Defenseless (16 page)

Out of no where, he grips my wrists and pins them above my head. At first, I think nothing of it, until I realize it’s not sexual. I try to fight him, but he’s so much stronger than I am. Without breaking a sweat, he ties his belt around my wrists and rests his weight on my hips so I can’t move.

“I’m going to gut you like a fish.” I try bucking my hips to move him, but to no avail.

“I like dirty talk.” He chuckles.

“I hate you.”

“Another lie. See, you tell so many that it’s hard to keep up after awhile,” he muses. Mark’s one hand holds my arms up, while he rests his head leisurely against his other. “Here’s what I figure. You like me. I can see it. I know it, you know it. But you’re afraid. So you play these mind games with yourself to push me away.”

“If I did like you—which I don’t—I hate you now.”

“As I was saying, you really need to see things between us for what they are.”

“Over?”

“Not even close.” Mark moves so I can feel his erection against my core. God help me, it turns me on. “You want me so much right now. I can feel the heat coming off you, see the color in your face change. It’s all there. I clearly want to fuck the stupid out of you, but I won’t just yet.”

“That’s called rape.”

“You can’t rape the willing, baby.”

“Untie me!” I push against him.

“Why did you think trying to seduce me would work?” Mark asks. “Did you think you’d find out something you want to know? Did you think I would give it up so easily? We could’ve been back here while I suck on your tits, eat your pussy, fuck you until you see stars, but you wanted to play this game. Remember that . . .”

I loathe him. I wish him nothing but to burn in the fiery pits of Hell. Satan can use him for a damn pig roast for all I care. He’s ruining me. I’m better than this, better than him. “I swear, you better leave me tied up the duration of the flight, or I’m going to butcher you.”

He digs his hips deeper, rubs against my clit. I try to fight the moan. I try to bite it back, but it escapes. “You’ve tortured people, haven’t you, Charlie? You’ve pulled information out by using any means necessary, huh?”

Mark moves again, and shoots a current through every limb. “Fuck you. You’re dead.”

“I thought so, but see, so have I. I’ve had to use methods against people in order to fulfill my mission. And right now . . .” He leans against my ear as his voice drops to a menacing whisper. “You’re my mission.”

He’s out of his ever-loving mind if he thinks I’ll tell him anything. “For someone who thinks he’s so smart, you’re awfully dumb. I’ll die before I tell you a thing.”

“I won’t hurt you,” he explains as his hand travels to my breast. “I’ll pull every ounce of pleasure your body can handle. I’ll show you why I’m right for you. Why you want me so much that you hate yourself. Why you think about me, because we both need answers, and we’re going to get them now.”

His words, his heat, his touch makes me want to sob. I want him more than ever. I’m soaking wet, turned on, and pissed off. It’s not a good combination. “Mark,” I pull his attention to me.

“You lied to me—again. I can’t fucking handle it. Because here I am, thinking you’re going to start treating me the way I treat you. That you respect me even half an inch, but no, you leave shit out with your half-truths.”

I twist and turn to get him off me. “What did I lie about?”

“Tell me about the mission in Afghanistan.” He holds me so I can’t move.

“What makes you think I’ll tell you anything right now? You tied me up!”

“Because you’re a liar! You lie,” he says through gritted teeth. He leans in and traces his tongue down my throat. “You lie to me. And now to think this . . .” He shakes his head and lets his words trail off as he pulls my shirt to expose my breast. The warmth of his lips just barely touches me. I try to rub my legs together. It feels so good. “Do you like that? Do you like when I lick your skin? You enjoy my tongue tasting you, baby? Tell me,” he says before he swipes his lips against my nipple. “How loud do you think I can get you to scream?”

His blonde hair falls in his eyes and shields his gaze from me as he sucks my breast. One arm holds mine as he tortures me.

“Stop! Not like this,” I cry out. This isn’t how it was supposed to go.

