Defying Destiny (Forsaken Sinners MC Series Book 3) (21 page)

“What’s going on? Where are they?” I ask, needing to know where they are and if we’ve heard anything yet.

“They took Mack in for surgery. The bullet grazed his spine. They won’t know what the outcome will be until they can stabilize him,” Tom Tom says first.

When no one says anything about Harlow, I start to get pissed. “And Harlow,” I seethe. Somebody better fill me in real quick or else I’m going to start dropping bodies and tearing this place apart looking for her.

“She’s in surgery too. She has so many injuries they weren’t able to update us before they took her away. The only thing we can do is wait.” Jax’s words don’t give me any comfort.

Needing to know more, I release Blaze and try to make my way toward the nurse’s station, but my legs give out.
Fuck
! I forgot about my own injuries. But those are just going to have to wait. I need to know what’s going on with my girl.

“Whoa, brother. We need to get you into a room to have you looked at,” Blaze says, trying to wrap my arm back around his shoulders, but I’m not having it.

“No! I need to find out about Harlow. They have to have more information than what they told you.” Trying once more to walk, Blaze releases my arm, but moves in front of me.

“Look, I know what you must be feeling. You forget, I’ve been here before.
More than once
. But you aren’t going to be any help to her like this. You need to take care of yourself first and let the doctors do their jobs. We should know more soon, and if not, I
promise
I will find a doctor that will tell us more.” I hate that he’s right. I don’t want to worry about myself and get checked out, but it’s the only option right now.

“Fine. I’ll give them ten minutes, but if we still don’t have anything, I’ll find out my own way.”

Knowing that’s as good as he’s gonna get from me, Blaze nods his head, then helps me over to a gurney in the hallway.

“I’ll go find you a doctor. Don’t you fucking move, or you’ll deal with me.” It’s a half threat, but I know he’ll follow through.

It won’t be easy, but I’ll stay put. For now. They just better hope a doctor finds us soon with news about Harlow and Mack.

Chapter 20

Harlow

Movement to my side brings me back from the numb darkness but I don’t want to open my eyes. I don’t want to see Titus beside me and wonder what new torture he’ll put me through.

I think I remember Louie showing up to save me, but that was probably my mind’s way of protecting me from the hell of Titus’s torment.

Someone grabs my hand. I try to pull out of their grasp, but it’s no use. I’m too weak and broken to get away.

My heart starts to beat faster and my breath comes in short, hard pants. He’s going to hurt me again. He’s going to kill me. I can’t go through this anymore. I can’t take any more pain.

“Harlow. It’s okay, calm down. It’s me, babe,” I hear, but it doesn’t register in my mind. I can see Titus in my mind’s eye and feel the gun pressed to my head. Every injury he inflicted on me starts to pound and pain shoots through my whole body.

“No! Don’t touch me!” I yell, still trying to get away from him, but my efforts are useless.

“Harlow. It’s Louie. Open your eyes, babe,” the voice says frantically, but it’s Titus’s voice I hear.

My heart is beating so fast, it feels like it’s going to pound right out of my chest. I know I need to calm down, but I can’t. The only thing I can think about is what Titus is going to do to me next.

“What’s going on in here?” I hear a different voice say, but I can’t focus on them.

“I don’t know. She won’t open her eyes but she’s freaking out. What’s wrong with her?”

I feel another set of hands on me, and I cry out, thinking it’s a painful touch. “No!” I scream and start to thrash, but I’m being held down. “Let me go!”

One set of hands leaves me only to be replaced by another set. Then, I feel warmth spread through my body and everything starts to go black. But I’m happy to go. I’ll do anything to get away from my tormentor.

***

I hear voices when I wake up again, but this time I recognize them as Dani and Sara. I don’t know who they’re talking to, but I’m just glad that they’re here and not hurt by Titus.

Opening my eyes, I take in the room. I was worried that when I woke up, I’d still be in the warehouse, but I’m in a hospital.

I see movement out of the corner of my eyes so I lay real still and hold my breath.
It’s Titus
, I know it is. I don’t want to draw attention to myself. But then I remember Dani and Sara. I need to get them out of here so he can’t hurt them.

Taking a deep breath, I open my mouth a scream. “Dani! Sara! Get out of here before he gets you!” My heart rate has started to pick up again but I don’t care if I have a heart attack. I just need to know that they’ll be safe from Titus.

