Demanded by Him (Wanted Series #3) (6 page)

My hands were praying, but my mind wasn’t.

Instead, it was racing, thinking of all the reasons Sophie was
going to be okay so I wouldn’t dwell on the worst case scenario.

I wasn’t naïve. I knew children died, that life was full of
accidents.

Before I became a parent, the death of a child was always
tragic, but it wasn’t until after I found out about Sophie- after she became my
responsibility- that I began to realize how many things could go wrong.

Now when bad things happened to little girls, it made me tuck her
in tighter at night.

Sure, I still indulged myself by going out and sleeping around
on occasion, but I was no different than a housewife with a white wine habit.
It was just how I kept from forgetting the old me.

Cause the new me was all about learning recipes that made eating
vegetables more fun and keeping my eye out for new Disney princess merchandise.
I genuinely couldn’t have embraced the role of being a parent any more. I read
to her every night when she was home. I taught her how to punch people in the
face. I even put on a fucking apron and made cookies just so she could eat the
dough off the spoon with me until we both had stomachaches.

But I liked all that shit.

I liked taking care of her, especially now that she was old
enough to try negotiating before bursting into tears to get her way. And we had
stuff in common. It’s not like I was confused that she was my best friend,
cause I knew I had to be a dad first, but she gave my life meaning even when it
didn’t feel like there were many other things that did.

She was like my little life support.

And here I was failing to be hers, helpless in a waiting room that
smelled like it was cleaned from floor to ceiling with hand sanitizer.

The point was, I liked being a dad, and I was good at it. She
was polite. She looked people in the eye, and up to now, she’d never actually
had to punch anyone in the face, though I still liked to make sure she was
ready.

I didn’t want to be someone else. I wanted to be the person she
made me. Just the way she looked at me meant everything, especially when she would
get in one of those moods where she’d ask a question between every breath.

It was different than the attention I got on the road when I was
with the band. I always thought that was the kind of attention I wanted-
ignorant adoration. But with Sophie, it wasn’t so much that she adored me, but
the fact that she thought I was interesting, that what I had to say had value.

And I knew that would change, probably around the time she
became a teenager. But at the minute, she was my little partner in crime and no
one had ever made me feel more relevant.

It was the best feeling in the world.

Even the weight of her on my shoulders felt good. It grounded
me. Frankly, I was kind of an asshole before she came into my life. And maybe I
still was one, but I knew I wasn’t nearly as big a jerk as I was before I
looked in her little blue eyes and felt her tiny hand wrap around my finger.

That moment alone cut my ability to be an asshole in half for
sure.

Her eyes were greener now, though. For a while I thought she
might have two different colored ones like David Bowie, and it’s embarrassing
how thrilled I felt at the prospect, but it wasn’t meant to be. Instead, they
both stayed a pale green color, just like her mom’s.

And Addison’s for that matter.

I looked up as she came around the corner.

She was holding a red tray that only further highlighted what a
nice shade her hair was. She smiled when she saw me, but it was one of those
pained smiles, the kind people offer when they aren’t sure if they should be
smiling at all.

“Hi,” she said, taking the empty seat beside me. “Any news?”

I rolled my shoulders back and shook my head. “Not yet.”

Her eyes turned down at the corners. “Well, here’s the non-fat
Mocha with cherub farts you ordered.”

I felt the corner of my mouth twitch as I took the styrofoam cup
from her hands. “Thanks.”

“Actually, it’s so black it barely came out of the dispenser, and
I forgot to grab cream and sugar, but I’m happy to go back up and get some if
you-”

“It’s cool,” I said. “My taste buds are the least of my concern
right now.”

“You should still probably eat something,” she said. “I got an
assortment of snacks cause I wasn’t sure what would appeal to you.” She turned
over the white paper bag, and a bunch of wrapped snack foods poured out onto
the tray.

I looked between the snacks, wondering whether there was merit
in eating at a time like this.

“Just pick one,” she said. “You have to eat something.”

I reached for the Snickers.

“Is Ashley around?” she asked. “I got her a coffee-”

“I sent her home,” I said, taking a sip of my coffee. Addison
was right. It was so thick I almost had to chew it. “I figured she’d exceeded
her duties as Sophie’s camp counselor for the day.”

She nodded. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Plus, I don’t feel like being around strangers right now.”

“Well color me flattered.”

I smiled and looked at her.

