Delete-Man: A Psychological Thriller (16 page)

“No way! That’s ugly. The other
girl’s. Wait. Oh, they’re not showing it now.”

I had lost track of the plot
during the second long dialogue scene between the main characters:
Two children who had discovered some sort of magic necklace. I
began thinking about the laptop. I checked the time. If I called I
would probably catch Monika at home. I thought about it but I knew
it would disrupt Vicky’s enjoyment. Half the fun for her was
pointing things out to me and hearing my appreciation.

“Do you think that’s cute?”

“Sure.”

“I don’t. It’s icky. Why’d she
have to like him?”

I began gathering up the plates
and cutlery to put them in the kitchen sink.

“Shhh!”

“Sorry.”

After another ten minutes I
still couldn’t force any interest in the movie. I began feeling a
little trapped and started fidgeting. I grabbed the remote and
clicked the menu button to see how long there was to go.

“Hey! Stop it!”

“Just checking something. Ok,
done. Sorry.”

The film drew to a close, Vicky
was silent for the last scenes. I looked at her to see why, and
noticed that her eyes were blinking and her mouth pouting in a way
she only did when she was trying not to cry. I hadn’t seen the
expression in a long time and it startled me.

“You alright, Vee?”

“Yep.”

“Aw, come here.”

I put my arm around her and
rubbed her as we saw the bloopers on credits. She giggled through
her tears at a couple.

“So you liked the movie
then?”

“Yeah, it was awesome.”

“Good.”

“Can we watch it again?”

“Um…”

“Please? Please, please,
please.”

“I’m not sure. It’s already
pretty late.”

“Tomorrow then? Before you bring
it back.”

It was inevitable I would have
to watch the film again. I checked the time. Vicky would probably
fall asleep of her own accord soon.

“Sure, we’ll watch it now then.
Just give me a few minutes to do some things, ok?”

I got up and walked over to the
phone.

“Be a good girl though and clean
up. Actually, put some food in a container. I’ll take some down to
Sandy.”

“Who are you calling?”

“Monika.”

She ran towards me.

“Let me talk to her!”

“Ok, ok. But go wash those
plates first.”

After a few button pushes I
figured out which call had come from Monika’s mobile and dialled
back. After a long wait she picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hey Monika. It’s Joseph.”

“Hey Monika!”

“She can’t hear you from over
there Vee.”

“Joseph, I’m glad you finally
called.”

“Did you go to work today?”

“I went in for a few hours, but
I couldn’t really work.”

“Ask her if she’s coming to the
zoo!”

“Wash those dishes properly,
Vicky. Don’t just rinse them so you can finish quickly.”

“How’s Vicky?”

“She’s great, we just watched a
film.”

“Sounds nice.”

“Yeah. Look, I need to ask you
something.”

“You sure you can talk now?”

“What? No, not about that. I was
wondering today if you had Josie’s laptop.”

“Laptop?”

“Yeah, the white one with a
sticker on it. You must know it.”

“Oh, her laptop…”

“You know it?”

“Yeah.”

“So?”

“What?”

“Do you have it?”

“No, of course not. Her mother
took all of her stuff.”

“Damn.”

“Wait—that’s what you called
for?”

“Yeah.”

“And the zoo!”

“Oh yeah, are you coming to the
zoo with us on Saturday?”

“Joseph…”

“Do you think you could get it
from her mum? Tell her something about it having some work of yours
saved on it perhaps?”

“Joseph, wait…”

“Is she coming? Beg her!
Please!”

“Enough Vicky! We’re talking.
When you’re done with the dishes you can beg her yourself.”

“I can’t get involved in all
this, Joseph. This has already gotten too weird.”

“You’re not involved, Monika.
You’re just helping me out with something.”

“That’s what I mean. Why should
I help you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean just that. Why should I
help you? Why am I helping you?”

“What are you talking
about?”

“Just tell me. Why should I help
you? What’s in it for me? Why did last night happen? I just want to
know where I stand.”

“I don’t like where this
conversation is going.”

“You don’t.”

“No.”

“Hmm. Well I want to know
still.”

“I don’t understand. You going
to get me the laptop or not?”

