Deliver Her: A Novel (19 page)

MEG

Scraps from Jacob and Melissa’s heated exchange drifted upstairs:

“You’re always taking her side . . .”

“You can’t just get in the car and leave her.”

“Watch me.”

Meg stroked Shana’s hair. “Shana, please. Tell me. After Logan said he’d bring you home, what did you do?”

Shana’s face remained planted in Alex’s pillow. “I . . . I was pissed off. I really wanted to go to the party. Logan said there’d be all these older guys.” Pushing herself up on an elbow, Shana focused on Alex’s band poster. “So when Logan said he was turning around, I . . . I grabbed the steering wheel.” Fresh tears spilled over her cheeks.

Meg’s hand dropped. “You
what
?”

“I just jiggled it a little. I didn’t mean for anything to happen. I just wanted to get his attention.” Shana wiped her face on the sleeve of her hoodie, leaving a long, black smear. “Next thing I knew, we were on the side of the road. With all those ambulances. And Cass . . .” Shana sat up and hugged her knees. “Cass just wanted to protect Alex. That’s the only reason she went that night—to give Alex time to sober up. So you wouldn’t find out she was drinking.”

Numb, Meg handed Shana a tissue from Alex’s night table, rearranging her recollection of that night—a Sweet Sixteen cursed from the start. She covered her mouth. How could she have been so stupid?

“You guys OK?” Melissa stood at Alex’s door.

Meg shook her head. “Did Jacob leave? I really need him to wait.”

“I’m trying. He’s determined.”

When Melissa left again, Shana lifted her head. “You must hate me.” She pushed herself up against Alex’s headboard. “I wouldn’t blame you. I hate myself.”

Meg measured her next words. There were a million questions she longed to ask. Instead, she grasped the teen’s hand. “I don’t hate you, Shana. I’m glad you told me.”

“Me, too.”

“This was an awful lot to keep inside all this time.”

“You have no idea.”

Things were still silent downstairs. What was Jacob doing? It was a miracle he’d waited this long.

Meg stroked the chipped polish on Shana’s thumb, thinking of the hell the teen put herself through over the past few months. “Why didn’t Logan say anything?”

“He’s my brother.”

“But he was the driver. Even knowing he’d be blamed for the accident, he said nothing?”

Shana shook her head vigorously.

“So in effect, Logan covered for you.” Whatever Shana lorded over her brother had the potential to be annihilating. “And Alex?”

“Alex was really drunk.”

“But is she covering up for you, too?” That kind of stress could explain her daughter’s behavior. It could also put a lot of pressure on a friendship.

Shana inched away. “Not exactly.”

Meg was confused. It made more sense for the three to stick to the same story—unless one of them didn’t
know
the whole story. “Shana, does Alex know what you did?”

Shana’s head dropped to her knees. Meg shook her leg. “Look at me. Alex was pretty out of it that night. Does she know what you did? That you grabbed the wheel?”

Downstairs, Jacob had run out of patience, bellowing up the stairs, “I’m going, Meg.”

Meg jumped up at the sound of the front door being closed. “I have to go, Shana. Please. What
does
Alex think happened that night?”

Shana drew a shaky breath. “She thinks Cass took off her seat belt. That she fought with Logan about turning around and going home. To protect her. She thinks Cass distracted Logan and caused the accident.”

Meg’s eyes narrowed. “You let Alex believe that? That Cass died protecting her?”

Shana’s eyes overflowed again. “How could I tell her the truth? Alex would hate me.”

“So rather than risk losing her friendship, you let her think she was responsible for her best friend’s death.”

“It sounds horrible when you say it like that.”

“But that’s how it is, isn’t it?” Meg looked around her daughter’s room. “So she’s been carrying around this guilt since . . .”

In the dim light of Alex’s lava lamp, much of the last few months clicked into focus.

“We’re all guilty,” Shana sniffled. “What if they don’t find Alex? I can’t lose another friend. I won’t be able to live with myself.”

You’ve done a fine job of that so far.
Meg bit her lip to keep from saying the words aloud. But Shana was clearly in agony, and no matter how selfish the girl’s actions, how pathological her need for acceptance, Shana was still a child, burdened by devastating secrets. Digging deep, Meg brushed Shana’s damp hair from her face.

“They
will
find her, Shana. I have to believe Alex has figured out a way to be safe.”

“Me, too.”

“And when they do find her, you’re going to tell her the truth.”

“I will. I promise. I’ll tell her everything.” Shana hugged her. “I’m sorry. Really sorry.”