She was sitting up straight with the tray flat across her
thighs.

“You’re not a stranger,” I said.

“I’m not family.”

I squinted and cocked my head. “It would be hard for me to know
you more intimately.”

“Regardless,” she said, lifting one of the coffees. “Now isn’t
an appropriate time to think of other ways to know me.”

“As soon as this is all over I’d like to get back to that,
though.”

She shook her head. “I can’t believe you didn’t mention you had
a kid.”

“I know, but if we could talk about something else that would be
great. I’m not exactly feeling like father of the year at the minute.”

“You can’t blame yourself for this. You did the right thing
letting her go to camp.”

“Did I?”

“Sure.” She shrugged. “I mean, I wish I got to go to camp when I
was her age.”

“Then you’d be able to swim.”

“And maybe being on someone else’s schedule would’ve knocked my
senseless need for control out of me.”

I tilted my head forward and watched the grainy coffee beans pool
in the bottom of the cup. “Maybe now you can understand why I find your control
issues so amusing.”

“I don’t know if they’re amusing.”

“They are from a parent’s point of view,” I said. “Once you’ve
got a kid, control becomes futile.”

“How do you mean?”

“I mean I haven’t felt like things were under control since
Sophie came into my life.”

She smiled.

“And even when I do for a second, I know it’s just an illusion
and that she can take the control back whenever she wants.”

“I’m surprised to hear that,” she said. “You don’t seem like the
kind of guy that would let a nine year old run the show.”

I shrugged. “What can I say? My love for her makes me foolish.”

“Can I ask when she came into your life exactly?”

“She was over a year old before I knew she existed,” I said.
“Her mom never even told me she was pregnant.”

“So how did you find out about her?”

“Cause her mom finally mentioned it.”

Addison raised her eyebrows.

“In her suicide note.”

I put my hand on Wyatt’s shoulder.

I didn’t know what to say. He was obviously distressed, and I
didn’t want to jump into asking him a bunch of questions about Sophie’s mom. For
all I knew, he would regret telling me about her.

“Thanks for the picnic, anyway,” he said, leaning back and
crossing an ankle over his opposite knee. “I much prefer the lake shore to the
hospital.”

I watched him unwrap the Snickers and take a bite, wishing I
could eat candy like a man, without feeling the need to savor it and calculate how
much of my daily fat was in half a bar.

“She was a good person by the way,” he said, chewing. “I don’t
want you to think she wasn’t.”

“Of course not.”

He swallowed. “She was just troubled.”

I nodded. “Who isn’t?”

“I just didn’t know exactly how troubled when I was with her.”

I guess I wasn’t the first woman who’d kept secrets from Wyatt.
Then again, he clearly had his own.

“She was a groupie.”

“You don’t have to tell me about her,” I said, torn over whether
I wanted him to or not.

He continued as though he hadn’t heard me.

But maybe his own voice was comforting him. I certainly
preferred it to the sounds of wailing children down the hall so I wasn’t about
to interrupt.

“She was deeper into drugs than I realized,” he said. “But we
all were then so I thought nothing of it.”

I handed him the extra coffee, and he put his empty cup down on
the tray before taking it.

“She dated me for a while and then started hooking up with the
drummer,” he said. “It was all just fun at the time.”

“And then it got serious?”

“Not even. She just left. I figured she wanted to get back to
real life,” he said. “I assumed that’s why she didn’t keep in touch.”

“Right.”

“But my understanding now is that she got depressed right after
Sophie was born.”

My chest tightened thinking about what Sophie’s first year
must’ve been like.

“And I guess she got clean during the pregnancy for the most
part.” Wyatt shrugged. “But obviously I’ll never know for sure.”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway, she relapsed one night and overdosed.”

“Jesus.”

“It was twenty four hours before someone found her at her apartment.
Sophie was in her crib I guess, exhausted from crying.”

“You said there was a note?”

“More like a rant,” he said. “It was unfinished. I don’t think everything
went according to plan.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I believe she was thinking about killing herself alright, but I
don’t think she meant for it to happen the way it did.”

“So you took Sophie and the rest is history?”

He nodded. “Hannah’s mom got ahold of me and told me what
happened. She didn’t realize Sophie’s existence was news to me. I guess Hannah
let her think I just abandoned them.”

“That must’ve hurt.”

