Departures (19 page)

“That’s a great idea,” Gregg said. “Why didn’t we do that in the first place?”

Because you’re a controlling big brother
, Sierra thought.
And you like to have everything your way, just like Jana likes to have everything around her nice and familiar. I’ve figured it out. Why can’t the two of you see it?

Suddenly Sierra felt that she and Tim were outsiders. Gregg and Jana had their games and traditions from every summer when they
came to the lake. Why did Sierra and Tim have to go along with their rituals? Why couldn’t Sierra and Tim start their own little traditions?

She couldn’t think at the moment what such a tradition might be, but as soon as she thought of something fun that just she and Tim could do, she was going to tell him, and they would break away from the Hill family and make their own memory.

The game lasted far too long, in Sierra’s opinion. It was fun once all the technicalities were ironed out, but three of the four people playing were fiercely competitive. Tim was the one who lost nearly every round because he didn’t have the killer instinct that Sierra, Gregg, and Jana had. That only made Sierra feel more compassion for Tim.

By the time they finally went to bed, it was well after midnight. Sierra’s bed felt comfy, and she was ready to drift off to dreamland the minute her head hit the pillow. But Jana had other ideas.

“Did you hear what my mom said?” Jana asked as soon as she was in bed and the light was out. “Danny is here!”

“I heard,” Sierra said. “I watched your face when your mom told you. You looked dreamy.”

“Oh no! Do you think my mom knows I want to see him?”

Sierra laughed quietly. “I think everyone here knows you want to see him.”

“Are you serious?”

Jana sounded so distressed that Sierra reevaluated her comment. “Maybe not everyone. I know more about the whole thing than anyone else, so I’m sure I picked up on more than they did.”

“I can’t wait to see him,” Jana said. “I wonder how much he’s changed.”

Sierra propped herself up on her elbow to make sure she wouldn’t fall asleep. Obviously this conversation was important to Jana.

“I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to see him. I thought maybe you and I could go berry picking tomorrow morning in the woods and end up at their property. Hopefully, he’ll be outside, and we can just start to talk.”

“I thought we were going river rafting tomorrow,” Sierra said. “Isn’t tomorrow the Fourth? Saturday, right?”

“Oh, rats. I forgot. I feel like we’re a day behind because it took us so long to get here. Yes, my mom made reservations, and it’s one of the busiest weekends, so I know we shouldn’t cancel.”

It was quiet a moment. Suddenly Jana switched on the light.

Sierra blinked at the brightness and said, “What?”

Jana was sitting straight up in bed looking bright-eyed. “I have an idea.”

ierra flopped back in bed and stared at the ceiling. She was certain she didn’t want to hear Jana’s idea. And she was certain she could guess the general direction the idea would take. Yet against her better judgment, Sierra said, “What’s your idea?”

“We’ll go berry picking early, and that way we’ll see Danny, and when we do, you’ll mention that we’re going rafting, and then I’ll say, ‘Hey, do you want to come with us?’ That way it will be really casual, and he’ll say yes, and he’ll come, and it’ll be great.”

Sierra wanted to laugh. This was so unlike Jana to make elaborate plans in an attempt to be casual. Of course, there was a sobering side to Jana’s scheme too. If practical, non-risk-taking, likes-everything-set-in-a-nonthreatening-routine Jana could fall into such illogical thinking and scheming for the sake of being with a guy, Sierra knew very well that the same thing could happen to her one day.

“You know what?” Sierra said, taking a rabbit trail off Jana’s plan to conquer via the woods. “I always thought of you and me as being the slow ones to blossom.”

“The slow ones to blossom? What does that mean?”

“You know how Mikayla and Dave are already preengaged or promised or whatever it is?”

“Yes.”

“And Jennifer has gone out with about every guy in our school.”

“Yes.”

“And Becca has that boyfriend who’s in college.”

“Yes, yes. I know the life of every girl in our class too. What’s your point?” Jana said.

“They all have boyfriends or have had boyfriends, even though we’ve only just finished our sophomore year.”

“Not everyone has a boyfriend or has had a boyfriend. Misty doesn’t.”

“Yes, she does. Sharla told me,” Sierra said. “My point is, all through junior high, when everyone paired up except us—”

“Not everyone,” Jana protested.

“Okay, almost everyone. And in high school when everyone started going out and getting serious, you and I were slow to blossom. Do you see?”

“Yes, I see,” Jana said in a sulking voice. “And I don’t like it one bit. You’re sounding like we should be proud of being looked over.”

“All I’m saying,” Sierra said with a sigh, “is that if you really like Danny, then something might change this summer, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that change.”

“Sierra, you are so melodramatic sometimes. You do realize, don’t you, that we’re fifteen years old? In some countries that’s old enough to be married! It’s natural for us to chase guys and flirt—in the right way. Not only is it natural, it’s practically unnatural that we haven’t gotten boyfriends yet. We’re fifteen! I know sixth graders who are more experienced than we are when it comes to guys.”

“And that’s supposed to be our goal? Our role model?”

“No,” Jana said, sounding exasperated. “You’re not trying to understand what I’m saying. It’s time, Sierra. So blossom already, will you? And even if you don’t want to blossom or you don’t think you’re ready to, I am. And I’m going to this summer. My first step will be to get Danny rafting with us tomorrow. You can go berry picking with me or not. But even if you don’t, I’m going into the woods tomorrow and coming back with Danny Morrison, or I’m going to die trying!” With that, Jana snapped off the light.

