Descendant (18 page)

The next morning I had a hard time getting up. It wasn’t just because I was beyond exhausted, either; somehow, I’d managed to make my way from the porch into what was quite possibly the most comfortable bed in existence. And if I’d had my way, I never would’ve gotten out of it again.

Unfortunately for me though, as content as I was to bury my head under the mountains of fluffy pil ows surrounding me, the world insisted on continuing whether I was ready to get up and face it or not.

The sound of steady knocking penetrated the pillow I’d burrowed under. I groaned, and tried to ignore it. I was successfull at first, and for a moment the silence of sleep persisted, and I assumed that whoever was knocking must’ve given up. A triumphant grin was about to spread across my face when the sound of creaking hinges, followed by heavy footsteps, filled the room. With an irritable sigh, I lifted my head up away from the pillow and turned toward the door. Instead of lingering on the door, however, my gaze circled around the room. The room that seemed real y familiar all of a sudden.

I jumped out of that bed so fast that I got tangled in the sheets, nearly face-planting the hardwood floor as a result.

“Well that was incredibly graceful,” Kael said in an amused voice.

“Shut-up!” I said, hastily working to free my self from the knotted sheets. I could feel the red burning in my cheeks.

“What are you doing in here?”

“This is kind of my room.”

“I know it is. How did I get here? And why…” My mouth suddenly felt dry, and I had to swallow before I could continue. “Kael why…am I in your bed?” I final y managed to get out. “You didn’t…” I looked up at him, horrified.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Alex,” he said, roll ing his eyes. “I slept in the living room.”

“How did I…”

“You were asleep on the porch when I got back last night,”

he said in a droll voice. “You didn’t look particularly comfortable, so I carried you in here. I just thought you could probably use a decent night’s sleep—so stop looking at me like that.” He frowned at me as I got to my feet and started to straighten up the bed.

“Oh.” My face reddened even more as I focused intently on getting every crease out of the sheets. “Well …thank you, then.”

“Don’t mention it,” he said. “And you’ll have your own bed tonight, so don’t worry. Vanessa’s been working all morning to clean up one of the guest rooms for you. We can go get your stuff later if you—”

“I’m not living here,” I said, surprised by the abruptness in my own tone. I stopped pul ing the sheets up and just stood, wadding up the cloth in my fist. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense, I guess. Yesterday, I’d only been too eager to get away from my house. But now, presented with an alternative, I suddenly found myself fiercely reluctantly to let go of 138 Bryant Street.

“This isn’t my home,” I said quietly.

Kael opened his mouth, as if to reply, but said nothing. A few seconds later, however, he nodded. “Right,” he said.

“Anyway—I came up here to tell you to hurry up and get ready.”

“Ready for what?” I asked, arranging the last of the pil ows at the head of the bed.

“Last night you asked me if I would teach you how to shift.”

My head jerked up. “Does this mean you’re going to…?”

“Will ’s going to help,” he said, his calm voice a stark contrast to my excited kid-in-a-candy-store one. “We’ll be outside.”

“Okay.” I nodded, and did my best not to look too excited.

Kael left the room, shaking his head, and I grabbed the throw blanket that was lying on the floor, folded it up and laid it across the foot of the bed.

I straightened the pil ows one last time, and was about to leave when I realized I was still wearing Kael’s sweatshirt. I started to pul it off, but stopped as it got caught on my ponytail. Maybe I should hold on to it? Kael hadn’t asked for it back, and besides—what if I got cold again? My eyes flickered toward the window, where rays of bright sunlight were streaming in and spreading across the floor. Okay.

So, I probably wouldn’t need it outside right now. But nights could get cold here in the mountains.

Yeah, that was the excuse I’d go with.

I left the room, but didn’t head outside right away. Instead, I tracked down Vanessa. I found her in ‘my’ new room, in the process of arranging throw pil ows on a couch sitting in front of a tal window that offered spectacular views of the mountain val ey below. I lingered for a few minutes, covertly checking out the room while I made small talk with Vanessa.

The wall s were a pale green—my favorite color—and gave the room a calm atmosphere. Sheer, cream-colored, floor-length curtains billowed in the breeze slipping in through the half-opened window. The room was modestly but expertly decorated, with a handful of minimalist paintings and black and white photography lining the wall s. Honestly, it was a beautiful room—it looked like the end result of one of those beautiful room—it looked like the end result of one of those renovation shows you see on the Home and Garden Network.

But it wasn’t home.

Vanessa offered me a clean set of her clothes. I took them and changed quickly. The less time I had to spend in that room the better. I folded up Kael’s sweatshirt, put it on the bed, and left without so much as a hasty backward glance.

I wasn’t ready to think about moving. Not that I had time to be thinking about that, anyway. There were bigger things that needed my attention right now. As I approached the front door, my brisk pace slowed a bit as the realization of what I was walking toward settled over me. By the time I made it to the front door, my stomach had successfully tied itself into several knots. The excitement from earlier had all but faded now, leaving behind an empty nervousness—and a nagging question— in its place.

What if I couldn’t shift?