I have no idea what he knows, but it’s bad. Right now, there’s a good chance this is the end of everything between us. My stomach drops at the idea of whatever Jackson may have told him.

His eyes latch back on mine. “This is your last chance. No lies. Is there anything I need to know?”

“I need you to untie me.” Tears form in my eyes and before one can drop, he releases his hand from my arms and undoes the belt.

“Fuck!” he yells, and pulls me against him. “Damn it! Don’t cry. I would never.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to do the same to you,” I admit. “We need to trust each other if we’re ever going to work together.”

“Charlie, look at me,” he implores. “I never want to hurt you. Clearly, I have feelings for you.” I move my hands to my chest. Now that he doesn’t have complete control, I can breathe.

He runs his hands through his hair. I see the regret in his eyes. “Why wouldn’t you just ask me what he told me?” Anger seeps through his words.

Is his short-term memory broken? I only went to the means I did because he wouldn’t talk. “I did ask you. I asked what you talked about. And this is what I do! I get information. I don’t ask questions because people are never honest. So I did what I know.”

Mark looks away with shame. “I needed some time to get my head in the right place. I planned to talk to you on the plane, but I can’t think straight when I look at you.”

I can understand that. He has the same effect on me.

“What did Jackson say?” I need to bring this conversation back to our issue.

His eyes bore into me. “He has photos of you.”

“
Me?”

He nods. “Around the time of Aaron’s IED explosion. You were on the road. Then again when Jackson was shot. There’s surveillance photos of you in the village.” Mark leans back and pulls me upright. “Please tell me there’s some logical explanation for this. Tell me you didn’t have me and my friends injured. Tell me!”

“I was there, but I wasn’t a part of it.” The words taste like poison. I’ve done awful things. Things I would never wish on others, but I never hurt any of them.

“I need more than that, Charlie.”

Seeing Mark right now . . . breaks me. His smile is gone. The affection he had in even the simplest gaze isn’t present. And I realize how much they mean to me. How he makes me feel. He makes me want to be a better woman. Mark accepts me for the faults I have, he doesn’t try to fix me. He just lets me be. They all deserve the truth, but when he hears it, this might come the end, and I have to be okay with that.

“My mission was to infiltrate. I was ordered to get Mazir’s location, any pertinent information, and get home. We thought it would take six months, tops. It turned into two years. It was bad, Mark. I forgot who I was—until I saw what was happening to Aaron. As much as I might have been responsible for finding him, it was the other way around. I was lost. Sometimes I think I’m still lost.” I look away with tears in my eyes. Crying isn’t something I do around anyone. I don’t allow myself that weakness.

Mark tilts my face toward him as a drop falls down my cheek. “Don’t hide that you’re human from me.”

His words stun me, and then another tear falls. This time for the words I’m about to say and the man I never had but I’m about to lose. “I was there, Mark! I knew they were going to set that bomb. I knew they were going after a team of men to get their weapons. I knew! I knew and I couldn’t stop them. I knew and I couldn’t blow my cover, so it happened.” Tears fall like rain for the first time in years. I don’t care that he sees it. It’s not an act. It’s true emotion. “But all I wanted were my answers. I needed to know how to get to my father’s killer.”

“You knew?”

I wipe my eyes and draw in a deep breath. “I was basically their housewife. My job was to live in the shadows. So I heard them talk about the Americans coming. How they needed to be handled. At first, I thought they meant me.”

He waits, weighing my words for what feels like forever.

“Say something.” I beg.

He doesn’t say a word. He lets me go.

“Mark.” I wait until he looks back up. “I was a glorified maid. I cooked, cleaned, washed their damn clothes, and listened to every word they said. I didn’t have a voice in that house, because that’s how it was meant to be.”

There’s never been a time in my life I would take back, but looking at his face makes me wish. I would go back, shoot them all in the head, and walk away tossing a match behind me. The disappointment in his eyes hurts more than I can comprehend. He’s the first man I’ve let anywhere close to my heart since my father.

