Delphi Complete Works of the Brontes Charlotte, Emily, Anne Brontë (Illustrated) (129 page)

Moore answered him with a weighty calm, that offered a strange contrast to the boy’s perturbed enthusiasm.

“You are wrong, both of you — you harm each other. If youth once falls under the influence of a shadowy terror, it imagines there will never be full sunlight again; its first calamity it fancies will last a lifetime. What more did she say? Anything more?”

“We settled one or two family points between ourselves.”

“I should rather like to know what —
 
— “

“But, Mr. Moore, you smile.
I
could not smile to see Shirley in such a mood.”

“My boy, I am neither nervous, nor poetic, nor inexperienced. I see things as they are; you don’t as yet. Tell me these family points.”

“Only, sir, she asked me whether I considered myself most of a Keeldar or a Sympson; and I answered I was Keeldar to the core of the heart and to the marrow of the bones. She said she was glad of it; for, besides her, I was the only Keeldar left in England. And then we agreed on some matters.”

“Well?”

“Well, sir, that if I lived to inherit my father’s estate, and her house, I was to take the name of Keeldar, and to make Fieldhead my residence. Henry Shirley Keeldar I said I would be called; and I will. Her name and her manor house are ages old, and Sympson and Sympson Grove are of yesterday.”

“Come, you are neither of you going to heaven yet. I have the best hopes of you both, with your proud distinctions — a pair of half-fledged eaglets. Now, what is your inference from all you have told me? Put it into words.”

“That Shirley thinks she is going to die.”

“She referred to her health?”

“Not once; but I assure you she is wasting. Her hands are grown quite thin, and so is her cheek.”

“Does she ever complain to your mother or sisters?”

“Never. She laughs at them when they question her. Mr. Moore, she is a strange being, so fair and girlish — not a man-like woman at all, not an Amazon, and yet lifting her head above both help and sympathy.”

“Do you know where she is now, Henry? Is she in the house, or riding out?”

“Surely not out, sir. It rains fast.”

“True; which, however, is no guarantee that she is not at this moment cantering over Rushedge. Of late she has never permitted weather to be a hindrance to her rides.”

“You remember, Mr. Moore, how wet and stormy it was last Wednesday — so wild, indeed, that she would not permit Zoë to be saddled? Yet the blast she thought too tempestuous for her mare she herself faced on foot; that afternoon she walked nearly as far as Nunnely. I asked her, when she came in, if she was not afraid of taking cold. ‘Not I,’ she said. ‘It would be too much good luck for me. I don’t know, Harry, but the best thing that could happen to me would be to take a good cold and fever, and so pass off like other Christians.’ She is reckless, you see, sir.”

“Reckless indeed! Go and find out where she is, and if you can get an opportunity of speaking to her without attracting attention, request her to come here a minute.”

“Yes, sir.”

He snatched his crutch, and started up to go.

“Harry!”

He returned.

“Do not deliver the message formally. Word it as, in former days, you would have worded an ordinary summons to the schoolroom.”

“I see, sir. She will be more likely to obey.”

“And, Harry —
 
— “

“Sir?”

“I will call you when I want you. Till then, you are dispensed from lessons.”

He departed. Mr. Moore, left alone, rose from his desk.

“I can be very cool and very supercilious with Henry,” he said. “I can seem to make light of his apprehensions, and look down
du haut de ma grandeur
on his youthful ardour. To
him
I can speak as if, in my eyes, they were both children. Let me see if I can keep up the same rôle with her. I have known the moment when I seemed about to forget it, when Confusion and Submission seemed about to crush me with their soft tyranny, when my tongue faltered, and I have almost let the mantle drop, and stood in her presence, not master — no — but something else. I trust I shall never so play the fool. It is well for a Sir Philip Nunnely to redden when he meets her eye. He may permit himself the indulgence of submission. He may even, without disgrace, suffer his hand to tremble when it touches hers; but if one of her farmers were to show himself susceptible and sentimental, he would merely prove his need of a strait waistcoat. So far I have always done very well. She has sat near me, and I have not shaken — more than my desk. I have encountered her looks and smiles like — why, like a tutor, as I am. Her hand I never yet touched — never underwent that test. Her farmer or her footman I am not — no serf nor servant of hers have I ever been; but I am poor, and it behoves me to look to my self-respect — not to compromise an inch of it. What did she mean by that allusion to the cold people who petrify flesh to marble? It pleased me — I hardly know why; I would not permit myself to inquire. I never do indulge in scrutiny either of her language or countenance; for if I did, I should sometimes forget common sense and believe in romance. A strange, secret ecstasy steals through my veins at moments. I’ll not encourage — I’ll not remember it. I am resolved, as long as may be, to retain the right to say with Paul, ‘I am not mad, but speak forth the words of truth and soberness.’”

He paused, listening.

“Will she come, or will she not come?” he inquired. “How will she take the message? Naïvely or disdainfully? Like a child or like a queen? Both characters are in her nature.