“You were so rude to me this
morning. I haven’t been able to get it out of my head all day.”

“I told you, forget about it. It
meant nothing. It just happened.”

“I see.”

“What do you see?

“I see that you took advantage
of me.”

Vicky ran towards me and reached
for the phone. I spun away from her.

“Took advantage of you? Are you
crazy?”

“No, that’s exactly what you
did.”

“Why are you being such a bitch
all of a sudden?”

“I’m a bitch now, am I?”

“Yes, you’re being a bitch.”

“Bye Joseph.”

“Fuck you. I’ll get the laptop
myself.”

“Bye.”

I slammed the phone down and
turned around. Vicky was looking at me with wide eyes.

“Is she coming?”

“No.”

I went to the fridge and pulled
out a beer.

“Why not? Why did you
argue?”

“Monika’s crazy. I told
you.”

I walked over to the balcony and
opened the door. The rain had stopped, leaving a cold, sharp
breeze. I stepped out onto the wet concrete and sipped beer. Vicky
walked up behind me slowly and looked at me.

“Go inside, Vee. You’ll get a
cold out here.”

She looked at me for a few
seconds, a look that made me want to burst into tears. She turned
inside and I hated. I sucked the beer down violently and when there
was no more to drink I threw the can as hard as I could at the blue
saloon. The wind carried it far off target. I leaned over the
railing. The can hit the ground and rolled in circles in the
breeze.

We didn’t watch the film again.
Vicky and I barely spoke for the whole evening. I was angry and she
saw it. She made a few attempts to laugh with me but I just needed
to be alone. I tried to make her feel everything was ok, holding
her a little before I kissed her good night affectionately, but
there was a vast coldness between us.

I went to bed feeling tense and
frustrated. It took all my willpower not to throw my stuff around
the room. I glared at the ceiling, more awake than I had been all
day. The conversation with Monika swirled around in my mind,
winding me up even further. I cursed quietly.

There was no way I was going to
be able to sleep. After an hour of passing time in my room I
thought about calling Jack. Despite really wanting to get out of
the house and do something, I decided against it: Partly because it
was late, partly because I hated him now. Even though we had worked
together for years, and hung out a lot outside of work too, I had
never really liked him. I had confided things to him which he had
reacted to with a smirk. When I realised that deep down he felt in
some way superior to me, I distanced myself from him—from people in
general I suppose. Nowadays he only called me when he couldn’t find
anyone else to go drinking with. I only went because I rarely went
out drinking at all anymore.

I opened Vicky’s door slowly and
crept inside. I told myself I was checking she was asleep, but I
sat by her bed and looked at her for a while. My eyes got wet. I
felt pathetic and weak. I hated that I was being sentimental, and I
despised myself when I realised that I was feeling lonely. I wanted
to be strong, not least for Vicky, and ridiculed myself for coming
into her room as she slept like a toddler after a nightmare. I lay
beside her on the bed and gently stroked her hair.

“Joseph, I got you a
present.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, not so much a present,
but I pulled some strings for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I know someone, who knows
someone, who is someone’s brother, who runs a track team. Don’t
groan. I spoke to them about you, and they’re willing to give you a
chance. They said if you turn up on Monday evening they’ll time you
and let you in if you do well. It’s a good club. Usually they only
take people who’ve competed already.”

“Come on, Josie. I told you I
can’t do that.”

“You told me you’ve wanted to be
a sprinter since you were a kid.”

“And now I regret telling you
that.”

“You told me you broke records
for every school you went to.”

“That doesn’t mean
anything.”

“You just don’t even want to
try.”

“It’s not that.”

“Too afraid of failure.”

“I’m not afraid of it! I know I
would fail! It’s a fact!”

“How?!”

“I explained this already.
Having one arm means it takes a lot more energy for me to retain
balance and straight, forward momentum. It doesn’t sound like much,
but I can forget about competing at a high level.”

“So what about those
records?”

“Beating a few snot nosed kids
is different to beating the best in the world.”

“But you love doing it. Why
can’t you just do it for that reason?”

“I can run however much I want
on my own, nobody’s stopping me. If I start competing I’ll have to
be happy never being the best, and I’m not gonna settle for that.
No runner would.”

