Denial (Goblin's Kiss Series Book One) (44 page)

Barely audible I asked, “What does
the last line mean?”

I took the task in hope for a
favor of the king. She would take me to a new world.

I said it to myself as his eyes
followed the words across. His face was a mixture of something I
figured might be fear and shock that I kept it or maybe even why I
kept it.

“Before I met
you, the real you, I just wanted away from Joshlin and the realm. I
wanted to escape somehow and stay in the human world hidden from
their view. It was easier than being his lackey. I wanted my own
self. You were the first picture of possibilities
I
’
d
ever come across.” He didn
’
t stop to
breathe.

“I knew if I could get you, the
real heir, to take the crown and marry him, I would be released
from any obligations to the realm or to him. I would be free to
live my life as I wanted.”

He looked down at his hands to
avoid my persecution. The worst part was I knew exactly how he
felt.

“I would have done the same. I
hated what I was all these years.”

His gaze returned to
mine.

“Until now.”

Nothing but a blink of his eyes
gave a response to my coded responses.

At least now I
knew. I was opening the can called Ames Cahn and worried then if
he
’
d
close it back up and run. He said he wanted me here, but he
didn
’
t always.

“Sometimes I
come down here and mine the gold just to get away from the realm
and especially the human world. It
’
s relaxing.” He picked up an axe
and held it up for me, likely showing off.

He at one point
wanted me to be afraid of him, fear his past and what Joshlin
ordered him to do, but I wasn
’
t. Whatever he did before, it
wasn
’
t him on the inside.

My heart felt for him.

And then
something else ignited altogether into pure lust.
I
’
ll
admit I imagined all those same man chest muscles
I
’
d
been privy too on the back porch and wondered if
that
’
s how he managed to keep so fit.
Really
fit.

Seeing my
illogical timing on ogling, he smirked appreciatively and let the
axe fall in a kind of slow motion show of his man skills,
“I
’
m
all that” kind of way. And that he was!

“Stop showing off,
mister.”

“But you were admiring me,” he
smirked even wider.

“And you would do well to eat five
pies and stop by for some fast food,” I shrugged him off to look
closer at the carvings in the stone columns. How many elements are
down here?

“But then you
wouldn
’
t drool over my body like you are now.”

“Ames, focus already. This is
important.” I steadily ignored his silent chuckling. He was
enjoying this.

“Like
you
’
re so focused on my body is not important.”

Oh, it is way too important to me!
“And you just continued to take care of Joshlin though he was
always insufferably evil to you and your people. Why?”

Realizing I was changing the
subject, he obliged with the good at heart answer I would have
expected of him. “He was still my brother for which is a trait that
I would have overlooked if he hurt you.”

“And you will not even let him go
hungry now? Suffer?” I looked around my shoulder to see his face
when he answered.

“Hungry, no. Without comfort, yes.
If he had hurt you...”

“You would have
killed him,” I answered for him. It wasn
’
t arrogance speaking, it was
the same fear I saw in his face when Joshlin forced my neck to
bleed. It was dried and crusty now, but small. “So this was all for
me? The giving into what you should have been and letting me
ridicule him in front of all your people?”

“Our people. And
yes. I would not have let him cause any harm to you. As for
becoming the king, it isn
’
t my ideal calling, but if it
means I keep you, then it is the only choice.”

“Nothing you do should be based on
me, Ames. You decide to run those people because it is the right
thing to do. I will not pretend to understand why you let it go as
long as you did as you cannot understand the way I went through
life unable to comprehend why I could move things and such. But do
not say that you will do this because of me. I am not nearly as
important.”

The column
shifted around me as he backed me into it, raised my arms above my
head, and made the heat of his breathe tickle against my ear. I
couldn
’
t see his face. “You are the most important part of any of
this. If I hadn
’
t found you, none of this would
have happened and we would both still be miserable in the life we
had. Don
’
t tell me you
’
re not just as enamored as I am
with the possibilities. This whole damn thing is about you. It is
because of you that we even made it this far. And I know what your
body is telling me right now. I know what you
’
re feeling. I know
what your energy is saying at this very second,” he paused to push
a light, feathery kiss on my neck. “And it
’
s not anything different
than what I
’
m
feeling.
”

When the cold
air hit my face, it was like ice forming around me. He pushed off
and walked away from me. His hands ran through his hair a few times
and then came back to face me. He didn
’
t give me time to recompose,
so my open mouthed look of awe and scared feelings that he knew me
way more than he should was still plastered on my
face.

I did the
stupidest thing ever. “I guess you know me well then. No point in
saying it.” I folded my arms and started for the stairs afraid to
look back. This guy, man, was breaking down barriers I
didn
’
t want broken.