I scoot closer to him, take his hand in mine, and wait for him to say anything. “Do you know why they’re after us?”

“No.” I shake my head. “The men I was around were militants. They didn’t have any kind of power. They just carried out orders. My mission was to gain access to Mazir, because he calls the shots. Mazir wants you guys dead. Or just Jackson . . . I don’t know.”

He releases my hand, cups my face searching for something in my eyes. “And what’s in this for you?”

If I tell him this, I’ll be entrusting him. He’ll know more than any other human alive. No one but me knows what’s in that file. My father kept it from everyone, except me. There’s a reason, I just don’t know what he was trying to tell me. “My father was investigating him before he was killed,” is all I can get out. “I’m sorry, Mark. I’m sorry I didn’t stop them. I’m sorry I hurt you, but I couldn’t tell you.”

His bright green eyes shimmer. His features soften and give me hope. “You kept Aaron alive. You got him home, and Jackson’s a tough motherfucker. He lived. You know what I kept thinking when he showed me all of that?”

I shake my head.

“That this was it. That I would lose whatever this was. I can’t stop thinking about you. The minute I saw you, I knew I had to have you. I was so mad that I was going to lose you.”

“That’s crazy,” I say as I wipe my eyes.

“So are we. I’m crazy about you, Charlie. I can’t explain it. It’s ridiculous, because half the time I don’t even like you.”

I laugh and so does he.

Tenderly, Mark takes my head between his palms. His thumb wipes a lingering tear. “I understand doing a job that sometimes causes you to question your morals. I don’t like it. I don’t appreciate knowing my friends were hurt and you were a part of it, but I get it. I want us to try.”

I let go of my training. I let the wall crumble and become ash. My heart is what I’m listening to this time, and my heart wants Mark Dixon.

“I want that too, but this won’t be easy.”

“Nothing worth anything is ever easy.”

He leans in and places his lips to mine ever so gently. I melt into him. This time will be different. I’m giving myself to him. A part of me will be vulnerable to Mark, and as much as it scares me, it also gives me hope. This is something no other man will have ever had. I can only pray he understands how much I’m offering.

M
ark’s lips press against mine. We move together, both of us releasing all that just happened. My heart feels light, free, and optimistic. I know if I let go completely, I’ll fall in love with him.

His tongue and mine collide, and all the tenderness is gone. It’s the way I need him. It’s the way we are . . . a battle. He pulls his lips away, and the feel of his rough fingertips against my lips enables my mind to float. His hand slides slowly downward. I savor his touch. I pull his mouth back to mine—it’s a needed distraction from how good this feels. His other hand grips my hair and he pulls my head to the side. The bite of pain from my scalp only turns me on.

“I’m going to drive you to the brink,” he warns. His lips brush against my ear lobe before he pulls it in his mouth. Then his tongue glides across my neck to my shoulder. He repeats the motion, but this time kisses and sucks along the way.

My legs move. They need the friction. “Mark . . .” I moan his name as his teeth scrape against my shoulder. He bites down, and my back bows off the bed. “Oh, my God!”

“I want to hear you, Charlie.” Mark demands as his hand squeezes my breast. “I want to hear every fucking sound you try to hold back.” He pulls my top and bra lower and then runs his tongue around my breast. “You and I, we’re fire, baby. And I’m about to burn you to the ground.”

I don’t have words. All I feel is heat from his mouth. He sucks, squeezes, and massages my breast before he moves to the other. I’m bound by my own shirt. His lips never leave my skin as I liquefy beneath him. Every cell in my body is screaming his name. I’ve felt passion. I’ve had unbelievable sex. But this . . . this is something else. This is life. This is air. This is heaven, and I never want to go back to Earth.

“Take me,” I beg. I actually
beg
.

“Not yet.” He moves lower, pushing my shirt up. I help him by removing it.

The desire to touch him overwhelms me. I want to lose myself in him as well. “I want to feel your skin.”