Derailed (18 page)

“I always miss you if you’re not with me.”

“About that—I need to talk to you, but this time I don’t want us to argue. I figure if we stay close and kiss a lot, maybe caress each other, we won’t be able to get angry.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” He pulled her close and kissed her lips.

Against his lips she whispered, “I can’t leave Baton Rouge. I want to be a family with you, but I want to do it here. I want you to leave your job in Boston. You can find something here. I know it means losing a partnership at a large firm, but it’s what I want. If you are unwilling to do that, tell me now so that we can end this, and move on with our lives. It’s been eight months, we need a decision. If it’s the wrong one, we need to part ways. I don’t want to. I love you. Ryder loves you. But I need more.”

His heart raced at her words. He loved her and Ryder too and wanted—had been wanting since just about day one—to begin a life with them. He wanted them to be a family, but when he considered all of his hard work and dedication it took to make partner at Keiser, Brown, and Doyle, he didn’t understand her adamant stance that he leave his position. Maybe she didn’t know how hard it had been?

“Fiona, I want to be a family with you and Ryder too. I can’t imagine life without you. I don’t want to. When I made partner it meant an end to seventy-hour work weeks. It meant freedom. I’d dedicated myself and worked tirelessly for six years with law school and then my first three years at the firm. For six years all I ever did was sit in a cubicle surrounded by law volumes and legal pads. I don’t know how to do anything except law. It’s as much a part of me as your art is to you. I would never ask you to quit something that you loved.”

She kissed his neck, lingering a little while to suck the skin there. “First, I disagree, you’re much more than a lawyer. Second, I’m not asking you to quit. I’m simply asking you to relocate. I know what it’s like to work tirelessly to rear something you love. I understand the joy that comes from being successful in doing so. I’ve seen us you know. I’ve seen us down the road. The dream I had was a dream of us. We were at Ryder’s high school graduation. Also there was a little boy with dark hair and gray eyes like his father’s. Family surrounded us because we were here and we needed their support as we watched Ryder cross the stage. He was all grown up and we were proud. I want that life. I want the little brother for Ryder. And I want it all with you. But I want it here in Baton Rouge.”

“I don’t understand what you want me to do.” He caressed her spine. “I attempted to transfer to one of the southern firms but was denied.”

“I want you to resign. You can get on at a firm here. It doesn’t have to be Keiser, Brown, and Doyle. You could potentially even open your own practice.”

“Success in estate law is measured by the names that surround you. Starting a firm from nothing would be extremely difficult. Nobody’s going to hire me when they could have someone from a large well known firm.”

“It would take time, but eventually I have faith that you’d be successful. Your family name is well known in the area.”

“I feel like I’m the one making all of the sacrifices.”

She stiffened in his arms. “Sacrifices?” She whispered.

“I should have chosen more carefully. That’s not what I meant. I meant,
compromises
.”

She moved to pull away, but he held her there for he knew if he let her go, she would never come back.

“Let’s not let this come between us. It’s geography. What we have is bigger than that.”

“It’s not geography. It’s a direct measure of the worth you have for me.”

“What?”

“If I meant more to you than your law career, we’d be inside one another by now, loving each others bodies in my bed.”

“We can still do that. I don’t want to be in a disagreement. You’re giving me an ultimatum, forcing me to do something I don’t want to do in order to keep something I long to keep.”

“I’m tired of living this relationship in limbo.”

“I know it’s been a little difficult, but if you could just give me some more time, something may open up.”

This time when she pulled away he let her go because the grief on her face spooked him. He had no strength to fight her.

“I’m afraid that it goes beyond that now.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It hurt too much that you place your job above me.”

“But I don’t!” He sighed. “Is this it? Is it over?”

Tears fell from her eyes. “I don’t want to leave you, but I can’t continue this way.”

“So it is goodbye then.”

“Can we just call it a break? I don’t think I can say goodbye to you.”

He shook his head. “Fine.” His jaw set as he clenched it hard to avoid saying something he’d regret. He was mad. He loved her and wanted to be with her, but not if this was an indication of how all huge decisions would go when they needed to make them. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to let her go. She and her son were precious to him. If he lost them in his life the sun would set on his canvas.