“Don
’
t run from me.” I
didn
’
t mistake the edge in his voice. Ames was really afraid to
lose me.

“I
’
m not. I just need air.”

Her hair covered
in dust, myself included, we both headed out back to brush off.
Neither of us made a sound or faced each other. The silence was
killing me. Did I mess up saying what needed to be said?
Wasn
’
t I just telling the truth? Why is it a girl can say far from
what she really means just to frustrate a guy and yet when we try
to tell the truth, we get treated like we screwed
up?

I just finished
brushing my pants when I noticed she
’
d stopped and was facing away
like before, but aimed at something. She was staring at the chair I
sat in the night before all hell broke loose.

“I wish I could go back,” she said
very low.

“
To what?” Did
she wish she
’
d never met
me?

“To the night we were both here,
together. Before it all changed.”

“Here, on the porch?”

She slowly
turned and we both stood staring, lost in our own thoughts. “You
were going to kiss me even though I
’
m strange and cowardly and now
you say my family destroyed yours. You didn
’
t because you knew what it
might mean for me. You wanted me to have a choice. I know that
now.”

I tried to take
her hand, but I let her keep it when she inched away from me.
“
All
of that was there the night I wanted to more than just kiss
you. I have known it most of my life. Anything my family or yours
did negates how I feel about you now. And that night. I worried
telling you would make me lose you and now that I did,
you
’
re running. I
’
m not any different than I was a
week ago or two, so why would the past make you decide everything
in one moment.”

I had to make
her see reason. It wasn
’
t a good enough reason to leave
me now just because of the past. And sadly, I
wasn
’
t above begging when it came to this girl. She was a drug I
couldn
’
t get enough of.

And to prove I
was out of my mind, I shouted out before rational thought caught up
to my brain, “I can give it up and come to the human world. I
don
’
t need to be—

Her body was
quick. She attacked my whole self making me fall back into the
chair that kept me twisted in knots watching her in those shorts
the other night. And heck if she wasn
’
t kissing me.

I
can
’
t believe I just assaulted a guy. I kissed him harder and he
didn
’
t seem to mind. When his hands dropped around my waist
inching just inside the hem of my shirt and pulled me up level
where I lay across him on the chair, reason came back to me. I
stopped the kiss and sat up beside him to put distance back between
us knowing both of us had the same strong unhealthy attraction to
each other.

“Emma.” His jaw
tightened, the muscles contracting to tell me things I
couldn
’
t hear, but see. That one word could break me down. His power
over me was greater than any magic combined.

“You are right.
I won
’
t let the past rule us, but I think it should be made amends
to for your people. I can
’
t imagine your realm accepting
knowing what my father, whom I don
’
t know, destroyed your world and
then let a man like Joshlin govern it. I
’
d hate me
too.”

Beseechingly he
said, “Unnecessary, but if it
’
s a deal breaker, then we can
come up with something. Perhaps even go before them and tell your
story. Most didn
’
t know you existed until a few
years ago and only then did it come from
Joshlin.”

Something struck me wrong. “How
did Joshlin know about me?”

A long sigh came
from him and his hand shot to his hair, both signs of Ames in
either discomfort or indecision. His eyes searched my body for
something, but not with the same desirous look he usually held.
“The elders never said a word. Once, when I locked myself under the
mountain for more than a week, I came across the paintings buried
under rock and dirt. That was before the cabin was here. I took it
to the only man who I thought would know the subjects in them.
Brooks
’
father was the oldest one of the elders to the old king that
I knew. He told me who you were and where. We went to see you out
of curiosity, but I was not much older than you. We
didn
’
t know Joshlin had me followed for years and knew within
hours who you were and even what it could mean for him one day. He
watched and waited seeing that you had powers, but even I
didn
’
t know how much till that day in writing
class.”

“You said we. Who were you
with?”

His face
blanched. He hadn
’
t meant for it to be said. I
ignored it for his sake.

If hearing all the first deeds of
the past come to light, these were much worse. Joshlin really only
wanted to marry me for my title and possibly even my power to do
his evil deeds. He needed some consequences other than lose of
status. He needed his knees broken...or castration would be
good.

I knew I was
imperfect, far from this leader type they might expect me to be.
But I once heard that if you don
’
t recognize your shortcomings,
you never truly become great at anything. You sit stale and without
wisdom or purpose.

His hand went distinctly to the
place on his chest where I knew he had a certain mark that my gut
told me was vitally important and was ready to be revealed. “What
is the mark on your chest?”

He chuckled low, “So you were
checking me out?”

I tried to hide
my embarrassment, but I kind of wasn
’
t. “You know I have it
too.”