It seemed like such an obvious question—I couldn’t believe I hadn’t asked it already. Was shifting something I would instinctively know how to do, or was this going to be a long, difficult process? I was hoping for the former on that one.

Time wasn’t exactly in my favor at the moment.

My hand lingered for a long while on the brass door handle.

A tal , skinny window flanked the door on either side, and through the one on the right I could see Will and Kael leaning against the porch railing, obviously waiting for me. I took a deep breath, gripped the doorknob with my sweaty palm, and turned it.

“Hey,” I said. Was that real y my voice that sounded so pathetically weak? I took a deep breath.

“Hey Alex,” Will said. I’d never been more gratefull for his cheerful, disarming smile than I was in that moment. It was impossible not to smile back at Will , and when I did I felt a little better. At least until he spoke again. “You ready for this?” he asked.

“Of course,” I lied. Will ’s smile grew even wider, but behind him Kael was frowning—probably because he could hear the doubt in my mind. I tried to put on a determined face.

“When do we start?” I asked, looking at Will and Will alone.

“Well , we were just talking about where we’re going to do this.”

“What’s wrong with right here?”

Will hesitated, and glanced back at Kael. But Kael’s jaw was set, and he just looked at Will expectantly.

“Um…” Will began. He was still smiling at me— but it was a sheepish, please-don’t-freak-out-on-me kind of smile.

“Well , there’s a small chance you might go a little crazy on us—”

“What do you mean, crazy?” I asked.

Will again turned to Kael, who gave a reluctant sigh and then fixed me with a serious look. “You might not be able to controll your wolf instincts at first, and we don’t want you running off on us,” he said. “This is a pretty secluded spot, but there is a small residential area a couple of miles south of here. So we were thinking of hiking up the mountain to see if we couldn’t find someplace a little safer.”

“Safer? So, what— I’m going to be some kind of raging monster then?”

“Probably,” Kael said with a shrug.

“I doubt it,” Will said quickly. He must’ve seen the fleeting look of horror that crossed my face. “I told you, there’s only a small chance you’ll be dangerous. Shifting’s an innate thing for lycans, so you should feel right at home in either form. The only reason we’re concerned is because your first shift is coming so late in your life. The thing is, most first shift is coming so late in your life. The thing is, most lycans spend a lot of their childhood in both forms, and their human and wolf brains develop at equal rates. But in your case… Well , in your case we’re not sure what’s going to happen.”

“Awesome.”

“Isn’t it?” Kael said with a sardonic smile. He looked a little too pleased by my obvious uncertainty as he left his post against the porch railing and headed down the steps. “And since we’re going to be hiking, we should probably get going,” he said.

Will followed him, still wearing that sheepish smile. The two of them had almost reached the woods before I managed to step of the porch myself.

“Come on Alex,” I said through gritted teeth as I took slow steps towards the trees. “One foot in front of the other, one foot in front of the other...”

It had taken us about half an hour, but we’d final y found a spot everyone agreed on. According to Will , we were about twenty miles from the house—though we’d taken so many twists and turns that I couldn’t see how he could possibly know for sure. We were in a small clearing, surrounded mostly by steep, craggy rock faces and the occasional evergreen tree that jutted out from the rocks at an odd angle. The ground was rough and uneven.

“What happens if I lose my focus?” I asked, dragging my toe through the loose, rocky dust covering the ground.

“Your minds might get confused,” Will said.

“Minds?” I repeated, looking up.

“Once you’ve finished the shift you’ll only have one brain to deal with, and it’l be a combination of the human and wolf brain. But until the transformation is complete, you’ll still have your full human mind, and the wolf one will be forming too. So if you hesitate for too long in-between, your human side and your wolf side may end up fighting for control—which could get ugly.”

“…How ugly are we talking here?” I asked, a small lump forming in my throat.

“You could get stuck,” Kael said. “Your human mind would be telling you to go backward and the wolf one would be urging you forward.”

“And what do I do if that happens…?”

Neither of them said a word, but the looks on their faces were explanation enough.

“I stay stuck. Right. Okay.”

Will gave a single nod.

I took a deep breath. “So—focus. I got it. What’s next?”

“Okay, so once you’re in a calm mindset there’s real y nothing to it except to make it happen.” He shrugged. When he didn’t elaborate, I managed an anxious laugh.

“…Wow, those are pretty much the least helpful instructions ever,” I said. “Thanks so much.”

Will laughed too, and gave me a crooked smile. “I guess I should’ve thought about how to explain this a little better…

The thing is, shifting is real y different for every person.

Personal y? I focus on transforming one part at a time.” He held his arm out in front of him and it began to change. His tan skin became tan-colored fur, and his fingers shortened tan skin became tan-colored fur, and his fingers shortened and grew thicker as his nails simultaneously grew longer and thinner. “Limbs have always been easiest for me, for some reason,” he continued. “Maybe because they seem kind of detached from the rest of my body, so it seems less weird.”

“It seemed plenty weird yesterday,” I muttered.

“Yesterday?”