“So be the best.”

“Are you even listening to
me?”

“You said it’s harder for you,
you didn’t say it’s impossible.”

“It pretty much is
impossible.”

“But not really impossible.
There’s a small chance you can do it, and I think you can.”

“No offence, but what do you
know about running?”

“I’ve seen you catch the
bus.”

“Haha! Well catching the bus is
enough for me.”

“Just go let them time you at
least. See what they say, let them decide if you’re good enough
rather than your own negative brain. Think of it as a present to
me, rather than a present to you then.”

“I have to take care of Vicky on
Monday.”

“I’ll pick her up and take care
of her. And I will any time you need to train.”

“This is ridiculous.”

“Ok, so it’s sorted. Now let’s
eat, I’m starving.”

Vicky opened her eyes a
little.

“Is it a school day?”

“No, no. I just came in to see
if you were alright. Go back to sleep. Night night.”

“Night.”

I got off the bed and went to my
room to dress in my running clothes. It was almost midnight. I
closed the door quietly behind me and ran down the stairwell two
steps at a time; leaping the last few. I emerged from the main
doors into a dark winter night. Not even the hundreds of urban
street and house lights could fight the overbearing darkness that
covered everything.

The blue saloon was there. I ran
past it, careful not to pay too much attention but noticing the
Buzzcut in my periphery. As I emerged into the roadside and turned
the corner I heard his engine start. I sprinted for about fifty
metres and turned to cross the road and sneak a look behind me.
Sure enough, the blue saloon was creeping up behind me at a
distance, with only his low beam lights on. I jogged forward a
little further and looked back again just as he was turning the
corner. I could have turned down a few alleyways and lost him—he
was keeping quite a distance—instead, I found my way to the long
high street, which was fairly empty this late, and began to
sprint.

The weight in my chest
shattered, the knots in my mind blew away. I forgot about the blue
saloon, my only thought was to go faster. I leaned forward, pumped
my legs, and gulped air. My feet touched the ground lightly. When I
felt like I was pushing myself as hard as I could go, about to
collapse, I ran quicker. Just when my footing was getting a little
loose and my balance a little off, I heard a revving behind me that
spurred me on to regain composure and push faster.

Eventually I drew close to the
end of the high street where it junctioned with another. It was a
busy area. Even this late the cluster of bars and clubs ensured it
was rarely quiet. A thick crowd of smokes and drinkers stood ahead
of me, outside a pub. I turned off into a sidestreet, then slowed
down to a walk, my chest beating rapidly. I stopped up against a
wall in a badly lit area and looked back towards the high street.
The blue saloon rushed past towards the junction; high beams on. I
smiled and jogged in the darkness of the other direction.

It began to lightly rain again
as I reached the park. It was a large expanse, and the lack of
lighting made it a pitch black void into which I could make nothing
out. It was locked off, so I ran around the perimeter for a while,
under the dim, orange glow of the street lights. The soft,
drizzling rain caught some of the light as it fell, creating the
impression I was moving through some shifting haze. The gentle,
constant shush of the rain hitting the pavement felt just as
ominous as the silence that had preceded it. As I ran, I kept
looking towards the park. Something about the utter darkness felt
like a memory that I couldn’t quite recall.

I was about to turn away from
the park’s perimeter and begin heading home when there was a noise.
I couldn’t tell whether it was a shout, or something else, buried
in the sound of the rain, but it seemed to come from within the
penetrating gloom of the park. I stopped and pressed up against the
fence, listening intently for it to occur again.

I didn’t know the park well, but
I had passed through it a couple of times, so I figured that I
could pass through it and not diverge too much from the path home.
I leapt over the fence and made my way slowly into the thick
shadow. A few yards into the park everything seemed different. Even
the sound of rain became subdued and menacing, muffled as it was by
the muddy grass. I walked on, unable even to fully define my
outstretched hand. It was only when I turned back that I realised I
was not even thirty metres from the light of the pavement. I
stepped cautiously, the wet ground undulating under my feet. The
ground began to turn downwards, and it took constant awareness not
to slip in the steepness.