His forehead went down on hers. “I want to give you everything you desire. I’m sorry I’ve failed to do so.”

She stood and pulled him along to her bedroom. Slowly she undressed him, her hands a soothing salve to his blistered skin. After he was naked she motioned for him to sit on her bed. He watched as she undressed like she had so many times before, only different in depth and meaning. Her gaze was intent on him and spoke for her despite any words.

She was mapping this moment—memorizing—because it was to be their last time together.

She came to the bed and, using his hands, he moved back toward the headboard. She followed, hovering over him. They kissed, her trembling lips explored him deeply, completely, taking everything he had to give her.

His hands explored her skin and the way her muscles moved beneath. Usually they were impatient and needy, grasping each other with aggression, but tonight they were gentle with one another–reverent. He rolled her beneath him, and then smoothed the hair back from her face. His hands on her jaw he said, “I love you, Fiona.”

“I love you,” she gasped.

“I’m sorry.” He kissed the swell of her breast, sucking lightly against the skin. “I’m sorry for everything.”

Slowly he entered her, memorizing the feel of her gripping him. He inhaled the scent behind her ear. He kissed her jaw. He never wanted their coupling to end because he knew they were saying goodbye to one another.

Her hands laced together around his neck. She pulled him in tightly, almost smothering him against her breast. She cried as he moved within her.

This was crazy. If she’d just given him a chance they could have been happy. “This doesn’t have to be the last time.”

“Shh. Please, don’t speak.”

Desperate for more, he gathered her into his arms and pulled her to his chest. With her arms around his neck and his tight hold on her, they were a tangle of limbs. He pumped faster and harder until she was breathless and their souls came together for the last time.

He held her close through the night, neither of them sleeping. By morning he was too distraught to appear congenial so he thought it best to leave. He didn’t want to upset Ryder. “I should speak with Ryder. What do you want me to tell him?”

She shrugged, unshed tears in her eyes.

“So we’re taking a break?”

“Yes.” She swallowed.

“I’ll tell him that.”

Ryder sat on the couch watching the Transformers movie. Everett sat next to him.

“I have all four of these on blue ray, but my favorite one is still the first. Have you seen them all?”

“No. I didn’t know there were four movies.”

“Are you leaving?”

Ryder turned off the television and watched Everett intensely. “Your mom and I are going to take a little break from one another. But I don’t want to take a break from you so I’ll come next weekend and we’ll go to Later Gator’s.”

“No.”

“What?”

“No! I don’t want to go without Mom. Why can’t she go too?”

“She and I have a problem that we are unable to solve.”

“What problem?”

“We are unable to compromise. Do you know what that means?”

“Nope.”

“It means to come up with a solution to our problems, one of us will need to give a little more than the other one.”

“Don’t you love her?”

“I love her and you more than anything else in the world.”

“Then it should be easy to make a
comp mise.”

“Compromise.”

“
Comp ro mise
.”

They sat in silence for a while. Eventually Ryder crawled onto Everett’s lap and hugged his neck. “I’ll miss you.” Ryder kissed his cheek, causing a tear to roll down Everett’s face.

Ryder walked away in sniffles, leaving Everett in desolation on the couch.

Everett called Courtney and while he gathered his things from the little house where he’d leave his heart and soul behind, he became frustrated. Frustrated at Fiona’s outright stubbornness. She was being unfair to him.
If she loved him as much as she said she did, then why couldn’t she make the decision to be with him?
She was the one who had said as long as the three of them were together, they could be anywhere.

Courtney honked from the driveway. Before leaving he went to the bedroom to find Fiona in bed with Ryder in her arms.

“Well I guess I’m going to go.” They both looked at him grimly. “I invited Ryder to Later Gator’s next weekend. Think about it. I’ll call you after I get in on Sunday. Here’s your key.” He laid it on the bedside table, and then walked away in silence, his shoulders sagging.