“If she comes, what shall I say to her? How account, firstly, for the freedom of the request? Shall I apologize to her? I could in all humility; but would an apology tend to place us in the positions we ought relatively to occupy in this matter? I
must
keep up the professor, otherwise —
 
— I hear a door.”

He waited. Many minutes passed.

“She will refuse me. Henry is entreating her to come; she declines. My petition is presumption in her eyes. Let her
only
come, I can teach her to the contrary. I would rather she were a little perverse; it will steel me. I prefer her cuirassed in pride, armed with a taunt. Her scorn startles me from my dreams; I stand up myself. A sarcasm from her eyes or lips puts strength into every nerve and sinew I have. Some step approaches, and not Henry’s.”

The door unclosed; Miss Keeldar came in. The message, it appeared, had found her at her needle; she brought her work in her hand. That day she had not been riding out; she had evidently passed it quietly. She wore her neat indoor dress and silk apron. This was no Thalestris from the fields, but a quiet domestic character from the fireside. Mr. Moore had her at advantage. He should have addressed her at once in solemn accents, and with rigid mien. Perhaps he would, had she looked saucy; but her air never showed less of
crânerie
. A soft kind of youthful shyness depressed her eyelid and mantled on her cheek. The tutor stood silent.

She made a full stop between the door and his desk.

“Did you want me, sir?” she asked.

“I ventured, Miss Keeldar, to send for you — that is, to ask an interview of a few minutes.”

She waited; she plied her needle.

“Well, sir” (not lifting her eyes), “what about?”

“Be seated first. The subject I would broach is one of some moment. Perhaps I have hardly a right to approach it. It is possible I ought to frame an apology; it is possible no apology can excuse me. The liberty I have taken arises from a conversation with Henry. The boy is unhappy about your health; all your friends are unhappy on that subject. It is of your health I would speak.”

“I am quite well,” she said briefly.

“Yet changed.”

“That matters to none but myself. We all change.”

“Will you sit down? Formerly, Miss Keeldar, I had some influence with you: have I any now? May I feel that what I am saying is not accounted positive presumption?”

“Let me read some French, Mr. Moore, or I will even take a spell at the Latin grammar, and let us proclaim a truce to all sanitary discussions.”

“No, no. It is time there were discussions.”

“Discuss away, then, but do not choose me for your text. I am a healthy subject.”

“Do you not think it wrong to affirm and reaffirm what is substantially untrue?”

“I say I am well. I have neither cough, pain, nor fever.”

“Is there no equivocation in that assertion? Is it the direct truth?”

“The direct truth.”

Louis Moore looked at her earnestly.

“I can myself,” he said, “trace no indications of actual disease. But why, then, are you altered?”

“
Am
I altered?”

“We will try. We will seek a proof.”

“How?”

“I ask, in the first place, do you sleep as you used to?”

“I do not; but it is not because I am ill.”

“Have you the appetite you once had?”

“No; but it is not because I am ill.”

“You remember this little ring fastened to my watch-chain? It was my mother’s, and is too small to pass the joint of my little finger. You have many a time sportively purloined it. It fitted your fore-finger. Try now.”

She permitted the test. The ring dropped from the wasted little hand. Louis picked it up, and reattached it to the chain. An uneasy flush coloured his brow. Shirley again said, “It is not because I am ill.”

“Not only have you lost sleep, appetite, and flesh,” proceeded Moore, “but your spirits are always at ebb. Besides, there is a nervous alarm in your eye, a nervous disquiet in your manner. These peculiarities were not formerly yours.”

“Mr. Moore, we will pause here. You have exactly hit it. I am nervous. Now, talk of something else. What wet weather we have — steady, pouring rain!”

“
You
nervous? Yes; and if Miss Keeldar is nervous, it is not without a cause. Let me reach it. Let me look nearer. The ailment is not physical. I have suspected that. It came in one moment. I know the day. I noticed the change. Your pain is mental.”

“Not at all. It is nothing so dignified — merely nervous. Oh! dismiss the topic.”

“When it is exhausted; not till then. Nervous alarms should always be communicated, that they may be dissipated. I wish I had the gift of persuasion, and could incline you to speak willingly. I believe confession, in your case, would be half equivalent to cure.”

“No,” said Shirley abruptly. “I wish that were at all probable; but I am afraid it is not.”

She suspended her work a moment. She was now seated. Resting her elbow on the table, she leaned her head on her hand. Mr. Moore looked as if he felt he had at last gained some footing in this difficult path. She was serious, and in her wish was implied an important admission; after that she could no longer affirm that
nothing
ailed her.

The tutor allowed her some minutes for repose and reflection ere he returned to the charge. Once his lips moved to speak, but he thought better of it, and prolonged the pause. Shirley lifted her eye to his. Had he betrayed injudicious emotion, perhaps obstinate persistence in silence would have been the result; but he looked calm, strong, trustworthy.

“I had better tell
you
than my aunt,” she said, “or than my cousins, or my uncle. They would all make such a bustle, and it is that very bustle I dread — the alarm, the flurry, the
éclat
. In short, I never liked to be the centre of a small domestic whirlpool. You can bear a little shock — eh?”