Deliver Us (54 page)

“Maybe I’ll just call right now,” Darrek thinks aloud to himself. “Get it over with. We aren’t going anywhere anytime soon and she might be home. Dad would be over at the church so there’d be less of a chance of getting him instead.”

“What if you get Steven? Or Sara? They could be visiting the house. It could happen. That asshole brother of yours could pick up the phone and you’d have to talk to him. You might call to talk to your mom with perfectly good intentions of pretending like you give a shit whether she knows you’re alive or not, which you shouldn’t by the way, and wind up getting a lecture from Steven on how pathetic you are for letting a heartless skank like Sara slip through your fingers,” Kyle sneers, picking at the skin of his shiny red apple.

“Ohhhkay. Sure. It’s possible. I guess. I take it you don’t want me callin’?”

“They don’t deserve the courtesy. Any of them. Your mentally and physically abusive, religious freak of a father; your mom who couldn’t be bothered to pry her nose out of a bible long enough to stand up for you, like,
ever
; your rotten brother; they all treated you like shit. You’ve moved on, Dare. You have a good life now, without them, and calling isn’t going to change anything. It’s not going to make you happier. It just gives them more opportunity to make your life miserable. Forget them, dude. They aren’t worth it.”

“Hmm,” Darrek ponders, “I see where you’re coming from. Solid arguments, I can’t deny it. You may be biased, though.”

“Fuck yeah, I’m biased. You used to be biased too!” Kyle huffs in astonishment. “What’s up with this change of heart? You never showed any interest in forgiving those bastards before.”

“Yeah, well, if Gabe can try to move on, and heal old wounds that are much worse than mine, who am I to stay bitter and immature? Forgiving them doesn’t change the fact that they have to live with the choices they’ve made. They’ll never have a close relationship with me again, because they don’t deserve the privilege. But forgiveness does help me let go of any lingering resentment and shut the door on the past.”

“Dammit! I hate when you’re logical.”

“Heh,” Darrek grins. “He’s talking about going down there, you know. Gabe. And standing up for the man he’s become, chasing those old ghosts away and telling that prick he can go burn in hell. I think it’d be really good for him, you know? He could show himself how strong he is. And I’d be with him. Keep him safe.”

Kyle bites his tongue and squints sideways up at him.

“You’re fucking insane. Both of you.”

“Maybe. Maybe we’re saner than ever.”

“Huh... Doubtful. So he’s going to go see Harry? Like, soon?” Kyle mumbles and shifts uncomfortably.

“Yeah, seems like it. We’ll see.”

A few minutes later, Darrek manages to find the courage to dial the number to his childhood home with shaky hands and a pounding heartbeat. It’s picked up on the fourth ring, just when hope begins to bloom that no one will be home and he can just leave a message on the answering machine.

“Hello?” a woman’s lilting voice asks.

“Mama? It’s Darrek.”

There’s a pause and Darrek braces himself, biting his thumbnail nervously.

“It can’t be. Darrek?? That’s really you? Oh
sweetheart
! I’ve been so worried about you! How are you? Are you okay? You haven’t called and what’s a mother to do but fret and pray that God’s keeping you safe.”

“I’m fine, Mama. Just fine. I’m... at work right now, so I can’t talk long. But I promised Dad I’d call you and I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner, but I needed to figure stuff out for myself. There’s no need to worry about me anymore. I’ve got a good life up here.”

The weight clenching his heart had caused his shoulders to sag, too—a weight built up with anxiety and from the beginnings of a regression into the wound-up, repressed man he used to be. But the longer the call goes on, the more Darrek realizes how much things have changed for him. He is a different person now—stronger, and more able to withstand fear and looming threats, real or imagined. Darrek feels much better for it, and begins to smile with relief.

“I will
always
worry about you, Darrek, if only because you’ve given me so many reasons to. I’m just so happy to hear your voice. When you left, I never thought you’d be gone for good. I thought it was just you acting out after the business with your brother. I knew you were upset but if I’d have known I was really losing you... I am so sorry for what happened, Darrek. It was all a big misunderstanding. But it’s done and over now. I love you. We
all
love you and miss you...s o, so much.”

“I’m with someone,” he says, feeling brave. “I’m in love. Real, true love. So much more than with Sara. She never understood me. Actually, no one’s ever understood me like this before. Not even you, Mama.”

There’s a pause where she doesn’t make a sound. It makes him wonder in a distant way if the accusation hurt her, and how deeply. “I’m glad. You deserve love like that. What’s his name again?”

Darrek smiles, “Gabriel.”

“What a lovely name. An angel’s name.”

“You don’t have to pretend you approve, Mama. I’d rather you be honest about your feelings. I know Daddy thinks I’m goin’ to hell for all I’ve done.”

“Your Daddy is full of horse pucky sometimes, and that’s God’s honest truth. It’s just who he is, and he’ll never be any different. Is he good to you? This Gabriel?”

“He is. He’s a good person. With him... my whole life is better. So uh, how’s Steven?”

His mother sighs, and says with forced enthusiasm, “He’s gonna be a daddy himself soon! Sara’s about six months along, and it’s a blessing. Steven doesn’t always see it that way, but I know it is. They’re living in a little house nearby, getting the nursery ready. It’s stressful for them, but, you know... that’s how these things go sometimes.”

“Huh, wow. Um... tell him I said congratulations?”

“I will. I certainly will. He’ll be pleased we’ve heard from you at last.”

Rolling his eyes in disbelief at this, Darrek says, “Look, I’ve gotta go and get back to work, but I’ll be in touch. I promise.”

“Okay, darlin’.
Please
do.”

He closes the phone and groans. Kyle’s hand rubs over his shoulders.

“Okay?” Kyle asks.