Titus jumps up from his sitting position beside me and reaches out to me. He grabs a hold of my shoulders, but I try to fight him off. I feel the pain in my chest, legs, and fingers rip through me, but I don’t care. I won’t let him take Dani and Sara.

“Get out of here!” I yell again, hoping this time they’ll listen.

“Harlow! Harlow, stop fighting. It’s Louie!” Titus says. This must be a new form of punishment for not going with him, but I won’t fall for his tricks. It’s not Louie, it’s Titus.

“No!” I try to fight harder, but the pain is beginning to be too much. I start to shake all over and cry in devastation. I’m never going to get away from him.

“Nurse!” he yells and when a woman in blue scrubs rushes toward me, I start fighting harder again. He must have paid someone to drug me as a new way of hurting me.

“Stay away from me!” I scream at her, but she continues forward.

Seeing Dani and Sara crying behind her, I think for a moment that Titus has already hurt them, but I don’t see any injuries.

“
Help me!
Please!” I beg them, even though I tried to get them to flee a few moments ago, but I can’t take this anymore.

They start to cry harder and turn their heads away from me, like they can’t bear to watch what is about to happen. I lose it. I’m officially alone, no one to help me, but I won’t go out without a fight.

Swinging one of my arms out, I’m able to hit the nurse in the face with my hand, knocking her back a step. “Harlow, stop!” Titus yells, but I won’t stop. I’m going to keep defying him, keep fighting him until my last breath.

Titus pins my arms to the bed and the nurse comes toward me again. I can see blood leaking out of her lip but that’s all the damage I was able to inflict on her. Then I feel the pinch of the needle into my neck and everything goes hazy again. I’m back into the darkness. I’m back to my safe haven.

***

Louie

As soon as I feel Harlow go limp under my arms, I release her.

Looking to the girls first, I see they’re both crying and holding onto each other.

Then I look to the nurse. She seems to be only a little frazzled and her lip is split a little, but other than that, she looks to be all right.

“I’m so sorry,” I say, hoping she doesn’t try to press charges on Harlow. She’s not in her right frame of mind. Everything that happened to her was too much and now her mind is the one tormenting her.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m all right,” she says as she disposes of the syringe that was able to calm Harlow down.

“What’s the matter with her?” Sara chokes out around her tears. They’re still holding onto each other, but they’ve moved closer.

“She has PTSD. Due to the nature of her injuries, I suspect she went through quite a lot of trauma. Something must have triggered the episode and she was transported back to what happened to her,” the nurse explains.

My bum leg finally gives out and I fall into the chair hard. That fucker is dead and he’s still tormenting her.

“Will she be okay?” Dani asks, though I’m not sure I want to hear the answer. What if she never gets past this? What if she’s having more than just a panic attack, but actually a psychotic breakdown? She may not be able to come back from this.

“It’s going to take time and probably a lot of therapy, but she’ll get better. Once we know more of what her triggers are, we’ll be able to help her better.” The nurse’s answer isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe we can help her get through this after all.

“What can we do to help?” I ask, finally feeling some hope again. I thought she was out of the woods after she was out of surgery and they were able to repair most of the damage done to her. She still has a long way to go with recovery, but I thought it would just be the
physical
stuff she’d have to get over. Not
mental
.

“Well, there are lots of things you can do to help with her recovery. First and foremost, just be patient with her. It’s going to take time for her to get better mentally, but she’ll get there. Also, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to research PTSD. The more you know about it, the more you’ll be able to help her,” she says as she takes a seat on the other side of the bed. Dani and Sara move forward and take a seat by me.

“We can do that. What else?” Dani asks.

“Don’t pressure her into talking. It’s important that you be there for her and listen to her when she’s ready to talk about something, but don’t push her. It’ll only make things worse. Also, make sure that you don’t take things personally. Sometimes it will be difficult but you can’t let it affect you. You need to understand that sometimes people with PTSD don’t have control over their behavior. There’s no magic switch she can just flip on and off, but with time and treatment, they will get better. It’s a gradual process, but she will get better.”

The door opens and Toby and Blaze walk in. Sensing the mood in the room, they each stand behind their girl and are silent.

The nurse continues on. “Also, people with PTSD will see the world differently. It’ll seem like a dangerous and frightening place at times, just like what happened a few moments ago. She was frightened and reacted. You’ll need to understand this because if you aren’t careful, it could damage the ability she has to trust you or herself around you. Anything you can do to rebuild her sense of security will contribute immensely to her recovery.”

