Deliverance (12 page)

Yet, hearing Aude’s name from Ramtin’s lips made me want to find her and make sure she was safe.

I tried to look cool and shrugged. "She's okay."

"Really?" he cocked his head to the side. "Last I heard, she had been in some trouble."

"What did you hear?" I pushed myself up against him and grabbed him by the collar. Out of nowhere, four large men with massive amounts of essence (and muscles) pulled me away from him. They dragged me through the party and right out the door.

I needed to know what he knew. Suddenly my hunt for Ramtin made sense. It was no longer about me doing my own thing or getting away. It was about helping my family. I paced the ground between the horse stables and the barn and tried to decide my next course of action. Ramtin's words reinforced my weak decision to stay behind.

He could be responsible for Aude's disappearance. At the very least, he knew something about it.

When the party-barn’s door opened again, I readied myself to face Ramtin, but instead came face to face with the girl from my past.

She didn't say anything at first. Only watched me. Her lips were set and her eyes sparkled with life even while she stood with her arms crossed against her chest. That was so Nagissa.

She opened her mouth a few times, frowned and said nothing. Finally she walked to the fence by the stables and rested her forearms on it watching the horses.

I joined her. "Nakissa?"

The moonlight highlighted her silky uncovered hair. "I don't like him. I don't know why but I just don't trust him. You're connected to him, somehow, yet I feel I can trust you. Why is that?"

I didn't know what to answer her. I wasn't entirely sure about her myself. She seemed to be on my side. She reminded me so much of Nagissa it hurt. But who was she really?

Ramtin was powerful. One usually didn't accumulate so much power without deception. She was tied to Nagissa. And whether I liked it or not, Nagissa was infinitely tied to Ramtin. It's why I had left her. Why I continued on my travels along the Silk Road. If her heart had been free, I may have stopped in Esfahan for a long time. Maybe I would never have left.

"They didn't hurt you, did they?" Her crooked, almost teasing smile wasn't Nagissa's but all her own. She stepped closer to me and, after a quick look around to see if anyone was watching, took my arm in her hands, examining it. "I think you'll live."

I smiled. I couldn't help but like her. At first I'd thought my attraction was due to her link, whatever it was, to the girl from my past, but there was something more. She was vulnerable and open in that human way I always tried to imitate.

While still holding my arm, she blinked a few times and frowned as if she had a headache or a disturbing thought.

"Garnier? What are you doing back in Iran? Why didn't you say good bye when you left?"

Despite myself, a chill crept up my arm.

"Nagissa?"

She shook her head slightly. "Nakissa." A small humorless laugh escaped her lips. "How come you have such a difficult time pronouncing it?"

Something big had happened, but I didn't know what it was. And it was already over. She was the same girl I’d known her to be. Never mind that for a moment I had been entirely certain she was someone else.

"Are you okay?" I asked. She didn't seem completely steady on her feet.

"Yes, I think so. I'm just very tired." She cocked her head to the side and gnawed on just a little corner of her lips. The gesture was so human.

"Do you want a ride home?"The night air was becoming chilly and though I could handle it without much complaint, I would be more comfortable in my rental car. From the way she rubbed her arms, I imagined she would be too.

"I should find Leyli... but I doubt she'll be ready to go." She looked at the closed door. “And for some reason I’m just not feeling the party like I was earlier. I’m ready to head out of here.” She paused and took her mobile from her pocket. "You know what? I’ll just text her." 

Leyli will kill me. I’ve ditched her and Ehsan at the party and am taking off in her crush's car. But it’s cold outside and it's not like she went out to talk to him after we saw Ramtin’s bodyguards kick him out. I don't know why I followed him but it seems we have some sort of connection.

Because I'm attracted to him doesn’t mean I'm trying to get somewhere with him. I'm a good girl. And though I should be worried about getting into a stranger’s car, especially out here in the middle of nowhere, I didn’t get any weird or creepy vibes from him.

My phone dings so I check it. It’s a text from Leyli.

“You'll never guess who I'm with and you're a bitch.”

I start typing a smart ass reply but stop. I'm not exactly sure if Leyli is kidding or not.

"What's wrong?" Garnier asks me.

I open my mouth to tell it's nothing, but then I look at him. I know him. I can tell him anything and everything. Maybe if I open myself to him I won’t lose him again. Not that he’s mine or has ever been mine. Why did I think that? Something strange is going on and he’s at the center of it all. Garnier’s still waiting for my answer.

"Leyli called me a bitch and I'm not sure if she’s serious or not."

"Oh." He scratches the back of his neck. He doesn't know what to say and his awkwardness makes me laugh.

"I like you like this," he says. "Laughing. She didn't laugh much..."

"Who?"

He shakes his head. "It doesn't matter. About your friend..."

Nope, doesn’t matter that he’s comparing me to an ex-girlfriend or something.

“I’ll just ask her what she means.” That’s the mature thing to say, I think.

