Demons: A Hunter's Novel, Book 1 (10 page)

“There
is an easy way of doing that.” I knew what Azrael was suggesting.

Since
he was a Demon he could see what the Shadow was by touch. If it was a type of
Shadow that Az could get rid of, aggressive spirit or Demon, he could do so on
his own. If it wasn’t then the Shadow could kill him. Was I willing to take the
risk?

“I
can’t let you do that. No.” I shook my head vehemently.

“You
think I’m just going to walk in there blind? No, I’ll send one of my underlings
in to find out what it is. I’m hoping he can get out without detection, if not,
we’ll go from there.”

He
made it sound so easy. I tested his words in my head and they passed. This
could work. At least, we could try.

“Now,
can we work on this?”

He
slid my hand down to his hard ridge and began moving my hand. I growled and
moved, straddling him.

“Why
are you so willing to just accept me again? Me being a supe cocktail and all
everything else…” I had to ask. I know it might not be the right time, but I
didn’t care, I had to know.

“You
are mine, Laney. My mate. I won’t let you forget that. Supe, no supe, flawed,
perfect – however you come, that’s how I’ll take you.”

If
I was supposed to choose what group I was going to join, could I become a Demon?
Because if I didn’t choose to be a Demon, then this thing with Az would turn
into a catastrophe. He was too high up in the ranks now to be with anyone,
openly, who wasn’t a Demon. But what would I be giving up if I became a Demon? Could
I live with the sacrifice of giving up everything I’ve known? Of giving up everything
I had been raised to believe? Or would I even have to give them up?

Az
had been heavy on his morals when we had been together. Being a Hunter I had
taken a lot of supernatural lives, always in the name of what was right. Couldn’t
I do that same thing if I was a Demon? That’s what Az had done when he was
lower on the totem pole, why not me? Of course who the hell knows if everything
I knew meant squat now with the Shadow having raised me.

Az
pulled my hand to him and made me look in his eyes.

“You’re
mine.”

“Yes.”

He
moved me under him and ripped the clothes from my body as though they were made
of paper. I was already wet for him, always surprised at how quickly he made me
feel so wanton. I pulled at his pants, trying to get them down as best I could
while lying underneath him. A moment later he made them disappear. He slammed
into me no sooner than he had sprung free from the confines of his clothes.

I
don’t know what I was feeling, we were screwing as we always had, but something
felt different now. Maybe it was the fact that I actually had the option of
being with Az. We could actually go out in public and walk hand in hand if I
chose to be a Demon. Or maybe it was just that…the Demon part of me was coming
to the surface, recognizing its mate.

My
orgasm built and we came clinging to one another like we were the other’s last
breath. And if that were the case, I would’ve died completely happy.

Az
pulled out of me and rolled me so my back was to him and he spooned me. I could
do and be anything, as long as I had Az. Losing Az was painful enough the first
time, I would not lose him again. I had disappeared so far into myself six
months ago I didn’t know, understand or like the world I had lived in.

First
things first though…I needed to get my Father back. My real Father.

“I
need to get my Dad back.” Az simply nodded at my statement and got up from the
bed, pulling on a pair of jeans that had appeared and a white t-shirt.

“I’ll
be right back. Stay.”

Az
left the room. I stayed still, thinking of all the possibilities in the days to
come. It had been a while since Az had left the room.

I
got up and pulled on a pair of mesh shorts and a bra. I was starting to worry
when the door swung open. Az came in, followed by Anie. Well, I’m glad I was semi-dressed,
because this could’ve been really awkward.

“Anie,
look -”

I
immediately started but instead of being able to talk to her face, I was
literally talking to her hand. It was funny and really annoying.

“Don’t
Laney. Azrael and I have talked – I’ll deal with you and I later. Apparently,
there are other things to worry about. He told me your Dad needs our help. You
know I’d do anything for your Dad.”

I
put on a t-shirt and I was covered for this conversation now. She moved her
hand away from my face and I saw her hard stare soften for a minute. As if she
understood what was between Az and I was something larger than just a good lay.
Maybe she did. Maybe Az had told her that we were in love. But I doubted that. Az
was a very private person. It had taken a while before I could break through
his walls.

Then
Anie’s tough façade was back. Just like a brief glimpse of Big Foot, her softness
had disappeared.

“I’m
going to summon one of the lower Demons and Anie is going to be the lookout. I’m
going to cloak myself and put them under a slight spell to get them to do what
we want without them knowing it was me. They will then report everything back
to us.”

“You
all worked that out quickly.”

“It’s
not rocket surgery.” Az smirked and I laughed out loud.

It
was an inside joke between Az and I. We had been out on a bust for one of the baddies,
as we had called the Demons that had broken the law, when we had cornered the
Demon it turned out it was especially stupid.
What the hell do you think
you’re going to do?
I had asked it.
I’m going to kill you, it’s not
rocket surgery
. He had meant to say it’s not rocket science. But when he
had mixed up his words, I laughed while Az sent it back to hell.