“How do we do that?” Blaze asks. I almost forgot he was here, I was so caught up in my own head, trying to think of ways I can help Harlow get through this.

“Well, there are a few things you can do. Express your commitment to her, whether it’s a friendship role or a lover’s role. Let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Don’t be spontaneous; having structured routines and predictable schedules will enhance her feelings of security. It will help her feel safe around you. Minimizing stress will help too.”

Fuck, I feel like I need to be taking notes. How the hell am I’m going to be able to do all of this?

Dani, noticing my unease, reaches out and places her hand on my knee. “It’s okay, Louie. We’ll all help her. She’ll be fine,” she reassures me.

“Yes, you all can help. In fact, I encourage that. The more people who surround her and support her will help the healing process. I know it seems like a lot right now, but the main thing is just be there for her. Let her know you believe in her and that everything will be okay. Tell her how strong she is and brave. She’ll get through this and so will all of you.” The nurse stands up to leave.

“I’ll be back soon. I’ll print some things off for you all as well, and like I said, educate yourself. The more you know, the easier it will be to help her.” The nurse leaves the room.

We’re all quiet for a while, each thinking about what the nurse told us. I feel overwhelmed with all the information, but I’m determined to help Harlow through this. I’ll be strong for her and make sure she knows that she’s safe with me. With all of us.

***

Later that night, Harlow is still sleeping and it’s just Dani and me. I haven’t left the room, only getting up to go to the bathroom and even then, I don’t have to leave the room for that.

“How’s the leg?” she asks, concern lacing her voice.

“Hurts like hell, but I’ll be all right. Could’ve been worse.”

I ended up with a hairline fracture in my fibula from the warehouse falling down on me. They were worried that I wouldn’t stay off of it like I should and end up breaking it all the way, so they put me in a cast.
Fuckers
.

“Yeah, it could’ve,” she says, then she’s quiet for a while.

“Have you been up to see Mack lately?” I ask. I feel like shit not going up to see him in the ICU, but I can’t bring myself to leave Harlow.

“I saw him before I came down here. He’s still asleep, but the doctors think he’ll wake up soon,” she says, sounding tired. I’m sure all of this is a lot for her right now. Mack being hurt, Harlow being hurt, and her trying to be here for everyone. Plus, still being there for the twins.

“How are you holding up?” I ask. Dani is like a sister to me and even though I can barely keep myself from falling apart, I need to make sure Dani’s okay too.

“To be honest, I don’t know. Harlow has a long way to go to recover, both physically with her leg and fingers, and mentally with the PTSD. And Mack…we don’t even know the full extent of his injuries yet. I mean, the doctor said that they were able to get the bullet out, but it grazed his spine, Louie. They have no idea if he’ll be able to walk again.”

When Blaze came in earlier after Mack was out of surgery, he told me that. We’re all devastated but Mack is a fighter. I know he’ll be able to make it out of this and still be able to walk. Nothing can keep him down for long.

“He’ll be fine, Dani. Mack is the toughest sonofabitch I know, and stubborn too. Almost as stubborn as you,” I say, only partly joking, but it gets the reaction I was looking for.

Dani laughs, then leans her head down on my shoulder. “I hope you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right, honey. I’m
always
right.”

***

Harlow

Opening my eyes, I feel groggy. I hate feeling like this. It’s like I’m drunk and high at the same time. And yes, I know what both of those feel like.

Turning my head slightly, I see Dani and Louie sitting beside each other sleeping, Dani’s head lying on Louie’s shoulder and Louie’s head lying on Dani’s head. The sight makes me smile.

Sighing, I straighten my head and stare up at the ceiling, thinking about the chain of events that brought me here; my brother’s suicide, me not coping with the loss, coming back here, being with Louie, Titus taking me, and finally Louie saving me.

The past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions and painful memories. I remember everything Titus did to me and I remember the hopelessness I felt thinking I wouldn’t survive. And then waking up in the hospital, freaking out thinking Titus was here to finish what he started. I know I scared everyone with my outburst; not once, but twice. I can’t even explain what came over me. I know Titus has to be dead. There’s no way the club would let him live after everything that happened. So I knew I was safe—that I
am
safe—but my brain wouldn’t listen. It just kept screaming at me to run, to fight.