventeen anymore, and she wasnt nine.

She stared up at him as though she had never seen him before. He was even more powerful
than she had remembered. When his horse shifted restlessly, Lincs shoulders blocked out
the sun.

Beneath the thick screen of lashes, his eyes searched Hollys, looking for something they
both had lost. His face was harder, thinner, drawn with the inner tension that radiated
from him. Like a caged lion, he waited for . . . something.

The saddle creaked as Sand Dancer shifted his weight.

Suddenly Holly realized she had been staring up at Linc for much too long. She turned to
say something casual to Beth or Jack or even the dog.

No one was nearby.

Beth, Jack, and Freedom had withdrawn somewhere, leaving Holly to face the ruins of her
dream with no support, no shield, no place to hide. She was shocked at the depth of pain
she felt in Lincs presence. She had believed that she was beyond being hurt by Linc
anymore.