“To be honest, I don’t give a shit what her mom thought, but it
hurt that Hannah never told me, that she might never have told me.”

“So then what?”

He raised his eyebrows. “I went to get her and took her home.”

I nodded.

“My brother and his wife stayed with me for a week and then my mom
stayed for a while. Everyone was worried I was going to freak out as a result
of going straight from touring to changing diapers overnight. Frankly, I thought
I might, too.”

“But you didn’t?”

“No,” he said. “I didn’t have the energy to freak out. I was too
sleep deprived. Plus, I was completely enchanted by how tiny she was and how
she smelled and the way her eyes lit up when she found something amusing.”

“So she’s why you left the band.”

“I didn’t mean for her to be at first. I thought after a little
paternity leave I’d figure out a way to keep working, but she was mobile so
quickly. I knew as soon as I baby proofed the house that I’d never be able to
let her roam around a tour bus. So that was the end of that.”

“Wow.”

“I know,” he said. “I still can’t believe it myself.”

“Understandable.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m a natural or anything, but I try.”

“Well, at the very least, she’s probably better off with you
than she would’ve been with Hannah.”

“I know. That crosses my mind a lot.”

“I don’t know if this is a stupid question-”

Wyatt looked at me. “Go on.”

“Does Sophie remember her mom?”

He shook his head. “No. She was too little. She has a few
pictures of her,” he said. “So she thinks she remembers her, but she was only a
baby.”

“So what does she think happened?”

He sighed. “I can’t tell you how much I dreaded the day she
would ask.”

“I can imagine.”

“It’s not like I could go into groupies and drugs and
depression.”

“Right.”

“And I considered telling her that her mom died in childbirth
and letting her believe that she and I were really in love.”

“Were you never?”

He shook his head. “No. There was definitely lust involved, and
convenience was a factor. But I never had any idea what love was until Sophie
came into my life.”

I pursed my lips.

“I love my siblings and my parents, of course, but that’s a
different kind of love.”

“What’s the difference?”

He sighed. “Well, if you’re lucky, familial love is
unconditional, which is great.”

I nodded.

“But the love I have for Sophie-” He took a deep breath. “It’s-
I don’t know- transformational.”

I tilted my head.

“It’s made me a different person, a better person.”

“Wow.” I loaded the snacks back into the white bag and rolled
the top shut.

“What about you?”

“What about me?” I asked, stacking the empty cups and sliding
the tray under my chair.

“Do you think the stress of this situation has turned me into a
babbling idiot?”

I smiled. “No,” I said, crossing my leg towards him. “I think
you’re sweet.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“And yes, I’m as surprised by that as you are.”

He smiled. “You have any secret children you want to come clean
about?”

“Now would be the time, wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m afraid not. Maybe if I’d spent more time as a groupie-”

He laughed.

“But I don’t think I’m the maternal type.”

“Really?” he asked. “I think you’d be a great mom.”

I shook my head. “I wouldn’t. I’m too selfish and too obsessed
with micro-managing other people.”

“You were pretty generous last night.”

I rolled my eyes.

“And easy going.”

“Yeah, well, I was trying to impress a guy.”

“I see.” He leaned back in his chair. “Any idea if it worked?”

I shrugged. “I have no idea, but I had a good time.”

“That’s good.”

The tubby nurse walked right up to us. “Mr. Jones?”

“Yes,” he asked, standing up. “Do you have news about Sophie?”

“She’s still unresponsive,” the nurse said. “But she’s stable so
the doctors have said you can come in and see her for a few minutes.”

His shoulders dropped several inches. “Okay, great.” He nodded
at me.

I stood up.

“Are you family?” the nurse asked, turning to me.

Wyatt said yes at the same time I said no.

The nurse squinted between us.

“Not exactly,” Wyatt admitted.

“Right,” the nurse said, tilting her head at me. “In that case,
if you wouldn’t mind waiting here-”

Wyatt looked at me, his mouth twisted in distress.

“That’s fine,” I said, sweeping my hand down the back of his arm.
“You go in. I’ll wait here.”

He leaned toward me and pressed his cheek to mine. “Thanks.”

“Right this way,” the nurse said, turning on her heels.

I sank back into my chair and watched him disappear through the
grey double doors, wishing the nurse had come two seconds later. That way, he
might’ve admitted whether or not I impressed him, which I was dying to know.

Especially since he was seeming more like a guy worth impressing
all the time.