“Oh yeah… I guess I left that part out when I was telling you guys about what happened,” I said. I didn’t real y want to tell this story right now, but the expectant looks on their faces told me I wasn’t going to be able to back out now. “When I was fighting with Sera, my hand started to transform. I didn’t have anything to do with it though—it just sort of happened.

But it stopped and transformed back on its own… and when I tried to make it change again, nothing happened.”

Will and Kael exchanged a glance. “That’s…weird,” Kael said.

“But good, right?” I asked hopefully. “Since I mean, obviously I am capable of transforming, right? Even if I can’t controll it yet?”

Kael looked uncertain, but Will nodded enthusiastical y.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Actual y, the fact that you did it without even thinking about it is pretty impressive,” he said.

I felt a small surge of confidence. “Well , since I already know that at least my arm is capable of transforming, maybe I should start there?” I suggested quickly, before that confidence could evaporate.

“Good idea,” Will said. “We’re ready when you are.”

I nodded, and held up a shaky arm. A cold sweat swept over me. Nothing to it except to make it happen. Could it real y that simple?

“Are you sure about this, Alex?” Kael asked quietly.

“Of course I am,” I lied quickly. But if he kept second guessing me like that I wouldn’t be.

“We don’t have to do this right now… If you’re not confident, then you’re probably not going to be able to focus and—”

“If I don’t do this now, when am I supposed to do it? I don’t have time to waste.” I tried, rather unsuccessfully, to keep my voice calm. They just didn’t understand. Dad was dead.

My mom had gone crazy on me. Lora was the only person I had left. I had to get her back, and if this weak human body couldn’t do the job, then it would just have to go.

I was use to the tingling sensation by now, so when it started to spread up my hands and arms, prickling the skin as it went, it wasn’t too unsettling. What was unsettling were my arms doubling their length right before my eyes, which happened next. The muscles in my freakishly long arms began to pulsate. I had to look away as patches of silky fur in varying shades of red began to cover my now grossly muscular arms.

This was just too weird to be real.

But it was real. My legs started to shift, which made balancing difficult, and I had to crouch to keep myself from falling over. As I moved closer to the ground, it suddenly occurred to me that I would feel more comfortable in a four-legged position.

Yeah, four-legs made much more sense than two. Why had I ever bothered standing upright, anyway? I stretched my new legs as my eyes fell on the humans in front of me. They were so awkward, and so weak, looking. I bet they were incredibly slow, too. Had I real y been like that once? No, I can’t have been.

The humans kept watching me. It was starting to make me angry, and a snarl of disgust tore its way out of my throat before I could stop it. What were they staring at? I tried to before I could stop it. What were they staring at? I tried to look away, but no matter how hard I stared elsewhere, I could still feel their eyes on me. I tossed my head angrily back towards them. There were two of them, each one maybe half my size. I could take them out easy enough. I lowered my head and bared my teeth—that was their fair warning.

But neither of them backed down. In fact, the one with the light blue eyes actual y took a step forward. I wanted to make him regret that step. But when I tried to take a step of my own forward, I found that I couldn’t even lift my paw off the ground.

(Your muscles aren’t finished forming yet. You should keep still .)

I didn’t know where the voice was coming from, or who it belonged to. But the words made no sense, which frustrated me. I gave another angry growl.

(Look at me, Alex.) It was that voice again. I snarled and snapped at the thin air, like the voice was a fly or something —something I could eliminate if only I could get it between my jaws.

(Look at me.)

My head jerked up—I was ready to kill . And I might have, too; my legs could bend relatively easily now, and I was about to crouch, about to spring, when I met the blue-eyed human’s gaze.

Something happened. I’m not sure what. But my anger came to an abrupt halt, and my growl became a low whine. I just stared, unmoving and unsure. And as I stared, another person materialized beside the blue-eyed man. Her green eyes were watching me curiously. She didn’t blink. I stumbled backward; my muscles weren’t as strong as I’d thought. There was something about her—something I didn’t like. She was familiar in a strange, unsettling way.

The longer we stared at each other, the more I began to feel like I real y did know who this girl was—or at least I had, at some point.

The realization hit me so hard I was literal y knocked off my feet. I col apsed to the ground, panting, still staring in horror at the girl. I looked frantically back and forth. What was going on here? This was wrong. I was supposed to be like that girl…not like this. What was I doing on all fours like some kind of animal? I had to stop. I had to go back.

(You can’t stop now.)

A sharp pain ripped through my head. My eyesight started to dim.

(Focus.)

I think I knew that voice.

(Alright—you’re going to have to change back. Focus on your human side, your human life…you’ve been a human for sixteen years now. I know you remember what it’s like. Just think about it—anything about it.) I couldn’t see anymore. I pretty sure my eyes were open, but I might as well have been searching for light in a black hole, for all I saw.

(Damn it Alex…I know you’re stronger than this. Wake up!) After that the voice started to fade. I didn’t want it to go. I didn’t want to be alone in this dark place. But I couldn’t cal out to it, to tell it to stay. I was too tired. Tired of the pain.

Tired of the confusion. But most of all , I was tired of fighting.