Delphi Complete Works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Illustrated) (1042 page)

JACK.
 
Left turn!

OFFICERS.
  
Yet it’s infra dig., you see,

For such warriors as we

To come out to cakes and tea

At a school.

JACK.
 
Stand at ease!

JACK.
 
Now a midnight oyster supper would be nice,

OFFICERS. Very nice!

JACK.
 
Or anything with just a touch of vice;

OFFICERS. Just a spice

JACK.
 
But coming fresh, you know,

From slaughtering the foe,

It’s just a trifle slow

At a school!

OFFICERS. Mark time

OFFICERS. Now a midnight oyster supper would be nice,

JACK.
 
Right turn!

OFFICERS. Or anything with just a touch of vice;

JACK.
 
Left turn!

OFFICERS.
  
But coming fresh, you know,

From slaughtering the foe,

It’s just a trifle slow

At a school!

JACK.
 
Dress line!

JACK.
 
Yet from the invitation it is clear,

OFFICERS. Quite clear!

JACK.
 
There are maids whose leisure moments we may

cheer;

OFFICERS. Hear! Hear!

JACK.
 
So as a soldier brave

Is ever beauty’s slave,

We had a wash and shave,

And we’ve come!

OFFICERS. Yet from the invitation it is clear,

JACK.
 
Left turn!

OFFICERS. There are maids whose leisure moments we may

cheer;

JACK.
 
Right turn!

OFFICERS.
  
So as a soldier brave

Is ever beauty’s slave,

We had a wash and shave,

And we’ve come!

JACK.
 
Stand at ease!

Enter MISS SIMS and JANE ANNIE.

MISS S. How dare you come here!

JACK.
 
We come by invitation, madam. Haw!

MISS S. Whose invitation?

JACK.
 
Yours.

MISS S. I invite you here! You are mad!

JACK.
 
We had a letter from you.

MISS S. (distracted). Oh, these letters! (Talks aside to JANE

ANNIE.)

JACK (to 1ST OFFICER). Never mind her. I want you all to

flirt outrageously with the other girls, and while Miss

Sims is trying to stop you I shall bolt with Bab. Do

you think you could do that, old man? (OFFICER Pulls

his moustache confidently). Ask the others. (1ST

OFFICER goes to other OFFICERS, who repeat business.)

Enter CADDIE.

CADDIE. Please, ma’am, the brass band is here.

MISS S. Brass band!

CADDIE. Yes, ma’am, they say they had a letter from you. And

the man has come with the bull-pups.

MISS S. Oh, I am going mad!

CADDIE. Yes, ma’am.

MISS S. Let us go and lock the gates. (Exit excitedly.)

JANE A. (to CADDIE). Do let me kiss you, Caddie!

CADDIE. Too late! Revenge!

JANE A. But you wanted me to do it five minutes ago.

CADDIE. I was a boy then. (Exit.)

Enter some of the GIRLS from a boat.

JACK (to JANE ANNIE). Do you know where my Bab is?

JANE A. Bother Bab!

JACK.
 
Eh?

JANE A. I had such a nice dream about you, last night.

JACK.
 
No, had you? Haw!

JANE A. Yes, I dreamt that you were to elope with me instead of

with Bab.

JACK.
 
Not if I know it.

JANE A. Perhaps you won’t know it at this time — but you’ll

know it afterwards.

JACK (aside). I dislike this girl very much.

JANE A. (to GIRLS who are flirting with OFFICERS). I have been

left in charge to see that you all behave yourselves.

ROSE.
 
Oh!

JANE A. You and I, Jack, will set them an example.

CONCERTED PIECE. —

JANE ANNIE, JACK, GIRLS, OFFICERS, and STUDENTS.

JANE ANNIE.
 
You and I, dear Jack, will show

A most excellent example.

JACK.
 
Scarce can they in virtue grow,

If they take me for their sample.

JANE ANNIE.
 
If you list to my advice,

Keep young men at a safe distance.

She draws JACK’s arm round her waist.

JACK.
 
This is strange, and yet it’s nice,

I shall offer no resistance.

ENSEMBLE.

GIRLS.
  
OFFICERS.

In accord with her
 
This is strange, and yet it’s

advice,
   
nice,

We shall keep you at
  
We shall offer no

a distance.
  
resistance.

Drawing OFFICERS’ arms round.

ALL.
  
We/They have learned her/my precept pat,

We/They mustn’t do that! We/They mustn’t do that!

And so, of course, the sequence is,

We/They mustn’t do this! We/They mustn’t do this!

JANE ANNIE.
 
You and I will also show

A correct and sober bearing.

JACK.
 
Though her words are cold as snow,

Yet her glance is most ensnaring.

JANE ANNIE.
 
If you list to my advice,

You will never start off dancing.

(Dancing several steps.)

JACK.
 
Though she’s most severe on vice,

Yet her ways are most entrancing.

ENSEMBLE.

GIRLS.
  
OFFICERS.

In accord with her
 
Though she’s very

advice,
 
hard on vice,

We shall never start
  
Yet her ways are most

off dancing.
  
entrancing.

All dance.

ALL. We/They have learned her/my precept pat, etc.

Enter STUDENTS and other GIRLS.

OFFICERS. What’s the meaning of all this?

Who are these who disconcert us?

STUDENTS. Maidens this is much amiss,

Surely you would not desert us?

OFFICERS. Beardless boys, you’d better go,

Your time hasn’t come, we vow.

STUDENTS. Aged men, you’re most de trop,

Your time was, it’s over now.

CHORUS.

OFFICERS. Maidens, maidens, can you hesitate?

GIRLS.
 
Hey, dear, we haven’t got an answer!

OFFICERS. Maidens, maidens, your reply we wait.

GIRLS.
 
Hey, dear, the Student or the Lancer!

STUDENTS. Maidens, we are fresh from college,

Smile upon us, we implore you!

Think of all the varied knowledge

In these heads which bow before you.

(All bow.)

OFFICERS. Maidens, with our martial bearing

And our spurs, we ought to suit you;

Think of all the deeds of daring

Done with hands which now salute you.

(All salute.)

STUDENTS. Maidens, maidens, can you hesitate?

GIRLS.
 
Hey, dear, the Student or the Lancer!