Defiance (New Adult Romance) (Isaac & Maya) (9 page)

“I know.”

“Maybe he had to because of this investigation, I want to believe that and I’m sure you do, too, but it doesn’t change what would have happened if I wasn’t there. Luke snuck right in, we think he made a key or something. You would have been asleep in your bed in the next room, Piper. Maybe he would have killed you, or worse, maybe not, but he definitely would have dragged Maya out of your house by her hair and pulled her into that sick farewell party he had planned for her. She would have disappeared. She would have gotten lucky if he just killed her, but you know that’s not what he would have done. And I know you probably feel like she disappeared, but she didn’t. She’s under a big white fluffy down comforter arguing with Isaac about keeping her socks on while they watch TV. I can’t describe the guilt I feel for hurting you, I
know
you’re hurting, but not because your best friend got raped and beat to death and the most you can hope for is to find a body to bury. I should be, but I’m just not sorry. I’d do it all again in a heartbeat the exact same way. Because if I would have told you, you probably would have ran to your father and he would have done the same thing he just did.
Nothing.
”

Piper starts crying again and I realize my honesty probably didn’t need to be so brutal. “You have no idea what this feels like,” she sobs. “I’m so pissed off and upset right now and
you’re
the fucking person I want to run to, Jace, but
you’re
the one who did this to me. I’ve been through a lot of breakups, but this is so much fucking worse—”

“I don’t want to break up.”

“We were never even together! You didn’t tell a lie, you
are
a lie. You can spin it like you’re a fucking superhero if you want, but you
used me
to keep her safe. Maybe that’s noble when you look at it from every other perspective but mine, but that’s the only perspective that I have.”

“I did not use you. I tried to stay away,” I remind her. “You remember how much of a dick I was when we first met. Hot and cold. I tried to keep my distance, you know that’s true. And the job is done, it’s all over, there’s no reason for me to keep calling you a thousand fucking times a day. I miss you. I
need
to see you. Please, let’s just meet somewhere. Please.”

“I miss you, too. And I would love to see you, but I don’t know who you really are. I guess I’m all alone now. Goodbye, Jace.”

“Piper…”

Three days later, I’m still calling. She won’t answer and she probably never will.

11

Isaac

“Stop it!” Maya screams, ripping me out of my sleep.

My arms already surround her like they always do when we’re in bed, so I start to shake her awake. It only scares her more as she thrashes to get away, slapping my hands off her body. I hate it when she thinks I’m him. Maya starts to whimper when I pull her close to me, her lips trembling as she covers her breasts with her hands. But holding her still for a while is the only thing that wakes her up now, the stillness must not match up with whatever he’s doing to her in the dream.

The moment when her eyes finally open is the somehow the worst. I’m filled with relief because she’s not in there anymore, but she looks so fucking terrified it tears me to shreds. We do this at least once a night. She starts to fall back asleep, but I can’t let her, so my lips start their sacred dance around her contorted features, trying to chase it all away, savoring each piece of skin slowly as it starts to relax beneath my kiss.

She pulls back to stare at me, to make sure that I’m really here and the two weeks we’ve spent together wasn’t a dream. I force myself to smile at her and tell her that it’s okay, but she’s still shaking so badly it hurts to look at her. This is when the sobbing starts. She tries not to every fucking time, stiffening her lips and breathing deeply, but it doesn’t work, it never does.

“Isaac,” she croaks, her trembling arms wrapping around my neck.

“You’re safe, Maya,” I assure her as she crawls into my lap and buries her face in my shoulder.

“No, I’m not.” After a choking sob, she sits up more and rests her forehead against mine. “I don’t want to go back to school next week.”

“What?”

“I’ve thought about it and I want to take this semester off. Please,” she begs. Why does she keep asking my permission? I don’t know how to tell her that it really bothers me.

“Baby, that’s up to you,” I remind her, linking my hands with hers. “But you love school and it’s your last semester. We already talked about this.”

“I don’t want the secret service thing. It’ll be so humiliating to get picked up and dropped off like that, people will wonder what’s going on and they’ll start speculating. I don’t want the attention. Everybody will find out somehow,” she whispers, dropping her face. “Everybody probably knows anyway. He’s sending those pictures around, I know he is. There’s no point going back. He’s ruining my reputation, no one will ever take me seriously. Every time my professors look at me, they’ll see a stupid whore tied up with a gag in her mouth and cum on her face.”

“Maya…” I hold her against my chest as she starts to break down again. She’s not wrong. This is so fucking awful. I can keep her alive and safe, coax her to smile and giggle when we’re together, ensure that she’s healthy, happy and warm, but there’s nothing I can do about the shame. I can’t control how people see her. I can’t make them respect her. I can’t fix this part and I’ll never be able to.

“Please don’t make me go.” She starts crying harder and harder until her sobs turn into something more dangerous. Fuck, she’s going to hyperventilate again if I don’t get her to calm down. 