“Yeah,” he grins with a quirk of his lips. “It went better than I expected, though I didn’t expect much. But I’m gonna need a strong drink or three after we’re off.”

“I think that can be arranged,” Kyle assures him.

With a light schedule that day, Ben is able to agree to Kyle’s request that they all go out for happy hour after work. Swinging by Gabriel’s place on his way back from Diadem, Ben picks him up and drives him to Darrek and Kyle’s job site in town.

“What are you so giddy about?” Gabriel asks with a smile at the evident delight on Ben’s face. He watches him drum his fingers on the wheel and sing tunelessly along with the radio.

“The thought of getting a taste of your boy. Seeing the jealously on Kyle’s face, and yours too. It’s gonna be so sweet.”

“Not if Darrek kicks you in the balls before you can get close enough to try,” Gabriel warns.

Ben’s smile falters for a second and he shoots Gabriel an uncertain glance. “You’re kidding. Right?”

Gabriel laughs and doesn’t say a word. The road gets eaten up by their tires. Buildings, trees and strangers blur by their windows. The sun gets low on the horizon.

“How are you doing, Gabe? You seem good.”

“I am,” he nods. “I’m starting to realize some things. And I feel pretty lucky. Got love, got freedom, got perspective, and a future. What more could I want?”

Ben laughs, and Gabriel doesn’t catch the dark note to his chuckles nor does he have access to the sinister images flashing through his mind.

“Not much, I guess. I’ll have to thank Darrek for making you so happy.”

“Yeah, right. Just don’t overdo it, or I’ll kick your balls myself.”

“Ooh... I’m terrified,” Ben says solemnly, seeing it for the empty threat it is, and also catching the glimmer of desire in Gabriel’s bright eyes. Licking his lips wet in anticipation, Ben adds, “
Kyle
overpowered you yesterday, you know. That’s kind of sad.”

“Dude, you just burned your own boyfriend.”

“Hey, I’m allowed. He knows I love ’im.”

The drive continues with contented silence for a few blocks, until they get to a red light and Gabriel speaks up again, still with a grin, but earnestly admitting in a softer tone, “There is one other thing I want.”

His ears perking up, and his own grin slipping away, Ben says, “And what’s that?”

“Closure. I’m done being afraid. Of anything.”

“And what does that mean?” Ben asks with curiosity and an intent darkness that Gabriel doesn’t notice.

Gabriel shrugs as he catches sight of Darrek through the windshield.

“Hey! There they are,” he says happily.

Parking in a spot across the street, Gabriel and Ben wait for Darrek and Kyle to walk across to them and away from the prying eyes of the other workers. Standing in the shade of a long line of tall trees beside the sidewalk, they’re well-hidden behind Ben’s truck. When Darrek finally sees Gabriel, everything else fades back, and he smiles hugely at him with laughing eyes and dimpled cheeks. He tucks a lock of stray hair behind his ear, and jogs up to Gabriel, giving him a tight squeeze and a peck on the cheek.

“Wow, you look happy,” Gabriel says with amusement.

“I am! I called home on my lunch break and talked to my mom for a minute. It went really well. A lot better than I thought it would,” he confesses shyly, his lips still curled up on the ends, skin glowing with relief.

“That’s awesome,” Gabriel tells him. “I’m so proud of you for doing that. See? I knew it’d be good for you.”

“Yeah, it really was. I was resistant, but now that it’s done...yeah. It was good,” Darrek nods, finally looking around to Ben and Kyle who are watching them. Ben is leaning back against the truck’s side panel and grinning slyly at Darrek.

Darrek’s giddy mood is spilling out and infecting everything and everyone around him. The sun shines brighter, the birds sing louder, the breeze feels cooler, and nothing in the world seems impossible or daunting—even kissing Ben Knox. Darrek bites at the tip of his finger, hesitating, debating and moving restlessly. When Ben starts to straighten up, Darrek decides and moves, with a brief glance over at Kyle as he goes.

Stepping into Ben’s space and planting his hands on the cool metal on either side of Ben’s body, Darrek presses close. Their hips press snugly together as Darrek tilts his head and leans in. Ben cups Darrek’s jaw in one hand and meets him, leaning forward.

The kiss is brief, a slipping and curling, hot slide of tongues hidden behind the fallen curtain of Darrek’s hair.

Darrek tosses his hair back out of the way when they part and grins over his shoulder at Gabriel.

“You guys up for grabbing some drinks?” Gabriel asks.

“Sounds great,” Ben agrees, sucking the taste of Darrek from his bottom lip and moving to pull Kyle into an even deeper, longer kiss. Darrek and Gabriel go to find Darrek’s truck, agreeing to meet them at the bar around the corner.

Two hours later, they all pull up at Gabriel and Darrek’s house—Ben in his truck, Kyle in his car, and Gabriel and Darrek in Darrek’s truck. Intending to run in to get the vacuum bed, Ben and Kyle climb out of their vehicles and follow them inside the darkened home.

“It’s up in the second bedroom,” Darrek tells Ben. “C’mon, I’ll show you.”

They go upstairs together while Gabriel and Kyle crash on two of the seats in the living room, flopping down and sprawling out. Gabriel turns on the baseball game and settles back only to quickly change his mind and struggle back to his feet. Going to the kitchen, he comes back a second later with shot glasses and a bottle of Sailor Jerry rum.

“Um, I’m driving,” Kyle says, “I really shouldn’t....”

“It’s not like we’re kicking you out right this second, you know.”

“Oh. Okay. Thanks then,” he says, taking the shot. “Cheers.”

They clink glasses and down the burning liquid, listening to the low conversation and soft thumping from upstairs as the other two men get the large contraption down the stairwell.