I quickly type up a message.

“Who are you with and what's wrong? :( ”

She doesn’t answer and we continue driving along the deserted road back into the city. Our tired silence is interrupted now and again by talk of music and American pop culture. And by the time Leyli answers me, we are back in the city proper.

“I'm with Ramtin. He's so sweet. But he had wanted to watch YOU play.”

I'm not sure if she's mad at me because it was me he was hoping to see, or because I'm not there. A tiny worry creeps into my thoughts. Will Leyli be okay with Ramtin? I let it go. She’s strong and resourceful. She can take care of herself. Just because I don’t like Ramtin doesn’t mean he’s dangerous. I type up a quick apology (even though I'm not sure what I'm apologizing about) and return my attention to Garnier.

"She's with Ramtin. I guess she's upset because he wanted to see me play."

"Do you encounter him often?"

"Who? Ramtin? No, of course not. This isn't really my crowd."

"I didn't think so."

What does he mean by that? Did I stick out with these other guys? Am I not cool enough? Sophisticated enough? I cross my arms. No one takes me seriously.

The car jerks abruptly a few times and the motion really grinds on my nerves. We’ve been mostly at a standstill in traffic for the past few minutes.

"What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why aren't you driving?"

Garnier points to the cars zigzagging into place in front of him. "This is insane. They don't give me a chance to --"

"What? The traffic isn't even that bad at this time. Let me..."

I grab hold of the steering wheel and stand up in the car, to give him a chance to scoot over to my seat. “I’ll take over.”

He just looks at me.

"Take my seat," I insist.

He hesitates for a few more seconds during which time a few more cars have slid in position ahead of us.

"Come on."

He finally listens to me and tries to slide over to my seat. Of course, his foot gets stuck on the hand brake and he ends up pressed against me, pushing me flat against the windshield. I can just imagine what would happen if the morality police saw us in that position.

After a few attempts he drops to the passenger seat and I take the driver's seat. I adjust the seat and mirror, and immediately find an opening to squeeze through. Garnier's sharp intake of breath leads me to believe he didn't think we’d make it.

At least he’s no longer gripping to the side of the car by the time we reach my home.

"Thanks for the ride." I smile.

He laughs. "Thanks for teaching me how to drive in Tehran traffic."

"That wasn't traffic."

"It is where I come from."

I shrug. But I’d like to see where he comes from. Ehsan sometimes mentions his cousins in Vancouver but my family is mostly still here, other than an uncle in Europe and a few distant cousins in Australia.

I open the door to leave but he stops me.

"Can I call you?"

I want him to call me. Badly. But I can't say yes. Even if I don't know where I stand with Ehsan right now, I can't really screw up whatever chance there still is. Can I? And what about Leyli's crush?

My heart sinks.

"I think it's better if you don't," I say.

My throat feels dry, as if telling a boy he can't call me will actually make me cry.

He doesn't say anything and I can't tell if he expected me to say yes or no. In the end, I mentally shrug it off and let myself out of the car. I hesitate before entering the building gates, but I don't turn around. I can't fall for a foreigner right now. Nothing good could come out of that.

The nagging feeling still hasn't left me and I want to talk to Leyli before I go to bed. But she's not answering her phone, or her texts. I know she’s annoyed but I wish she’d stop acting like a baby and let it go. It's not like her to hold a grudge. If Leyli gets mad, she blows up, lets it all out and moves on. She’s never ignored me before. Is she completely pissed at me? Why? Because I left with Garnier?

Maybe Ehsan knows something. I should call him. Or text him. But I have no idea what’s going on between us, and I don’t want him to think I’m clingy. I go from being annoyed with him to feeling hurt and rejected. I'm not even sure if he’s still my boyfriend. I'm in the dark about everything. EVERYTHING. It seems like just yesterday I was sure about my place in the world. Now I'm fighting against the current and I'm losing my mind.

Literally.

I'm not going crazy. That’d be too normal. Mental breakdowns are a dime a dozen after all. No, instead it's like my awareness is being replaced by something else. How else can I explain the strange memories and errant thoughts?

When my phone rings, I pick it up right away without even looking at the number on the display.

"Hello?"

"Nakissa?"

I don't recognize the voice on the other end. It’s a girl, but not Leyli. There is a lot of noise in the background. "Who is this?"

"It's Roxana. Ehsan said you would play with us tonight. Where are you?" Her pitch is a little off.

"I'm home. I wasn't feeling well. Wait. He said I would play?"

"You weren't feeling well?" she screams. It catches me completely by surprise. She’d seemed calm just moments before.

"Do you think Farâsoo is just a little shit band with no responsibility? Didn't you think there was a reason you were invited to this party?"

"But you weren't the one who invited me. And no one told me…"

"It doesn't matter," she screamed.

I don't know if I want to yell back at her or cry. Every part of my body is trembling. I’m going to throw up.