“Rookie, relax. You don’t have to make this decision in the middle of the night,” I say softly, kissing the top of her head and nuzzling into her hair. It doesn’t work, she’s still panicking. Goddammit, I fucking hate that I have to do this. “
Maya
,” I snarl, making her jerk. “Stop it.” And she does, her breathing slowing as she sits up and wipes her eyes. “It’s fine. We’ll talk about it in the morning. Let’s go back to sleep.”

“Okay,” she squeaks, nodding.

I rock her back and forth as she drifts away, waiting until she falls asleep before I get out of bed. I couldn’t be more awake right now, I’m so fucking sick of this. That fucking asshole stole yet another peaceful night’s rest from her, but I’m used to that and it’s not why I’m spinning my wheels in this hotel trying to not to rage out. Something’s wrong with Maya, very wrong. Three days ago, she made an offhand comment about how close the start of her semester is and it triggered some kind of cascade. She’s just not acting like herself. She can’t relax anymore, even when I fuck her. But the worst part is, she won’t make her own decisions, no matter how trivial. I don’t know if she doesn’t trust herself, or if she just needs to feel like I’m in charge because she needs a break or what. There’s nothing erotic about it. It fucking sucks.

She’s been a little messed up since we got here, but I expected that. Loud noises make her jumpy. Her appetite won’t come back. If someone stops outside our door for too long, she gets so nervous. She doesn’t even like to play WoW anymore, especially with her brother. She’s so fucking embarrassed, she can’t stay on the phone with her best friend for more than a few minutes. But she was still… her. At least with me. Her smile was the same, her eyes had the same fire. But that fire is fading and her laugh sounds distant. Now she doesn’t want to go to school? He’s taking that part of her, too?

I don’t want to order her around all the time. I don’t want her to ask me if she’s allowed to do something. I miss her smart mouth already. I miss getting too pushy on purpose just to hear her balk and tell me no. He’s ruining the game, he’s ruining her life, he’s ruining everything. It changed her. Maya says it didn’t and I don’t push the issue, but it did. I’m not sure she even realizes it. In a fucked up, sick way, I was almost relieved that their history was so violent because that meant she’d be okay if he ever hurt her again, but she’s not.

I want my girlfriend back. She cried constantly when I first met her, she was so fucking scared and sad all the time that she didn’t even notice it anymore. It was just her normal setting.
We are not going back to that. It all fell away the longer we were together, she was doing so well right before the shit hit the fan and I had to leave her. I want my strong, healthy, sarcastic, adorable, stubborn girlfriend back and I am done fucking waiting.

I glance in the bedroom to make sure that she’s sleeping soundly before closing the door and pulling out my phone.

“Hi, Carl,” I whisper.

“Son of a bitch…”

I guess I’ll let that one slide, it is four in the morning after all. “I need that favor.”

He sighs. “Isaac, we agreed to—”

“Yeah, we also agreed that you and Glory would have all your goddamned ducks in a row at this point, so I don’t want to hear it. I need that favor now.”

“It’s not actually called a favor when you’re blackmailing someone.”

“Let’s not get bogged down with the fucking semantics, Carl. Just listen.”

He’s not thrilled, but my timing didn’t seem to make him angry either. The alarm goes off on my phone silently an hour later while I’m waiting for Maya to wake up. I’m supposed to take my Klonopin. How the fuck did I let myself get up to five grams again? My mouth waters, but something inside me screams not to put it under my tongue. Maybe it’s not some
thing
, maybe it’s some
one
. Someone who isn’t me, though I’m starting to think that I’m the imposter and he’s the real thing.

This shit is the only reason I didn’t kill Luke in the first place and I really wish that I had. These fucking benzos are the real fucking reason she’s too scared to finish school, the real fucking reason she’s being judged for stuff she didn’t even want to do and definitely didn’t enjoy. And, okay, technically, they’re also the only reason that I’m not in jail, but I promised that I wouldn’t let him hurt her and these goddamned sedatives made me a liar.

Fuck smart. Fuck mature. Fuck being level headed. Fuck staying calm. And fuck these stupid pills.

12

Jace

This is a horrible idea. Absolutely horrible. But if Isaac is going to do it anyway, which he clearly is, I can’t let him do it alone because this ass beating will quickly devolve into first degree murder.

“Okay, this dude is a little… intense,” I tell the three guys I hired to do what I can’t. “Remember, you aren’t there to help him kick the mark’s ass, you are there to keep him from going too far. And to make sure it looks like multiple people did this.”

“How will that work, though, if only one person does?”

“Trust me, it will. Chances are, one or two of you will end up pulling him off the guy so he doesn’t cave his face in and this will probably only take a few seconds. At which point, whoever is left will say…”

“Stay the fuck away from Christina,” they answer in unison.

“The target must be conscious enough to understand this. That is critical. You need to pull the client off before he knocks him out. It’ll be really fucking quick.”

I’m finishing up the rest of the instructions when Oliver pulls up and beeps. I exit the car that will drop off the goon squad and take a deep breath before I climb into the back of the van. Isaac greets me with this sick, twisted smile full of excitement. Holy fucking shit, this is a
horrible
idea.

