Deliver Me (28 page)

It would have been
easier to handle if her first errand of the day had gone differently. The visit
to the bank was a lesson in fortitude. Not many people would have been able to
maintain a straight face as they learned their bank account was completely
depleted. Of course, with the technology of online banking, Amanda had had the
advantage of knowing that tidbit before her meeting with the bank’s customer
service representative.

She’d spent it all.
Every last cent.

The spending sprees
had gotten her in trouble once before, when she’d run out of her bipolar meds
and crashed into a volatile manic episode. Jeffrey had been out of town, thank
goodness, and she had been able to cash in her life insurance policy to cover
her tracks. But how would she pay off the debt this time?

She was broke. The
restricted activity Dr. Holmes had consigned her to required that Amanda start
her leave nearly two months earlier than originally planned, so there was no
extra money coming in. And, if what Dr. Holmes just told her was true and not a
figment of her admittedly overactive imagination, there was a possibility she wouldn’t
have the free medical care she depended on.

“We are trying
everything we can to make sure the center stays open, Mrs. Daniels. We won’t
let it go down without a fight.” He folded his hands on the desk. “I just
wanted to warn my patients of what could happen,” Dr. Holmes finished.

“So.” Amanda cleared
her throat, still trying to wrap her mind around everything she’d heard in the
last half hour. “So, there’s still a chance the Parenting Center will remain
open?”

He hunched his
shoulders. “Like I said, we’re trying. I don’t want you to worry, though. In
fact, I’ve grown so confident that the center will remain open that I held off
telling you. I don’t want you needlessly upset. You concentrate on keeping
yourself healthy. You need as much rest and relaxation as possible.”

He rose from behind
the desk and came to help her from her chair. How unsettling that she would
accept assistance from a virtual stranger, yet balked when her husband so much
as touched her. Emotion lodged in her throat.

“I’m going to see
you in a few days, but I’ll warn you now, if your anemia doesn’t improve, you
are going to have to go on restrictive bed rest. That means being in bed all
the time, literally, until this baby arrives.”

“Is it really that
serious, Dr. Holmes?”

“Your case borders
severe. It’s a very real possibility, Amanda.”

Lord, help her. She
would
really
go insane. How would she
survive being confined to her bed for eight weeks?

“How much sleep have
you been getting lately?” he asked, his shrewd eyes honing in on her, making
her feel like she’d just been caught skipping school.

“Not much,” Amanda
admitted.

“I’m not a mental
health professional, but I know enough about your condition to know that lack
of sleep will only exacerbate your symptoms.”

“I know,” she said.

“You need to remain
well rested and free of stress,” he cautioned.

“Telling me I may
not have free medical care is not the best stress reducer,” she said under her
breath.

A smile pulled
across Dr. Holmes’s face. He covered her hand with his. “Don’t worry about the
Parenting Center. Just make sure you take care of yourself.”

She left the
hospital thinking the only way her day could get any worst was if she walked in
front of a bus. By the time she pulled into the driveway behind Jeffrey’s
truck, Amanda wasn’t so sure getting hit by a ten-ton moving vehicle was a bad
idea. She was being tested, that was the only explanation she could devise. And
Amanda had a feeling she was failing, horribly.

After an entire day
of running the road, all she could think about was soaking in a tub of
steaming, lavender-scented water with a good book and a glass of wine. The wine
would have to wait a few more months, but a bath and book were readily
available.

With more effort
than usual, Amanda pulled herself from behind the Altima’s steering wheel.
Soon, she would not be able to fit behind it. Of course, if Dr. Holmes followed
through on his threat of restrictive bed rest, it wouldn’t matter. She wouldn’t
be able to drive anyway.

Amanda shook off the
depressing thought and made her way up the footpath. She went through the front
door and froze at the site before her.

There were boxes
everywhere. Stacked on the table. Shoved against the wall. Strewn across the
sofa.

Jeffrey was leaving.

An ache settled in
her chest at the thought that he could so effortlessly walk away from the life
they shared, but after the accusations she’d wailed at him, there was not much
he could say or do—except leave.

This
was
what she wanted, wasn’t it?

“Oh, no,” Amanda
moaned as the familiar throbbing started behind her eyes. Her senses
heightened. The light hanging from the ceiling fan became brighter, too bright.
The air began to weigh down on her skin. Amanda tried to shut out the onslaught
of sensation, but she was just too tired. She could feel what was happening to
her, but she was powerless to fight it.

Looking around the
living room and dining area, an eerie sense of wariness crept up Amanda’s
spine. Something about this was not right.

The black lamp
sitting on the dining room table was familiar, but it seemed out of place. The
same went for the framed lithograph leaning against the wall. Wait... These
were her things. From her apartment.

“You’re here,”
Jeffrey said, coming from the kitchen. He was still dressed in his blue
coveralls.

“What have you done?”
Amanda growled low in her throat.

“I cleaned out your
apartment, and I cancelled the lease.”

“You did what!” If
the pictures were not so securely fastened to the wall, they would have shook
from the force of her bellowed scream.

“I won’t let you do
this, Amanda. I refuse to lose you over a misunderstanding.”

“Jeffrey, if you do
not put every single piece of furniture back in my apartment—”

He shook his head. “No.
Your stubbornness is not winning out this time.” He took a step toward her, and
she took a step back. Jeffrey wasn’t deterred. “I have spent over a decade of
my life loving you. Eleven years ago, I vowed before God and family that I
would spend the rest of my life loving you. I plan to honor that vow.”