I
rubbed my palms together.

“Let’s
do this.”

“I can see it on your face, you’ve been kicked around, but the world
won’t wait for you to come around…”

– The Head & the Heart, When I Fall Asleep

I
was sitting on my knees, crouched outside my room at Anie’s. I felt like an
idiot, but I was an idiot who was getting information. Az, Annie and I had
spent days working on how we were going to bring about the end of the Shadow
without outing ourselves or killing my Father’s body or spirit. None of us ever
talked about Az and I’s relationship. It was an uneasy truce we were wading
through.

Az
and I had gone round and round about the best way to rid the world of the
Shadow. Az wanted to bring about the end of the Shadow at all costs. And I
wanted to bring about the end of the Shadow as long as I gave my Father a
fighting chance.

I
had more than enough time to look back on my life before the Shadow and remember
the man that my Father had been. My Father had always had an edge to him but he
was loving and kind to me as a young child. While those memories were scarce,
they were still there and they still told me that my Father was somewhere in
himself. Well, at least that’s what I was hoping. But, currently, I was giving
my body a much needed rest while I eavesdropped on the conversation Anie and Az
were having inside my bedroom. Won’t lie I was pissed they were in a room with
a bed.

I
heard Az’s deep voice, pleading, “Please try to understand.” Az never said
please. So him doing it now made me want to see his face. There was something
about him being kind that made me want to see his face and the way he was
looking at Anie. I hoped it was with kindness, and from his words, I would
assume it was.

“How
on earth am I supposed to understand you hate-fucking me?” Her? Not so much.

“It
wasn’t a hate-fuck. It was more me trying to understand her.” I’m assuming the
her
Az was referring to was me.

“By
hate-fucking me.”

“Call
it what you want, but I was destroyed by what she did. Do you understand
watching someone you care about fuck other men like you meant nothing. Every
night, a different asshole. She may as well have been a hooker.”

Wow
that hurt. Pretty bad. And now instead of seeing his face I wanted to crush it.

I
heard a loud smack. And then I heard Az roar and flip something over. He could
be a bit temperamental, especially when, if what I thought just happened did,
he was smacked.

“Do
you know her at all, Azrael?! Did the time you spent with her mean nothing? Did
you only fuck her and not get to know the woman under it all?” Anie screamed in
my defense.

Awwwe,
she was just as off her rocker as me. Hitting a Demon especially one as high up
as Az, was a very bad idea.

“I
did. That’s why I fell apart.”

“You
aren’t the only one that lost her.” Anie said quietly.

I
hadn’t realized until that point the pain I had inflicted on everyone else when
I went into my shell. Based on it all, Anie and Az should’ve found solace in
one another, but they only found more pain. I put two people at odds when I
should’ve been honest and made them allies. If I had just told Anie about Az
then none of it would have happened.

“I
thought by fucking you, I could understand why she was screwing everything with
a dick. And by screwing you, I was fucked up enough to believe I was still
close to her. That’s how fucked up we are. It’s just what we are. Doesn’t mean
we don’t love one another, just means we’re not in a good place…anymore.”

While
I will admit those words hurt me immensely, they were also very true. He and I
were two very painful halves of a whole. I thought of his symbol and the cut
circle. I had been the sword that had done that to his fucked up twisted circle.
I had severed it completely, allowing everything to spill out with no
boundaries.

I
know life is what we make of it, and mine was currently a heaping mess. I felt
like shit for hurting Anie and Az. I thought I was doing the right thing but,
apparently, I hadn’t done the right thing. I had been oh, so wrong. I felt the knife
the pain had created, sliding between my ribs and into my heart. The pain was
acute.

I
shook my head from side to side trying to stop the pain from getting to me. I
started rocking my body back and forth. The pain was seeping in and it ended up
overtaking me as I sat on the cold unfeeling wood floor. Oh to be that wood
floor.

Was
my soul eclipsed by the pain imposed on me by the thing that raised me? Was I
always going to hurt those I loved? I rocked harder. I could hear someone
saying no over and over again. It took me a minute to realize it was me.

Our
experiences make us who we are, and most of the time I liked myself enough. But
right now I hated the person I had become. Hurting people I loved because I
thought it was right. Shutting everyone out because I thought I could control
the world. I was a fucking asshole - an arrogant fucking bitch. I should’ve
been clinging to the people that mattered instead of pushing them away. But it
was easier to be alone.

I
felt hands pull me up and I squinted my unfocused dizzy eyes to see Anie. She
was looking at me sympathetically. Which, of course, just made me feel worse. I
didn’t deserve understanding. She hugged me to her side. I closed my eyes. I
didn’t want to see the sympathy I didn’t deserve.