Meg hugged her back, the embrace feeling like a betrayal of her own daughter
.

A horn beeped below Alex’s window. Meg ran downstairs, finding Melissa on Meg’s phone. “It’s him,” Melissa said, holding it out. “The man you hired.”

While Meg talked, Melissa retrieved Jacob from his truck. Inside, the two crowded Meg while she talked to Carl, shouting questions until she had to walk away, plugging her ear with her finger. Shana came downstairs and trailed Meg into the dining room, toying with the tea set, hovering so near that Meg finally closed herself into a corner to hear.

“They found Alex’s coat,” she called to her family.

Jacob demanded to talk to Carl. Meg handed the phone over reluctantly. “This is Alex’s dad,” Jacob barked. “Stop. I don’t want any apologies now. Just tell me what’s going on.” Jacob nodded, his periodic
uh-huh
s torturing Meg as she stood at his elbow.

“I’m coming up there.” He glanced at his watch. “By tomorrow morning, early . . . I don’t give a shit about the weather. I only care about my daughter. She needs me.”

His protective air reminded Meg of the night in the dive bar when she first told him about her pregnancy. Then, as now, his daughter had been his first concern.

Jacob mimed a writing motion, and Melissa retrieved a pen and an envelope from the kitchen. “Log cabin. Pink gas tanks. Got it. And Alden . . .” Jacob’s hand shook jotting down the details. “Find her. And have some answers ready for me when I get there.” He ended the call.

Meg took back her phone. “That’s something, at least. They’re on their way to the shelter where she might be. You should wait ’til tomorrow morning to go.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Meg. Haven’t you done enough already?”

“How many times do I have to say it? I made a mistake. I’m sorry. This is difficult for me, too.”

Jacob pushed by her. “I’ll be in the car.”

“I’m coming, damn it.”

“See what she’s done?” Jacob said as he passed Melissa.

“I heard that,” Meg said, catching up to him. “You left me no choice.”

“I was very clear about my feelings that night.”

“Clear you wanted to watch the game. Obviously, that took precedence—”

Voices escalating, Meg and Jacob continued the argument, one cutting off the other.

“My children are always my priority.”

“Are you sure there isn’t another priority out there?”

“Stop! What is
wrong
with you?” The anguished cry came from the living room. Shana stood by the fireplace in front of the family portrait, hands over her ears.

Meg made her way to the girl. “Shana, honey. I know you’re upset,” she began, stroking the girl’s arm.

Shana wrenched away. “Of course I am. How can you guys fight like that? After you just got the best news in the world—that Alex might be safe.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “Don’t you get how fucked up this is?”

Meg and Jacob looked at each other.

“This is exactly what happened the night of Alex’s party. It’s literally like déjà vu. This is why Alex is so screwed up.” Shana ran past them and up the stairs, slamming Alex’s door behind her.

Jacob stared up the stairs after her. “Jesus. What is she, a goddamned teenage shrink?”

Chastened, Meg drew a shaky sigh. Shana was absolutely right. They
were
seriously fucked up.

CARL

As Carl and Iris pulled into Hope Haven’s drive, a tall, slim young woman bounded down the steps coatless, her black curls flying behind her.

“I know what you’re going to say, Mom,” she said, opening Iris’s door. “I shouldn’t have taken Dad’s car. I already told him I’m sorry.”

Iris cut off her apology with a fierce hug. “We’ll deal with that later. I’m just glad you’re safe.”

Mia had been in the basement looking around for Alex when Iris called earlier. “It’s been nuts here,” Mia said. “You remember Reyna, don’t you? Anyway, Reyna’s gone, and Ellen’s frantic.”

“We were, too,” Iris said.

“Where’s Alex?” Carl asked.

“So that’s her real name? I was beginning to wonder.” Mia looked him over. “You’re the guy her parents hired? Dad filled me in when I called the store to say I was OK.”

Carl nodded. “We assumed Alex came here with you.”

“He knows she was in your studio, honey,” Iris added.

“That was my first mistake.” Mia turned to Carl. “Alex
was
here. I told her to wait, like, two seconds so I could talk to Ellen. When I came back, she was gone.”

Mia led them into Hope Haven’s front hall, where a row of coats hung on hooks along one wall. Just then, a young girl of about ten ran out to meet them, stopping short and staring. Behind her glasses, her eyes were red from crying.

“Mia, I gotta ask you something. You know that—”

Carl tapped his watch. “Ms. Bailey, this is very important . . .”

