Defying Destiny (43 page)

“Go change your clothes, Maralee. I’ll be

okay in a minute.”

She didn’t even think to argue and

obeyed him immediately, going so far as

to lock the door of the water closet while

she washed the mud from her hands and

out of the knees of her pants. When she

garnered the courage to return to the living

area, Nash seemed to be back to normal.

He glanced up from his reading, grim but

no longer angry.

“If you feel like it, you can start

looking through one of the books written

by the last Wolf Guardian,” he said to her,

nodding in the direction of the bookshelf

beside his desk. “Perhaps a different point

of view might wring some meaning out of

his words.”

He trusts me,
she thought happily.

“All right.”

She took a book from the shelf and

settled into the comfortable chair in the

corner. She tucked her legs beneath her

and opened the book. As she read, she

realized the Wolves had an entirely

different perspective on the curse. The

way their immortality was obtained was

barely mentioned, instead the first Wolf

Guardian seemed to think they had been

treated unfairly in being cursed by the

cruel sage. Never once did the author

mention the sage was his father, and he

never even alluded to being half-human. It

was no wonder Nash had been so

astonished. The anti-human tone of the text

made Maralee wonder how Nash could be

so open to her.

“Do you feel this way about humans?”

she asked, after she had read a

particularly scathing passage about human

ignorance.

Nash glanced up from his reading. “I

always thought it strange that the last Wolf

Guardian was so embittered towards

humans,” he commented. “I think I better

understand why he felt that way now.”

“Is it so bad? Being half-human, I

mean.”

He didn’t answer her question,

probably because she wouldn’t want to

hear the answer. “At least I know why I’m

sterile now. I’m like a mule. A mix

between two different species that has no

right to create a new life to carry on my

blood; a malformation that goes against

the laws of nature. I’m surprised such a

travesty of life was allowed to be born.”

“What are you talking about?”

He shook his head, and said, “Never

mind.”

“It’s not like you to feel sorry for

yourself.”

He

laughed

derisively.

“You’re

wrong,” he said. “You just don’t know me

very well. It’s just like me to feel sorry

for myself. Somebody has to.”

“What do you have to feel sorry

about?”

she asked, her ire sparking.

“You’re healthy. You have a family who

adores you and a woman who believes in

you enough to give up her entire life to

stay beside you.”

He stared at her for a long moment.

“You’re right,” he said finally. “I don’t

have any reason to feel sorry for myself. It

could be worse. My pack could realize

that I’m half human.”

“Nash!” she admonished. “Your pack

respects you. Even I can see that.”

“You can’t even imagine how quickly

that would change if they found out the

truth of my parentage. They’re barely

tolerating me since I brought you, a human,

an outsider, into the village. Why do you

think they attacked me when we came

back from Sarbough?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “But

they stopped didn’t they?”

“Only because I’m the only one who

can break this curse. If they knew why,

they wouldn’t even bother with me. This

is why the sage gave his son the power in

the first place. I can’t even imagine how

things must have been for the last

Guardian. It’s hard to believe the pack

allowed him to live among them. It’s

obvious they didn’t accept him, and I

would suffer the same fate if my people

knew about me. Do you understand what

I’m saying, Maralee? I would never

survive as a human and I don’t belong

here either. I’ve always felt a bit outside

the loop. I just thought it had something to

do with my reclusive personality, but it’s

because I don’t fit. Anywhere.”

“That’s not true, Nash. You fit, you

belong, with me.”

He sighed. “If only it were that easy.”

“Why isn’t it?” she asked him

brusquely. “Aren’t I enough for you?”

He laughed. “You know that you’re

more than enough for any man,” he said.

“Though we fit together, together we fit

nowhere.”

She wasn’t willing to accept his

words. She felt like he was trying to

convince himself they would be better off

apart.

“Nash, what are you saying?” she

forced herself to ask him.

He gave her a reassuring smile. “That

I think too much for my own good. Let’s

live impulsively together for as long as

we are able.”

The book slid off her lap and onto the

floor as she stood up. “It doesn’t matter

where,” she said. “I want to be with you

forever.”

“I can’t see beyond tomorrow at this

point,” he murmured, lowering his eyes so

he didn’t have to see the hope radiating off

her. She was still so young and optimistic.

She tended to forget how merciless the

world could be.

“I can see it,” she said. She moved to

his side, tilting his face up so he was

forced to look at her. “Yes, there it is,”

she said. “It’s forever I see in your eyes.”

He rose from his chair to kiss her,

because no matter what life threw his

way, she always seemed to make him

believe everything would turn out for the

best in the end. The end of his torment,

however, was nowhere in sight.