Amanda took a
labored breath. She wanted to respond, but words escaped her. To her horror,
she felt tears welling in her eyes, and before she could stifle it, a
heart-wrenching sob tore from deep within Amanda’s soul.

When Jeffrey rushed
to her side and put his arms around her, she was too weak to pull away. A
flurry of emotions went through her as she wept for what her marriage once was,
and what it had now become. She wept over the love she still held for her
husband and acknowledged that her heart was still undeniably attached to the man
whose arms surrounded her.

“Don’t cry, baby,”
Jeffrey whispered soothingly. “Please don’t cry.”

“Why.” Amanda
swallowed another sob. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because I love you.
I
love
you, Amanda,” he said again.

She wrung free of
his hold and push him a good foot away from her. The hurt in his eyes caused
her physical pain. This was so unfair. She shouldn’t be the one hurting here.
He’s the one who did wrong!

No, he didn’t
, Amanda pleaded with her own mind to
understand.

Yes, he did. She’d
seen them together.

“Don’t tell me you
love me,” she growled. “If you loved me, we wouldn’t be in the situation we’re
in right now.”

“And just why are we
in this situation, Amanda? In all this time, you never once told me why you
wanted out. You just left.”

“I don’t have to
tell you.”

“Yes, you do.
Because if it’s for the reason I’m starting to suspect, I’m calling the lawyers
tomorrow and putting a stop to this divorce.”

“Just try it,”
Amanda challenged. She crossed her arms over her ever-increasing breasts, primed
for his reply.

But Jeffrey didn’t
take the bait. His response held no anger, only anguish and exhaustion. “You
can fight it all you want. I’m not giving you up for something I didn’t do.”

Amanda had to take
another deep breath before she could speak again. “I cannot believe you can
look me in the face after telling that lie,” she said.

Jeffrey held his
hands out to her. “Where is the lie, Amanda? What is it you think I’m holding
back from you?”

“I. Saw. You.” She
could barely get the words past the lump in her throat. She was so confused she
could barely think. The lights overhead became even more intense. Everything
seemed to be coming at her at once.

“That’s what I’ve
been trying to figure out,” Jeffrey said. “What did you see?”

“I saw
you
! You and your whore! You had her in
my house, most likely in my bed. You have no respect for our marriage, or me.
You threw it all away, Jeffrey. Eleven years of shared laughter, and heartache,
and love.”

If she didn’t know
better, Amanda would have believed that was genuine confusion she saw on his
face. Jeffrey shook his head, his expression one of bewilderment.

“I don’t know what
you saw.”

His voice was raspy
and raw, and Amanda was hard pressed not to slap him across the face for
attempting to play games with her. His secret was out now. There was no need
for the lies to continue.

“You are
unbelievable. I’ve just told you that I saw you with my own two eyes, and you’re
still playing dumb?”

“Whatever you think
you saw, it had nothing to do with me cheating on you.”

“Why deny it,
Jeffrey?” Amanda asked laconically, growing tired of the conversation.

Jeffrey stalked up
to her, his tall, broad frame looming above her. “I’m denying it because I
never done it. I have never given you reason to doubt me, and it hurts like
hell that you could even think I’d do something like this.”

Amanda was suddenly
struck with a bout of fatigue that made it hard to stand. A pulsating rhythm
beat like a drum at the base of her skull. She could practically hear the blood
rushing to her head.

She had to lie down.
And she had to get away from Jeffrey and his denials. She didn’t have the
energy to keep up this battle. It was time they both accepted what lay ahead of
them.

Amanda had to force
her tongue into action. It, along with the rest of her body, had become
unbelievably weak.

“Look, Jeffrey,” she
managed to mutter. “The divorce is inevitable. We just need—”

Before she could
finish, everything in her world went black.

“This was not what I
had in mind for our first date as an official couple.”

Eli pushed the
bright orange oversized shopping cart up the paint aisle.

“I know,” Monica
said. She entwined her arm with his, thrilled that he was willing to change his
plans without hesitation. Simply, because she’d asked him to.

Over these last few
weeks his easygoing demeanor and flexibility had been a pleasant surprise. When
she was with Patrick, Monica had always found herself apologizing for her crazy
hours. But that wasn’t the case with Eli. They understood each other’s hectic
schedules, so there were never hurt feelings when dates had to be cancelled or
pushed back an hour or two.

“I’m just so tired
of those white walls. They take away from the rest of the décor. It needs
color. I want to make the apartment my own.”

“You pay rent. That’s
about as much ownership as your landlord expects you to take.”

She pinched him on
the arm. “Don’t be smart. It’s just that I never painted the walls in any of my
other apartments before because I knew I wouldn’t stay for long. This time, it’s
different.”

“So this is a
commitment thing, then?”

“Sorta,” Monica
admitted. “I like New Orleans. I think I’m going to hang around here for a
while.”

“Did I have any
bearing on this decision?”

“I’m not telling,”
she laughed. “Your ego is big enough as it is.”

Whether he knew it
or not, Eli had more of an impact on her decision to make New Orleans her
permanent home than Monica was willing to share with him, less he use the
knowledge to take advantage of her. Although, she was starting to suspect Eli
wouldn’t do what she had come to believe was typical of all men. He would not
use her words to hurt her.

She thought back on
the various elements that had factored into her decision to set roots in this
city. There was a spirit here that had seeped into her bones. Despite the
crushing blow it had suffered, the will to rebuild remained strong. The
resilience of the people she served everyday in the ER was inspiring.