“Of course.” Mia knelt and took the little girl’s hands. “Reyna’s going to be OK, honey. Listen, Ellen needs some help in the kitchen. Go and see her, and I’ll catch you later. Promise.” The little girl disappeared through a swinging door.

“Let’s talk in here.” Mia led them into a large sitting room with wood-framed leather couches and flopped cross-legged into a boxy armchair. Carl chose to stand, leaning on the stone hearth, where over the mantel a flat-screen blared the evening news.

“Are you sure Alex isn’t here?” he asked.

“I searched this place from top to bottom. I know all the hiding places from having lived here.”

“OK, so tell me exactly what happened this afternoon.”

“I was in my studio finishing stuff for school when she knocked on my door.” Mia hadn’t wanted to let her in at first, but she seemed harmless. “And scared to death.”

“Makes sense,” Carl said, “after all she’d been through.”

“Right, except very little of what Alex told
me
matches up with what really happened. Dad told me everything on the phone.”

“What did Alex tell you?”

“That she got lost hiking. Separated from her friends. That’s when she hitched the ride.”

“So she told you about the guys who picked her up?”

“Yes. They sounded sketchy. But she never said a word about the accident.”

Carl and Iris exchanged looks. “That makes no sense,” Iris said.

“That’s what I told Dad.” Mia jerked to attention suddenly. “Oh, my God. That’s her.”

Carl turned to see the photo of Alex he’d given to Mendham filling the television screen, while a somber newscaster detailed the ongoing search. A news ticker crawling underneath spit out an emergency number, urging residents to call or to tweet any information they might have. The teen even had her own hashtag: #FindAlex.

Mia sat back. “This is crazy.”

Carl gestured to the TV. “If Alex saw this, it’s no wonder she took off. So you believed her hiking story?”

“Of course not. Not the way she was dressed. Although it does happen up here—crazy tourists going into the woods with nothing but a candy bar and a water bottle. They show up at Swiftriver all the time.”

“She’s right,” Iris affirmed.

“I figured Alex was a runaway. That’s why my first thought was to come here. I knew Ellen would know what to do.”

“Of course,” Carl said. “You said Alex talked about the truckers. What exactly did she say?” If they did anything to hurt Alex, Carl couldn’t be held accountable for what he might do.

“That they were cool at first. She was psyched. Then things got weird.”

“How weird?”

“She didn’t say. She just said she freaked and jumped out of the truck not far past Swiftriver,” Mia said. “She recognized our distinctive gas pumps,
Mother
.”

That much matched up with Kyle’s confession
, Carl thought. “How the heck did she even find your studio?” he asked. “You’re pretty well hidden down there.”

“She said she’d been creeping around the back of the store looking for something to eat and found the path.”

“Why wouldn’t she just come into the store for help?” Iris asked.

Mia had asked Alex the same thing. “I offered to bring her up. Said you guys were chill. But she didn’t want to go,” Mia said. “She was really anxious to get to the bus depot. It sounded suspicious, but I decided to play along, figuring I’d eventually bring her here.”

Mia gave her dry clothes and something to eat. After, the two girls talked a bit.

“And got stoned.” Iris’s arms were crossed.

Mia’s eyes widened. “We did not.”

“They searched the studio, honey. Said it reeked of pot.”

Mia examined the sleeve of her sweater. “That was mine. I was celebrating earlier. About New York.”

“Right.”

“I didn’t smoke with her, Mom. I swear.” There wasn’t time for that, Mia said; Alex had another plan. “Some wacko pilgrimage for a band. Rainwater or something?”

“Rainmaker,” Carl corrected.
Of course. Their conversations in the car. His missing frog.
Why hadn’t he figured it out before?

“Alex is headed to Happy Corner.”

“How did you know?” Mia laughed.

“Alex and I talked about the place during the ride up.” Carl now keenly regretted ever mentioning the proximity of the Phibs shrine.

“Alex thought she could get there by bus. She knew about the Lincoln bus depot.”

The last place they’d stopped before the accident, Carl recalled.

Mia offered to give Alex a ride to the depot. “I had to fake her out. I even gave her bus fare so she’d get in the car with me.”

On the way, Mia said she had to make a pit stop and left Alex in the living room while she talked to Ellen. When Mia came back, Alex was gone.

Carl pulled his hood on. “That’s it, then. The bus station. Let’s go.” He thanked Mia for her assistance. “I hope you find your missing friend. Iris, do you mind?”

As her mother got up to leave, Mia pulled on her coat. “Not so fast. I’m coming, too. I have a few questions for my new friend Alex.”