“Thanks for finding the female body guard,” he says as I sit down across from him. Oliver glances at me nervously through the rear view mirror.

“It wasn’t hard, but I’m a little insulted,” I reply.

“It has nothing to do with your guys. It’s Maya. She can’t be around other men yet.” Great. I’m sure that had nothing to do with this shitty decision. “I wish I would have thought of that when I flew the doctor down. She was fucking terrified, I had to hold her in my lap during the exam.”

“Fuck…” At least the prick will finally get what he deserves. “Is she getting any better?”

“No,” he says, gritting his teeth. “If anything, it’s getting worse. She wants to quit school now.”

“Look, Isaac, that really sucks but—”

“Really sucks? Try not going to fucking happen.”

“There is a reason you never did this, man,” I say calmly. “Several very good reasons. This is a huge mistake.”

“No, it would have been a huge mistake four months ago. It’s been long enough now, Luke won’t think it has anything to do with Maya. And even if he does, he definitely won’t connect the dots back to me. A lot can happen in a semester.”

“This is insane. You are far too emotionally involved, you should just let someone else do the dirty work.”

“Fuck that!” Isaac yells. “He put his fucking hands on her.
My
hands will make him pay for it.”

“Goddammit, that’s not the point of this ass kicking.”

“You didn’t really believe me when I told you that, did you?” he laughs.

“Fucking A…” I trail off, locking eyes with Oliver, the only sane person I know at this point. “What if the men your dad has following Luke are there? If he suspects anything, it’s over for you. Like,
over
over, Isaac. Who the hell will take care of Maya then?”

“Well, you and Piper would, along with my money, but… the thing is, those guys don’t work for my father.”

“What do you mean?”

“Yeah,” he snaps. “Which is why that ingenious part of the plan where my dad fucking kills Luke so I don’t have to is taking so fucking long.”

“So, who the hell are they?”

“Don’t freak out,” he warns me.
That’s just fucking great.
“They’re cops.”

“They’re what?”

“Well, they’re Homeland Security agents, technically.”

“You’re fucking kidding right?” Oliver interjects, slamming on the brakes.

“I don’t think so,” Isaac snarls. “You just keep driving.” He’s being such a dick.

“It’s a red light.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“What the hell do you mean they’re fucking agents?” I say.

“Apparently, they think Luke’s in the market for a girl. And for all I fucking know he is, but I doubt he’ll be buying one from my father because their relationship is a little strained at the moment. Unfortunately, not as strained as it would be if my dad knew what he’s been doing to Maya, but he doesn’t. Which is why I had to switch to Plan fucking Q, or whatever the hell we’re on now.”

“Was that supposed to make me feel better, Isaac? Because all it did was drive home how fucking crazy this is.”

“They won’t be following him. I’m positive.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“They’re only around if they suspect something might go down and they don’t right now. Carl has their schedule,” he explains.

Blood rushes to my face and I clench my fists. “So you’re on
a first name basis with Piper’s dad now?”

“More or less.”

“Does he want you to do this?” I ask. Isaac just laughs arrogantly and shrugs. “What the hell are you holding over his head?”

“Believe me, you don’t want to know.”

“What are you threatening to do to Piper?”

“Fuck, Jace,” Isaac exhales, glaring at me. At least the implication offended him, he can’t be too far gone. “I’m not going to
do
anything.”
Yeah, right.
“Okay, I’m threatening to
tell
her something that she deserves to know anyway, but it’s Maya’s secret, so I can’t. I probably never would anyway, I’ve fucked up Piper’s life enough already. Her father… let’s just say he’s not the man she thinks he is and I don’t want to be the one to break it to her. There’s no reason he has to know that, though.”

“You’ll let the feds do that for you when they haul him away, right?” I spit back.

“Actually, I won’t. Maybe he deserves it, maybe not, I don’t really know. But it doesn’t matter because Piper certainly doesn’t, so I’m doing him a giant fucked up favor to make sure that doesn’t happen. This is one of the ways he’s paying me back. It will look suspicious if I don’t go through with it.”

Motherfucker!
Now I really have to help him. Isaac pops a tiny bit of Xanax, not enough to make him think clearly, just enough to take the edge off and make sure he doesn’t seize out. His clothes are baggy enough that you can’t make out his build, and he’s wearing lifts in his shoes to look a little taller, but it’s still too risky.

“Here,” I say, tossing him the rest of the disguise that he
will
be wearing, even if I have to hold him down and put in on him myself.

“A ski mask? Really?”

“Yeah, really. It’s fucking freezing out, it won’t even look that weird.”

“Luke won’t get a chance to see me coming,” he chuckles. “I’m not that reckless.”

Sure you aren’t.
“Just in case. It can’t hurt. Those can’t either,” I tell him as he finds the contacts.

“Brown contact lenses?”

“Yeah. Because your laser eyes might as well be fingerprints Isaac, not to mention they essentially glow in the dark.”

“I guess it’s not a horrible idea…” he grumbles.