 I
felt Az’s hands helping Anie pick me up off the floor. I could only hear, I
couldn’t see anything, but I felt Az’s hands and his heat.

“Let
me take her, Aniese.” Az said.

I
knew his voice like I knew his touch. It made me feel a little better he wasn’t
calling her Anie. He must’ve been mad.

“No.
I’ve got her.” Anie pulled me tighter to her side.

“Fuck!”
Az roared. “Why do all of you
women
have to be so fucking difficult!” I
heard Az blow out a breath. “You know what, I don’t want to play tug of war. It’s
not good for her right now. But I won’t be far. If she needs me I’m never far.”

I
wondered why Az and Anie were talking about me while I was in front of them. At
that point I realized I must’ve looked like I was in a catatonic state. Open
eyes but seeing nothing.

“I’ve
got her.” Anie said walking me into my empty bedroom.

Anie
put me to bed for the second time in as many days. She put me under the covers
and I felt the bed dip as she laid down next to me. I let the darkness overtake
me. Sweet, cold, unfeeling darkness.

*********************************************

I
woke up the next morning feeling like the whole day should be dedicated to me lying
in bed with my eyes closed. They were heavy and worn out. I cracked my eyes
open and I could see the morning dawn creeping into the room. Chasing away the
darkness I clung to.

My
eyes naturally wanted to stay shut. So I didn’t fight it. I closed them and
laid there in the quiet. I heard stirring next to me and realized that Anie
hadn’t left my side.

“You
can’t ignore the world, Laney. It’s still going to find you, no matter what.”

“Maybe
if I hide better it won’t. Go away and I’ll try it out.”

“So,
Az was, is, your boyfriend…?” Anie asked me ignoring my comment.

I
peeked out from under my scratchy lids again and saw Anie looking exhausted. I
knew this conversation was coming, but I hadn’t looked forward to it. But I
also didn’t want to hide anymore. I kept repeating to myself:
I’m ready, I
am prepared
, because that’s what I needed to believe. It was a step at
least. I closed my eyes again, because the light was burning out my eye
sockets, and answered.

“Was?
Is? I don’t know.” I took another fortifying breath. “Boyfriend doesn’t quite
cover it. He was my family, my lover, my world, no offense… I don’t know what
we are now. I’d like for us to be able to be together. But I don’t know if
that’s possible.”

“It’s
possible. I think he would do anything for you. He’s your pigeon. They mate for
life. If one dies the other is left alone for the remainder of its life. I
learned that after reading Beautiful Disaster. Although I don’t know if that’s
quite what the author was going for.” I opened my eyes again and Anie was
studying the ceiling. “I definitely wouldn’t let Az go. He apologized to me and
that man has some serious skill.”

Now
I knew she was baiting me, punishing me for the things I hadn’t told her. She
was still pissed at me for not telling her about Az. I didn’t blame her.

“Can
we make a deal?” I asked.

“Depends
on what we’re talking about.”

“We’re
talking about you and Az. I will accept what happened and move on. Period. I
don’t want you to talk about you and him anymore. I have enough shit on my
plate without having to deal with it over and over and over. So, after this conversation,
we will forever close that chapter of talking. I don’t want to know. Really.”

The
sick truth was that I did want to know. I wanted to know what her thoughts were
about him. Every nuance and thought she had about him. But if I kept bringing
it up I knew I would get exponentially pissed off until I couldn’t talk to her
anymore. Anie was like a sister to me and I couldn’t lose her to the stupidity
of Az and myself. I just couldn’t. So this is how it had to be.

“It’s
closed to your talking right? Cause to mine, well…I’ve been singing his praises…”

Az
had a way with his body that drove a woman to the brink. But talking about it
was going to put us at odds. It was like having the last Karate Kid movie and
then Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan making a new one…it didn’t work, but no one
would stop them so it just kept going. Some things should’ve just been left
alone.

“It’s
closed to all talking. From anyone.”

Anie’s
face cleared of all teasing.

“Don’t
hold out on me again. I need to be in the loop. Not on the outside looking in.”

She
was hitting below the belt very effectively. She was talking about us but she
was also talking about being on the outside of the Hunter organization. It was
something she hated. Again, self loathing with us was second to none. And I
realized in that moment that I had to tell her the truth about what I was or
wasn’t going to become.

“Speaking
of…we need to talk about something else.”

I
then proceeded to tell Anie every piece about what was happening to me. About
the things that had happened and that could happen. I told her about my fears
and about my excitement. Because, honestly, I was excited about having the
ability to hone so much power while still being myself. The ability to glimpse
other species was beyond anything anyone could imagine. So when I finally
finished Anie simply said,

“At
least I’m not the only freak. But, truthfully, you were never really
that
normal.”