Because their supplies were running

low, Maralee and Nash headed towards

Sarbough the following morning. The

weather was uncommonly warm for

March. It wasn’t long before Maralee was

carrying her cloak draped over one arm

and Nash had removed his long coat. As

the ground was saturated from the rapid

snowmelt, their boots were caked with

mud. Maralee tilted her face towards the

gentle rays of sun filtering through the bare

branches above and smiled. Just the

thought of warm weather and spring’s

renewal of life made her happy. Even

Nash’s dark mood didn’t dampen her

spirits.

“We should have asked Carsha and the

twins to come along,” Maralee said,

thinking that they could have made an

adventure out of their simple shopping

excursion.

“They weren’t home.”

“Oh, where did they go?”

“To visit the Northwood pack,” he

said. “My mother came and told me this

morning while you were getting dressed.”

“Northwood pack?”

He nodded. “Our pack is referred to as

the Southwood pack. We separated from

the Northwood Wolves about two hundred

years ago during the time when my

grandfather was the alpha male. We’ve

been flourishing, but the Northwood isn’t

doing so well. That’s why they are so

eager to welcome Rella and the children

into their pack.”

“Oh,” Maralee said flatly, realizing

that they were probably visiting Rella’s

potential new mate. “I wonder why she

decided to go visit him all of a sudden.

She seemed to want some time to consider

her options yesterday.”

“Was that before or after she kissed

him?”

Maralee glanced at him, surprised by

his level of distress. “If I didn’t know

better, I’d think that you were jealous.”

He paused and looked down at her, his

temper flaring. His temper had been on a

short fuse since he’d seen Rella with that

man the day before. “Why would I be

jealous? I’m just worried about her, about

the children and about…about me.”

He didn’t have to explain any further.

Maralee knew that the very idea of not

seeing his nephews and niece was eating

him up inside. Perhaps the thought of

losing Rella was distressful to him as

well. He didn’t explain his feelings to

Maralee, so she could only guess what

was going through his mind. “There has to

be a way to keep her with our pack.”

Nash grinned at her. “
Our
pack?”

“I

mean
your
pack,” she said,

flustered. “Isn’t there anyone in your pack

who would take her and the children?”

“The problem is she’ll always be

thought of as Cort’s mate. No one would

want to disrespect his memory by taking

her as a mate. This is what usually

happens in the rare occurrence that a

young Wolf’s mate is killed. We have

taken in a lot of widows and widowers,

but I can’t remember the last time it’s been

the other way around.” He didn’t feel the

need to remind her that the Hunters had

been the ones to make Wolves widows

and widowers.

“So no one in your pack will take them

in?”

“Sometimes…”

he

murmured.

“Sometimes another member of the same

family will take in a widow, such as…

such as a surviving brother.”

Maralee’s heart skipped a beat.

“You?”

His arm slipped around her waist as

they walked together and he kissed her

forehead. “Don’t worry, Maralee, Rella

and I talked about this and I decided I

wouldn’t ever be able to think of her that

way.”

“Even if it means keeping your family

together?” she blurted. She felt as if he

was slipping away from her even though

he was holding her tightly.

He nodded tersely and as she looked

up at him. She could see the regret in his

eyes as he stared into the distance.
It’s

because of me
, she realized.
I destroyed

their family and now I’m the one that’s

continuing to push them apart.
She

hadn’t realized she stopped walking until

Nash stumbled against her.

“Sorry,” he murmured, steadying her

with his hands. “Why did you stop?”

She looked up at him, her heart

thudding heavily in her chest. What if

loving him and making him happy meant

letting him go? Freeing him so that he

could be where he belonged, not with her,

but with his family.

“Maralee?” he asked. “What’s going

on in that head of yours?”

She grinned and hugged him. “I was

just trying to think things through for a

change.”

“And what are you thinking through?”

he asked, rubbing her back as he drew her

closer.

“What I should have for breakfast.”

He chuckled, and touched her face so

that she would look up at him. When she

did, he kissed her gently. “That seemed to

be taking an awful lot of concentration,”

he commented with a crooked grin.

She groaned and pulled his head down

for another kiss, this one deep and

lingering. When she broke away, flushed

and panting, she said, “You know what

that smile does to me.”

“What?” he teased. “This smile?”

He smiled at her crookedly again and

she shuddered with her sudden need for

him.

“I think I just decided what I want for

breakfast,” she said, grabbing him for

another kiss.

He chuckled again. “It’s nice to be

wanted,” he said. “We’ll have to take a

room at the inn.”

“Really?” she asked him breathlessly.

He hadn’t made love to her the night

before or that morning. She’d been

concerned about his sudden lack of desire.

He nodded, smiling at her obvious

delight. “If you’d like.”

Her answer was to take him by the

hand and tug him at a brisk walk towards

Sarbough. There were two inns in the

village, but when they reached the

outskirts of the town, Maralee headed

directly for the Smithy’s.