Sierra wanted to laugh into the darkness and say, “Now who’s being melodramatic?” But she kept quiet until she could tell that Jana’s breathing had calmed down.

“Jana?” Sierra whispered into the cool space of air that hung between them. “Jana, I’ll go with you. I don’t think I was clear about what I was trying to say. I didn’t mean to upset you. It could be you’re ready to blossom, and I’m not. But I’m not saying you can’t or you shouldn’t. I’m just …”

Sierra realized she was heading for dangerous territory if she continued to speak her mind. It was awfully hard for her to pull back. There was so much she wanted to say, and it all seemed clear to her now. Instead, Sierra said, “I’ll go with you tomorrow.”

“Thanks.” Jana didn’t say anything else, even though Sierra must have stayed awake half an hour, waiting for Jana to add a final comment the way she usually did when she and Sierra debated. But it never came.

Having been awake most of the night before and then sleeping in the afternoon, Sierra’s internal clock seemed confused. Not to mention that she hadn’t slept much the night before the trip because she had put off her packing until the last minute. Still, she couldn’t sleep now,
so she quietly pulled on her jeans and jacket. She peeled through the layers of clothes in her bag until she touched her Bible. Then she found her flashlight in her backpack and tiptoed out of the room and out the front door. She grabbed an old blanket off the clothesline. It was damp with the night dew, as was her skirt. She decided to let her skirt remain hanging until tomorrow morning, but the blanket would feel warmer than nothing.

Stepping onto the grass with her bare feet was exhilarating. It made her feel fully alive and wide awake.

The night’s silence around her enabled Sierra to hear sounds she hadn’t heard in the day. She stopped moving and stood still, her feet planted on the blades of wet grass. She could hear the dock creaking like an overgrown baby being rocked in an antique cradle. Overhead, a bird, most likely an owl, effortlessly flapped its way through the darkness. Sierra was certain dozens of night creatures had stopped their scuttling about when she walked out of the house. They were all transfixed in their hiding places, waiting for her to make the first move so that her human noise would mask their padded comings and goings.

If her feet weren’t so cold, Sierra might have tried to wait out one or two of those creatures so she could see them scamper to new hiding places. But she couldn’t wait, and so she was the one who scampered down to the dock.

Seated with her feet under her on the padded Adirondack chair, Sierra tucked the blanket all around her and then leaned back, breathing in the glory of the night sky.

“Oh wow,” she whispered as the thousand vibrant points of light came into focus. There were too many. Too many to take in. Too many to imagine. Too many stars in God’s great heaven.

The longer she sat, quietly watching the night spectacle, the more she thought about a verse she had heard many times. She knew it was in Psalms somewhere.

She tried to recite it in a holy whisper. “ ‘When I consider Your heavens … the moon and the stars, which You ordained, what are humans that You are mindful of us?’ ”

Sierra pulled her warmed arms out of her cocoon and reached for her flashlight and Bible, which were on the chair next to her. She wanted to make sure she had quoted the verse right.

Holding the flashlight in her teeth, she checked her concordance in the back of her Bible, looking under “stars.” Another reference that caught her eye was listed in Daniel 12:3. All the concordance said was “… like the stars forever and ever.” It reminded her of a song she liked, and she wondered if the song was inspired from this verse.

Turning to the book of Daniel, she found the verse. Then, taking the flashlight out of her mouth and pointing the light’s beam at the page, she read, “ ‘Those who have insight will shine brightly like the brightness of the expanse of heaven, and those who lead the many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever.’ ”

Sierra liked that. She glanced back up at the stars, and the sight of the “expanse of heaven” again took her breath away. “ ‘Those who have insight will shine brightly,’ ” Sierra repeated. More than anything, she wanted to have insight. Schoolwork had come easily for her. Whenever facts entered her brain, they seemed to stick around, and she could pull them out when necessary, like on a test. What she wanted more than knowledge was wisdom. Insight. Understanding.

It was sort of like the discussion she and Jana had just had. What Sierra had wanted to communicate was not just which girls in their
class were dating which guys. Sierra had wanted to say that she didn’t want to be like everyone else. She wanted deeper insight when it came to relationships. She wanted to reach higher. For the stars, maybe?

Why not? Sierra pulled off her blanket, stood up, and lifted her arms as far as she could stretch them. With her face toward the heavens, she said aloud, “I’m Yours, Lord. Let my life shine for You, like a bright star in a dark world.”

She twirled around and did a barefoot dance on the dock. Just as she was about to break out in song, she heard
plop-splash
right beside the dock.

Sierra froze. It could have been a fish. The fish were jumping earlier that evening, but she hadn’t remembered hearing any such sound since she had come out on the dock.

Scanning the dark water as her heart pounded, Sierra tried to imagine the various kinds of creatures that could make
plop-splash
sounds in the water, like the sound of a rock when it’s thrown into the water.

Sierra couldn’t see anything.

Suddenly a second
plop-splash
came from nearly the same spot, followed by the gentle stroke of a paddle.

“Jana?” a male voice called out softly.

Sierra’s heart jumped to her throat as she saw a kayak emerge from the shadowy reeds along the lake’s edge. A guy was in the kayak. His blond hair caught the light from the night sky, and Sierra knew who it was.