He threw his stuff into the trunk of Courtney’s Honda and then piled into the passenger’s seat. He sighed and scrubbed his face with his hand as she backed out of the driveway.

Halfway to the estate Courtney asked, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Suit yourself.” She shrugged. “For what it’s worth, I liked who you were when you were with her.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“She made you happy is all.”

His phone rang, and he was so desperately hopeful that it was her calling him back, he answered without checking the ID.

“Fiona.”

“Ashton.”

“What the hell do you want?”

“I need your legal expertise on a matter of eminent domain.”

“Forget it. You ruined my life, you son of a bitch.”

“So I’ll call your firm and sing your fucking praises. You’ll be reinstated.”

“No. I refuse to work with you.”

Everett hung up the phone and leaned his head on the headrest, hoping he’d soon awaken from his nightmare.

The days turned into weeks. Everett couldn’t concentrate at work. He couldn’t concentrate when he tried to read a book or watch a movie. He was a shell of a man and the only thing that helped was Johnny Walker.

He’d come home early from work for the third day in a row. He hoped to be let go soon. If not he’d resign. It was official now—he hated law. It had ruined his life. Fiona had sent the engagement ring to him via registered mail. On another day she’d sent a cashier’s check for thirteen hundred dollars. So on this particular day, as he held the brown mailer that she’d sent, he hesitated opening it.
What was left to give back?
He couldn’t think of anything.

He slid his finger beneath the flap and tore it open. He pulled a sheet of tracing paper from the envelope. He unfolded it slowly to reveal the image. He gasped as it came into focus.

She’d finished his sketch. Before him was a picture of the scales of justice. On one scale sat a set of law books. On the other scale sat a live heart. It wasn’t cupid’s heart, but a live human heart. The scales sat completely equal to one another. Lady Justice slithered around the center pole. With the pixie cut hair and the tattoos it was recognizable—Fiona. She was breathtaking.

He’d get this tattoo but the heart would be on the ground, the law books so worthless they wouldn’t even weigh a microgram. A plan forming in his mind, he would be hard pressed to wait until this weekend to unfold it.

***

Parker and Bailey’s wedding weekend was bittersweet for Fiona. Her escort down the aisle was Everett. Bailey insisted she could change it, but Fiona refused. That meant a weekend of closeness to Everett, beginning with tonight’s rehearsal dinner.

At the Baton Rouge Country Club she sat at the table next to Maura, who held Adrian in her arms. Everett had yet to arrive since he was flying in from Boston. Since they were waiting on him they decided to eat first.

Ryder sat next to her at the table. Every time someone came through the door it stole his attention. He was anxiously awaiting Everett. “Do you want some fried crabs?”

“No.” He turned again to watch the door.

“You need to eat, baby.”

Everett had continued to visit with Ryder on the weekends. It meant the world to him and to Fiona. More than once she thought about just giving in and going to him in Boston, telling him she’d move, but she had Ryder to consider.

“Everett!” Ryder took off to the door to meet him. Both of them seemed equally excited to greet one another. Everett hugged him so hard his feet no longer touched the floor.

Parker held a champagne flute in the air. “Now the party can start.”

Everett hugged Bailey and made the rounds greeting his parents and brothers and their significant others before setting eyes on Fiona.

“Fiona.” He smiled handsomely. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Why was he doing that?
He’d make it so much harder to quit him. “I’ve missed you too.”

He took a seat between her and Ryder. The sound of tinkling glass rang out and Parker stood. The room quieted. “Thank you all for coming here and celebrating with us. Most of you are family so you don’t have a choice.” Laughing ensued. “But thank you all the same. On a serious note I want to thank you for your support and acceptance during Bailey’s transplant surgery. I thank God every day that I was born into this family that in my opinion is the best family a guy could ever have. I love you.” He turned to find Bailey’s gaze. “Bailey, you saved me. I didn’t actually know I needed saving, but I did—from myself. I love you more than I ever thought it possible to love someone. If I lost every single monetary possession, but you were still with me, I would have a rich life because as long as I have you, I have everything. She stood and they kissed to the tune of various phrases like
get a room
and
I don’t wanna see that
.”